Devil May Care

Warning: Nothing new.


Dedication: This is for the nice people who delivered my bed in two hours.

Author's Note: I've been offline for the past week, due to a cross country move. Also, I've been having
a lot of trouble writing lately, thanks to OotP. I'm not giving anything away, don't worry, it just...changed
my views on a lot of things. I needed to let them sink in before I could sort of push them aside and
continue on with this story.


I was crying by he time I ended this chapter. Not because of anything that happens, just because it gets
very emotional. Ron's in a very difficult position. It's short, yes, but it sort of had to be. You'll see why.


Summary: Ron is put in a very difficult position, and must make some hard choices.

Crossroads

What a day!


The meetintweetween Draco and Harry is *not* going well, let's just put it that way. They're staring
daggers at each other from either side of the room. Draco's got his arms folded, and Harry's hands are
hooked in the waistband of his pants. They haven't said anything really, to me or each other.


I don't know what the fuck to do. They're going to have to deal with each other. Maybe I should have
given some sort of warning. Harry had no clue what to expect. At least Draco did.


"This isn't going to work." Draco says, finally.


"Why not?" I ask. Ignore Harry for the moment. Focus on Draco. He's the one who *needs* the
attention.


"You have to ask?" He gives a little scoffing laugh. "Just...just look at this!"


"He's right, Ron."


Wonderful. They're both against me.


"I'm not asking you to be friends, or anything!" I sigh. Nothing's simple, is it?


"I won't have him here." Draco says. "I'm sorry, I don't care what you said, but I won't have it."


"Oh, and Ron does everything *you* say?" Harry's not helping.


"Yes, he does!"


"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" I old up my hands. "Both of you, knock it off." I'm not a happy man. "Draco, I
meant what I said. Harry, show Draco a little respect."


"What?" Oh, that's not a good tone on Harry. Maybe I shouldn't have said that.


"That's right Potter, show me a little respect..." Draco's voice is dripping with sweet sarcasm.
"T
"That's...that's not what I meant." I try and clear up. "Harry, remember what I said about if you want
to live?"


"I'm not showing *him* any respect! And I can't believe you...you..." He waves his hand angrily.


"Fuck me?" Draco finishes, eyes narrowing. "What? Can't handle that your precious Weasley isn't
wrapped around your finger anymore?"


"Draco!" I'm really close to hitting him again. I should have known this wasn't going to work. But what
can I do?


"Better my finger then your cock!"


"Harry!" I can't take this. I can't deal with it. "You know what, fine." I just shake my head. "Fine.
Both of you. Be this way. I did what I could. I warned you Harry. Do you realize that if Draco decides
he wants to kill you, he can, and he won't get in too much trouble for it?"


"I though Voldemort wanted me alive..."


"All I have to do is say it's self defense." Draco gives one of those sickly littrinsrins I've had the
pleasure of *not* seeing in a damn long time.


"Ron..." Harry's looking at me sort of nervously now.


"He's telling the truth. He wants you dead, you're dead Harry." I have to impress upon him the
seriousness of this situation.


"You wouldn't let him." Harry says, and there's only the smallest bit of doubt in his words.


"And how would he stop me?" Draco asks, archan ean eyebrow. "What would he do? Kill me? Ron
would let you drop dthrethree times over before he'd raise a wand to me."


"Draco..." Warning in my voice. This isn't a place I want to be in.


"Ron would kill you in a second!"


"Would you two stop throwing around what I would and wouldn't do?" I can't remember being more
angry. I go out of my way to save his life, and what does he do? Ungrateful little shit...I can't believe
this!


"Then would you please put Potter straight?" Draco asks.


"Look. Harry, I don't want to see you dead. I wouldn't be here, doing all of this, if I did. But...I love
Draco. You're going to have to deal with that. Draco, cut the prima donna shit."


They both just glare at me. Well, at least they've got a common bond now. They can both be pissed at
me.


"There's no guarantee the Dark Lord will give him to you permanently." Draco says, quietly.


"I know." I nod. "But there's a chance, and I'm going to take it."


"And if he doesn't?" H ask asks.


"I don't know."


There's silence. And it's not a pleasant one at all. This day has just gotten worse and worse and worse.
And thank Merlin it's almost over. I throw myself down onto the bed, ignoring the rest of the room. At
this point they can strangle each other and I really wouldn't care very much. Don't they understand the
position I'm in? How difficult things are for me right now? But they don't care. Draco's always been
focused on himself, and even if he'll nevdmitdmit it, so is Harry. Just...in a different way.


I feel a hand on my back. Draco's. I can tell. He lays down next to me, curling his body up to mine.
He's apologizing, in his own way. I put my arm around him, accepting his apology. He buries his face in
my neck, and I kiss the top of his head.


Maybe I'm the one being selfish.don'don't know. I don't know anything anymore.


"We'll...we'll see what happens." I finally say.


Harry's silent. I think...I think Draco's really put a rift between us. And what happens if Voldemort
*does* give me Harry? I'm going to have to go through this every day...


Fuck. Why do I have to deal with all the tough choices? What do I do. I can be all selfless, and demand
Harry, giving him his life and some form of freedom. But I'll lose Draco. I know I will. It might be a
slow thing, but it'll happen. And then what? I don't want to lose Draco. I can't lose Draco.


And if I just....give Harry back...there's a good chance he'll die. So now I'm torn. Draco or Harry.


I shouldn't have to make this decision. I shouldn't be in this position. But I am. And I don't know what
to do, and it isn't like I can ask for advice from anyone on this. Do I keep my lover and kill my best
friend?


But...I know we had our little touching moment....but is Harry really still what he was to me? I know that
sounds awful but...


Nothing is the same. It's like a part of my mind knows that, but a part doesn't. A part is still clinging to
the way things were back in school. And that's....merlin, that's so long ago lik like a dream. We're
different people then we used to be.


I can't help but wonder if maybe...maybe all of this is wrong. I rarely have doubts, but every so
often...what I saw earlier made me sick. But these are the people that I've pledged my life to. These
are the people I've given myself over to.


I can't play both sides of the line, which I think I always tried to do in a sort of unconscious way. I can't
be the person I was and the person I am. I have to let one of them go. I have to give up on a part of
myself. I can't be two people.


It's like Draco and Harry represent those two parts. My old life, and my new life. I can't have both. I
was stupid to think I could. So what now? What the fuck do I do? It's not about survival or anything
else now, it's just about me.


Which do I want?


I don't know. I shouldn't have to do this! These are the sort of decisions that should be made for a
personoldeoldemort never should have given him to me. I wonder if he knows. If this...if this is some sort
of test. I've never had my loyalty tested.


Draco moves against me. He's soft and warm in my arms. He's been my rock. He's been my anchor.
I love him, more so then I think I let myself realize. I don't know what I'd do without him.


Harry....I gave Harry up a long time ago. WI toI took the Dark Mark, I gave that life up. I just couldn't
let it go. Draco was right. I've never let go. That's exactly what he said to me. I've never let go. And
he sounded so disgusted...


But I still care abut Harry. Hon I n I not? He's accepted this, accepted me for what I am now. Even
though he knows...he knows I've done horrible things, hews Iws I've killed and raped and..and he doesn't
care. How can I turn my back on him? How can I take everything he's given me and just....throw it all
away?


I can't do this. I can't.


But I have to.


We'll just have to see what happens, I suppose.

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