Love Songs

Title: Alone

By: Mrs_Helene_Snape

Warnings: Angst, Language, LM/HG



Disclaimers: The characters belong to JKR and the song is property of Billy Steinburg and Thomas Kelly



Song: Alone

By: Heart

Year: 1987



Background info: As a switch, this fic is told in the first person from Hermione\'s point of view, her inner monologue if you will. Just letting you know so it will make more sense.

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I hear the ticking of the clock

It has only been a few hours since I saw him last and I can\'t get him out of my mind. Damn Malfoy charm! How did I let it get to this point...the point of almost obsession? What is the matter with me?



Damn it! Listening to the ticking of my grandfather clock is driving me mad!



I\'m lying here the room\'s pitch dark

I\'ve heard that lying in a dark quiet room works better than a headache potion for a migraine. Whoever said that deserves to be hexed! It\'s only making my migraine worse. I keep thinking about him and how much I want him in this darkened room with me.



I wonder where you are tonight

I bet he\'s with her, that bitch! Narcissa Malfoy...Wait! It\'s Black now, isn\'t it? They are divorced now. But why does he keep going back to her? Why isn\'t he here with me?



No answer on the telephone

No owl...no floo call...I just want to see him, even if it\'s for just a moment. He said he would come, but where is he?



And the night goes by so very slow

This waiting is agonizing. Fuck! It\'s only been two minutes since I last looked at the clock on my night table. Did someone cast a time stopping spell? Why is time going by so slowly?



Oh I hope that it won\'t end though

Alone

I hope that Lucius gets here soon. I need to see him...be with him. I\'m so tried of being alone.



Till now I always got by on my own

I\'ve been single for six months now. Ron was too clingy. He wanted me to be like his mother...cooking, cleaning, taking care of his Quidditch team, er children. I felt such a relief when we broke up. Thank Merlin it was before Ron could propose. I think I would have suffocated under his neediness. My life improved drastically when I became a single woman again.



I never really cared until I met you

But my single woman outlook changed when I was reintroduced to a newly reformed Lucius Malfoy. Voldemort had just tortured Draco to near madness, so Lucius came to the Order for his family\'s protection. To prove his loyalty, if it could be called that, the Order made him research spells and potions to aid us in the fight. He often helped Severus in the lab, but there were times when he would be in the Black family library with me.



I was mesmerized by him. Watching him pour over those dusty tomes was fascinating, and a turn-on at times. Why is this man\'s mere presence making me rethink my being single?



And now it chills me to the bone

That scares the hell out of me. Why am I needing Lucius so much? I\'ve never been dependent upon anyone, so why do I want to start now?



How do I get you alone?

How do I get you alone?

Words can\'t describe how I felt when I heard he was divorcing Narcissa. I read it in the Daily Prophet a few months back, though it didn\'t go into detail about the grounds of the divorce. The paper only stated that it was amicable. Amicable? What the hell does that entail? That even though they are no longer married, they can still shag on occasion? Is that why he\'s not here with me? Because he\'s too busy fucking her?



I\'m no match when it comes to Narcissa, except in the brains department. How can I compete with such a beautiful woman? Would he really want to be with a brain like me? How can I get him to see me, the woman behind the mind? What is it going to take to get him alone long enough for him to get to know the real me?



You don\'t know how long I have wanted

When I first saw him, he was standing in the library at Grimmauld Place with his back to the door. He nonchalantly pulled a book off the high shelf before searching through it for a spell that might have been of assistance to the Order. He was wearing a white button up shirt cut close to his body, practically molding to his muscled physique. I don\'t remember what type of trousers he was wearing because I was enthralled by how the pants clung to his body. He was so tight and firm, I could have bounced a Galleon off his arse.



to touch your lips and hold you tight, oh

I wanted to snog him senseless. I wanted to run my hands all over his body just to see how muscular he really was. If only he wasn\'t still devoted to his wife at the time. What am I talking about...he\'s STILL devoted to her, although she\'s no longer his wife. How the hell did I get myself involved in a bloody relationship triangle like this?



You don\'t know how long I have waited

When he looked at me after the final battle, I couldn\'t help but imagine us together. I could see the desire in his eyes as his gaze met mine. Did he really want to be with me?



He started his divorce proceedings directly after his Death Eater trial. It made me think that he couldn\'t wait to be rid of her.



and I was going to tell you tonight

Oh, how wrong I was. If he really wanted to be rid of her, he wouldn\'t keep going back to her. He would be with me, in my bed when we would be interrupted by her damn, incessant owl. An emergency! Emergency my arse. She knew that we were together...that sneaky bitch has a tracking spell on her owl...and her owl would start tapping on the window right as our activities were beginning to heat up. Annoying, interfering woman!



But the secret is still my own

I\'ve kept my feelings for him inside for far too long. Yes we come close to shagging, when that bitch hasn\'t had her owl breaking down my window every five minutes, but I haven\'t told him how he makes me feel.



and my love for you is still unknown

Alone

I love him. I can\'t describe it any other way. I am constantly wanting to be with him. It\'s like I can\'t breath when I\'m not with him. Is that normal? Am I really that dependent on Lucius\' presence in my life? Am I really that pathetic?



Till now I always got by on my own

I used to be a strong-willed Gryffindor. But around him I act like a simpering Hufflepuff. I feel like I\'m some sort of lap dog at his beck and call. I was okay with being by myself. I didn\'t need a man to feel fulfilled.



I never really cared until I met you

Now, I can\'t imagine what my life would be like without him in it.



And now it chills me to the bone

And that frightens me. I am so scared that I am going to lose myself, forget who I am if I allow my life to become entwined with his. I need to tell him how I feel before I lose my nerve. Why isn\'t he here yet?



How do I get you alone?

How can I make him understand that I don\'t want to become someone unrecognizable to myself if we are together?



How do I get you alone?

Will he ever completely give Narcissa up? Will he always go back to her?



How do I get you alone?

Will I ever be enough for him?



How do I get you alone?

Or am I a fool to think that we could have a life together?



Alone, alone

The sun is coming up now. I guess I have my answer. He\'ll always chose her over me. I\'ll always end up being the one alone.

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A/N: I actually heard this song on an episode of Cold Case last night. It was about a woman who resorted to desperate measures to keep the man she thought loved her. It made me want to create a fic based on desperation. Hope you enjoyed it.



Alone by Heart

I hear the ticking of the clock

I\'m lying here the room\'s pitch dark

I wonder where you are tonight

No answer on the telephone



And the night goes by so very slow

Oh I hope that it won\'t end though

Alone



Till now I always got by on my own

I never really cared until I met you

And now it chills me to the bone



How do I get you alone?

How do I get you alone?



You don\'t know how long I have wanted

to touch your lips and hold you tight, oh

You don\'t know how long I have waited

and I was going to tell you tonight



But the secret is still my own

and my love for you is still unknown

Alone



Till now I always got by on my own

I never really cared until I met you

And now it chills me to the bone



How do I get you alone?

How do I get you alone?

How do I get you alone?

How do I get you alone?



Alone, alone