As If In Wonderland

“Disgusting, stuck babysitting a mudblood”, Lucius spat while pacing the room Hermione was sitting in in the ministry looking at the official law books, anything written in them became law, and she was anxious enough…worried the dark lord would kill if she changed anything, though she wanted to change so much. It was hard, being given so much power but being unable to use it because of the consequences…

“If you keep calling me that I will curse you”

“I will curse you first, I will say it was self defence”, he growled back. “Must you take so long! I tolerated the first hour, but now im getting pissed off”

“Go then”, she smirked simply, knowing he couldn’t, he huffed, “ok ok I will be done in a second, I cant stand being in this room with you any longer!”

“Good. Then where must I take you after…how about I take you to Azkaban and leave you there? Oh if I could I would torture you so much, have you begging for mercy on your knees at my feet…yes, quite an image that is”, Lucius smirked as Hermione scowled and closed the book.

“Yes and it will stay an image in your head…haven’t you ever considered being a good person? Who doesn’t torture and kill?”

“You are one to talk…constantly cursing people, and yesterday I hear you had your first kill! Well, im surprised my your power and it is quite good-Draco is avoiding anything involving death of any kind…but you are still scum, you shouldn’t be here”

“Well tell our lord that and see what he thinks about it!”, she got up and put the book away, “I cant change anything, its not worth the risk…the dark lord will probably cause a massacre if I change any law, its just his way of frustrating me…”

“You are frustrating me right now!”

“Answer me something, just one thing…why do you hate me so much? I must have asked you before, but now im really curious, why?”, Hermione leant her hands on the table behind her and titled her head to the side while he stood a few metres away. “Apart from the fact im muggleborn”

“I don’t hate you…I might never have liked you, point in fact I despised you. But that shouldn’t suggest I don’t respect you”, Lucius stated calmly while twiddling his cane that concealed his wand between his fingers.
[AN:Sorry, but just had to include that KillBill quote!]
“You see, there is a difference between liking someone, hating someone and respecting someone. Do you hate me?”

“No, I despise you”, she repeated his words, “but maybe…yes, I think I respect you on some level. What you do is disgusting, how you treat other-oh I wish I could kill you, but still…you are pretty powerful, and you are good at many things”

“Finally a compliment!”, Lucius clapped his hands together, “you say these things to me, but it sounds to me as if you should be saying it to the dark lord. It is the same for him what you think of him, but of course, on a much higher level…”

“You know nothing of what happens between me and the dark lord”

“Actually he does mention what you two get up to briefly sometimes”, he smirked when Hermione pouted her lips angrily, “so I do know what happens between you two, but the thing I don’t understand, nor do I believe you do either, is how you feel for him. Its like you love to hate him, but you also hate to love him”

“that makes no sense”

“it makes perfect sense. You enjoy the thought of hating what was once an enemy, it’s a good feeling-I personally love the thought of hating someone so much I could do so many things…but also, you hate that you like him, love him even. It annoys you that you have given in, been drawn to the side you originally were against-”

“-shut up!”, Hermione shouted, “just shut up, you don’t know-”

“-no I don’t, but what I say is true…you may think I am just a death eater who loves to kill and torture-give me some credit, I am a bit more than that”

“The dark lord told you all of that didn’t he?”

“The majority of it, not in them words of course. I know nothing of you, in fact I don’t want to know about you, but what I do know, is quite interesting”

“Just forget what you know, because it doesn’t matter. I know what I feel and think, and the dark lord knows also, he always knows everything. We both know that”

“Of course”, they stood in silence for a moment, “lets get going, I would prefer if I didn’t have to hang around you all day, its not exactly my type of thing”

“Diagon alley then”, Hermione smiled as Lucius started acting how he usually did, “just take me there, you don’t have to stay-id rather you didn’t”

“Likewise, but I must escort you, you are at a high risk and I must protect you, maybe if I do end up saving your life I get rewarded”

“As long as my life brings some sort of benefit to you”, Hermione rolled her eyes.

*.

Lucius sat bored in a new robes shop on Diagon Alley, expensive but of the best quality-he had been told it was the only place Hermione was to shop for clothes now. His only entertainment was The Daily Prophet that he was nearly finished reading through, he found nothing in there he didn’t already know-being a high ranking deatheater made him aware of most of his surroundings.
Hermione had been in the changing rooms for what felt like hours for him, constantly changing’s and trying on new robe, though he was a tad annoyed he didn’t get a glimpse of her half naked he waited patiently.

“Ive got everything I need!”, Hermione smiled while carrying a small bag holding two dozens robes and other things.

“Finally”, Lucius moaned, “tell me you have finished”

“Such a shame you are in such a rush to go, I was going to show you the underwear ive just bought to please the dark lord”, she smirked when he looked disappointed. “Im sure you will get over it…can we go outside, just for a moment, please? We apparated right into here so I didn’t even get to see what has become of the streets outside…”, Lucius nodded and opened the door allowing her to walk out before him.
Which met her eyes surprised her.

It wasn’t the dark and gloomy place she thought it would be, yes it was cloudy, maybe snow would fall sometime soon…but things were normal. People were doing there every day things, no one was in rags, no one looked ill-treated and no one looked homeless. She could instantly tell who was muggleborn though, their robes were not as good quality and they clearly didn’t have much money, but still…things were not as bad as she had expected. She thought shops would be bordered up, people would be begging in corners and darkness would linger.

“You are surprised”

“Of course I am, this isn’t what I expected”

“What, normality?”

“Yes, I have hardly seen the world how it is…thank you for escorting me here, I know we don’t get along but still I appreciate it”, she smiled while looking around the familiar surroundings.

“I don’t need gratitude, and you wont be influencing me to like you like you have done to Draco…he is young and foolish”

“You would be surprised how un-foolish he is, he is a good person”

“Being good doesn’t do himself any good”, Lucius said quietly, “he will be attending an event tonight to find potential future wives, maybe then his senses will kick in. im surprised the dark lord hasn’t done anything about his ways yet”

“That’s terrible, so you are forcing him to find some pure-blooded girl who probably has rich parents and is ok to look at”

“Isn’t that brilliant! I was never given that option, but I was lucky, and found Narcissa at school…oh I remember the night I first took her down in the dungeons-”

“-ok ive heard enough!”, she said louder than she thought, causing a few people to look round at her.

“Hermione!”, someone called after her as she turned to leave, it was a girl she hadn’t seen for a while.

“Ginny?”, Hermione looked confused as the red haired girl ran up to her, it indeed was her as she looked exactly the same as before, just her hair had become a richer red colour which suited her tremendously and was longer down her back.

“Oh my god, I haven’t seen you in so long, I just had to say hello”, she smiled but gave a nervous look at Lucius who had his eyes narrowed on her. “I know you and the order have your differences, and I am appalled at how they treated you…so, well I hope you know I still see you as a friend. I don’t know if you have changed, well…of course you have”, she glanced down to Hermione’s wedding ring and fine robes.

“Yes I have changed, im sorry I did, really I am…but the dark lord is my lord and I am his wife…but, I am still me, and im happy to hear all of that from you…well seeing you here is such a surprise!”

“Yes, well I am currently excluded from school for two weeks so I have had to make myself busy…oh don’t worry, I didn’t do anything serious, I just defended some girl who was being punished by one of the Carrows, I sort of…backfired the punishment onto him. Well, nothing he didn’t deserve-”

“-Im sure the school would love to hear that tale”, Lucius butted in.

“But they wont hear it”, Hermione said firmly. “Ginny, I hope you are ok”

“I am, life is different to what it was, but I cant really complain. Yours changed the most, look everyones watching you! Oh I keep forgetting, I have to address you as my lady”

“No you don’t, just Hermione thanks, im not into all that posh lingo”, they both laughed, “…I have changed, but that doesn’t mean im completely changed, im still me”

“I can tell…congratulations on your marriage though, I was so surprised when I heard, I didn’t really think he was your type”

“Well, the marriage wasn’t optional exactly, but I like him…wow you must think im mad, but you don’t get to see him when he is at home, he is intelligent and things…anyway, enough about me-”

“-Milady, I am not waiting around all day so you can chat”, Lucius moaned especially annoyed at having to use the title lady, “if you weren’t married to our lord I could fucking torture you if you said no”

“Well that’s a shame, because I am married to him. I will be done in a moment, just go over there or something, come on, im going to be ok if you leave me for five minutes!”, she rolled her highs when he huffed, but he did walk away.

“Wow, shutting Malfoy senior up-you have changed. you look different as well, you have the dark mark don’t you”, she asked, Hermione only replied by lifting her sleeve to show the mark against her skin, “so you are a death eater?”

“No! im more of a follower I guess, and well being his wife is a big job itself”

“How did you go from being a prisoner to a follower?”, Ginny looked confused as they sat down at a table at a nearby café outside. “Sorry, im just…well curious”

“No its ok, I don’t really know to be honest. I did fight him for a long time Ginny, so don’t think im weak, I was in a dungeon and treated worse than a house elf, I think I chose life I can live than a life im existing. Either way, the dark lord will always get what he wants, and he wanted me, it took me a long time to realise im going through pain for nothing. I don’t think im a bad person but im not good either, I don’t like most of the stuff he does, but even now when I look around here-things aren’t bad, not like I expected”

“No, things were, but it gradually got better as people got used to him ruling”

“do people hate me?”, Hermione asked with a concerned look after a moment.

“Truthfully? No, you aren’t hated. People were first sympathetic of you, I mean you were taken by the dark lord himself! Now I think people respect you, not many could survive in his household”

“Im glad we bumped into each other”

“So am I”, Ginny smiled.

“I haven’t really got any friends, well there’s Draco”

“Draco as in Malfoy? Well, if you say he is ok then I will believe you…anyway, I should get back”

“So should I, Lucius is pissed off and grumpy, I don’t even know where he has gone off to”, Hermione sighed, “I did miss you, you were a good friend”

“Everyone missed you, but now the order think you have become a deatheater or something…it got worse when you became married. don’t worry, they have no intention on hurting or doing anything to you what I know of…im not part of it, I just go to school and stand up for the kids who get bullied by the students as well as the teachers…Hogwarts is a harsh place to be these days, the imperio and cruciatus is legal at any time for anyone who carries the dark mark-lets just say punishments aren’t lenient”

“I wish I could help, really I do. Im powerless, the dark lord today allowed me to change any law I felt needed changing-but, if he didn’t like it, he would kill…a lot of people. I couldn’t do it, I know anything I change he wont like”

“Hermione, I know you have done some bad things, but I still think you are a good person. Just remember that”

“Thank you, but I don’t think I am a good person. I have tried, really I have…it is hard, surrounded by such darkness…I cant help what I do when im angry, and the dark lord has power over me which I cant stop. I will never be free of him, but I have made my peace with that a long time ago…”

“I can see how strong you are, I hope you don’t get into trouble”

“Oh, I probably will”, Hermione grinned at her words after saying them to Voldemort before, “it is in my nature. And you, don’t get into trouble anymore either, its not good for you”

“I will see about that”

“Well, its been so nice speaking to you again-”, Hermione cut off suddenly when she realised she was becoming surrounded by members of the Order of the Phoenix, “Ginny you tricked me!”

“No, I swear I didn’t!”, Ginny cried truthfully, and Hermione knew it by the look in her eyes and her occlumency skills. “Ron you idiot what are you doing here!”

“Ginny you are too young to understand”, he replied quietly, his wand drawn. Hermione saw a dozen members, some she didn’t recognise so she figured they were new, “Hermione im really sorry about this, I didn’t give up hope for you-but now…”

“Im married”, she said simply, thinking where the hell was Lucius. “im sorry too Ron, you were my best friend for so long, and you changed-at least I admit I have, you don’t. Im still me, just some of my views have changed, you, well you have completely changed…you are no longer a friend”

“He brainwashed you Hermione…now you are the wife of the dark lord, they call you the dark lady now! Im sorry in advance, but you have to go, who knows what you could do to hurt us all!”

“I have to go? I don’t think so, I haven’t even started. I have promised I will not harm any of you, but still you don’t believe me-any action I take will be in self defence”

“Then defend this, Avada-”

“Avada kedavra!”

Silence but the sound of a body falling to the floor, the body of a third of the golden trio.

Hermione looked up to see Lucius lowering his wand from Ron before grabbing her and apparating away.

Silence once again after arriving back home, Hermione was surprised she wasn’t upset, she was more in shock.

“I apologise for not being there to protect you sooner”, Lucius mumbled to her while placing his wand back in its cane, “I should never have left you and now I shall be punished by the dark lord when you tell him”

“Im not going to”, Hermione spoke gently, “because you did nothing except possibly save my life. It doesn’t matter if you were there the whole time or not, I believe Ron was going to kill me-and I-I feel so weak for not being able to kill myself, not unless im angry…thank you”

“Thank you”, Lucius said gratefully,

“the dark lord will be informed the Order tried to ambush me, and you killed Ron when they didn’t back down because it looked like he was ready to kill at any moment…he wont question that. Fuck, I cant believe it, now both of my two old friends are dead, and only a few minutes ago I was chatting to another old friend like we were friends again! I need to lie down, its too much”

“Do that, ive had a long day with you its felt like, I hope you understand now that you must be protected-if the dark lord finds out you have been kidnapped or killed…he will probably launch a full scale war”

“Why though”

“Because you are his, the dark lord doesn’t like to lose or have his possessions taken from him-especially when they are married to him!”

“I am not a possession!”, Hermione growled.

“You are the dark lords possession whether you like it or not”, he lowered his eyes and straightened his robes out, Hermione looked on while thinking, it was true…she really was a possession of his.
“Im surprised, you don’t seem sad or angry at me for killing an old friend, I know you thanked me but still…”

“What does it matter to you? Maybe I would have killed, using my own wand on him…I don’t know, maybe I have changed a lot more than I thought. I don’t know why im telling you this”

“Its fine. Im going, need to fuck someone before I take Draco out to meet someone”

“Haven’t you got a wife?”

“And?”, he rolled his eyes.

“Deatheaters”, Hermione tutted.

*.

“I cant take it, im changing, I don’t care, I like the power, I like being strong…I like what he’s turned me into”, Hermione spoke to herself gently as she went over the previous days events in her head, Ron was dead and it just hit her. “Fuck fuck fuck…I must be going mad but it all makes sense”

“Lolly brings Miss food and a letter sent by the dark lord”, a house elf suddenly appeared carrying a tray with lunch on and placed it by her side as she lay on the sofa in the library, and passed the letter to her.

“Thank you, make sure you and the rest of the house elves enjoy a nice lunch as good as the one you have brought me-and that is an order”, Hermione smiled before the house elf could interrupt, it thanked her before disaparating.

Dear Hermione,
I have been informed that you were witness to a certain blood traitors death, I also have been informed you feel you would have done it if you were strong enough…this is interesting and im pleased to hear it.
You are more than ready to kill at will, and will find yourself enjoying your life as my lady.
I wish that you prove to me you are fit to have that title because I am losing patience as you keep having your morals getting involved. When I return in the next few days, you will prove to me, if not then I feel you may have to return to the dungeons…just to remind you of where you could be.
Don’t forget that.
LV

Hermione crumpled the note and threw it across the room.

“He pisses me off so much!”, she cried in a tantrum, “he wont throw me back in that dungeon would he? No…he knows how much that broke me down, how much I hate it…its just a threat to make me want to do better. Hell its working! Why do I keep talking to myself!”, she groaned and whacked felt tears in her eyes. “Why does he write that to me? Ive been good recently…im so stupid, ive been taking things for granted, im a servant who hasn’t been serving”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right”, Draco muttered into her ear making her jump up, “sorry I didn’t knock”

“You scared me! Why are you here, aren’t you supposed to be getting ready for later?”, she rubbed her forehead and sat back down on the sofa with her knees under her chin.

“Yeah, but it doesn’t really matter if I dress up or anything, the girls will be all over me-not being big headed! But every pureblood girl in the country is desperate to be married off to a rich pureblood, especially one who is a deatheater-im more important than a regular pure blood”

“Good point, but still, you might meet someone you like”

“Maybe, I don’t see what the big rush is, im still only young, but I think my father wants me married off so I look even stronger. You went out with him today? He mentioned it to me in passing-hey have you been crying?”, he asked as he noticed her eyes looked a tiny bit red and puffy.

“No”

“You are such a liar”, he shook his head with a grin and sat next to her, “well if you weren’t crying, you were about to”, she said quietly and stroked her hair.

“Its just realising things are easy right now, once the dark lord returns and really does treat me how he would, well its going to be hard”, she lowered her eyes but leaned onto his shoulder as he put his arm round her and gave her a small hug. “You don’t have to be all sweet”

“Well I used to be nasty to you, im just proving im not really nasty, well im a deatheater so im not a good soul, but that doesn’t mean I like to be horrible to people I like”

“You really don’t have to be nice, I might as well get used to having it hard, the dark lord-”

“-is lucky to have you”, he cut in, “you are an intelligent and powerful witch-not to mention how nice you are. Merlin I sound like a right Hufflepuff”, Hermione laughed, “but its true”. they sat in silence for a moment before Hermione leaned up to kiss him, “what are you doing?”

“I-I want to kiss you”, she replied with no explanation other than that, before kissing him on the lips and changing position so she was straddling his lap.

“You don’t want to do this”, he breathed, but moaned as she kissed up and down his neck, “we are going to get punished”

“That is what my life is, punishment and hard living, you are just so nice and different, its why I like being with you” she spoke quietly while unbuttoning his shirt and kissing his lips, “I-”

“-What is going on here?”, Hermione spun her head round to see Snape staring at her with narrowed eyes, carrying a couple of books to be dropped off, and his wand in his left hand. “Draco, go home”, he did so within thirty seconds, leaving Hermione to face Snape alone.

“Its not what you are thinking-”

“-I don’t care. You belong to the dark lord, you are his wife, im sorry but the dark lord will punish you and him quite severely”

“Please don’t tell him, I just wanted some comfort, a nice touch-”

“-the dark lord will probably already know, your marriage allows him to know if you have been intimate with another…im just telling you this to warn you. You disappoint me, I thought a lady such as yourself wouldn’t-”

“im no lady! Im just a simple teenager who has been thrown into all of this! I hate this, and all I want is to prove to the dark lord that im capable of so many things. Im going to sleep for a bit, im dreading the day he comes back”

*.

“Milord”, Hermione bowed her head as Voldemort returned four days after he had left, she was nervous to say the least at seeing him again, a lot of things had happened. She stood on her own in the great hall, waiting for him to reply, but he said nothing for a few minutes except circle her. She nervously played with the necklace around her neck he had given her before, the emerald seemed to match anything she wore-she made sure to wear something nice, or suitable because she knew if he saw her in muggle clothes he wouldn’t be happy, anymore than he already was.

“Crucio!”, Voldemort cursed her once before seating himself on his throne opposite her, lazily lifting a leg over the edge and dangled his wand between his fingers. “So my wife got a bit horny did she?”

“No, I-please let me explain”, she pleaded. “After you sent me that letter it hit me that I will never have someone loving to me or give me a soft gentle touch, I just wanted the comfort. Its stupid, I know, but please don’t punish Draco, he told me to stop but I carried on”

“My wife, acting like a slut, I wont have it. Am I not enough for you, how many others do you lust after?”

“None! I don’t even lust for Draco, he is just a friend, and possibly my only friend. that’s why, that’s why I got close to him the other day, I just wanted to remember being touched gently…just so I wouldn’t forget how I once was. Please understand?”

“I wrote you the letter so you would show me that I haven’t made any mistakes in marrying you, no mistakes in protecting you and keeping you away from the dungeons or Azkaban…I know I made the right decision, but I wanted to make sure…now, now im unsure. Finding out my wife has been whoring herself around-”

“-I was not whoring myself around!”, Hermione retorted, “the only person I have ever had sex with is you, because if you remember correctly-you took my virginity, and it wasn’t exactly pleasant!”

“Crucio”, he growled, she was prepared this time for it, she refused to scream or fall even though the pain was as unbearable as ever. “At least I know you can withstand pain, finally something you are good at”

“Why are you doing this! We were ok with each other…oh I know, is it because I told you I think I love you? Ever since then you have just treated me how you did when I was a prisoner!”

He ignored her and carried on, “do something which you think would prove to me you should be treated well”

“When I prove to you, then will you stop hurting me for not doing anything wrong? Yes I was wrong to get slightly close to Draco, but it was only a reaction to what you had sent me!”, Voldemort said nothing and waited for her to continue, “apparate us to a random place, somewhere where there will be plenty of people”

“You have no idea what you want to do to prove to me you are the good wife I chose, lets go then”, he smirked while grabbing her arm. A few seconds later, Hermione and Voldemort were standing in a busy street in a place she did not recognise, the weather was cold and cloudy as normal for a winters day, so she assumed they were still in England.
“So my dear, why are we here?”, Voldemort asked still smirking, knowing full well that whatever she had planned would be stupid, he looked forward to see her terrified at being put in a dungeon-he of course did not want to break her down, he just like to see certain emotions on her face.

“To tell you I have changed, your letter to me upset me, but this morning I felt angry…I felt weak and pathetic for having you tell me im not good enough”, she narrowed her eyes and turned away, her wand was tight in her hand as she lowered her head for a moment. “You see milord, I must be stupid for wanting to please you, I never knew I wanted to so much, and that is now why I see I was so upset…”, she whispered before raising her head and lifting her wand to the street with hundreds of muggles doing there business.
“Avada Kedavra!”, she screamed with every inch of energy inside of her, Voldemort felt the power rush past before hitting a dozen muggles which fell down dead like flies. Screams from the whole street could be heard as panic spread, “lets go home”, was all she said.

“Was a mini unprovoked massacre good enough? Or would you prefer if I destroyed a who city?”, she sneered after sitting in silence for a few minutes when they returned. She wasn’t sad, she wasn’t shocked, and she wasn’t angry. She was just, emotionless, she didn’t know what to feel but she knew now, now there was no going back from the person she had become. She felt weak though, killing so many people at once took away all her energy and she could barely stand, barely speak but she did her best.

“That wont be necessary”, Voldemort passed her a drink which she drank in one gulp, “my my, im surprised, very surprised. Whatever happened to only hurting the guilty?”

“Im still keeping to that, don’t you worry about that, but…when things need to be done, then they should be done”, she said quietly.

“You have pleased me-”, he stopped when she collapsed to the floor out of exhaustion, she was unconscious and weak. “Not a surprise…house elf!”, he shouted aloud and within a moment a small house elf appeared, “take her to bed, make sure she has everything she needs when she awakens. Wait”, Voldemort quickly muttered and bent down to remove her necklace before leaving himself.

He sat calmly in his study, clutching the necklace and examining it as if it were his very soul…what Hermione did not know was that it was exactly that. Hermione had been wearing a part of the dark lords soul around her neck since he had given it to her, the decision was made because he knew it would be safe.
Voldemort had to think, was it the influence of the horcrux what was making her like this, or had she really changed-did she really wish to please him? A mass murder was not like her at all, but in a way he could tell she had changed, even when she was not wearing the necklace she seemed darker, just not as dark when she actually wore it.
“She is mortal, and she can die…if one day a duel goes wrong…I lose a good servant because of a mistake…no I cant have that”, he smirked as a plan formed in his mind while looking at his own horcrux which he had decided would be returned to her.

________________

So what do you think?