The Sins Of A Father

Chapter Sixteen: Woof







Half term has began.



Yet Harry and I have yet to even speak a word with each other.



His part to not to utter a word to me was due to the fact of guilt and fear.



My part was rejection.



Even though my dear petal had tried to take my mind off of the argument that had happen, in the back of my mind I could not still forget those words. No matter how hard I tried I still hear ‘He’s not my real Dad’ …



Indeed I am not.



But my love is still there for him. Did that not count? I did not see James attending to Harry’s games. I did not see James being there with Harry when he could not sleep during the night. I did not see James there when Harry had a problem to discuss. For Heaven’s sake I even kissed Harry’s Boo Boo when he was a boy.



I had done everything a Father could do to a son. Everything.



But yet that is not enough.



I failed at being a Father for not making my son happy.



“Come on Pickachu! Thunder bolt attack!”



Pokémon.



I was lying down on the comfy corner sofa with Jimmy lying on top of my chest watching one of his favourite cartoons. Me in my belted light blue jeans and a long V-neck top. I took a day off since I had only paper work to finish off. Which I could do in the comfort of my home. Which also meant I could spend more time with my son.



I looked down to see my little boy’s face.



I smirked. It had a completely spaced out expression. I dare say he even likes Pokémon just as much as Power Rangers.



Oh the horrors…



“So who’s that again? Is that another Pickachu?” I gave an innocent wondering look. I wanted to tease Jimmy.



Jimmy came out of the dazed look. Soon to be replaced by the look that clearly states ‘You are joking right?’



“Silly Daddy, that’s a Riachu! It’s the evolved form of Pickachu!”



“But there’s a Pichachu there…It’s not evolved” Feeling a little jolt of pride shooting through me of how well Jimmy speaks for his age. Must have gotten it from me.



I inwardly smirked.



Jimmy actually sighed. He looked like that he’s dealing with a child. Yep he’s defiantly my child. “There’s more than one Pickachu Daddy! There’s like 450 different types of Pokémon. But there’s more than one Pokémon of each type silly! You gonna be a bad Pokémon Master Daddy…”



I just actually got insulted by a five year old boy…And who also happened to be my son.



I actually wanted to laugh when I looked the seriousness of my son’s features.



I sighed mockingly. Trying to give out a hopeless expression. “I know…There is no hope for me…”



Jimmy grinned. Gave a quick peck on my cheek. “Don’t worry! I’ve got a Pokédex you could use! There’s still hope! If you get good enough to be a trainer, we could even battle!”



I was briefly wondering what kind of childhood the man who invented this programme went through. Had he spent a lot of time in his room by himself? Even I had at least socialised with other human beings.



I ruffled Jimmy’s hair affectingly and grinned. “Thank you son…Where would I be without your help o’great one!”



Jimmy lost his focuses on me and gave his attention somewhere behind me. His grin becoming smaller and smaller until it died out.



I closed my eyes. I knew who was behind me. Jimmy was still skittish about the argument that had taken place.



I could not take anymore of this. Harry is too important to me to let go of something as stupid as my emotions. I know he did not mean anything by the words he had spoken. He was hurt and he did not know how to deal with it. After all I was the cause of his hurt. What better way to take out his frustrations on the main cause of it?



I wanted to forget he had ever said anything that night. I just wanted my son back in my arms.



I looked to see where Harry was. He stood by the door looking as if he did not know what do with himself. Glancing around the room but us. Rubbing his arm a little restlessly. Pushing up his glasses on his nose with a finger when he looks down at the carpeted floor.



I picked up Jimmy and stood, then made him stood on the floor. I smiled encouragingly to my little boy who gave me a confused look. “Come on Jimmy lets go out, I’ll take you to the park ok?”



Jimmy gave a sideward glance asking a silent question when he looked back at me. I gave a little light shove on his back. “Go fetch your jacket now son”



He walked slowly towards the exist where Harry still stood there. Still not even looking at us. Once Jimmy had left the room I walked towards Harry to stand in front of him.



He looked so small compared to me. So fragile so…Broken. This was a boy who had practical talked his heart out with me about his love before I knew it was me he was talking about. How he was jealous of what Lily shared with me. Jealous of our love…A love he wished to share with me.



I shook out of my thoughts when Harry was turning around to walk out. I cringed still when he has not even spared a single look at me. I know he regretted saying those things at that night. I know he did not mean anything by it. He was hurt, and I understood it completely.



He’s still my son, and I wanted to have him still in my life. I placed a hand on his slim shoulder to stop him from walking away. I heard a slight in take of breath from him. I reached over with my free hand to place on his chin. Turning his face gently towards me to look at his guilt filled eyes. I smiled reassuringly. “Come with us son…Its been to long the last time we spent some time together…” I winked playfully. “Just us boys…”



Next thing I knew, I had an armful of Harry. Feeling him nuzzling his face and fists onto my chest. I wrapped my arms around him, burying my nose in his mop of hair. Smelling the lingering coconut of his shampoo, I smiled. I got my son back. Basking the warm feeling of how good it was to feel him wrapped up in my arms. “Raven…” I whispered. I kissed his forehead gently.



“Papa…” I kissed his forehead again.



Indeed my son was back. And I never wanted to let go of him again.



And hour had past, leaving me sitting on a park wooden bench watching my two sons playing football on the field. It wasn’t as freezing cold then most days, but it was cold but mixed with a warmish heat.



I was watching Harry trying to playfully tackle Jimmy for the ball when I heard a voice at my side.



“You know…I’m beginning to think you’re stalking me old man…Tell me? Is it my good looks and charming personality?”



I grinned and turned to look at the young man next to me. “What charming personality? That’s like saying that I’m still a virgin lassie…” I chuckled softly.



“Ha! But you didn’t say anything about my looks and about stalking me!”



I smirked. “I’m just letting you think that so you won’t have self-esteem issues”



“Ha bloody ha…”



A golden retriever had now come up to Carter with a red rubber ball in its mouth. Wagging its tail he placed the ball at his feet. Once Carter had thrown the ball onto the field, the dog ran to retrieve it.



I raised an eyebrow. “Yours? I thought you hated dogs”



He sat at my side. “Yeah I did but they kinda cute now…Plus it gets me active” He looked at me. “So what brings you here Sev?”



I nodded at the field where my children were still playing with the football. “I thought I just spend sometime with them”



I heard a snort. “That usually involves you being there on the field with them old man…Don’t tell me your bones are getting to old”



I smirked. “No…I’m just lazy in the mornings…”



“Oh no…Erm Severus? Are your children afraid of dogs?”



I looked where Carter’s dog was approaching my children. Harry stood in front of Jimmy. Then the golden dog placed the red ball at his feet and laid own. Wagging its tail side to side.



“Its alright! He’s friendly!” Carter shouted at Harry across the field.



When both of them looked at Carter, they smiled when noticing I was with the man. Harry took hold of the ball and thrown it into the distance.



“He’s pretty cute Severus…How old is he again?”



I looked at him, a little surprised at his comment.



“Wait a sec, he looks straight. He might not even be gay” He laughed. “Don’t worry Sev, you know me. I won’t corner him and attack!”



I snorted. “Of course not…”



This was a perfect opportunity. Harry was gay, Carter was gay. I at least know Carter so I would not mind for him asking my son out. He was good looking, funny yet can be serious when he wanted to be.



Then I felt slightly thrown back when a emotion went through me when I thought of Harry going out with Carter. I was briefly thinking ‘why was anger boiling inside me?’ Harry needed to forget and enjoy some experience with a gay man who had been ‘out’ longer than he has. This was becoming too often when I kept thinking of Harry being with someone. I was so fucking confused about it.



I shook my head to clear the thoughts. Harry needed to be Happy. I looked at Carter once again. “You’re in luck Carter, he’s gay…But he’s only fifteen...”



He whistled. “He’s young, you sure he’s not just confused?”



I just raised an eyebrow. “I do recall you once said to me that you discovered you was gay when you was just eleven...”



He grinned. “Yeah but still, he’s not me is he? He just might have passing fancy…”



I could not help but smirk when I looked at Harry and Jimmy playing with the dog. I knew for a fact that Harry does not have a passing fancy with men. I should know. “No, he’s gay. He had been going out with a schoolmate for a few weeks.” I looked at Carter. “May I ask for a favour?”



Carter raised both of his eyebrows in surprise. I do not ask favours very often, but this favour involved my son. “No problems Severus, anything you want…”



I smiled. Here goes. “Harry has been a little depressed recently…You know how break-ups are…So I was wondering if you could take him out sometime? Soho for example? Get his mind of it? I think you two will get along very well…”



He grinned. “Sure thing Sevvie. I would love to take him out…Show him the ropes…” He winked.



I growled harmlessly. “I would like him to comeback as a virgin lassie….”



He laughed. “He’s a fifteen year old boy. What makes you think he hasn’t slept with anyone old man?”



I blinked, then cringed. Having a thought with Harry sharing a bed with someone else. I tightened my fist. Feeling the rage once again boiling inside of me. ‘Harry is my son, I’m just being over protective of him’ was all I kept saying in my mind over and over again.



Funny, since it really did not calm me down.



Carter placed a hand on my shoulder. He smiled. “Don’t worry Sev, I know what you mean. He’ll be fine and I make sure he has fun…Ok?”



I looked at the field once again. The boys and the dog was heading back at our direction. “Thank you…” I whispered. I was in no mood to talk more about the matter. I could not get that image out of my head of Harry seeing someone else.



I frowned. My mind completely soaked in distress. My were fingers twitching in rage. I took I a deep breath and breathed out heavily to calm my self down.



It did not help. It just made another image be replaced. The image of my Raven timidly kissing me in his bed in the night that I had discovered about his love for me. My frown deepened when I felt a little jolt of pleasure in my chest. Thinking and feeling of those soft supple lips against mine. Seeing those scared, pained eyes when I pushed him away.



Now my chest tightened. Thinking now of my previous thought.



The thought of Harry kissing someone else.



Something wet touched my hand. Bringing me out of thinking before I could look deeper into the confusing meaning.



I looked down at the dog that was starring and panting at me.



“WOOF!” It barked.



I raised an eyebrow at it.



“Woof” I replied.