The Sins Of A Father

Chapter Fifteen: Once Numb With Hurt







Drunk.



Complete and utterly drrrrrunk.



But unlike most drunks, I tend to remember most of the times when I’m smashed out of head.



Most. Thank the Lord that I remembered this time.



Everything was blurred at the edges of my vision. I was completely off my balance with my pathetic display of a walk. Using my right hand to balance my self on the walls, counters and tables. My left hand holding a bottle which only had two inches of my delightful drink left.



A sense of peace was drumming through my veins. Feeling as if my feet were lifting off the ground.



I had made it to my destination when I arrived outside the garden. It was very large for a garden when it came to central London. It had a heated swimming pool, a hot tub, a patio for the barbeque, and a wide and long grass area with trees and flowers, surround it with stone paths at the end of the swimming pool. It was simple yet pleasant to look at.



I took another swig at my bottle. Hearing the comforting sound of my drink swirling around inside the glass. The slight pop when I lifted up my lips from the base to breathe once again.



I stepped, well, rather wobbled, forward towards the grass area. Watching my feet on the ground walking to keep my balance. The bright lights at the side highlighting the stoned pathway.



Right foot, left foot, right foot, left foot, right foot, left foot, right…



Water.



Can you guess what happened?



“Severus!!”



Lost my balance and feel into the hot tub. Lucky it was not the swimming pool itself or I would have most probably drowned.



“Severus you bastard! If you don’t help me to get you out of the tub then god help me I will let you drown!”



Plus my petal was there.



I was being lifted up to let myself get over the edge of the tub. Hands grips at my soaked shirt to pull me out. Me trying to pull my self out with my arms and hands. The bottle completely forgotten in the tub. Joined by my slippers bobbing up and down in the water.



Once I was laying down on the ground, I spat out some of the chlorine water. Coughing a bit harshly while rolling to my side, then rolling back to lie on my back.



“Are you alright?” A very concerned Lily asked. Tracing her hands on my face to see if I was hurt.



I was hurt, but not physically.



I nodded.



I received a slap across my face for my efforts. “Severus what was you thinking? You could of gotten killed you great git!”



I laughed, a rather drunken slurred laugh. My words not much better by it. I gazed at her. “Not…thinking…don’t want to…think…” I put a hand across my chest, where my heart was placed. “…hurts” I closed my eyes, my last word choked with a feeling of a tight lump forming in my throat.



One thing about alcohol for me - when I finish at least one large bottle of spirit - is that I either become very open or very quiet

Thank god I was being open only to Lily when I hurt too much to be quite any longer.



Her soft hand was gently stroking my wet hair. I opened my eyes once again to see the sympathy and concern showing on her beautiful features. She placed a soft kiss on my brow and went back up to look into my drunken eyes. “He didn’t mean it Severus” She said gently. “You know how kids are at his age…you know what they are like when it comes to there problems. They just say things to the nearest person out of frustration when they can’t solve it. He still loves you”



I gave an eerie, drunken smile. “Can’t…not his…dad…no love…” I took her hand from my head. Placed a rather sloppy kiss. Just really a touch of skin to skin. I chuckled. “No right…for me…”



She looked exhausted. “Don’t say that Sev, please? Forget what he said. He doesn’t mean it! He loves you! You’ve been there for him than Sirius and James put together. Everyone knows that. You’ve just been working for your family Severus. for us. For your sons.” She placed both of her hands onto my face to look directly into my eyes with hers. “Severus do you know how much he regrets saying those words? He’s still crying in his room about it! Keeps on saying is ‘Is Papa alright?’ and ‘Papa is my dad. I love him’. That’s what he is saying Severus. Granted he should have never said those things but Severus…Its happened already. It has happened already with his words and yours. Yes you were angry, you’ve got the right to be angry make no mistake but he’s hurting too! Talking to me about what you said. Saying to me he’ll go and stay with James if you wanted him too! Do you Severus? Do you want him to go?”



I closed my eyes. Feeling the pain once again. Overriding my alcohol abused heart. Just imagining him in what state he could be in at that moment in his room.



I cringed. Imagining what James will do to my Harry. I loved him too long to let the anger best me. I did not want Harry to go even if I had said it. Petal was right. Harry was angry and hurt, just like me. Its understandable he said things he did not mean, we both did. Lily of course did not know about why he’s really angry.



I closed my eyes, ready to give up and just die. It was my fault that Harry was upset. I wished then that I never had confronted him about that stupid stupid chat over the internet. I should have made an excuse about turning that blasted thing off and not knowing what was shown on it. I just want my Harry back, talking and laughing with me again. Just wanted him in my arms, safe and sound. I just wanted him to be happy. I just wanted to protect him.



But I did not protect him? I did not make him even happy. I just ripped his heart out. And I practical just stomped over it back in the dinning room.



I shook my head. “No…” I whispered. I looked back at Lily. “He’s mine…he’s staying…here” I moved up my hand too take a hold on a side of her face. Missing a few times with my dreadful balance. Once I did get a hold of her warm cheek, I brought her face to mine. Kissing her on her soft and tender lips. I whispered against her and breathing as steadily as I could. Not trying to let my alcohol breath wash over her lips and nose. But seeing the slight distaste showing on her face, I was doing rather badly. “I want...to feel…again” I kiss her gently as I could.



“Severus…”



“Please?” I looked into her eyes. “Need you…” I stroked her hair away from her face. Looking deep into her emerald eyes. “…to numb…to hurt…teed to feel…tou…” My words still badly slurred. “Petal?”



It was much more than sex I wanted. I wanted my wife. I needed to feel once again. I needed her. Needed her to feel love once again. I did not want anymore hurt and pain. I needed to feel her love. Her kindness. Her gentleness. Her forgiveness. Everything that I did not deserve. Everything that I do not deserve.



She smiled warmly at me. Understanding me completely like no other could. Or no other could be bothered to do that is. Such a small affection that makes my heart soaring into the sunlight. Or at that time, the moonlight. The brightness of her emerald eyes could even bring the north star to shame and dim-out into the night. Such a rare beauty that I feel guilty of even looking at her.



But she is mine, and I am hers.



“Yes Sev, just come upstairs with me…” She reached to my side to lightly nip my earlobe. “I don’t want to make love to you like a teenager outside here…”



She helped me get up to stand on my feet, which by the way felt like I had no feet, and me leaning against her to take me up into our bedroom.



It felt like an aeon had past with the way our pace was going. Me stumbling over, Lily trying to catch me before I land flat on my face and make my crook nose even more crooked.



Once I was lying onto our bed she began taking of my wet cloths. Slowly undoing my belt, and undoing my trousers. Undoing my shirt button by button, slowly peeling off the wet shirt. Me; laying there dazed, feeling the cold hitting my bare skin. Shivering slightly at the lost of contact. Soon feeling the loss of my trousers as well. Once I was completely naked she straddled my knees and slowly to began to undress herself.



I watched in daze as my petal lifted up her dress off her shoulders and head. Moving her head side to side a few times to shake away her red hair from her face and flow onto her smooth creamy with a hint of a tan, luscious skinned shoulders. Reaching her arms around her back to undo her black bra then placed it on to my muscled stomach. Bending down to slip off her knickers. When the deed was done she slipped it off, took hold of the bra also and thrown it somewhere that I could not be bothered to know where when I was so fixated, as one can be when drunk, with the beauty before me.



I voiced it out. “Beautiful…” Wondering once again why this amazing creature before me was so badly mistreated with her previous partner.



She traced her fingertips onto my chest. Trailing the dips and curves of what my muscles portrayed. Seeing her raw desire flaring in her eyes. Me licking my lips in anticipation, my cock slowly filling itself with blood. She reached down to kiss me.



So sweet, and slow. Yet so passionate and raw. Our tongues dancing in each others mouths. Duelling, flicking, twirling and tasting. Tracing the upper and lower inside our caverns of heat. Breathing out gasps and moans, soon to be swallowed when I our lock was sealed once again. Feeling her wet heat near my sex. Grinding her hips so teasingly cruel.



She broke our kiss and latched her lips onto my neck. Biting, sucking, nibbling and licking into perfection of her love bite. Her finger and thumb twisting my nipples between each moan I gave.



“More…need to…feel…” I groaned when she began to trace her lips down my stomach.



I stopped her. I did not want her to suck my cock. I needed her more than that. I wanted to feel. I needed to feel her, inside of her. I needed to feel her around my body and into my heart. I want her. Desire her. Love her.



But most importantly, I need to feel her love. I needed her assurance that I was loved and forgiven. That this was not just a night of sex. Of course she is my wife and all our nights are more than just sex. But I needed something different than that. I wanted her completely, not just in desire and love, but her soul. I wanted it to be like our first time. I wanted our love to feel new again. New just like when we walked down the path into marriage hood. I did not wanted this night to be forgotten in a drunken slumber. I wanted it to be meaningful as much as she meant to me. I wanted her to be my wife Lily in our lovemaking and not just my partner in life. There was more to describe to the way I wanted her, but something’s could not be described with words. The beauty could be ruined.



So instead I will stick to my meaning and feel. “Want you…need you…feel you…” I looked deep into her eyes with my hazy vision, but I could see at least that she understood me. She reached into our draw and pulled out a condom. Ripped the packet open and slipped the rubber onto my stiff member. A short hiss left my lips as she touched my sensitive skin.



She placed my dick at her opening and I watched her slowly burring myself deep within herself. Feeling the hot, wet opening stretching and adjusting itself for my thick and long length. Almost right down to the hilt.



I pulled her down closely to me. Lacing my fingers into hers until both of our hands was joined together. “Lily…” I gasped out. The pleasure so overwhelming that I knew I was at the brink to pass out. Regretting then that I had drank.



“Severus” She whispered, hiss the ‘s’ at the end of my name. She locked her gaze onto mine and leaned halfway upwards to place a joined hand at both sides of my face. Resting her weight onto our hands, our sight still locked onto the other.



“Need to…”



“Feel…” She finished off for me. “I love you Severus…” And began to rock.



Rocking so slowly, yet so firmly. So good, so brilliantly fantastic. Our mattress springs creaking with every rock. I dared not to thrust yet since she was only just beginning to loosen up. We kept staring in each other eyes. Her quite moans slipping past her parted lips.



I licked my lips. “Love you…” Once she felt more loosened up in her heated entrance, I began to thrust upwards into her. Feeling the wetness around my dick to make it smooth and painless for my Lily. My petal.



She began to bounce. Meeting halfway with my cock colliding with her entrance. Faster and faster we began to thrust and bounce on the bed. I was even surprised with myself on how accurate I could thrust with the way my balance was then. The headboard above me hitting the wall with soft bangs at first but later more harder and louder. Our laboured breaths and hitching gasps only matching the loud bangs. I wanted more. I needed more. More firmer and quicker I began to pound, never letting go of my petal hands.



She threw back her head, screaming in pleasure but soon controlled it knowing who else where in the house. Fuck I had to have more. I had to feel more. “Lily…m-more…”



She drew closer to me, still locked her hands with mine. Her staring into my slightly blurred vision. She kissed me deeply, then soon pulled the soft swollen lips away and reached to my ear. Hear hot panting breath washed over on my sensitive skin. “I feel you Severus…Do you… feel me?” Her bounce became more frantic. “Love you…so much…I’m yours…your sons a-are yours…no one else…just yours…all yours…” Now my thrusts began to be more frantic. So hard and fast we was making love that I was almost sure that the paint off the walls was beginning to chip off where the headboard was slamming.



“Mine…” I said possessively.



We were over heated with our antics and soon I began to feel my balls tighten. Her vagina also began to tighten around my length. The smell of sweaty sex filling the air around us. Our sweaty bodies rubbing against each other. Her breasts rubbing against my chest. Her panting against my lips. Our hands above our heads. Our eyes looking deep within.



“Sev’rus…feel for me…please…let me…love you…”



And I came.



Long, hard, and moaning all my thoughts out.



Feeling Lily contracting around my cock which was still spilling seed into the rubber, she came with a scream. Completely letting go of all thoughts and just let herself feel the riding waves of bliss.



Once numb with hurt, I began to feel the love what my petal gave with all her heart and soul.