Doubts and Desires

A/N: Thank you for reading and reviewing! It\'s greatly appreciated!!


Chapter Seventeen: Pain and Love


Severus woke up alone and with a killer headache. “Damn her,” he muttered as he sat up. Running his hands over his face, he tried to focus on what he had to do today. He hadn’t had a headache in a few weeks, and he knew that it didn’t help waking up alone. He had gotten too use to Hermione being in his bed, and he cursed her under his breath again for making him care. He had been a jerk last night, and he knew he had to make things up to her. First things first though, he had to get some of the headache relief potion.

“Accio headache potion,” he called out, summoning the vial to his hand. He pulled the stopper out and raised the vial to his lips. He attempted to down the potion, but he found it to be completely empty. “Damn!” He threw the empty vial against the wall. Now he not only had to apologize to Hermione, but he had to ask her for the potion too. He was too distracted to remember to make it himself and perhaps a little overworked with the pressure to get the potion perfected.

After finally getting up, showering, and dressing, Severus went up to the Hospital Wing. He leaned against the doorframe, watching Hermione busy around the room like a bee.

Hermione had woken up early and began organizing things. Se was still angry at Severus and his attitude toward her. He had never liked it when he was Lockhart’s ‘assistant’ that one time, and she wasn’t about to be his either. She had just placed a vial in one of the cabinets when she turned and saw him. “Oh, it’s you,” she stated rather flatly. He glared at her and pursed his lips. She looked at him and crossed her arms. “Well, what do you want?” she snapped at him.

He gracefully pushed himself away from the doorframe, wondering if this was a mistake. “You are not making this easy for me to apologize.”

“Should I?” she inquired with a bitter tone.

He stiffened. Maybe he didn’t deserve for this to be easy. “I’m sorry, Hermione. I was out of line last night.”

Her eyes narrowed, judging if he was being genuine. “Do you still consider me just an assistant?”

He sighed. “No, I don’t. You are more than that. You should know that, silly girl!”

She huffed slightly when he called her a ‘silly girl.’ “I don’t know if I should forgive you or not, Severus. You were very rude to me.”

He rolled his eyes slightly as the pounding increased in his head. “I’m not known to be very nice, and you know that.” He sighed again as he walked over to her, trying to keep his temper down. “What do you want from me? Do you want me to get on my knees and beg you to forgive me?” He noticed that she seemed amused by that idea. “Which you can get out of your head because I won’t do it.” He let out a frustrated groan. “I don’t know why I even bothered. You are impossible!” He turned away from her and rubbed his temples, trying to release some of the pressure from his headache.

“You’re impossible too, you know.” She noticed that he was rubbing his temples. “Headache?”

“Yes.”

“Here,” she said, standing in front of him as she removed his hands from his temples and brought him over to a cot to sit on. She then began to massage his temples, watching as he closed his eyes and let out a shaky breath. “Do you normally have these headaches?”

“Occasionally,” he admitted. “I haven’t had one in a few weeks though.”

“Hmm,” Hermione muttered in a professional tone. She took out her wand. “Lie down. Let me check you out.”

His eyes shot open. “I don’t need a mediwitch, Hermione.”

She gave him a stern look that was reminiscent of McGonagall. “Lie down now.”

He reluctantly obeyed, lying on the cot.

“Close your eyes. This won’t hurt.” She readied her wand.

He had a feeling that it would hurt. It always hurt when they said that it wouldn’t. He closed his eyes anyway.

She ran several tests, checking the readings she received. It was normal. All of them. She thought about it for a moment. “Do these headaches seem to come on when you are stressed?”

“Probably, yes.”

She slowly nodded. “Just as I figured. They are stress-induced headaches. You might want to try to find activities that can reduce your stress levels.” She went and gave him a vial of the headache relieving potion, which he drank.

“I can think of activities that can reduce stress,” he said as he completely sat up, feeling a little better already.

“Hmm…I’m sure you can,” she said, smirking slightly.

“Do you forgive me for my behavior last night?”

She looked at him as if she wasn’t certain. “Yes, I suppose so.”

“Why don’t you come by my office after dinner? We can test the potion on the mice.” He had other things he would like to do too, but he would keep that as a surprise.

“I’ll see you there then,” she said, agreeing.

He nodded. “Until then.”

* * * * *

Hermione had dressed in jeans and a sweater to go down to Severus’ lab and now administered the potion to the mouse on his instructions. “Pohinghing,” she whispered as she placed the mouse on the table. She watched as it scurried over to a piece of cheese, sniffed it, and began to eat. With a soft sigh, she moved beside of Severus. “It’s ready.”

Severus watched as she fed the mouse the potion. He knew this was hard for her, and he hoped that she wouldn’t start giving them names. So far, he had found her to be rather professional and respected her even more for it, despite how he had acted last night. He raised his wand when she said all was ready and hoped that this would work. “Avada Kedavra.”

The beam of green light shot out of his wand, hitting the little mouse, which almost instantly fell over dead. “Damn,” she muttered under her breath.

He picked up the dead mouse by the tail. “I’ll dissect it later to see how the potion affected it.” He placed the mouse in a box and cast a preserving charm on it.

Hermione nodded and began to clean up their work. “It looks like its back to the drawing board.”

“Yes,” he stated, gathering the parchments of notes they had. “Would you like to come to my quarters so we can figure out our next steps with the potion?”

She smiled as they finished up in the lab. “Sure.”

They went into Severus’ quarters. He placed the parchments on the table and got a couple of glasses and a bottle of red wine. “Here you go,” he offered her a glass as he sat down beside of her.

“Thank you.” She took a sip of wine and wondered what the occasion was. She then flipped through the parchments, trying to find a viable solution to their potion problem.

He watched her as he sipped the wine. He had never met someone before who had caused such complex emotions. As much as he hated to admit it, he couldn’t imagine his life without her. Last night showed him that. He also loathed admitting that Remus was right about his feelings toward Hermione. He suddenly reached over, taking the parchment from her hands. “We can do this later.” She gave him a confused look. He sat his wine glass down and leaned in, kissing her softly at first and then deepening it. He broke the kiss and looked at her. “We can continue with the parchments later.”

“Yes, we can,” she said, leaning in and kissing him as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

He smiled slightly against her lips and pulled her onto his lap, running his hands over her upper torso. His fingers grasped the bottom of her sweater, brushing against her smooth flesh. With a swift movement, he raised her sweater up and took it off, casting it aside as she busied with the buttons on his shirt. He tilted his head, kissing her neck. “I missed you in my bed last night,” he confessed, letting his hot breath hit her skin.

She managed to get his shirt unbuttoned and pulled it off of him, letting it fall amongst her sweater. “I missed you too,” she said softly, kissing him again as her hands ran up and down his chest.

He brought his arm underneath her legs and scooped her up as he stood up. He carried her into his bedroom and gently placed her on the bed. He saw how her hair fanned out on the bed, framing her against the black sheets. He moved and straddled her, leaning down and kissing her softly. His hands ran over her skin and behind her back as he unhooked her bra and took it off of her. His hands cupped her breasts as they swelled and ran his thumbs over her nipples, causing them to grow hard. He brought his face down and took one of the nipples in his mouth, grazing his teeth against it and sucking on it. He heard her moan softly as her hands were busying themselves with his pants. He shifted enough and pulled the rest of his clothes off with her assistance. “I think you are overdressed,” he said as he moved down, kissing her stomach as he pulled her jeans and panties off, tossing them on the floor. He began to kiss the inside of her thighs, getting closer to her hot, wet center. She willingly spread her legs wide for him as her hand tangled in the fine strands of his hair. Breathing in her musky scent, his tongue darted out and flicked against her clit, cag heg her hips to buck toward his face. He smiled and buried his face in her pussy as he licked, sucked, and teased her. Her hand clenched and unclenched in his hair to his pace as he slipped a finger inside, then two fingers, and then three. He could hear her breathing heavily. Her legs began to stiffen and tremble as he felt the wave of her orgasm wash over her. He moved and lifted her legs, pushing his engorged cock deep inside of her, feeling her orgasm pulsate around it as he began to thrust in and out of her steadily. She moaned as she arched her hips up to meet him, grabbing onto the headboard for support. “Oh, gods, Severus,” she groaned out as he hit a tender spot. He quickened his pace, moving in and out of her as he uttered primal grunts as he neared his release. “Scream my name,” he called out to her as he pulled her even closer. “SEVERUS!!” she screamed as a second orgasm was quickly taking her over. The multiple sensations were all he needed to bring him to his orgasm as he released his seed inside of her. She milked him dry as he softly collapsed on top of her, breathing hard. They stayed like that for a few moments as they regained their breath. He slowly brought himself on his elbows as he looked at her, gently smoothing her hair down around her face that had grown wild and bushy from their love making. “I love you,” he said as he gazed into her eyes.

Her eyes widened as she looked at him, wondering if she really heard him correctly or not. She just stared at him for a moment, completely speechless. He had made her speechless. She finally noticed that he was becoming uncomfortable as she had not said the words back. He almost looked like he was going to take it back when she smiled and gently brushed the back of her fingers against his cheek. “I love you too, Severus.” She leaned up and kissed him gently.

He returned the kiss and rolled over, having her nn ton top of him. He stroked her hair. For a moment that had seemed like an eternity, he thought that he had made a huge mistake by confessing his love for her. He felt like his heart could start beating again when she finally returned those words. He couldn’t believe he used to scoff at those words so, and he still would if it weren’t for her.

They grew content in each other’s company as he gently stroked her hair. She shifted against him into a more comfortable position and sighed contently. He watched her as her eyes slowly closed and her breathing deepened. She was his now. Nothing could ever change that. He couldn’t imagine letting her go now. He had all he needed now in life and no obligations besides her and the school. His own eyelids grew heavy as he began to drift off to sleep. He was about to nod off when he felt a sudden sharp stinging in his left arm. His eyes widened as it went away as quickly as it had come. He lifted his left arm, looking at it. The skin wasn’t quite as pale as it normally was, but it looked nothing out of the ordinary. He shrugged to himself and settled down, pulling Hermione closer to him as he drifted off to sleep again.


A/N: Please review!! They are welcomed.