Darkness Shadows Light

CHAPTER SIXTEEN - NEEDING SOMEONE IS LIKE NEEDING A PARACHUTE, IF HE ISN\'T THERE THE FIRST TIME, CHANCES ARE YOU WON\'T BE NEEDHIM HIM AGAIN

The next few weeks went by with little incident. Easter came and went in a haze of frantic studying from the fifth and seventh years as the OWLs and NEWTs drew ever closer.

Harry\'s life seemed to consist of going to lessons, eating and then studying all evening interspersed with the now twice-weekly trips to the infirmary for his check-up. Through all of this he tried to ignore the dull ache that seemed to have taken up permanent residence in his heart, as he heeded Sirius\' words, and did not try any extra-curricular contact with his lover.

He only ever saw Snape in class and at meals in the Great Hall and never once spotted him outside of this, which he found strange after all being able to barely take a step without him appearing for the past six and a half years. Obviously whatever strange sense that let Snape know exactly where he was, was now helping him avoid the younger wizard.

The NEWT exams were scheduled for the first two weeks in June, and despite the problems he\'d had in the early stages of his pregnancy, Harry was well ahead on his studies and confident he would do well. The extra power he now found he had was a great help in subjects like Transfiguration and Charms and the interest he had developed in Potions at Christmas had not abated, despite the reluctance of the Potions master to even meet his eye.

Snape\'s reluctance to look at Harry was manly due to the fact that Harry was now obviously pregnant; the robes doing nothing to hide the soft swell of his stomach. Every time he saw him it made him feel bitter that due to the circumstances he could not be there for Harry or their child. Instead he had to watch Ron Weasley fawn all over Harry, and since their engagement had been announced - another bitter blow - this seemed to have got even worse.

It was pure accident that Snape was there the first time the baby kicked. It was in the middle of Potions when Harry had suddenly dropped the vial whose contents he had just been about to add to his cauldron, and clutched his stomach with a stunned expression on his face.

\'Something the matter, Mr Potter?\' he had enquired, his sharp tone hiding the icy fear that had gripped him at the thought that something might be wrong.

\'Nothing sir,\' Harry had quickly assured him, knowing he was worried. \'It\'s just that...that the baby kicked...for the first time.\' He put a quiet emphasis on the word \'first\' that Snape knew was just for him.

Immediately the Gryffindor\'s swarmed around Harry, chatteringiteditedly and wanting to feel this little miracle. The Slytherin\'s looked on in disgust, though Snape could see a hint of envy in some of their faces that they had to pretend indifference; that they could not rush over and feel for themselves. Snape knew exactly how they felt...

Snape had only recollected himself when he realised Draco was staring at him impatiently, waiting for him to bring the class to order. Automatically he curled his lip into a sneer.

\'Mr Potter,\' he had said icily. \'Once again you have disrupted my class, ten points from Gryffindor. And that will be another ten points for each student not back at their own desk in the next five seconds.\'

This had the required effect and the lesson soon returned to normal.

Later, when they were all deeply immersed in a particularly tricky part of the concoction, Snape had found himself irresistibly drawn to Harry\'s desk. The potion was perfect, he expected no less, and slightly further along than the rest of the class, again what he expected, as this was one of the potions they had worked on at Christmas. He saw Harry\'s face give a little jump and, realising what this meant, couldn\'t stop himself from reaching out and pressing a tentative hand on his stomach. Immediately a soft, warm hand covered his own, pressing it more firmly against his abdomen until he felt a ripple. Quickly he had slipped his hand away, looking around to make sure no one had seen his moment of weakness. He was relieved to see that everyone was still concentrating on their potions.

He risked a glance at Harry who had a small smile playing at his lips, his eyes firmly on his cauldron. It was hard to walk away, but walk away he did.

It didn\'t quite make up for the hurt he had felt when he had found out that Harry was officially engaged to Ron; that after Harry\'s impetuous promise that \'Gryffindors don\'t give up\', he had not attempted any contact with him; but at least it eased the pain slightly.

Unknown to him, it also eased the pain slightly for Harry. The all too brief contact a reassurance that he still cared no matter how much he ignored or snapped at Harry.

Sirius had been called away after a couple of weeks. He had not wanted to leave his godson, but Harry had assured him that he was fine and also promised that he would go nowhere alone. Ron had moved into Sirius\' room as an extra safeguard, which had raised a few eyebrows, but not too many since they were engaged.

Harry was amazed at how easily Ron had slipped into the role of fiancé to The-Boy-Who-Lived. He was always there fussing over him, making sure he ate properly and got enough sleep. At times Harry felt smothered by the solicitous behaviour, but most of the time he was grateful to have someone around who openly cared.

He was a little sad that they seemed to be growing apart from Hermione, but it was clear that their lives were going down very different paths. She had already planned a summer of travelling with Justin before commencing the more serious business of training as an Auror. Voldemort had been very quiet for the past few months, but they all knew this would not last and she was determined to do her part. Ron, of course, had not got around to making any plans and seemed reluctant to talk about it. Harry had no plans to make; he would be staying at Hogwarts indefinitely.

Then came the day that changed everything.

Months, even years later, Harry would wonder whether, had he handled things differently, he might have saved him...

It was Friday evening, the weekend before the exams started, and Harry and Ron were in Harry\'s room revising. Harry was lying on the bed on his back, resting his book on his bump. Ron was sitting on a chair next to the bed, leaning back and letting his feet rest on the bed. They were testing each other on the History of Magic, one of Harry\'s weaker subjects. Eventually, bored with the subject, Harry threw his book down and yawned.

\'Can we give it a rest for a bit?\' pleaded Harry. \'I am so sick of revising, can\'t we just talk about something else for a while?\'

\'Sure,\' agreed Ron, glad for the break. \'What do you want to talk about?\'

\'Well, you got a letter from your mum this morning, which you\'ve been pretty tight-lipped about. What did it say?\'

Ron started and looked a bit nervous.

\'You know, the usual, she wants to know when we\'ettietting married so she can start arranging the details.\'

Harry sighed, they had agreed to tell Mrs Weasley that they had no plans until after the baby was born, and after that they would have to come up with another excuse.

\'But you\'ve told her we don\'t want to make plans yet, haven\'t you?\' he said.

Ron looked even more nervous.

\'Not in so many words,\' he admitted. Harry sat up and stared at him.

\'Why not?\'

\'I-I\'ve been thinking...and would it be such a bad idea if we did get married?\' Ron\'s face went slightly red as he looked anxiously at Harry for his reaction.

Harry\'s jaw dropped and he stared at Ron in confusion. Why would Ron want to marry him...unless...

Suddenly everything slotted into place and, for the first time in a long while, he saw clearly what had been right under his nose.

\'You...?\' was all he managed to say before stopping, unable to think how to continue.

Ron slowly got up from the chair and sat next to Harry on the bed.

\'Harry...I think I\'m gay,\' he said hesitantly. \'And I think I\'ve fallen in love with you. All I know is I want to be with you...marry you, and I want to be a father to this baby.\'

All Harry could do was stare at him in shock. He had so long thought of Ron as his best, but extremely straight, friend; that this new development was a lot to take in.

He was so deep in thought, that he didn\'t notice Ron lean in until he felt his lips brush his own, which had the effect of instantly taking him out of his reverie. Putting one hand on Ron\'s chest, he gently pushed him away.

\'No,\' he said softly. \'I care about you deeply, but I love Severus, you know that.\'

\'But he can\'t give you what you need,\' replied Ron. \'I can offer you love, a family, the promise that you\'ll never be alone again.\'

Harry looked at him; he couldn\'t help but admit the offer was tempting. He had been alone most of his life and the promise of never being alone again was hard to turn down.

\'I don\'t know,\' he said softly. \'I didn\'t expect this. I think I need some time on my own.\'

Ron nodded and got off the bed reluctantly.

\'I guess it\'s pretty late,\' he said. \'I guess I\'d better go to bed. Just promise me you\'ll seriously think about it.\'

\'I will,\' said Harry.

Ron slowly crossed to the door to his bedroom, giving Harry just one last look before closing the door behind him.

As soon as Harry was sure he wasn\'t coming back, he quickly got off the bed and went to his trunk rummaging through until he found what he had promised not to use anymore - his invisibility cloak. Ever since Ron had confessed his feelings, he\'d had a desperate need to see Severus. He needed to find out once and for all whether it was over between them for good. If it was, then he might as well marry Ron; and if it wasn\'t...well he would deal with that when...if...it came to that...