Mine

Everytime I try to fly
I fall without my wings
I feel so small
I guess I need you baby
And every time I see you in my dreams
I see your face, it's haunting me
I guess I need you baby
-Britney Spears-Everytime
*
“…im glad we can finally talk normally, but, I just want you to know though I have basically forgiven you im not fully comfortable with you yet”, I said awkwardly after an hours worth of conversation, nothing to do with our relationship just general things. I could tell he wanted to say something but he just nodded, I smiled knowing it took him a lot to not torture me or something, he had possibly finally gotten out of that stage, I felt so in control though I knew I wasn’t.
“I know you hate this, but if we didn’t talk, if I didn’t say how I felt, I don’t think this would last. Just be slave and master again, is that what you want?”

“Not anymore, look im not going to torture you at every given moment-”

“you crucioed me twice in the space of about ten minutes earlier, that’s what im talking about”

“I see. I am the dark lord so I cant be soft on you, my empire would think if I have gone soft on you then that means im going soft on them, I cant have that-”

“then be hard on me when were in public, please, when its just us cant you find it in you to…I don’t know, just not torture me?”, I asked like torture was a normal everyday thing-of course it was though.

“I think I can do that. Hermione…but you seem off, and not just because of what we spoke about”

“what do you mean?”, I asked innocently

“What else happened when I was away? You seem different, in yourself I mean”

“its nothing, its just because of our talk, once I feel better about everything you will see its all ok”, he looked at me suspiciously but just kissed my forehead gently instead of questioning me. I had studied occlumency some more while he was away, I knew my secret was well covered up I just hoped to Merlin he wouldn’t find out through some other means.

“do you trust me?”, his voice no louder than a whisper

“is there a reason for the question?”

“I just want to know”

“yes I do. Though I can never be sure of anything with you, I trust you with my life, though that doesn’t mean much, if I could die I would still trust you 100%. Though there were a few times when I was in danger, you have kept me safe and helped me when I needed you. For that I thank you. But…you care about me when others harm me but you don’t when you do yourself”

“I told you id try and work on that. I have work that needs to be done so I must leave, but cant you at least tell me what I have to do to prove to you that I mean it?”

“I don’t know…I guess my morals are returning to me, its like I forgot about my old life, and now I miss it. It just pains me to think of them…I just want to forget things so im not cursed with there faces telling me im wrong”, I choked, I didn’t want to cry.

“you aren’t, I thought I was wrong being in love, but that was just me telling myself I was wrong. You are telling yourself that, don’t listen to the faces, listen to your heart”, I sat stunned at his very-unlike-himself words. “There isn’t anything I can do, but if you just accept me as me as I have with you then maybe we can move on with things, I don’t want to be stuck wondering when you’re going to forgive me”.

I accepted what he said but I just knew for the future not to be so submissive when he wanted to punish me, he understood that as well and I know he knows im not completely happy. I guess I didn’t hold a grudge for so long because of other things to think about, my baby, well our baby but he didn’t know about it yet…
I know I should have told him by now, I just don’t know how to, maybe im just not ready. Other noticeable symptoms will appear within the next month or few, so I need to tell him before then…it is so hard! When he left I just sat back and read, I wasn’t angry with him really just confused, he was a very confusing man but I admired nearly everything about him. nearly, no matter what happens I will always hate what he does. Always.

*

Thank Merlin she is over whatever she was annoyed about, I know I’ve been hard on her and it was just a matter of time before she finally put her foot down. She isn’t in control, but I should ease up on her, I care about her a lot more than she thinks so I just cant allow such thoughts in her head.

There is definitely something going on in her head, something she is hiding but there isn’t much she could hide really. My curiosity was it its peak but after her tantrum I couldn’t see finding out anytime soon, she had learned occlumency well and had gotten into the habit of hiding her thoughts whenever I came near. What a clever witch she is.

I sat in my study with a glass of goblin-made wine and smirked, though she was acting strange lately, I still had her.

Halloween was today, she had forgotten, but it was important to me, it was the anniversary that I was stolen from my body all those years ago, I liked to make the occasion a time to forget that and make it a day of my power.
She must think im mad, always seeming to have celebrations and parties, but why bother having everything if I cant enjoy things? Celebrations were just a way for me to relax with my deatheaters and followers present, and it gave them a chance to take a break-all work and no play wouldn’t work and I knew it.
Technically I only decide when the celebration is, im too busy to organise such trivial matters like what food is to be served and themes…I almost laughed at how muggle it sounded.

Tonight everyone would wear white, to symbolise the pureness of my work, I and Hermione however were wearing black, funny how the dark lord and his wife get to be different…of course I wasn’t equal to them so I couldn’t wear the same colour everyone was wearing, Hermione was to wear it so I wouldn’t lose her from my view, I wanted to keep an eye on her tonight.

*

“wake up miss!”, I heard a recognisable squeaky voice tapping me on the shoulder, I seem to be sleeping a lot lately. I opened my eyes to see the smiling face of Dobby, I hadn’t seen him in so long I got up and hugged him!

“What are you doing here Dobby?”, I gasped with a smile, it was nice to see a kind face.

“Dobby works here now miss! The dark lord had a few house elves from Hogwarts brought here, Dobby doesn’t get paid anymore”, he hung his shoulders so I patted him on the back, “But Dobby glad to see miss again!”

“Thank you, im glad to see you as well. Why are you waking me up again?”

“Dobby must wake miss so she can get ready, master supplied Dobby with clothes to bring to you and to tell you to be ready within the hour!”

“what! He could at least warn me that something is happening and I have to be present! What is it for?”

“Halloween is today miss, the dark lord likes to celebrate it. Dobby must go to the kitchens to work for tonight, goodbye miss!”, with that he was gone. I stamped my foot in frustration, I was talking to him and he didn’t even bother to mention it! I was happy about seeing Dobby so I did my best to not get angry, the gown he had left was midnight black and encrusted with diamonds like the night sky, it really was beautiful but it still annoyed me he didn’t tell me. With some effort to put it on because it was very tight at the top but big and flowed to the floor in the skirted part. I was worried about the top though, it had no sleeves but even though it wasn’t anything major, my breasts had gotten very slightly swollen, it was very early on in pregnancy but they were very sensitive at even the slightest touch-a tight bodice did nothing to ease the pain. He didn’t supply anything or anywhere to hold my wand, normally I would hold it in a pocket but I had none, I wasn’t going to leave it in the room so I pushed it under my bodice, not that good a place but basically the safest one.

If there is drink im not drinking any, though Lucius said wizarding alcohol couldn’t affect me, for example the baby, I still didn’t trust it. A took a sip of my sickness potion and instantly felt better than I did, I didn’t want to be sick in front of everyone-and I didn’t need him even more suspicious of my behaviour.

For the last half hour I lounged in the library reading another book from a shelf I decided to read all of, most was on the philosophy of the mind-including occlumency etc. it was better to do something important what wasn’t part of the dark arts, thankfully I was getting particularly good at occlumency, not so good with legilimency, though I could tell sometimes what Voldemort was thinking when he was careless enough to not shield his mind. He had a lot of hate through his mind, but it wasn’t radiating to me, about me. Sometimes he just took it out on me.

*

“Severus…I forgot to invite you, being busy as you were today it must have slipped me mind. I guess I should praise who did remember to ask you”, I acknowledged Snape’s presence with a slight nod, I sat like a king on my throne, I enjoyed Halloween immensely but today something in the back of my mind was not in the mood today.

“It was Lucius milord, but there is no need to praise him, by the looks of it he already has a little reward of his own”, Snape’s eyes sided to Lucius looking cosy with what I thought was Draco’s date seeing as she was so young.
“He does seem to like them young, but I believe he is just showing his ex-wife that he doesn’t need her, I notice she has been alone lately…”

“then maybe you should see to it that she is not alone”, I smirked, Snape bowed and headed in her direction with a face full of satisfaction. He deserves to have some woman, yes he has a brothel but he hasn’t actually had a proper relationship since…well…

I saw a flash of black clothing amongst the pure white robes and gowns scouring the room, I didn’t stand but simply lifted my head to get a better look at my beauty. I personally made her dark hair have a slight curl close to how it was when she first arrived, she hadn’t seem to of noticed but I prefer it now, it sort of framed her face more, making it even more beautiful than before, I made the change permanent-I was unusually gifted at changing appearances.
Her lips were pouted because she didn’t look like she wanted to be here, she disliked people bowing to her as she passed and being called ‘milady’, she just couldn’t seem to fit in. Maybe because I kept her as just a slave for so long so she got used to it or maybe she just disliked the people, I do not know.
What I did notice was that she seemed to be making a lot of eye contact with Lucius, her eyes weren’t being seductive purposely but they had a look of ‘familiarity’ possibly, as if they both knew something and that did not make me happy.

I almost got up and tortured them both from across the room as I saw her walk over to him and the girl Lucius was with walk away, I tapped my fingers against the thrones arm as I watched with fury bubbling inside. It wasn’t because they were talking, it was because she and him had kissed before and now they seemed a little too connected, her playful smile didn’t help matters as I knew how something was definitely going on.

*

“Lucius I just wanted to say thank you”, I smiled when it was just the two of us a bit away from everyone else, “and im sorry for being a bit of a bitch to and about you, just being raped by a man who was basically you made me a bit uneasy…”

“I understand perfectly, and why are you thanking me?”, he asked with a raised eyebrow

“For not telling him about the thing and not being a bastard when I found out about it”

“Well I promised I wouldn’t and I hold my promises to the end, even if I was a bit of a dick the day you found out about it, I wouldn’t do that to anyone…well I keep promises to people I like”

“ah so you do like me”, I laughed which he rolled his eyes to, I thought he disliked me like I him, but I suppose I’ve seen him in a different light as he has with me. “But seriously, thank you, im just not really ready myself, I especially don’t feel ready for the dark lord. Im really scared you know, being a mum isn’t going to be easy is it”

“No but having a child is probably the best thing I ever did, though Draco is a right bastard these days, he’s still my son and I love him even if he doesn’t like me. Your gonna love it when he or she is first in your arms”

“You have me all excited now!”, I couldn’t stop smiling, though I was scared, I was so happy at the same time. “But I really don’t like being dressed in this colour when everyone else is in the opposite colour! I stand out to much”

“ah but you are meant to stand out”, I rolled my eyes, “Thank you Hermione for us getting on now, it is so much easier to be nice than to be cruel with you”

“I think maybe im finally growing up”

“you were more grown up than most when you first came here. So are you telling him anytime soon? You are already about a month and half gone and it will start to become noticeable within the next few months…”

“I will tell him soon, I just don’t know-ah fuck!”, I winced as the dark mark on my thigh started to sting,

“what’s wrong?”, he asked confused, I looked over to see Voldemort glaring at me from afar.

“Nothing, I have to go. Thank you again and ill see you later”, I forced one last smile and headed off in Voldemort’s direction, he sat alone on his throne because it seemed he had ordered no one to disturb him. “What the hell!”, I growled quietly in front of him

“You seem to have been getting cosy with a certain somebody lately…”

“You are unbelievable! I just get on with him now, its like I cant even talk to people now!”

“Why Lucius?”

“Because. You think im having an affair or something don’t you? Merlin, do you really think I would do that! And even if I did, I think you would know about it before anything even happened! Just because you go around fucking people doesn’t mean I do!”, I cried as his eyes filled with anger, before I knew it he had backhanded me hard that I fell to the floor. I gasped in pain and pulled my hand up to my cheek, everyone had gone silent as I looked up at him with disgust, I steadily pushed myself but before I stormed out I whispered only loud enough for just him to hear, “You haven’t changed one bit milord”.

Of course he wouldn’t change, he’s the dark lord, and I was stupid to think otherwise. Maybe deep down I truly believed I could change him, I was wrong, he had been working to do what he does now long before I was even born, one girl couldn’t do a thing about it.
It wasn’t the fact he hit me really, it disgusted me but more than anything its what he was accusing me of doing that hurt me, having a ‘thing’ with Lucius. I thought because I told him I trusted him it meant he trusted me, once again I was wrong, he only trusts himself not even his own wife.
I would never cheat on him, yes I kissed Lucius but I didn’t feel any attraction there in that way, I just felt a bit lonely and he just happened to be there. He had been with enough woman since we’ve been in a relationship, but I never said a word about it, I didn’t expect him to be faithful but I wanted when it was us two he would be at the very least nice.

“Im sorry”, I heard him say after a pop sounded behind me, I was on my way to see the healer because I enjoyed talking to her, “Did you hear me?”, he said slightly louder when I ignored him, he walked behind me as I kept a steady pace not really acknowledging him. “Fine then, then you can listen. I apologise for hitting you, I didn’t intend to even when I was doing it, just remember if I really meant it then I would of carried on making you black and blue-”

“I don’t care milord, its not that you hit me, though it was humiliating and hurt a lot I don’t really care-its nothing I haven’t experienced before”

“then why did you walk out and why are you acting this way?”

“because you don’t trust me and you don’t seem to care either! You really believe I would sleep with another man willingly? Then maybe you don’t know me as well as you think, maybe I fell in love to easily, I don’t know how I did but it happened and I hate it. I have no reason too really do I milord?”, I stated sadly.

“You do, and that’s me. I have changed a lot since I met you, though you don’t notice it I have, maybe not with my followers but with you…why are you calling me your lord?”, he still followed me, but now he was almost level with me so I could see his face but I didn’t look at it.

“because your my lord, what else would I call you? Unless you’d prefer master?”

“Why are you doing this? Come on let me heal your cheek”, he stood in my way so I had to stop, he muttered a quick healing charm and all pain radiating off my cheek was gone, he wiped away a bit of blood which I hadn’t noticed before..
“What is going on? Ever since I went away you’ve been off with me and unhappy”

“I’ve just realised that im not being treated right milord, I already knew it its just I-something made me see things clearer. I can deal with you hurting me because im used to it now, its what you say what hurts the most though, you basically told me you have no trust in me!”

“I do, its just-”

“WHAT! You’re the dark lord, things cant be so bad that you cant even trust me especially after I told you I trusted you!”

“I do trust you. Its just I don’t trust Lucius, he could quite easily fool you into thinking he was all nice and then use you, he knows he can get punished for rape but I made an oath not to punish for something either me or you submitted to willingly without any influence”

“You did that? Thank you but I know for a fact Lucius isn’t trying to fool me milord…”

“why?”

“I cant tell you”

“You can and you will, im sick of this, even if it pisses you off I will hurt you to know what you are hiding!”, he raised his voice steadily. I shook my head and carried on walking but his hand on my shoulder stopped me.

“You want to know why?”, my own voice got louder angrily

“Yes why have you been acting like this!”

“Im pregnant!”, I shouted, it was out and thankfully I felt better slightly inside. Voldemort stood staring at me with his lips slightly parted like a teenager who had just seen a girls breasts, I couldn’t help but laugh, I didn’t want to really but I felt happy to say out loud the truth and be telling the father.

“Your what?”, he said dumbfounded, not angry or happy just shocked,

“I could spell it out for you if its easier”, I said sarcastically and though I should be angry the smile on my face didn’t go. “Pregnant, milord”

“A baby…you are having my child?”, all my anger disappeared as I saw the smile begin to form on his own face, I was going to be a mum and he a dad, it just truly sunk in that second.

“Oh my…Im going to be a mum!”, I gasped, now he knew it was like someone had just told me, “It looks like your going to have one more person to fall in love with”, I whispered and kissed him gently. “A baby! Were going to be parents, your going to be a father…”

“A father…IM GOING TO BE A FATHER!”, he cheered suddenly in delight as he picked me up and kissed my stomach, I giggled and stroked his hair affectionately.

A couple of bangs and running footsteps came over, the source being Lucius and Draco with their wands drawn, they quickly lowered them and gave small bows when they saw Voldemort holding me up.
“We apologise milord, we were down the hallway when we heard shouting-”

“Thank you for being on full alert”, Voldemort beamed without letting me go, the two looked a bit confused at his unusual nice/happiness because they probably expected to be punished for disturbing him.

“If I may milord, is there an occasion for this sudden, erm turn of events?”, Lucius asked awkwardly. I grinned as Voldemort put his arms round me and rested his hands on my stomach.

“It looks like me and my lord are expecting”, I lifted my chin and kissed his beaming lips. Both of them looked shocked, I knew Lucius was just faking it and I was relieved, I didn’t expect to be so happy when I told him especially after our little argument but I was and I didn’t want it ruined.

“Congratulations I must say, from both me and my son to you both”, Lucius nodded as did Draco quickly, “I do suspect you wish us to keep this to ourselves for now?”

“for now”, Voldemort said not really paying attention apart from holding me, “you are dismissed”

“im sorry for not telling you before but I was just so confused with emotions-”, I stuttered worriedly

“there is no need, im just glad the reason you were off with me was because of a good thing. I apologise even more now for how I was to you while carrying my child, I really love you you know”, it was rare to hear him even say the word love so I kissed him in gratitude.

“Can we be honest with each other from now on? I think that’s the main reason we’ve been, different to each other lately, suspecting and blaming each other for things. Promise me milord”

“I promise, I was so worried I would lose you, well you know what I mean…you know I wont be able to help the fact that I get angry easily”

“just don’t take it out on me, as long as we’re honest with each other its fine with me milord”, I told the truth, I knew he wouldn’t change his ways but as long as in ourselves we were ok I knew I would be fine with it. As long as he didn’t involve me in the dark arts, I didn’t care really, I had lived too long with him to think any different, I was proud I had been strong enough to stand up for myself at least.

“You keep calling me your lord!”, he laughed and took my hand as we started walking

“I think im in the habit now milord, I know you prefer it to the name you detest”

“You are correct, I despise the name Tom but I could deal with it when you said it, but, I think you should call me what you like-as long as its not an insult”, he added with a raised eyebrow.

“How about I make you a deal, if I call you milord till the baby comes will you make sure only certain people can be in contact with me? I just don’t want the last time happening again”, I closed my eyes and then opened them again more strongly,

“We have a deal”, I held onto his hand tighter, “I will decide on those I think you can trust”

“Thank you milord-see I told you im in the habit!“, I grinned, “I was heading to the healer, she is so nice and the one who helped me put when I found out…please don’t punish her for not telling you, I told her not to”

“I wont as long as you have a healthy pregnancy, how far along are you?”

“Six weeks to the day milord, I checked, so you have just under eight months to get over the shock of being a father”, I giggled as he still had shock all over his face. “I’ve known since you left”, I cant believe I left it so long to tell him, it made me happy that he was happy, I didn’t care about what happened in the hall now that I knew he would be loving to me and our child. These moments were the reasons I loved him.
“Are you as happy as you seem?”

“No, Im ecstatic! I want you to know how much I love you, how sorry I am for being so hard on you, I-wait I sound like a child”

“No not a child milord, a lover. I cant believe at one point we hated each other and I was nothing, you changed me so much”, I said happily as we walked down to the healers,

“No, I haven’t, you are still the same as am I, im just…different around you, I guess its because im happy. Shit you still have a mark where my ring caught you when I hit you! Im sorry but I cant do anything about it, magical injury because our rings are charmed, it should clear up naturally though within the week”

“it doesn’t matter milord. And I know you were expecting me to go off in a strop and ignore you for a while like I was going to…but there’s more important things to think about now, I don’t want an unhappy pregnancy”, I choked back a tear but kept on smiling. Voldemort put his arm around me cheerily.

*

Merlin fuck, I am having a child with the woman I love, things seem to be slotting into place perfectly. I deeply regretted backhanding her, but she knew that and forgave me, thankfully, anything involving her usually led to the only times I felt remorse for things I had done, murdering and torturing people was nothing compared to ‘accidentally’ whacking her one. I really didn’t mean to hit her, I know I did but it wasn’t supposed to happen, it pained me even more to see it had a mark that could only naturally heal.

I was surprised she had hid it from me, but obviously I had gotten over it, I could have fainted from actual happiness-happiness I had only ever felt with her.

When we entered the medical room, Hermione seemed at home and looked very happy to see the healer there I had barely ever spoken to.
“Milord and lady”, she bowed quickly, “How may I be of service?”

“I told him just now about the baby, and I just wanted to say thank you for everything”

“I haven’t done anything miss”

“You told me about the greatest gift I could ever ask for, you did help and I hope you will in the future, and you kept to your word!”, she hugged the healer as I sat down casually on a chair.

“I am glad to hear how happy you two are, and I wish you all the best for the future”

“Erm thanks…can you check it? I want to know of anything that may be a problem, I want things to be perfect”, I stated which the healer nodded, Hermione lay on the bed next to me and held my hand happily.

“It will only take a moment”, she muttered a few charms I did not know of-I mean im not exactly a midwife or anything am I?

“It feels so strange, but wonderful at the same time”, Hermione said blissfully with her head in the pillow, “Even if things aren’t perfect I really don’t mind, just to have a child is good enough for me-”

“Oh”, the healer said which made mine and Hermione’s heads shoot up.

“What’s wrong? Is it ok? Please!”, Hermione cried, I stood up and felt the urge to curse the healer

“Spit it out woman! What has happened?”, I growled angrily

“There is nothing wrong! Well, I seem to be sensing two heartbeats”

“huh?”, Hermione said even more dumfounded than I was when I first heard she was pregnan, it didn’t even register in my mind.

“Two heartbeats, I believe you are having twins miss!”

“Im what?”

“She’s what?”

And Hermione fainted leaving me still gob smacked.

____________

Lol I wrote this chappie ending a little while ago, and to some of yours enjoyment she is going to have two :D though some may be disappointed I thought it was right-sort of makes up for the last time.
Yeah Hermione was pissed at him but I guess when you realise how happy you are really and how you made someone else feel the same, those things dont matter :)
Sweet how happy even the worst of people can be.