Devil May Care

Warning: Still slash. No sex, really.


Dedication: This is for the awesome cab driver from last night.


Author's Note: Home again, home again. Here I am, settling back in. Though not for long. Soon it's turn
around again to move for good. At least I'll have time to work on my writing...


Affections

It feels like things should be over, it really does. I feel like we should have won, or lost, or made some
sort of move. But everything's at a standstill. And no word has come down from the Allmighty.
Meaning of course our Lord. I haven't seen Lucius in about two weeks, and that's damn strange. I
mean, you figure he'd at least visit his son. But no.


We're still in the ministry building. It's all up in the air, what's going on with government once we've
won. And there's no doubt in anyone's mind, we're going to win. How can we not? We've got
everything. They have one defense left. And trust me, we're going to knock them on their arses.


I wish I felt guilty about all of this. But I don't. I've made my choices, and it's either be happy with
them, or let the guilt eat at me and eat at me until I'm depressed and twisted and suicidal. No thank you.


"What?"


Draco's staring at me.


"Hmm?" I didn't say anything. Why is he asking me what?


"You've got that look on your face."


"Oh?" I wasn't aware there was a look.


"That thinking really hard one. You're going to get a headache, if you keep it up. What are you thinking
about?"


"Wondering what's taking so damn long." I tell him, with a sigh. "I'm tired of war. I want this to be
over and done with, so we can relax."


"We're not going to able to relax." He seems to take delight in telling me this. "After we win is when
the really hard stuff is going to start."


"For you." Me, I'm military stock.


"And you." He tells me. "Whyyou you think our lord kept giving you all hose leadership assignments?
He's not just going to forget you, once we've won. He's going to utilize all of your talents, remember?"


"Oh yeah. That." Again, it's the shiny crown theory. I think, if I'm gonna be asked to do all of this
work, I deserve a promotion. They can just invent a position for me, that would be fine.


"I think, though, that preparing." Draco tells me. "Can I ask you something?"


He's got that look. That really inquisitive look that sort of scares me. I'm probably not going to want to
answer whatever he asks me.


"What?"


"You're all thrown into our cause, right?"


"I think that by now that would be clear."


"Then why did you never expose any of the spies they have over here?"


"I dunno." I shrug. What does it matter? It's not like they ever got any useful information. "Maybe
there weren't any left for me to turn in."


"Professor Snape?"


"Why haven't you turned him in?" I neverned ned him in because it didn't matter much to me. And I just
didn't care. I odn't know what I would have done had I ever been actually *asked* about spies, but...


"Honestly? I've never been totally sure he *is* a spy. Or, who he's actually working for. In the end."


"I think he's just in it for himself, but that's my opinion." He's an opportunist. And as far as I know, he's
still around, and in Voldemort's relatively good graces. In the sense of not beingturetured somewhere.


"I wouldn't be surprised."


"Besides, there's too much else to do to be worrying about spies."


"Good point."


There's a nice little comfortable silence that follows. But god bless Draco, he's got to throw something
irritating and uncomfortable in.


"What about us?"


"What about us?" Why does he always want to *talk* about the damn relationship? He knows I love
him, can't he just leave it at that?


"What's going to happen with us?"


"What do you mean what's going to happen? There's nothing to happen."


"You have no idea what I'm talking about, do you?" He's getting sort of pissy. He always makes things
so damn difficult.


"No...not really."


"I want us to stay together."


"So do I." Why are we even having this conversation? It's ridiculous!


"You're certain?"


"Yes!" Now I'm getting annoyed. "What do you want from me?"


"I...I'm not sure." Draco just shrugs, and then sighs a little bit. All of his cues are telling me that this is
Important to him.


"I mean, this is pretty much it Draco. We've hit the top. It's not like we can get married or have kids or
anything. I mean, if we really wanted to try for the Happy Family Scenario, we could but...is that what
you want? I always...I don't know. Thought it was kind of dorky. Because we could try at it all we
wanted, but let's face it...that sort of thing is best left to those relationships where there's at least one
woman involved."


"I know. I know that now, but I didn't when I was eleven and my father started preparing me for the
world."


And there I have my answer as to what he wants. He wants that mirror image of what his parents had,
because they had this ideal marriage. Cool, politely and acceptably loving, the perfect home, the perfect
child...


"And now...?"


"Now both my father and I realize I will never take a young Mrs. Malfoy, and the family line essentially
stops here."


"And you want...?"


"I don't know!" He's getting aggravated. This is a touchy subject, though. I hate when he gets upset.


"We'll figure something out when it's time, okay?"


"Okay."


But he's still not happy. He gives one of those 'I'm a trooper' smiles, which looks so damn fake on him.
Simpering, really.


I feel awful. I want give him that. I want to make him happy. But I'm not exactly skilled in that
department, which mens advice. Which means I need to actively seek out the only person in this whole
messed up place capable of giving me calm, rational, sensible advise.


Percy's settled in pretty well. He has to wear this thin little collar though, a lot of them who were sort of
herded in from the other side does now. Those that don't actually take the mark, but submit to
Voldemort as their lord. I'm kind of happy, that he hasn't taken the mark. He hasn't totally
compromised.


He doesn't do much, he's just sort of a clerk. Sorts files all day, pulls out any ones that might be relevent
to Voldemort. But he's good at it, and that's all that matters. He looks kind of surprised when I show up,
but he gives me small smile-one that's vague and *very* polite.


"Hey." I say, and flop down into a chair. He still has that 'what do you want' expression on his face.
Like I'm interrupting something important.


"Yes?"


"I've got a problem."


"And I'm very busy..."


"No you're not Percy, I know what you do all day. It's not important, trust me. And as your superior,
I'm ordering you take a break and listen to me."


"This is highly unfair."


"Deal with it."


And now I don't know where to start. I fold my hands behind my head and lean back in the chair.


"Draco's getting...weird." I decide to start with. "He's all 'what happens next' and 'we need to plan for
the future' see, in my head, the future looks pretty much the same as te present. But...I'm thinking that
he's thinking something else."


"And you're having problems with this because...?"


"Because I want him to be happy but I don't know how! I know he's looking at his parents marriage, and
he was raised with that, and it's all perfect and..."


"Narcissa *left* Lucius, haven't you heard?"


"I heard a rumor..." I wave my hand in a dismissive manner.


"Apparently he took a twenty something year old mistress."


"Yeah, I know." I don't want to talk about that. "But I'm talking about when he was little. You know
how some things just sort of get imprinted on you when you're young? This is it. He's always had this
idea in his head, of what his life would be like when he grew up. Then he grew up."


"You can't do very much to change that Ron." Percy adjusts his glasses. "There is very little you can
do. Technically, you can give him some sort of marriage ceremony..."


"Those are so stupid!" I hate the idea of two men getting married. Or two women. That's not what it's
about. Call it societal conditioning, but I just see something....comical about it. Weddings are weddings
for a reason, with the wedding dresses and the bouquet and bridesmaids...when two guys do it, it's like a
mockery. But that's just my opinion.


"Then I don't know what you want me to tell you."


"I don't know either!" Now *I'm* getting frustrated. With Percy. "I want to do something, but I don't
want to...you know."


"Do something you don't want to, for his sake? Then for goodness sakes Ron, just give him a ring, tell him
you love him, and hope that he accepts that."


"You think?"


"It's really the only option you have. *I*, were I in your shoes, would swallow my pride and discomfort,
and at least make an offer of a hand fasting ceremony."


"He gets a ring." It's something. And I can get my hands on one in a relatively short amount of time.
It's amazing what you can get your hands on, now. With the right connections. "Thanks."


"Mmm." Percy just shakes his head. But it's god to be able to talk with him. "I really must be getting
back to work..."


I swear, that's his thing. I have Draco, he has Work. As long as he can convince himself he's valuable
and useful, he's fine. Good for him. We really are more alike then we'll ever admit.


A ring. Fine. I get him a ring, and it's a nice one. Not like an engagement ring, with a diamond or
something frilly like that. I manage to find a wizard who's gone some skill with conjuring solid matter. A
silver ring, with in inlay of some green stone. It's simple, it's elegant, it's nice. I figure may as well go all
out, and get myself a matching band. But gold with red.


I go back to the room, and Draco's lying on the bed in his shirt and trousers, and he's scratching away at
something with his quill.


"Hey." I say, leaning against the doorframe as I watch him. He looks up, and there's a little frown on his
face, but he wipes it away when he sees me.


"Hello."


"I got something for you..." I walk into the room slowly, a roll to my hips and (hopefully) a light in my
eyes. He sits up, tilting his head all quizzically. I sit next to him, and I take his hand in mine.


"You know I love you. And...I want to give you something. Not to prove I love you, I don't need to
*prove* it, you know I do." I take out te ring, feeling like a total moron. But this isn't for me, this is for
him. And I've got to really realize that. This is the two of us, it's not just me. "So...here." I just sort of
drop it into his hand.


He stares at it, and he stares at me, and he looks a little suspicious.


"It's...I know it's not what you really want, but Draco, it's the best I can do..I even got one too, that
matches. You know. So it...it looks more. You know." I was tempted to say 'real', but I didn't think
that would go over to well.


"Thank you." But he says it real quiet, and I honestly can't tell if he's happy or not. But he puts the ring
on (properly charmed so the damn thing will fit) and he gives me this really strange smile. And he kisses
me, on the cheek.


"What?"


"Hmm?"


"You seem...I don't know." I shrug, feeling sort of sheepish. "Weird."


"No." He shakes his head, and he looks sort of sad. Which makes no sense to me. "I'm not sad, Ron. I
am...taken aback."


"Oh?"


"I suppose...I suppose I really didn't expect you to anything. But I am touched that you did. Thank you
again."


And he means it. That's what that weird smile is. It's sincerity. That's not a look I maup wup with
Draco very often. But I like it. It's...well, not sweet. He's never sweet. But it's real.


"I love you."


He kisses me, and it's on the lips, and it's a far deeper one. I take him into my arms, and I make love to
him, and it's more then amazing. I feel like I'm going to cry, I can't explain it.


But he wears the ring. And so do I.


~~~~~~