Deliver Me

Chapter XIV – After All


Hermione made herself comfortable in Bryce’s room – she apparated some of her muggle clothes from home, spending most of her days, watching television, Bryce’s “Coupling” DVDs, reading Dan Brown novels, browsing the internet off his laptop and going shopping.

She hadn’t been there more than a week, but it felt like so much less.

She was polishing her nails when he came from class. She realized being away from Hogwarts that she was more of a girl; she took more heed in herself when she was away. She couldn’t explain it, but didn’t question it.

“I hate the smell of nail lacquer,” Bryce said entering his room.

She said nothing, but rather blinked and a sandwich and a cup of tea appeared on his desk.

“I could get use to this,” he said sitting down.

It was becoming habit – he would come in from class, and she would put her magic to use – she wasn’t underage anymore, and therefore there was nothing the Ministry of Magic could do about it. She thought it was the least she could do for him, she was invading his space.

“Any thoughts?”

She looked up then, “I don’t want to go back.”

“What are you going to do when the semester ends? Go home with me?”

“No, I’m going to my own bloody house,” she snapped.

Hermione lay in bed that night staring at the ceiling listening to the rhythms of Bryce’s breathing.

She was slowly drifting off into slumber herself when the visions came rushing back to her all over again.

‘Tom stood there looking at her beckoning her to him. She slowly made her way towards him and he touched her cheeks. She closed her eyes to him in disgust, and his hands went from soft feather touches to deep stinging shots crumbling her to the ground. He was angry; she wasn’t at Hogwarts like he wanted her to be. His hand flicked in her direction on the floor and she felt a new pain ring through her. ‘Stop, stop, I’ll do whatever you want, just please stop…’ she could barely get the words out. ‘Good,’ he said, ‘get me Harry Potter’s wand and we shall see how Dumbledore’s prize handles himself without it.’ She nodded and he laughed that sadistic mad laugh he was so good at.

Hermione woke up sweating, she was drench and her chest hurt. She ran to the bathroom and started running the sink’s water over her head. The pain in her chest grew and she started coughing…blood.

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She didn’t tell Bryce about the dream until he came back from class the next day over beers at one of the local pubs.

He had nothing to say; he didn’t know what to say.

“You must think something,” Hermione prodded him.

“Don’t get angry, but if he could find you here, and he could do that to you last night, maybe you should reconsider going back.”

“No!” she slammed the bottle down on the table, “I left because not only was I going mad, but I can’t be around him anymore.”

“Severus?”

“Oh heavens, Bryce, I love him so much its hurts to the point where I hate him for it. He makes me crazy and every single time I’m around him something happens. I want the madness to stop. I hate feeling like I’m depending on it, on him. I’m like a child next to him. He’s always doing something over me, I can’t bloody stand it anymore!”

“But love, Hermione, isn’t love always worth it?”

“He doesn’t love me. He could never love me, it’s beneath him and if he did,” she was twirling the bottle cap in circles making an indentation into the table she paused to look up at him, “and if he did, mark my words it would be against everything he was ever taught and believed in. So much so that I promise you he would fight it!”

“Is that the real reason you left then?”

She took a deep breath, “Yes.”

“So did you leave for save him from himself or to save you from saving him?” he took the bottle cap away from her, “Either way you look at it Hermione, you left because of him.”

She let out a sigh, called the waitress over and ordered a cup of tea with Bourbon in it.

Bryce raised his eyebrows but said nothing.

She took a sip and continued, “Before I left, I told him this was the end. Do you realize that I have spent more time in the hospital wing, more times away from my friends and my own life this year than I have ever done in the past six years?”

“Does it bother you that much?”

“Yes,” another sip, “Bryce, he makes everything better sometimes, and other times, because he’s there I feel worst,” she paused to think for a second, “I never knew anyone could hurt as much as I did, cry as much as I did, where the saline came from I don’t even know, and furthermore the only reason that I am even in the place that I’m in is because of Lucy, and Bryce she’s not here anymore. I don’t see the point of this … this … thing with him. Whatever it may be.”

“You feel that strongly about it?” he asked her.

She finished the tea and asked for the check.

“Well,” he asked, “Do you really feel that strongly about it?”

“Yes.”

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Hermione was showered and dressed on Wednesday morning before Bryce was even out of bed.

“Where are you going?” he asked her sleepily from him bed as she went to the door.

“I’m going to take little trip to London, I apparated my car here from home last night.”

“When will you be back?”

“Soon, go back to bed.”

He didn’t wait to her to ask again, he was snoring as she left.

As she was driving, she pulled out her cellular and called Harry - one of the only other Muggles in Hogwarts who had one. Merlin only knows why, he aunt and uncle decided to be civil to him in the last couple of year, but it worked out. Petunia eventually got her oats in order and put her foot down.

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Harry felt a vibration in his pants pocket.

“What on earth…” his voice trailed off as he saw who was calling.

It was just after breakfast began in the Great Hall. Harry picked up the call and walked quickly into the hallway outside.

“Are you mad? I was in breakfast. I probably look even strange running out of there with some muggle artifact on my ear.”

“Meet me in London today.”

“I have class today.”

“You have a thesis class today, tell Lupin you’re sick. Come alone.”

“Alright, where?”

“The coffee shop on the corner of Browns and Fifth, and then we’ll go to Diagon Alley. You know the coffee shop right Harry?”

“Yes of course.”

“All right see you then.”

“See you,” he said and the phone clicked she was gone.

Harry stuck it back in his pocket and didn’t notice when Professor Snape walked up behind him.

“Interesting device Mister Potter.”

Harry whirled around, “I beg your pardon sir?”

“I recall Miss Granger using one such as that to call the Muggle world, and vice versa, my class was interrupted.”

Harry wasn’t sure how to answer that, “Umm yes sir, many muggle students have them, since their families are not familiar with owls and they wouldn’t want to attract attention to their homes.”

“Silly muggles, yes, indeed. I see. And do tell Mister Potter, how is Miss Granger doing?”

“She is feeling a little better sir, Neville’s exploding frogs were disposed of yesterday, so the burns on her hands should heal very soon. She’s keeping to her room and resting.”

“Interesting thing Mister Potter, in the wizarding world, we are lucky to have rolls of parchment and enchanted pens that can do the writing for you.”

“Yes, well umm…you know Hermione…she’s a perfectionist … likes everything her own way.”

“Indeed. Well Mister Potter I suggest you get back to breakfast.”

Harry nodded and hurried back into the Great Hall.

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Harry met her in a little shop called ‘Kelly’s Café’. It was a small quaint place with no more than ten two seating tables and a small counter.

Hermione was sitting at the back of the room with her sunglasses on, short corduroy skirt with matching jacket and a turtle neck sweater, if Harry didn’t know any better she was trying to play it off as a Londoner hiding in the dodgy end of town.

She smiled as he neared her.

“Hello,” he told her sheepishly sitting down in from of her, he had nothing to say.

“Are you enjoying your time away?” he asked her.

She nodded.

“Harry I feel relaxed. I get the dreams but just being away from magic I feel better. I don’t know. Bryce, being alone, be away from Severus, just being away from it all I feel like I can partly breathe again.”

“Shall we walk?” he asked her.

Fifteen minutes from the café was a large garden, usually couples were found picnicking, athletes having their daily run or elderly persons reading and feeding pigeons, could seen on any given day.

“I thought you wanted go to Diagon Alley?” he asked her.

“I did, but I like this much better.”

“Did you need something from there?”

“No.”

“I see.”

They walked for sometime before coming upon a small pond and nighttime was slowing approaching.

“It’s dark so early at this time of year, how sad,” she muttered.

“I know. So what’s going on Hermione?” Harry finally asked.

“Well I, how should I put this, I want to spend another couple of days here, maybe visit my parents cottage in Ireland.”

“He’ll find you. You should know that.”

“I don’t care about the dreams anymore Harry for the first time in the past couple of months, dreams or not, I can breathe. I feel like my head is more clear than it ever was.”

“What are we suppose to say to McGonagall? Snape? He’s already pounced me and I rather not go through that again.”

“Don’t tell them anything. Say you don’t know. Or tell them I went on an out of castle errand.”

“A witch going on an out of castle errand? Hermione don’t be ridiculous.”

“It could happen … sort of.”

“Harry it’s so strange, I love the castle and I love magic. But I just had this urge to get away to be away. Like I needed time to think. Harry I swear I think I’m going mad.”

“Mad?”

“Okay, sort of sleeping with Severus, crazy blood dreams and brewing obscene potions aside-”

He raised his eyebrows that those remarks.

“- Harry when I was at Hogwarts, I would be walking down the hall, and I would forget where I was going. I would walk to the dorms get inside and walk right back out for no reason. I would take a shower, dress; fill the bathtub and twenty minutes later soak in it forgetting that I just had a bath. Harry I’m going mad.”

“It could just be little things, nothing major. I mean we all have absent minded days.”

“Harry, I was in my bathroom holding a knife to my own wrists without realizing it.”

“Don’t joke about that.”

“Harry I’m so serious. Last night Bryce went to sleep early. I remember going to bed about a half hour after him. Two hours later, I’m in the boy’s lavatory facing the mirror over the sink with a knife in my right hand ready to slit my left wrist. I don’t know how I got there, when I got there, of what I was doing in those two hours, but I was scared.”

“Then you should come back then. Dumbledore can help you.”

“No. Harry, I fear that I do return to Hogwarts, I might actually with the access to roots, herbs and just plain outright magic, do something I shouldn’t.”

“They can help you. You need to come back.”

“One week, Harry, that’s all I’m asking. Cover for me. I’m going to Ireland. I’ll go to the cottage and just kind of be at one with myself for a little while. Then I’ll come back I promise. But I don’t think I can handle it now.”

“Hermione I don’t think you should. I think you should come back with me now. Firstly, I don’t know how long we can keep up this charade I’m surprised no one had broken down your door looking for you and secondly, but most importantly, I don’t think its right. I think for your own safety not harm, Hogwarts would be the best place for you.”

She exhaled loudly and turned to him, “Maybe you are right. But one week. Harry please, one week. I’ll come back. But I’m not ready to go back yet. I’m not ready to face him.”

Harry passed his hands through his hair, “Which him are we referring to exactly?”

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“Mister Weasley,” Professor Snape started at the end of Potions, “stay after class.”

Ron shrugged his shoulders at Harry.

“Without Mister Potter,” Snape interjected, as Harry didn’t pick up his things.

The classroom emptied quickly and Ron was left alone with the Potions Master.

“So Mister Weasley, how is Miss Granger doing today?” He started, “Has she had anymore ‘accidents’ of late?”

Ron gulped, “She is doing fine sir.”

“Good then I will expect to see her tonight at my thesis session.”

“But it’s Friday-” Ron started.

“And?”

“- She can’t make it.”

“Pray tell Mister Weasley, why is that?” Severus crossed his arms over his chest and gave Ron a look of pure murder.

“She…she…is…in…dispose.”

“I beg your pardon? Tell Miss Granger that I do not care if she is growing a second head, she has blatantly missed my class for a full week, I have been patient enough and if she is not here by 7 o’clock to night, there will be hell to pay! Do I make myself clear Mister Weasley?”

Ron nodded.

“Oh and before I dismiss you Mister Weasley, tell Miss Granger, that when I find her, not even that dim cousin of hers, can stop what I’m going to do to her.”

Ron looked like he had just seen Lord Voldemort and ran out of the dungeons as quickly as possible.

He knew she wasn’t in the castle. He knew she had gone to Oxford. He didn’t follow her because he knew she need space but this was getting absurd and if she did not show up tonight, he was going to find her.

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“And where are you going tonight?” Hermione asked Bryce who was suffocating her and the air in the room with his cologne.

“Out.”

“Out where?”

“None of your damn business.”

“Is she pretty?”

“I think so.”

“Secretive aren’t we.”

“Shut it!”

Hermione laughed at her cousin when and owl came knocking at his window.

“That is so bloody strange,” stated Bryce before ignoring the creature and getting back to him grooming.

It was a note from Ron.

Hermione gasped.

“What?” Bryce spun around.

“Oh goddesses, he’s coming here!”

“Who?”

“Severus!” Hermione jumped off the bed and started grabbing her belongings.

“How did he find you?”

“I don’t know. Bryce I have to go. I can’t stay here. I don’t want to see him. I need to get out of here.”

She said a few quick spells and all of her stuff were shrunk, stuck into her tote bag and her broom was in her hand.

“Where are you going to go?”

“I don’t know, but I have to get away from here,” she kissed his cheek and rushed out the door and into the sky before he could say anything else.

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Hermione didn’t know where she was going to go, but she didn’t want to find him. She decided she would fly to Ireland. Her parents owned a summer cottage there. Not too many people knew about it. Not even Severus. She could hide as long as she wanted too there. The only question she forgot to ask herself was, ‘why was she hiding?’

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Knock. Knock. Knock.

“Bloody hell, Jess I told you I’ll be ready in ten minutes, shut it already,” Bryce called from his mirror.

The door opened.

Bryce spun around, “Don’t you fucking listen?” and stopped dead in his tracks, before regaining himself, “She’s not here.”

“I see that,” Severus Snape answered.

Bryce turned back around to finish grooming himself.

Severus said nothing but closed the door and entered the room with his arms crossed over his chest and his eyes cutting into the back of Bryce’s head.

“You don’t scare me. She doesn’t want to see you.”

“You should be scared of me.”

“You had your fun when she died, and now you play hero to Hermione. You seem like the kind to enjoy taking advantage of young girls.”

“I will pretend I do not understand your meaning Mister Granger, but I beg to differ.”

“Beg to differ all you want, she’s not here, she doesn’t want to see you, she’s going mad because of you and she certainly left because of you, so do us all a favor and go away.”

“I do not take orders from a narcissistic, ill-bred, little boy.”

“Call me whatever the hell you want, but touch her and I’ll bloody kill you.”

“That is yet to be determined … foolish mud blood.”

Bryce knew exactly what that meant, “Listen you old disgusting goat, I bloody don’t care who the hell you might be over in that other world of yours, but over here, you’re fucking nobody to me, get the hell out of my bedroom and stay the hell away from her. She doesn’t want to be found. Especially not by the likes of you!”

Severus couldn’t hold his anger much further and his hand found its way around Bryce’s throat while his other one lay limp at his side.

The door swung open.

“Bloody ‘a’ - Bryce I forgot my-” Hermione stopped dead as she entered the room, “let him go!”

The look in Serverus’ eyes terrified her, but she could not let him hurt Bryce – that would have been too much.

She took her wand, “I swear on the Grave of Godric himself if you don’t let him go I’ll bloody kill you myself!”

“Come with me,” he said flatly, “or…” and his grip tightened.

Bryce was beginning to choke on the lack of air.

“You wouldn’t dare…”

“Try me Miss Granger, your obtuse excuse for a family member tried my patience far enough, tempt me further and you will see how much more vile the man you love really can become.”

She lowered her wand and Severus let go of Bryce – he dropped to the floor gasping for air.

Hermione ran over to him and hovered on top of him.

“Bryce?”

He lay on his back slowly regaining his breath.

“Shall we go Miss Granger?”

“I can’t just leave him,” she snapped at Severus.

“He’s a grown man, I’m sure he’ll be fine on his own,” Severus answered icily.

“I’m not leaving him like this,” she snapped back at him, not even giving him her full attention as she stoked Bryce’s forehead.

“Don’t – with - him,” Bryce whispered his eyes diverted to Severus and, “mud blood.”

Hermione looked up at Severus with loathing in her eyes. He didn’t say that, he couldn’t say that, he wouldn’t say that…would he?

“Are you alright?” she asked him helping him sit up as she accio-ed a glass of water for him, “If I leave you will you be okay?”

Bryce nodded and closed his eyes resting his head against the wall, “Call Jess and go.”

She look at Severus, walked out the door, found a young man in the adjacent room and then he followed her outside into one of the courtyards. Hermione had just spent at week at this place; she knew a shortcut to the gardens. If she could only lead him far enough into the darkness she could loose him.

She picked up her pace not looking back to see if he was keeping up. She took faster and faster steps and at what she deemed the right moment, she took a sharp turn into the shadows and ran for dear life only to have him appear before her.

The minute she saw him she retreated in the other direction, at every turn he was there.

“Leave me alone,” she screamed.

“I’m afraid I can’t do that,” he grabbed her and no sooner had he touched her than she was being apparated to the docks of the castle grounds.

Her both her hands locked in his tight grip against her chest with her back to him and his other hand clamed around her waist literally under her ribcage.

“Walk,” he instructed and when she didn’t, he pulled her toward him further.

He heard her give a sharp inhale of breath before stepping forward.

He led her to his chambers and when they reached his bedroom he tossed her on his bed and stared at her from the doorway.

The door closed effortlessly behind him, he pulled up a chair and sat at the edge of the bed, “Now tell me you silly little girl, what exactly did you think you were doing?”

He leaned back in the chair, with his palms on its arms and his legs crossed.

Hermione sank back down in his bed and said nothing. She knew better than to try and get away from him.

She had never seen that side of him. This man was really a Death Eater. The realization finally hit her for the first time. Severus knew the other side of the lightness; he knew the dark. He was really all the things they had been fighting against for so many years and would be really have killed Bryce? Surely not, but still choking him was bad enough.

“Come now Miss Granger, the sooner you talk the sooner I release you.”

She said nothing.

“Oh darling, we can play this game for as long as you want, it’s Friday and we have the entire weekend.”

She took off her coat and shoes and tossed them on the floor, slid under his covers and went to sleep. It was her tactic for ignoring him.

Reflecting on the situation, watching her sleep, Severus was trying to remember how he ever lost his composure. It rarely happened. He called the boy a ‘mud blood’. He didn’t mean it, but it came out. Was this girl, this woman, so important to him that he became just as daft around her and she was around him? The absurdity of it all.

[*If you found yourself a copy of “After All” by Cher and Peter Cetera – start playing now  hope you like it!*]


Her screams interrupted his train of thought. Before he could get to her side she was awake, sitting up and sweating. Her eyes were blank, her mouth slightly open and she was shaking…

“Don’t touch me,” she told him, “I can’t bare your touch,” he stroked her cheek, “Please don’t,” she begged him.


‘… Here we are again
I guess it must be fate


“Why did you run?”

She removed his hand from her skin, “Leave me please.”

‘We've tried it on our own
But deep inside we've known
We'd be back to set things straight

“I take orders from no one,” he said.

“You could have killed him.”


‘I still remember when


“I would never have intentionally hurt him.”

“He couldn’t breathe,” she didn’t know if she believed him.


‘Your kiss was so brand new
Every memory repeats
Every step I take retreats
Every journey always brings me back to you


“He’s living.”

“You’re so cold hearted.”


‘After all the stops and starts
We keep coming back to these two hearts
Two angels who've been rescued from the fall


“Am I really?” his thumb traced her bottom lip.


‘And after all that we've been through
It all comes down to me and you
I guess it's meant to be
Forever you and me
After all


Her eyes closed. It was something about his touch, “I can’t.”

“You can’t what?”

“I can’t love you.”


‘When love is truly right
This time it's truly right


“Do you truly love me?”


‘It lives from year to year


She had no words for him when she faced him and nodded. Her defeat was always his undoing. She had no right to be defeated…


‘It changes as it grows
And oh the way it grows
But it never disappears


“Don’t cry,” he told her gently, her eyes were ready to give way.

“I can’t do this,” she bit her bottom lip and closed her eyes.


‘After all the stops and starts
We keep coming back to these two hearts
Two angels who've been rescued from the fall
And after all that we've been through
It all comes down to me and you
I guess it's meant to be
Forever you and me
After all


“I needed to be away. I still need to be away -”

“He’ll always find you.”

“-from you.”


‘Always just beyond my touch
Though I needed you so much
After all what else is living for


The tears that were threatening to fall slowly cascaded down her cheeks. Her eyes remained closed, “Open your eyes for me.”


‘After all the stops and starts
We keep coming back to these two hearts
Two angels who've been rescued from the fall


His mouth met hers for the first time all over again; he rode it slow and soft. He held her tightly as she broke their kiss resting her head in the crook of his neck.


‘And after all that we've been through
It all comes down to me and you
I guess it's meant to be
Forever you and me
After all’ ~ Cher & Peter Cetera

“Hush love,” he whispered stroking her hair.

Hermione’s whimpers slowed down and he laid them upright against the pillows at his headboard.

He could still feel the wetness on his neck, her tears slowed, but they certainly didn’t stop, ‘what was he doing?’ He said he wouldn’t crack this time. He was so angry at her little stunt…

She promised herself she wouldn’t cry. She wanted to stop the tears. That was the point of leaving, to stop the tears. They both found her, and the tears came back. But with him she felt safe, completely safe…

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“Did this happen in Oxford?” Severus asked her later that night. He had held her until the tears stopped and she fell back into slumber. She awoke in the safety of his arms and didn’t see herself fit, much less in the mood to move.

“He asked me for Harry’s wand. I woke up sweating and I was coughing up blood,” she told him flatly?

“And tonight?” he asked, “What dreams did he send you?”

“He called me to a Death Eater meeting, he tortured you in front of me before killing you. I had your blood on my hands and you died in my arms.”

Severus thought about it for a few moments but said nothing, as she continued.

“I take it that is his sign of warning; warning me to do his tasks.”

“You’re his Jadelisk. When he’s ready to take you over to get his tasks done he will. That was his warning sign not to fight him.”

She snuggled closer, “I hate him,” did Severus just realize he unintentionally just explained to her what was happening – she was Voldemort’s Jadelisk – he was the one who had the morbis sent to her.

“I recall you telling me you once hated me too,” he smirked.

“There is a fine line between love and hate,” she said emotionlessly.

Minutes passed before he was ready to question her last statement, he realized she fell asleep and was left to ponder her words alone in his head.


** Okay, so it could be cheesy, but I found my little song thing adorable. The thing is I was listening to it as I wrote that part of the chapter and I was like oooh I can add it in, incorporate it, that would be neat. So love it, hate it, its there!**