Potions in the Moonlight

"Its critical! Quick Madame Pomfery. His heart is shutting down, the potion's too strong it's killing him!"

Remus stirred and wondered why the girl was shouting. He felt bleary but rested, curled up under the thick Hospital Wing blankets. There was a distinct sense of people running and shouting next to him. Madame Pomfrey and the girl who helped her sometimes, what was her name... Alice? Annie? Abi?

Shaking his head he yawned before... Wait? Remus sat bolt upright in the bed and stared at the two women crowding Severus's bed.

'His heart is shutting down...... it's killing him!'

"Severus!" Remus cried jumping up. He felt someones hands on his shoulders keeping him back and fought against it but it was no use. He stared helpless as the nurses worked on Severus.

The young Slytherin convulsed silently as his attendants plied him with charms and potions talking in codes that Remus couldn't understand.

"Get off me!" he struggled against his restraints, his only thoughts on being closer to Severus.

"Calm down Mr. Lupin." Dumbledore's quiet voice came from behind him. "They are doing all they can to help him. Do not get in their way."

Knowing he was right but feeling so helpless, Remus crumpled back into the Headmaster's grip.

"Is he going to die, Sir?"

"I don't know Remus... I don't know." Dumbledore said staring as well now as the nurses worked.

Remus couldn't watch. He hated seeing Severus so helpless and out of control. Turning to watch the end of the bed he tried to block his ears to the sounds of muttered spells and instructions, accompanied by his boyfriend's indiscriminate noises.

"We have a pulse but he's still unstable."

It was like the room moved in slow motion, he wrapped his arms around his knees and shut his eyes. 'It's all my fault, it's all my fault... maybe if I think it enough he'll be alright.'

"There.... There!" He heard the nurse practically say sounding calm but panicked at the same time. "Quickly give me that potion."

"Pomfrey he's starting to stabilize."

"Don't get cocky." Pomfrey said. "He's not out of the water yet."

Remus managed to glance at Severus, he was obviously in great pain and distress. He wanted to throw up he was so worried, if Severus died now he didn't think he could cope.

"Pulse is a bit stronger." Madame Pomfrey said as she continued working. "Getting stronger."

"Breathing regulating." Her assistant said. "He's stabilizing."

Remus swallowed and shut his eyes.

He felt Dumbledore let go of him as Severus finally became stable again.

His body acting on reflex, Remus crossed the small gap between them and clutched Severus's hand.

"Sev...?" he whispered. Severus breathed slowly but he was back to normal. His eyes where still closed, and his body relaxed.

Finally letting himself expel the emotion he had bottled, Remus buried his face in his boyfriend's shoulder, shaking.

"Oh God Sev, don't do that..." he whispered. "Don't scare me like that."

He felt Sev's hand tighten around his a moment before it relaxed again.

Remus smiled weakly and squeezed back.

"That's right... I'm here..."

His hand tightened again before his whole body relaxed again falling back into a deep sleep.

----------

Remus stared at his book, his eyes itching with tired.

"Ummm... so that's all my Charms notes..." he blinked at Severus's prone figure. "Sorry... I'm probably boring the hell out of you... but I hate not being able to talk to you."

For the past week Snape had been drifting in and out. More so out but he had woken a few times to talk to him if only for a short period of time.

"Mr Lupin, I am serious. I shan't ask you again, it is very late and you need sleep." Madame Pomfrey shut the door to her office, extinguishing Remus's candle as she did so.

Remus sighed. He shouldn't be disheartened, after all Madame Pomfrey had allowed him to stay in the Hospital Wing with Severus. She had no choice, the young Gryffindor was wasting away, pining for him while they were separated.

"Go for supper Remus." Madam Pomfrey said. "Or I'll be banning you from this room permanently until Severus recovers."

With a weak smile, Remus shook his head and swung his legs out of bed. Every day that Severus was stable his mood improved just a little. He swept down to kiss Severus's hair.

"I'll be back."

He moved into the Great Hall. Almost everyone stared at him as he entered. He hadn't been in the Great Hall, or in classes since that night. He had been getting all his homework from James or Sirius when they came to see him. There where a few times when Severus was awake and though Sirius was still not impressed with the situation he did tolerate Severus. James was more compassionate and even held out a conversation with the young Slytherin.

He drifted to his seat beside James, his eyes drifting from Sirius to Peter then to his empty plate.

"What time is it?" He sounded strained, like conversation with conscious people had become difficult.

"Just after six." James said eating nearly half his plate in a few bites. Sirius rolled his eyes now knowing what James' hurry was.

Remus yawned and reached for some carbohydrate.

"You don't have to wait up for me James..." James looked up at Remus and with his mouth full said,

"I wasn't going to I have a date with Lily!"

Sirius laughed.

"You see Remus. There's dedication for you. You know who your real friends are..."

He casually tipped a little more food onto his friend's plate, Remus did look ridiculously thin.

"Eat." Sirius demanded.

Remus sighed again, picking at his plate. Maybe while he was gone Severus might wake up, he might have had another attack. Remus's eyes widened. Oh God it had all been going so well too.

Sirius watched him closely.

"Remus I want you to calm down and have some dinner."

"But-"

"Calm.... down... and eat!" James agreed with his friend.

The younger boy sighed and munched on his food, when he was calmer like this, with people he could trust he found that he was hungrier than he thought. It had been so long since he had been surrounded by so many people, it disorientated him.

"Uhh... you guys ok?"

James and Sirius looked at each other in confusion. "Uh... yeah Mooney... we're fine."

"Good good..." Remus cleaned his plate at a pace similar to before all this happened. He checked his watch, how long had he been away? Madame Pomfrey would get a message to him if something had happened, right? What if she was too busy? What if she was busy because something awful had happened?!

Remus gripped the table. He needed to get out of here.

"Remus." Sirius said putting his hand on his shouldered. "You're panicking again. Why don't you come out with us for a while?" Sirius asked.

Taking a few deep breaths, Remus nodded slowly. He hated himself for wanting to be with his unconscious boyfriend rather than his best friends. But he was just so worried.

"Sure... ok... let's do that... but not too long okay?" He asked.

Sirius smiled reassuringly at him.

"Yeah, no problem."

"Where are we going?" Remus asked.

"Does it matter? Just anywhere that's not the Hospital Wing." Remus flinched as if he'd been slapped and looked down at his plate.

James glared at Sirius who groaned and looked away. "Sorry Remus... I know that was a stupid twat thing to say."

"No it's okay I'm just.... it's hard you know?"

Patting him on the shoulder James hushed him, "We know Remus... we know."

"Hey guys." Lily said as she sat down next to Remus. "Hi Remus... hows Sev doing?" Remus smiled up at her knowing that she was the only other person Snape allowed to call him Sev.

"Doing... alright, thanks Lily. You know he's not better, but he's not worse..."

Remus was pleased that Lily cared enough to ask. She was a lovely person, Severus told him how they had been friends for years. It was sweet that she still worried about him.

"Well I guess that's at least a bit of a good thing that he's not getting worse."

Remus shrugged and folded his arm close to his body. He suddenly felt very small, without Severus to tell him not to be ridiculous.

"Hey lily we were planning on taking Remus out for a bit. You know get his mind off what happened. Wanna come with?" Sirius asked.

Lily smiled warmly at Remus, knowing he must be under a lot of stress. Her eyes darted momentarily to James, and then back.

"Sure. That would be nice..."

James looked a little put out that he wasn't going to get any alone time with lily tonight but didn't argue.

"So where are we going?"

Sirius steered his friend out of the Great Hall and towards the main corridor to the Gryffindor Common Room.

"Out." was all Sirius said.

---

Remus smiled and passed the large glass to Sirius. "You were right Padfoot this was a good idea."

He felt far more relaxed than he had been all day, nay for weeks. He smiled into his drink and lent forward in his chair to talk to James.

"I do miss hanging out like this..."

"Ya see Padfoot. I told you all Mooney needed was a little out time." He said smiling.

Remus twinkled gently and curled up against Lily. He really did have the best friends in the world. They stuck by him through absolutely everything, he didn't know what he could do without them.

Lily laughed and put her arm around Remus. "Are you drunk?"

Blushing he shook his head, a little too vigorously. He felt warm and fuzzy being with his friends like this. He liked it when Lily sat with them. Sirius and James were great, but it was nice to spend some time with a girl, other than in class. For ages Remus was convinced that he fancied girls. Lily had been one of them, the girls who sat close to him in Potions. He could hear their conversations and wished they'd notice him...

That had all changed now... now he had Severus. The bottom fell out of his stomach again. Every time he thought of Severus all he could see was that horrid gash on his throat...

"Remus... Don't you dare!" James said noticing the change in Remus expression.

Blinking weakly, Remus looked at his friend, an expression of innocence on his sad face.

"What James?"

James sighed. "Nothing." He said filling up a shot glass he slammed it down in front of Remus. "Drink that!"

Sirius laughed. "Are you trying to get him tanked?"

Lily rolled her eyes. Since James and Sirius discovered that they could pass for eighteen in the muggle world, they had found ways of sneaking alcohol back into the castle. For 'personal use' James had said. Of course it was primarily so they could take advantage of their lightweight friend.

Remus shook his head and giggles.

"No... not again..."

James laughed. "Lies!"

The last thing Remus wanted to do now was get drunk. He tended to get a bit weepy when he was full of pent up emotions and he worried that this thing with Severus would push him over the edge.

"So Remus how did you and Sev start dating?" Lily asked. She had planned on waiting to ask him but she was just to curious and alcohol was coming into effect.

Remus shrugged and blushed, his mind flashing back to that clumsy night in the potions cupboard. It had only been a few months since, but it felt like years.

"Oh come on Remus..." Lily said sucking up to him. "I bet it was romantic..."

James and Sirius looked like they had sucked on a sour lemon but didn't say anything.

Stammering Remus looked away, trying not to make eye contact with anyone in the room.

"Uhh... it was... it was kinda... you know... not my idea..."

"Sev started it?" Lily asked shocked. "He's not like that... what.... how did that come about?"

"Well..... you know how it is... he hated me for what happened that time.. and sort of wanted to... get back at me... I think it backfired..." Remus's voice was getting quieter and quieter as he blushed darker and darker.

"Wanted to get back at you?" Lily asked. "What... did he do?"

Sirius put his drink down. "He didn't hurt you did he?"

Shuffling further away from his friends Remus stammered.

"No! No... it hurt a little... but not any more. I don't mind now.... Sev loves me."

James and Sirius stared at him for a few moments before James cringed. "You mean he..." James couldn't even finish the sentence.

Sirius suddenly clued in. "Did he rape you?!" He asked. "He forced himself on you and you think that's love?"

Remus wrapped his arms around his legs, tears pricking his eyes. Sirius didn't understand. It had started out awfully, but it had become something so beautiful. He didn't want them prying into what happened, because he knew they'd take the wrong impression.

"He didn't rape me..."

"Remus if you didn't consent to it when it started and he forced himself on you it's rape. Remus you're not in love with him, he's done something to you!" James said though you can hear the alcohol in his voice.

"James..." Lily warned.

Remus balled his fists, his voice shaking with anger.

"Shut up. Sev does love me."

James looked down at his drink and didn't say anything. Sirius how ever argued.

"Yeah? How do you know? Did he tell you that?" He asked. "How do you know this isn't part of his revenge plan. Maybe he slipped you something into thinking you love him just so he can hurt you!"

"Oh yeah! And that's really turned out well hasn't it?! He's lying in a hospital bed, practically dying because he loves me! Because I'VE hurt him!" Remus practically screamed. "Why would he put himself through this if he didn't love me!"

"Yeah well it wasn't like he was planning on this happening." Sirius argued.

"Sirius just drop it." James said wanting the fighting to stop.

"No!" He said. "I don't want Remus getting hurt!"

"I'm not hurt Sirius! Severus wouldn't hurt me, the only who who's hurt is HIM!"

Sirius stopped arguing and moved to his drink. Lily wanted to defuse the argument but wanted to know more about their relationship. She was happy that her two best friends where happy together.

"I think you guys are cute together..." She said earning a groan from Sirius. "So have you guys done anything like... romantic?" She asked.

Wiping the tears from the corners of his eyes, Remus looked at her sideways.

"Uhh... romantic? Like what?" He blushed, glanced at James and Sirius, he was painfully aware that they didn't want to hear what he and Severus had gotten up to. But he found that talking to Lily about their relationship made the ache in his chest go away, she was so wonderful.

"Well... We took a bath together..." he shrugged.

"Okay I'm out!" Sirius said getting up from the table.

"Me too." James said following him. "Come on lets go play some chess." James suggested as they made their way out of the room.

Lily laughed. "Is that all? Was it sweet? Did he set it up with rose petals and everything?" She asked. "I always saw Sev as a hopeless romantic... under that tough exterior anyway. He's a very sensitive person. You guys would be great together."

Remus blushed again,

"Uhhh not really... you know... it was after the guys soaked him in the mock Trans NEWT... He's not that romantic... really... he's just.... Sev."

"Oh... Well I'm sure he would be if he had the confidence." Lily said. "He's kinda... withdrawn if you've noticed."

"Yeah... I had..." Remus trying so hard to keep those images of Severus, helpless and trapped in his hospital bed. He could be dying... he could have died and Remus wouldn't know. "... if he survives... he won't forgive me..."

"Remus... has he actually physically told you that he loves you?" Lily asked.

Folding his arms, and curling up tighter, Remus didn't meet her eyes.

"I thought he did... once... but he doesn't remember. Or maybe I misunderstood. It doesn't matter... I know he does... it's just hard for him to say it..."

"Well just know this Remus... if he truly does love you... as you believe he does. Then he will forgive you." She told him placing her hand on his. "He'll be bitter and angry for a while... but he will never hate you. You will learn fast that when Severus loves someone... no matter what happens, he will forgive. Especially if it is an accident."

Remus's lip trembled and he stared at his feet. So many 'ifs', if he loves you, if he survives... He wanted it to be back the way it was, even doing it in secret there wasn't the risk that he could lose his love forever.

"Remus... if Severus where here right now... what would he be telling you?"

Allowing himself something close to a smile Remus muttered,

"I don't know... something about not being such a girl and not worrying so much..."

"Then why don't you take his advice? You're just going to make yourself sick and Sev wouldn't want that."

Remus nodded.

"I know... I know he wouldn't want me to worry... but he knows I can't help it. I love him... and I want him to be alright again..."

"Why don't you get some sleep in your own room tonight... I'll go with you in the morning to go see him." She said before looking at his empty glass and smiling. "If you're up to it."

He smiled warmly at his old friend.

"Thanks Lily... that would be good. I think I need some more clothes anyway... and some books..." he swallowed still gripping Lily's hand.

---

The next morning Remus woke up he absolutely refused to acknowledge the fact that he was even alive. Of course then again the pounding in his head was a strong indicator that he was. Groaning he brought his hand up to his head and yelled at James and Sirius to shut up.

At least with the copious amounts of cheap alcohol on his system his dreams had been distinctly subdued. No blood, no fangs, no endless screaming. Sunlight battered his face and he groaned again.

"Come on guys shut up!" Remus groaned and sat up. "Please?"

Their arguments of late had become more strained and petty. Remus worried that he was the cause of their tension. He worried too much for his own good.

Needless to say the arguing didn't stop.

"You just want everything to be the way you want!" Sirius argued.
"It's not about what I want!" James yelled.

Remus sighed. "Is this something we should all be discussing?"

James and Sirius looked at him as if noticing him for the first time. Sirius looked at James before looking back to Remus.

"If a caveman and an astronaut got into a fight who would win?" Sirius asked. Remus looked at them like they where crazy.

"You've been fighting over this for how long?" James and Sirius didn't answer, just stared at him expecting an answer. Remus sighed. "Do the astronauts have weapons?" He asked. He paused realizing how stupid this conversation was and stood up to get dressed.

He had never dressed and packed so fast in his entire life. His head still throbbed and he was a little shaky on his feet, but Severus was downstairs and he needed to see him.

"Come on Remus!" He heard James called after him as he left the room.

Remus ignored him and scanned the common room for Lily. Spotting her he moved over to her.

She smiled. "Hows your head?" She asked.

He shrugged smiling at her, he appreciated her doing this with him. It was hard sometimes dealing with James and Sirius and their machismo. Lily had a way of grounding him from all that, and she was a constant reminder that he wasn't a mad traitor for loving Severus.

"I'll take that as a 'you're hung over'." She said with a slight laugh. "Good thing it's the weekend at least. Come on lets go see Sev." She said standing up to move into the hall Remus following behind. When they approached the hospital wing they saw Dumbledore standing outside the door looking worried, a piece of paper in his hands.

"Hello Dumbledore." Remus and Lily greeted. Dumbledore looked up at them almost as if he had been startled.

"Oh... Mr. Lupin. Just the person I had wanted to see." He said, his voice sounding grave. "I'm afraid I... have some bad news."

Remus froze to the spot, his bag slipping from his shoulder. He felt the blood drain from his face. Severus? Oh God... what had happened? He'd died without Remus here to say goodbye... he should never have gone out. Why had he been sitting arguing with his friends when Severus needed him.

Dumbledore realized the error in what he had said. "No no... Remus, Severus is alright. Nothing has changed." He said. He looked down at the paper he held. "But I do have some bad news..." He said handing over the paper.

Letting himself breath again, Remus shakily took the letter, still not sure he could believe Severus was alright. Taking in the words on the paper Remus frowned. His trembling fingers tightened around the paper as he finished the letter.

"Bastards..." he didn't care that he was swearing in front of the Headmaster. If Severus's own parents had disowned him... "How could they even think of doing this when he's like that?!" he shouted suddenly.

The letter hadn't even born Severus name or any type of acknowledgment of Severus being their son at all. Remus felt tears prick his eyes and the words blurred as he re read it. His parents had been completely supportive of him when he had been bitten. Severus' parents didn't even know if he would live... didn't even come to see him and they just....

Remus pushed past Dumbledore, shoving the letter back into his hands. Did Severus know? Had he been conscious at all this past night? Remus didn't care he just needed to hold Severus, and remind him how much he was loved. Even if he didn't notice.

When he came into the room Severus was sitting up partially in bed and attempting to weakly eat a bowl of soup. Severus saw Remus come in and embarrassed he put the spoon down on the little table over his lap

Smiling, and trying not to cry, Remus silently wrapped his arms round him. He was careful to be so gentle, he didn't know what to say any more.

"Hi Remus." His voice sounded hoarse from lack of use and he still seemed so pale and weak. He shook from the force of trying to sit up but had to eat.

Remus pulled away and watched him, nudging the spoon back into his hands.

"Hey... "

Severus shook his head and pushed the spoon away. His breathing was harsh and irregular. "Are you tired?" He asked even though he knew the answer.

Severus shook his head no. He'd spent to much time sleeping and wanted to stay awake.

Remus took his hand tenderly, looking at him with those soft brown eyes.

"Have you eaten enough?"

Severus nodded even though his bowl had barely been touched. "Yeah..." Even though it had only been two weeks Severus had already lost a lot of weight. He had always been a skinny boy and for him to lose weight this rapidly was just... scary.

It was hard for Remus not to show his fear and worry, if something awful did happen, he didn't want Sev's last memory of him to be a frightened boy who couldn't look him in the eyes...

"I love you Sev..." he managed, still holding his bony hand.

Severus bit his lip a second and squeezed Remus' hand. "Dumbledore told me what happened." Severus said quietly.

Remus shook his head.

"No. You know it doesn't matter... that they don't matter..." Remus wanted to believe it.

"No I mean... that's expected... I meant what happened... in the Shrieking Shack..." Severus said not looking at him. He brought his hand up to the scabbed over bite mark on his jaw.

Remus tensed, the urge to pull away from his boyfriend and hide was powerful. He thought Severus already knew. He thought they could already be past this. He fixed the older boy with a terrified eye.

Severus looked so confused as if trying to process what the bite mark meant. What would happen to him but he couldn't figure it out. It was as if the venom in his body was fogging everything around him. He didn't understand why Dumbledore made such a big deal about Remus biting him, he didn't understand why his parents were disowning him, and he couldn't figure out why Remus looked so worried. It was all just so confusing to him.

He was sick, he knew that but... he didn't know what was going to happen.

He hated not knowing. It almost made him angry but he was just too exhausted to care. Which was another thing he hated... he hated being so tired all the time. Being so angry and frustrated and having no way of expelling his feelings.

Remus wanted to cry. He knew Severus couldnt forgive him for ruining his life in this way. The tone of the letter had been, sickening. Severus looked so fragile and alone sat in the Hospital Wing alone.

Severus pushed the small table away with Remus's help and with a bit of difficulty moved to lay down again. He wanted to stay sitting but the effort did nothing but make him nauseous and ache more.

"Remus... What's going to happen to me?"

A tear ran down Remus's face. He didn't want to tell Severus what was running through his mind. But he couldn't lie. He lent across the bed to kiss his lover, trying so hard to smile and be brave.

"I don't know..."

Severus didn't say anything for a long while. The silence seemed so loud to both of them. "How bad is it?" he asked.

"Bad." Remus couldn't maintain his smile for long. "We keep losing you and getting you back... I'm so scared one day you're not going to come back..."

Severus stared straight ahead not able to look at Remus. He had no idea how to react he was... he was in shock. "What am I going to do... once school is over?" He asked. "If my parents..." He paused taking a deep breath and closing his eyes a moment. A few moments later he opened his eyes and looked at Remus finally. "Where am I going to go?"

Remus shifted to sit on the bed, clutching his lover's hand and kissing his cheek.

"I'm not going to abandon you Sev... you'll stay with me. My parents can't say anything. I won't let you be alone. Ok?"

"I.... I can't..." He said shaking his head. He looked like he wanted to cry but once again didn't have the energy too.

It hurt seeing Severus in distress. Remus kissed him again and repeated himself.

"I won't let you be alone... not ever."

Severus closed his eyes a moment and listened to Remus breath. He was so tired he couldn't fight it off anymore. A few moments later he fell asleep again.

Remus didn't let go, he pulled the boy into his arms and shut his eyes. but he wouldn't cry. Not even now Severus was asleep, he had to at least hope that there was more than a slim chance of the older boy pulling through the tortures of his first transformation.

"Don't worry..." he said more to himself. "Just... don't worry."

((AN.... and there we go another chapter and again it would have gone up faster but-

Pasha: I'M IN SCHOOL NOW!!!!
Schiff: I know so am I... if you had let me finish I would have said that...
Pasha: ..... oh yeah well.....
Schiff: ((waits))
Pasha: Shut up.... STILL A REVIEW WHORE PLEASE REVIEW!!!!
Schiff: Ow.... do you need to yell?
Pasha: YES!
Schiff: >.>))