The Pains of Becoming

MaryJane: Thanks again! And yes I assume we all like it “when they fuck” You really have it figured out ;)



This chapter has some sex but it was rather unexpected for me. It was not planned by me to happen, but you know how characters just do what they want sometimes…well I suppose I will have to deal with the consequences later…

Hope you enjoy and hopefully some of you will leave a review!

Thx to Sajahi for betaing once more!



P.S.: the line “Pick a victim, and put one of your body parts into theirs.” I stole from a stupid but enjoyable British tv series calles "HEX"


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Chapter 14

A spinning Wand



About two weeks later Kirsty overheard other students talking about Draco’s sixteenth birthday coming up. It would have been hard not to hear about it, since all of Slytherin seemed to talk about it at one point or another. A party was planned in the common room for the night of his birthday. Kirsty of course kept out of any conversations about it, she kept to herself as usual and showed no interest. Truthfully she did not know if she wanted to be there. She hated parties, these kind of social gatherings usually only made her feel how much she didn’t belong and how she was different from everyone else.





But when the evening finally came she knew she was going to be there. She stood in front of the mirror in a bathroom a bit further away from the common room, so she could be undisturbed as she dressed. She looked down at her image. She was wearing the dress. Draco probably hated it, but she didn’t care, that wasn’t the point. She wore it because it visually set her apart from the other girls who would be there. It was obviously far more expensive and of a completely different level of quality than anything most of the other girls wore at parties. It was either really silly, cheap teenage party outfits or something more traditional but never had she seen anyone at Hogwarts wear something as classy as what Lucius had given her. She came to think about what Draco usually was wearing to occasions like these. He did have taste and style, she had to admit, thinking of how he managed to walk the fine line between wizarding tradition and young muggle influenced fashion of teenagers today. What he usually wore when not in school robes were clearly not muggle clothes but it also didn’t set him too far apart from the other students by being the same type of style that his parents and other adults wore. She wondered if he picked his clothes himself…





She stroke over her dark slick hair. It went so well with the green dress. Her make up was light, fresh and natural. She found she looked stunning, but then maybe her perception was all distorted, she never trusted her own judgement on herself. But tonight she wanted Draco to find her stunning. She wanted him to know what his father had and what he was missing out on. She wasn’t sure why.





She went back to the common room were the party was already warming up. Students stood in groups chatting and laughing. There was butter bear and punch on a near table and some snacks and music in the background. A desk in a corner was covered in colourfully wrapped presents. She walked over to have a closer look, holding a glass of fruit punch elegantly in her hand. Most of the presents were from Draco’s parents, lots of random things that Kristy thought nobody really needed but she could see Draco having asked for the one or other thing in the past. A few presents were from friends and other students as well.





Kirsty looked around with a cold and bored glare. She had no intention to look as though she was interested to talk to anyone or even give the impression that she was enjoying herself. She picked up a book about potions invented in ancient Egypt, which his father had apparently given him and took it over to the empty sofa by the fireplace to have a read. She didn’t find it too interesting but pretended she was deeply involved with the subject as Draco walked by laughing with Crabbe and Goyle. She looked up only a moment with a bored expression on her face, but noted that he looked really good today. He was wearing a smart, back suit that made his skin look even lighter. His hair was combed to the side and slightly back so it showed off his pure grey eyes. He looked older somehow, almost like a man. Kirsty looked away when a noisy group gathered around Draco. He was definitely popular. He mustn’t notice her attention on top of that. Kirsty kept a cold shoulder to it all but the one other thing she noticed was that Pansy Parkinson, another Fifth year girl seemed to constantly try to stand right next to him.





Kirsty finally had read through the book and decided to get another drink, she really would have preferred some of Lucius wine instead of that horrible, childish punch but that was life… She put the book back on the table and felt someone watching her. She turned around and saw Draco looking at her from a sofa at the other end of the common room. Pansy was twittering giggly with her head on his shoulder. Were they actually a couple now, Kristy wondered. She had never thought about the possibility that Draco could simply get himself a girlfriend. Draco held her look for a short moment and then turned back to Pansy. He seemed not too bothered by her, yet he had paid her attention.





“Hi Kirsty!” Kristy turned around the other way. Jonathan, a boy from her own year stood there offering her a glass of punch with a nervous smile.





“Punch?” Kirsty looked at the glass for what turned out to be a long moment and then back at him.





“No, thanks”, she said and continued looking over the rest of the presents again.





“I love your dress, Kirsty. You look stunning today….” She ignored him, what was he thinking? That he had a chance with her? Sure, he wasn’t bad looking or anything. She’d never minded him, but she though of the life she led these days and knew she was way out of his reach, out of everyone’s reach.





“You really stand out tonight,” the boy continued, still not giving up on a conversation with her, “but there are too many children around here, aren’t there? …I guess it’s time we graduate.” Kirsty did not react and was just in between deciding whether to find another book to read or to get some more punch for herself when Luke, a Sixth year barged into the common room and shouted excitedly:





“Alright guys! Look at what I found!” Everyone turned and looked at several bottles of something he was holing up with both hands. Draco got up and rushed over to him, immediately followed by Pansy of course. Crabbe and Goyle and others followed as well to have a closer look.





“This comes from the exclusive storage of our dear Hogwarts teachers! When they feel they need a drink after a long hard day of teaching, this is what they will ask the house elves for. Thank Merlin these little trolls are stupid enough to easily be tricked so we can have a real party!” Everyone cheered excitedly and tried to get a first glass full as the bottles got passed around. Kirsty turned away again; she was not going to throw herself into this mess and simply hoped there would be some left for her later on. She did not have to wait long until the younger students had been sent to bed by Celina, the prefect, who kept a blind eye to the alcohol the older students were sharing. She was a Slytherin and if Snape taught them something it was being loyal to their housemates.



As the evening went by it got more quiet and the remaining students started to settle down on the sofas together and Kirsty, got slowly but finally tired of watching Draco while appearing as though she was perfectly happy sitting by herself. Jonathan had brought her a glass of what ever the terrible stuff was that the Sixth year had found and she appreciated it by looking at him for a moment and mumbling: “Cheers.”





She was bored and depressed. If Lucius cared to spend time with her and even enjoyed to fuck her how come nobody here gave her any attention? Not that she wanted any attention from the nobodies around her. She was confused and bored. A combination she hated. She saw Pansy snuggling up to Draco, - they were definitely a pair. How had she not noticed it before? Since when was this going on, she wondered? It got late and it was only a hand full of people left. The alcohol had taken some effect on people by making them fall suddenly asleep or blubbering unconnected things somewhere, while some Sixth and Seventh years made out in the darker corners.





“Ok, time for the spinning wand, I think.” Shouted Pansy still as cheerful as at the start of the evening. Kirsty found her happy and animated mood more and more annoying. And so did some others as it seemed, they rolled their eyes and grumbled complainingly.





“Ok!” Kirsty suddenly heard herself saying. She got up and walked towards the group, her almost empty glass in hand. Pansy looked up at her frowning. Kirsty could tell Pansy didn’t like her much, or at least she found her strange and didn’t know how to treat her.





“Yeah, why not”, said Sadie, another girl in the circle tiredly and Kirsty sat down. Pansy dug out a little box from under the sofa and retrieved a wand from it. Everyone moved onto the floor as she placed the wand in the middle of the circle. Pansy eyed everyone in the circle very carefully. She was obviously going to take this game very seriously. By the time she continued preparing the game the one or other had struggled several times not to fall asleep.





But Kirsty was sitting very straight and with her eyes open and fixed on Draco. He had no other choice but notice it and looked right back at her. She felt as though they were about to duel again. Pansy tugged on his arm for apparently no real reason, since she addressed everyone:



“I start! And remember, you have to deliver, the wand can tell if you lie and the wand will curse you if you refuse to answer or act.”





She placed the wand in the middle of the circle and sat back. The wand started to spin clockwise, first slowly and then faster and faster until it slowed down again and eventually stopped, pointing at Crabbe.





“Truth or dare, Crabbe?” Pansy asked with an evil glitter in her eyes.





“Dare…no wait! Truth!”





“Do you fancy someone in this room?” Crabbe’s big face turned red and he nervously looked around.





“Not really.” He mumbled.





“Craaaa-aaabbe…” Pansy teased and some others giggled as the wand started to slowly float up from the ground still pointed at him. Even Draco who had seemed rather reserved before started to smile now broadly.





“Yeah, I do!” Crabbe shouted panicking as he stared at the wand. With relief he saw it drop immediately back on the floor. Pansy pointed her finger at him,





“We will get back to that Crabbe, but now it’s your turn.”





Crabbe touched the wand and placed it back in the centre. The wand spun and stopped to point at Jonathan. He had sat down next to Kirsty, to her annoyance. Jonathan choose dare and Crabbe made him run five times around the common room, shouting that he was a stupid idiot which both Crabbe and Jonathan seemed to find very entertaining, though they were the only ones. After Jonathan had placed the wand back in the centre it selected Kirsty. She did not want to run the risk of having to do something as stupid so she chose truth. Jonathan seemed to have a very exiting moment, where he had the option to get any question answered by her. And he asked something that she thought he really could have simply asked her any time.





“Do you have a boyfriend?” She hesitated, she had not expected something so simple, and then she found herself not able to answer it simply. She caught Draco’s eye, he was looking at her curiously now, probably wondering how she was going to answer this and if the wand would be satisfied with her answer.





“Well. I do have someone,” she started her eyes still locked with Draco’s, which seemed to make Pansy slightly uncomfortable now as she started to tug on his arm again wanting attention, yet he ignored her, “…but I can’t call him my boyfriend.” She added. Pansy and Sadie rolled their eyes making clear what they thought of her answer. They obviously felt that Kirsty was just trying to make herself sound interesting. But the wand didn’t move.

Kirsty grabbed the wand and placed it in the centre intently hoping it would choose Draco, but it didn’t, it stopped pointing at Pansy instead.





“Truth.” Pansy said right away with a challenging glare and without even waiting to be told the options. Kirsty hesitated to say anything, there wasn’t much she wanted to know from Pansy, she hardly cared about her at all. But there was one thing now…she threw back the remains of her second glass into her throat and asked;





“Do you and Draco sleep together?” She took note of Draco’s gaze turning dark towards her and she focused on Pansy who tugged Draco’s arm furiously in another giggle attack. It took her so long to get over it that the wand started to shake and slowly rise up in the air. Draco eventually pushed her slightly away from his arm and answered it for her;





“Yes,” he said darkly focusing on his glass and emptying it, “and if you need to know, the sex is pretty damn good.”





“No, I really didn’t need to know that, Draco”, Kirsty answered sharply and shuddered demonstratively. He only gave her a dark look and refilled his glass. Pansy came finally back from giggly-land and took the wand, as she did this the wand seemed to be still shaking.





“Ok,” she said, “we had too much truth so the wand demands the next choice to be a dare.”

The wand started to spin and stopped rather suddenly pointed at Kristy. She tried not to show her worry. What was Pansy going to make her do, to make herself look stupid. Pansy’s eyes started to glitter at her and she said,





“Pick a victim, and put one of your body parts into theirs.” Crabbe grunted idiotically and Sadie gasped. The rest had turned absolutely quiet. Kirsty looked slowly around. Jonathan…Crabbe….Goyle….Draco….Pansy…Sadie… She looked back at Draco and she knew what to do. Slowly she crawled towards him on her hands and knees. He didn’t look away but his face was unreadable. She came closer and closer until not more than an inch separated their faces. His dark expression was still set on his face. She could see Pansy move nervously next to him out of the corner of her eye. Kirsty came even closer and pushed her chin forward slightly so their lips almost met. Draco sat absolutely still and only waited for what was going to happen, but then Kirsty suddenly pulled away with a grin and grabbed Pansy by the back of her head and pulled her towards her. Pansy squeaked in surprise but Kirsty held her head in place and slipped her tongue into Pansy’s mouth for a deep kiss. She could hear Crabbe, Goyle and Sadie cheer. But Draco jumped up.





“The game is over.” He shouted and stormed out of the common room. Pansy finally pushed Kirsty away and immediately run after him, “Draco, love!”





Kirsty wiped her mouth and looked around the remaining students. Jonathan looked to the floor. Crabbe motioned to Goyle that it was time to go and Sadie also got up holding her head and yawning. Finally it was only Jonathan and Kirsty sitting on the floor. He looked up at her with a bewildered face.





“What?” Said Kirsty, she looked through the empty bottles and found one that was not yet empty. He only gazed trying to find the words for what he was thinking but Kirsty spoke first:





“Don’t you judge me. You don’t even know me!” He didn’t answer and just got up and left. Kirsty remained alone, but only shortly later Pansy came back into the common room. She stopped when she saw Kirsty still sitting there.





“You think you’re something special… you’re nothing but a freak, you know that?” Yes, she knew, Kirsty thought and her mind felt strangely like pudding. She didn’t answer and instead had another drink. Pansy shook her head and walked towards the girls dormitories. Suddenly, as she was sitting there all alone Kirsty felt extremely pathetic. She could have been above the whole thing. What was she trying to do anyway, tease Draco? What for? He had helped her, and they were even now. She had no dealings with the boy; she was not supposed to have any dealings with him. And why did she lower herself to play spin the wand with a bunch of Fifth years anyway? Why had she even hung around all evening? What was her problem?





The door opened and suddenly Draco stood back in the common room. Kirsty realised, as she had been in deep thought, that he might have been away for over an hour and now he was back, and everyone was asleep. He just stood there staring at her with those incredibly light grey eyes. She looked back at him through her foggy vision. She now had noticed she had a bit too much to drink.





“What do you want?” He finally asked, controlled but clearly angry.





“Nothing.” She said looking up at him. She pulled herself up from the floor.





“Then why don’t you leave me alone?”





She walked right up to him, “I WAS leaving you alone! You were the one who kept coming after me being all annoying…”





“So what? How about me helping you out with Snape the other day?! You would have been in trouble big time, had I not distracted him…”





“No one asked you to do that! And by the way it was your great plan to take the ingredients from the store room that day! Had I not listened to you I would have never gotten in trouble in the first place!”





Draco stepped right in her face and growled: “I keep saving your ass, and this is what I get?”





“Well, it’s not like Daddy allows you to have a piece of me…” as she was saying this she felt her lips on his, silencing herself. She was surprised about this, since she had to note it was her who had advanced at him, or was it? Who could tell? Now his hands were at the back of her head not letting her get away, hers were pulling at his jumper to get his body closer to hers. They kissed hungrily, forgetting what they had argued about. She pushed him forward to one of the sofas and landed on top of him as he fell backwards, while not letting go of her mouth. He tried to roll on top of her and they fell off the sofa onto the ground.







Somehow Kirsty did not care about anything right now, except that she saw Draco differently tonight, he was an attractive, angry, young man, not at all the same person as the boy she had played around with a few month ago. As their tongues kept fighting she felt his hands slip under her dress and she hurried to get hers into his trousers as though she needed to be first to touch underwear. While she hurried to open his belt he pulled her panties aside and invaded her with his fingers. She was wet already; she still was surprised she had not seen her sudden desire coming. And now she didn’t care, she could not care.





She pushed down his trousers and pants and directed him between her legs. She was so wet, he had easy access. She noted a bit disappointed he did not fill her out the way she was used to from his father, but she didn’t care to much as he started taking her roughly on the floor. She turned her head to the side, taking note of the slightly different feeling of a different lover and the hard, cold floor underneath her. She loved to do what was wrong, she loved to cheat and she loved being used, she was a bad girl.