MUGGLE MAGIC

AN: Dear reader, please note that this chapter is almost completely in Severus’ POV. I know it’s a first and the story is predominantly Cassidy’s but I feel that it is important for you to know what happened after Severus heard Cassidy’s admission and allow him a chance to deal with his issues. In the few instances where the POV returns to another character you will note the paragraphs separated by – ( ***** )

Also I must say, I wrote this part of the fic some 7 months before HBP, Jess is my witness lol! It amazed me after reading HBP how close some of my theories came to info from the book. I literally had chill running up and down my spine after reading HBP! You see dear reader; these are my hopes and theories for Severus. I’ve always felt it, since reading his worst memories in book 5 that there was something deeper between him and Lily.

This is one of my favorite chapters in the fanfic. I’ve done my best to show you my Snape\Evans connection. If this happens to have some validity... the chances of which is extremely rare in the 7th HP book… well, I’ll just… I don’t know… climb to the highest peak in my country and yell ‘I told you so’ to all my fellow Snape lovers who think I’m wasting my time on the theory. But doesn’t it sound romantic anyway? Doesn’t it fit? It does to me.

Again, this fic is set circa HP&COS sans basilisk. It is also AU. Voldemort is not in the physical but in the disembodied spirit as seen in HP&SS\PS. Everything mentioned that is HP related is sole property of JKR. Cassidy Rain, her antics and wild theories are mine. All credit for song lyrics used in the fic is given to the artists. Please note this is not a song fic. The songs just happen to fit and assists to express the tone of the story at that point, otherwise known as a soundtrack. At the end of the story I will include the soundtrack to the fic which features all the songs seen in the story and a few more.


CHAPTER 14


I’m so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childhood fears,
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won’t leave me alone.
These wounds won’t seem to heal; this pain is just too real
There’s just too much that time can not erase.

When you cried I’d wipe away all of your tears
When you screamed I’d fight away all of your fears
I held your hands through all of these years
But you still have all of me.

You used to captivate me by your resonating mind
But now I’m bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts, my once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away, all the sanity in me
These wounds won’t seem to heal; this pain is just too real
There’s just too much that time can not erase.

When you cried I’d wipe away all of your tears
When you screamed I’d fight away all of your fears
I held your hands through all of these years
But you still have all of me.

I’ve tried so hard to tell myself that you’re gone
But though you’re still with me; I’ve been alone all alone.

My Immortal – Evanescence

*****


Dawn broke as I made my way down the familiar pathway. An early morning mist blanketed the snow covered ground and added further eeriness to already dismal and chilling surroundings but I was drawn here, there was simply no where else to go. After the revelations of last night; the utter shock I felt at Cassidy’s admission and even after all I had put her through she stood firm, through tears and excruciating pain she could still say that she loved me, that alone was more than I could comprehend.

Dazed and confused, I had to get away, from her, from her words, the sound of her voice, the look in her eyes, her abused body and the plan that backfired. I needed to think, to sort things out, I needed to talk to someone and there was only one person I would ever approach and even this filled me with anguish. My hasty exit from the dungeons and Hogwarts led me to Hogsmeade and The Three Broomsticks. There I sat in solitude with a half bottle of Fire Whisky. Drinking straight from the bottle I stared into the nothingness, the abysmal mess my life seemed to amount to. All of it pushing me further and further into the hate and bitterness that once comforted me – that made me who I was.

Madame Rosemerta, who temporarily tended the bar sent inquiring looks my way. I knew what that meant. I had used her on occasion as she had used me, mutual lust. No strings or silly attachments there, just some comfort when I needed it. I usually needed her around Halloween time, which was when the hollowness and despair inside was at its worst. And she was always willing to oblige no questions asked.

But I looked away from her now and stared broodingly at the amber liquid in the bottle I held in my hands, only a few swigs left. I took another long drink and grimaced at the sting it elicited as it went down my throat. Normally I would indulge her but all I could think about was Cassidy. This was the first Halloween in a long time I stayed away, there was someone else who occupied my time and made me forget. And ever since she showed up at Hogwarts, found herself living next door, she had thrown my strict and calculated existence into chaos.

“Damned Muggle,” I murmured, my usually refined eloquence now carried a slight slur.

What the hell happened? I wondered. It confounded me; her reactions confused me beyond anything. I closed my weary eyes and replayed the events of the last few hours in my mind. I didn’t make love to her; I didn’t even have sex with her. I fucked her in the most raw, impersonal and base sense of the word. I took advantage of her in ways that would put some of my fellow death eaters into a state of shock. I forced her into positions that were unpleasant, painful and degrading.

I was the only lover she had ever known and until this night she had never experienced anal sex. Last night I violated her, committed the act without patience or tenderness. And through her cries, through her begging and pleading, her pain; multiplied tenfold by the administered potion; I pressed on. Convinced I did it for her own good and my own as well.

Hours had passed since I started my attack. I knew she was broken, physically, mentally, emotionally; she was exhausted by the onslaught. My potion, a combination of an ancient blend used in Chinese torture and a brew revealed in what still remains to this day lost translations of the Kama Sutra was designed to push her to the extremes of painful pleasure and ultimate suffering. But she survived.

How had she lasted I wondered. That sort of torture should have driven her to the brink of insanity. Her hate should have been assured. My plans to leave Hogwarts should have been set. Her safety guaranteed. Even now her voice, though worn and weak and defeated but held the unquestionable ring of truth and sincerity echoed in the depths of his soul, “I love you Severus”

By the gods; what had it taken for her to say it? Where had she found the strength? Despite all I did… “I love you… I love you Severus.” Her softly uttered confession reverberated within me; bouncing off of the dark corners and hidden passageways of my psyche. The words seared into my brain. The sound of it seemed to burn into my ears and rung louder and louder, flooding me, filling me till I felt like I were was drowning in her tears and her torment.

With a snarl I flung the nearly empty bottle across the bar and watched as it crashed loudly, scattering shards all over the floor. Anything to drown her anguished voice out. The bottle had just missed the head of a drunken patron by inches and I wished to the gods that the man would draw his wand and face me. But the guy took one look at me and returned to his drink. I was furious; my body seemed to heave with rage as I rose up from my seat and made my way to the exit.

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The entire bar was silent as a handful of the late night patrons regarded the Hogwarts potions master as he strode for the door,
“What about this mess!” Madame Rosemerta yelled from behind the bar.
The clink and clatter of scattered galleons and the crunch of glass under the heel of my boots was the only reply she got.

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Making my way deeper and deeper into the desolate necropolis, I navigated my way through the snow covered paths and turns till at last I came to the skeletal remains of an ancient oak tree still standing proud in the dead of winter. I slowed as I walked around the thick base; my chest was already tightening with emotion, my face felt heavy with grief, my throat – closed and dry. I paused, and gripped the trunk, closing my eyes for a moment. I prepared myself for the familiar reaction of seeing her name on a headstone. I took a couple steps and came face to face with the large snow covered marble marker.

The customary burden of guilt and utter remorse washed over me as I approached the tombstone and gingerly knelt next to it. My former inebriation was now replaced with ice cold sobriety. Staring at the black marble face its engraved epitaph was obscured by snow and ice. Removing the black leather gloves from my hands I set upon the task of brushing the white flakes and frost from across the name, a name that filled me with many emotions. My labored breath, warm against the cold stone soon completed the job and I paused to look at its revelation.

Lily Potter.

*****
Playground school bell rings again
rain clouds come to play again
has no one told you she's not breathing?
Hello, I'm your mind giving you someone to talk to.
Hello

If I smile and don't believe
soon I know I'll wake from this dream
don't try to fix me I'm not broken
hello, I'm the lie living for you so you can hide
don't cry.

Suddenly I know I'm not sleeping
hello, I'm still here
All that's left of yesterday.
HELLO – Evanescence
*****

I couldn’t help it, I looked away. Just looking at her name haunted me with memories of our past. The first moment I her saw her; the first time we spoke. The way her smile would light up the room and the ring of her laughter, a sound that could dispel darkness. The way her fingers would tuck strands of her dark red hair behind her ear whenever she was nervous and the flash of her Slytherin green eyes when she was upset. The way her voice – soft with compassion and kindness would act like a balm to my own tortured life. Lily was my life… and she was gone.

I threw tear filled eyes again on the marker and set about to uncover the dates recorded under her name. I recalled the last time I spoke with her and the words I would always regret. We were both 16, I was being harassed by the Marauders again. I, Severus Snape, the kid that knew almost all there was to know about the dark arts, potions and hexes was being picked on by James and his gang. And of all the people to see me humiliated; of all the people to step forward and defend me – Lily.

I wasn’t really angry with her. I just wanted a proper chance at James. James Potter, my nemesis. He had stolen everything from me. My pride, my dignity, what little self esteem I had left. And I knew that James wanted Lily too. But Lily couldn’t stand James, she had told me that herself. This was my consolation that finally someone smart enough could see James for what he really was. While everyone else laughed– only Lily stepped forward to defend me. And though I knew she didn’t mean it in that way, her actions made me feel small and helpless.

In a fit of misdirected anger I had called her a mudblood. I really wanted to gather my wits and hex the marauders into the next century. But my pride spurred on by anger and embarrassment at the thought of this girl, Lily – my first love defending me, rescuing me from my sworn enemies. The thought that I couldn’t do it myself undid me. The fact that she made me feel small and weak, my manhood – nonexistent and cheap. It was more that I could bear.

The look on her face the moment I said those words was an expression I would never forget. And what she did after I suppose I rightly deserved. She never approached me again after that day. And whenever she saw me she would turn away. Deep inside I wanted to apologize, ask her forgiveness but I could not erase her little smirk from my mind as she looked up at me hanging upside-down from that tree. I felt betrayed that she would call me that hated nickname. So I put pride first… and I lost.

Lost in the reverie I failed to notice that my hand had moved lower on the stone, the palm of my hand was now pressed against the smooth surface. I knew what was there. My jaw trembled and my face contorted in agony at the thought of what lay under my hand. Slowly, caressingly, I dragged my hand down and stared into the face of Lily. My composure broke away as she smiled her radiant smile and blinked up at me. I drew away and sat on the frozen ground; my tears now escaped and began to freeze on my face as I gazed at the magical photograph set on the headstone.

Without warning the fateful events of October 31st 1981 and the events that preceded flooded my mind. I had previously overheard a prophesy about the birth of a child on the last day of the coming month of July, whose parents had defied The Dark Lord three times prior. That Voldemort’s rise to ultimate power depended greatly on the destruction of this babe and that his Death Eaters were to be on the search for the infant that fit the description.

Naturally I reported my find to Voldemort. However when I found out that the field had narrowed to two candidates, the Longbottoms and the Potters I knew that I would die before I saw Lily in the hands of my master, I knew that I had to act; this was my chance at redemption and there was only one person who could truly help. In secret I went to Dumbledore and told him of the plot Voldemort had concocted to exalt himself. Dumbledore had naturally been wary of my motives, but thankfully, the wise old wizard saw my desperation and determination to prevent harm from befalling Lily Potter.

The agreement was struck and I returned to Voldemort’s Inner Circle as a secret spy. I learnt later from Dumbledore that the Potters were hidden and all precaution was taken to keep them that way. At last I could rest easy… until. Peter Pettigrew, a supposed friend of the Potters; was gloating to the other Death Eaters that he had delivered the Potter’s address and that his place as the Dark Lord’s most loyal servant was now secured. Even now, Voldemort was on his way to the Potters with annihilation on his mind. Using Legilimens on Pettigrew, I obtained the Potters address and disaperated immediately.

Within seconds I had arrived at Godric’s Hollow and the house occupied by the Potters. From the street I could hear the screams of the child within; shocked that I might still have a chance I rushed in only to be met by the body of James Potter just inside the foyer of the house – dead. Hurriedly, I wandered the house, following the wailing cries of the baby until at last I came upon mother and babe in the nursery. Lily was sprawled on the floor next to the crib – dead. And my world fell apart.

I slumped numbly next to her body oblivious to the cries of the child just a few feet away. She was dead. Lily was dead. I was too late. I had lost her for good. Cradling her head in my lap I could only look at her face, she looked as though she were only sleeping, her dark lashes resting softly against her cheeks. But she was not breathing. How long I had just sat there in shock I didn’t know. But out of nowhere I was hit by a hex.

I slammed into a wall and fell at the feet of Sirius Black. Black knew that I was a Death Eater and was convinced that I had played a major role in the death of his two friends. Sirius claimed vengeance and was about to kill, but I didn’t care; I had nothing to live for anymore. But Hagrid arrived and before I knew it the entire place was in chaos. All I saw of the babe was a flash his sparkling green eyes.

I swiped at the tears that slipped down my cheek did my best to hold my emotions in check, “If only I had found out sooner. If only I had paid closer attention.” I gazed again at the smiling photograph, my voice was thick and guttural as I continued, “If only I had come to you when I first found out, you would have been here, alive.” And my face contorted again in agonized grief at the thought of her there, under the cold frozen earth. Her life lost senselessly, her beauty, her laughter, her love – gone. Fresh waves of tears and misery overwhelmed me as I embraced and pressed my face to the headstone.

“I should have protected you.” I cried, willing the words to her, “I should have kept you safe. But I was too late.” “It’s my entire fault.” The words burst out raggedly from within me; my entire body shook with heartache and sorrow, “I’m sorry…” I wailed, “I’m sorry I didn’t reach you in time. I’m sorry I couldn’t save you.”

I slumped to the ground, dizzy and weak, my face felt frozen and bloodless as I pressed it close to the base of the stone my lips felt numb and were doubtless blue. My grief tore me apart, I groaned and keened, the sounds seemed to come from my belly as salty tears soaked at the snow covered ground under my face.

“I wish it were me… I WISH IT WERE ME! I screamed and my broken voice echoed amongst the sepulchers and grave markers and the desolation that surrounded.

Finally, exhausted I just lay there, the black cloak I had on, my only shield against the elements, was haphazardly tangled about my body and was beginning to dampen with the snow. Oh that death would just take me now was my wish. But such mercy was not meant to be.

“I’ve made so many mistakes.” I muttered; I felt calm now; the heat and furor of my angst had gradually morphed into deathly numbness. I peered up at Lily’s smiling face, “You would not believe what I’ve done.”

And before I knew it I began narrating the events of my life from the day I met a young muggle woman named Cassidy Rain Melrose. I scoffed, “They named her Rain because of the storm during her birth. Lucky for her there wasn’t fog.”

‘Or a blizzard’

I smiled at the memory of Lily’s voice, “Yes, or a blizzard.”

On and on I continued, recounting incident after incident. I smiled as I spoke of the day Cassidy attacked me on the table at the duel club, how shocked and proud I was of her for that accomplishment. That time she barged into my room because she thought there were spiders in her apartments. The look on her face as she offered me her muggle bug spray. I recalled the evening I saw her in the shower as she danced. The first time we made love. Love. Yes by the gods – love!

I spoke of my meeting with Voldemort, and his impossible request. I poured out my thoughts and fears at the idea of Cassidy in the hands of the Dark Lord. I admitted my shock upon hearing her confession of love and the panic that shot through my heart. I shared my plan to make Cassidy hate me so that she would break the tie of love, so that it would be easier for her when I left.

“I just wanted her to stay there; she would have been safe at Hogwarts. I couldn’t trust anyplace else, not after what happened with you. I couldn’t bear it if I lost her too.”

Lily’s photo smiled the very moment I said it. ‘Why don’t you admit it Severus, admit that you love her.’

But I was silent. Moments passed before I said quietly, “Because I told you that would never love another besides you.”

In my heart I heard her voice again, ‘I’m gone Severus. Do you think that I want you to give up your life, your happiness for me?’

“I’ve already given it up.”

‘And you believe it pleases me to see you like this, to see you deny yourself happiness and love. Do you think it pleases me to see you hold back you life? Paying penance for something you had no control over. How can I rest at the thought that I’m the cause of your unhappiness?’

“But it’s my fault. If I hadn’t …”

‘No Severus. No more what ifs. It was meant to be. You need to let me go, let go of the guilt. I don’t blame you for what happened. Neither did James, we know now that it was meant to be, just like you were meant to be with Cassidy. I cannot give you the love you long for Severus, we had our chance but it didn’t work out the way we expected. Fate had another plan. But Cassidy loves you; she can give you all you ever truly longed for.’

“I don’t deserve it; I don’t deserve her not after what I did.”

‘Gods yes Severus! More than anyone, you deserve love; you deserve her and all she has to give to you. She has proved herself, proved her love; don’t throw it away, Severus. Don’t throw away what I always wanted you to have.'

I closed my eyes and for the first time entertained the truth of my circumstance, the truth I tried so hard to ignore over the years. I didn’t know if it was my heart speaking or my mind or conscience or if it were really Lily but what ever it was, it was the truth.

“I don’t know how to let go.”

‘You already have. The moment her safety became your first priority, you let me go.’

I sat up and gently touched Lily’s picture again. She was right. I had fought so hard for Lily’s love. But fate led her to someone else. And even after she died, I refused to let it go. I believed I had to pay the price and endure the penance. And here was Cassidy, with her silly muggle ways that made me want to throttle her half time and kiss her the next. Cassidy with her confidence and sensitivity; independence and spirit. Her freely given gift of love.

Cassidy with her persistence had stormed into my heart and had refused to budge. Visions of her standing there, legs planted, with her arms crossed, defiant to my wishes ready to fight if the need arose, made me smile.

“I love her.” I said softly, testing words I haven’t spoken in almost 20 years. “I love her. I love Cassidy.” The very sound of it felt like burdens, and years and frustrations being lifted from my soul. Heartache being erased and replaced with joy. And I smiled again this time in real happiness at the discovery of feeling warmth and light inside there at the thought of her. I felt purged and renewed; my heart racing like a teenager in love for the first time. I chuckled softly. I felt free.

The morning sun was just peeking through pewter clouds letting in its light and dispelling the darkness of the past night. The murky shadows slowly receded as the day dawned bright and fresh and new. Like me I thought. I glanced at the other part of the headstone, a place I could never look upon, never acknowledge. A place that always made me feel uncomfortable.

But I was at peace now, the resentment and hate of old was dissipating. That part of my life was over now; it was time to move on. Leaning over I set about clearing the entire marker of snow and ice. Pressing my fingers into the grooves of the engravings and swiping my palm after I blew warmth into it across the rest of the picture. Within minutes my work was done.

James Potter.

Underneath in the magical photo James grinned that mischievous grin that was his trademark, his dark hair was as unruly as ever, his hazel eyes bright. Looking at the both of them together; Lily and James, their happiness and love seemed almost tangible. It seemed meant to be. With new eyes I could see that Lily was truly happy with James – a happiness I craved to have with her. And in my heart was Cassidy – offering her gift of love freely and without condition. No; I would not loose this chance. I wanted it too much.

I gazed at the laughing couple a few minutes longer before I rose to my feet. “Thank you Lily.” I murmured finally, “I’ll be OK now. Goodbye.”

******
Within moments I apperated to the outskirts of Hogwarts grounds and in quick strides began to make my way up to the castle. I had to get to Cassidy. I had to make sure she was OK. I had to explain – everything. Gods! The state she was in when I left her. Would she still be there in the torture chamber? Maybe she managed to make it to her own quarters? Did she even have the strength to walk? Oh gods… I thought frantically as I ran up the front stairs of the castle, please don’t let her change her mind and hate me, please let her be alright… I will spend the rest of my life making it up to her; just let her be alright.

I dashed down to the dungeons and hurriedly made my way to the torture chamber; flinging the door wide open my uttered spell brought the wall sconces to blaze. My eyes sought first for the table – she was not there. In seconds I burst into her office and swept into her bedroom, “Cassidy?” I called but received no answer. She was not there either. This was not good, something was not right here I thought. I turned and made my way to my own quarters and like a mad man searched every room but there was no sign of her.

Fear and panic began to invade my heart, had Voldemort found a way in? Did he lure her away? Maybe she decided he was too much trouble, had a change of heart and left. All were possibilities but I found I feared the latter the most. Not willing to give up I frantically rushed to the hospital wing hoping against hope; but the repeated denials on Cassidy’s presence in the hospital ward by Madame Pomfrey had me in a state of despair.
Where could she be? Feeling now that I had no choice but to go to Dumbledore; I made my way up to the second floor and to the Gargoyle statue.

Moments later I reached the top of the tower that was the headmaster’s private quarters and office. With haste I reached for the door but stopped abruptly at the sound of voices within.

“Tell me the truth! I want to know what he said when he returned.”

“Cassidy, you have been though massive traumas, for your health sake, please keep calm.”

“How can I be calm Albus, we might be in danger!”

Cassidy sounded hysterical and fearful. Damnation! What had I done to her? I wanted to rush in and soothe her but I held fast at her next words.

“He’s changed! Since he came back it’s like he’s possessed, this is not the Severus I know; it’s the Dark Lord’s influence. Remember what I told you about Severus being faithful to him? Well what I didn’t tell you was that Voldemort wants me.”

“What are you saying Cassidy? What do you mean, Voldemort wants you?”

“Voldemort knows that I’m psychic; he knows about my gift, he wants to claim it as his own. And I’m afraid Severus may faithful enough to deliver me.”

I reeled, Psychic? Cassidy was psychic? She knew! She knew of Voldemort’s request! It all suddenly made sense why Voldemort wanted her.

Dumbledore spoke, “But think Cassidy, if Severus was faithful, wouldn’t he have already delivered you. He had the chance tonight.”

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It was true Cassidy thought. She originally believed that Severus would have his fun with her before serving her up to Voldemort. But after her confession of love she had no idea what happened, only that she woke up in the office of the headmaster, why Severus didn’t take her with him she didn’t know. But she felt sure Voldemort had a plan for her and he was using Severus to accomplish it.

“I don’t know why I was not taken Albus; but you hired me observe and evaluate Severus Snape. You wanted to know if he was true to Voldemort or the Ministry… and by extension you, I used my gifts to find out all I could. And I’m telling you now; there is a plan between Severus and Voldemort and we need to…”
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I didn’t hear the rest of it because the jolt of what I just overheard left me immobile with shock. My brain felt frozen as I tried to understand the implications of my lover’s words. She was a spy. All this time, she was spying on me?! Suddenly everything between us, everything I believed and trusted and hoped for became a big lie. Lies! All of it lies! Both of them and their deception!

Severus flung the door open and stared daggers into the shocked faces of Albus Dumbledore and Cassidy Melrose.

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AN: WOW! Severus is about to kick ass! Stick around, I’ll be updating soon. You do want to know what he does don’t you. Again, thanks for reading Muggle Magic and for all your encouragements and support. I am eternally grateful. Now if you look right under here you’ll see the review button… care to say what you think of the chapter? I’d love to hear from you. Remember to recommend!