Deliver Me

Chapter XIII – Drowning in You


“Damn you!” she shouted. The vase missed its intended target and crashed against the stonewall.

“No darling, you cannot damn me anymore than I am already,” his arms were folded across his chest, he was scowling and his eyes were glaring at her.

“Get out!” she shrieked “Get out! Get out! Get the bloody hell out of my room!”

Severus just stood there, looking entirely unflustered with a changeless expression.

“The more you act like a child, the more you shall be treated as one,” was his simple answer to none of the questions that had been burning in her mind.

“You’re a bastard, a bloody bastard! Get out!” she started to work herself up into a crying-fest, “Please, just get out! Leave me alone!”

“I shall not recoil myself at your whim, Miss Granger, you are a child who needs to learn how to respect those above herself. Don’t confirm the depictions about yourself that portray you as a insufferable, exasperating little girl.”

Hermione was about to say something, when her body convulsed, her eyes closed, something was taking her over – right in front of him. She fell flat against the bed and dug her hands into the bed sheets, her mouth was gradually opening fighting for air. He ran over to her and tried to awaken the possessed girl as her back arched a good few inches off the bed, her eyes flew open and he thought she was going to pass out. In an instant it was over as soon as it started and she was half hung over the bed, coughing and crying.

He grabbed her and held her against him as she cried endless against his neck, “Shhh it’s ok. This time it’s okay,” were his only words of comfort.

She held on to him tighter, almost like she felt he was going to leave her if she let go, “He spoke to me, I remember it, Severus, he spoke to me.”

He began to let go so he could talk to her face to face, but she dug her fingernails into his back, “Don’t leave me, he’s coming back, I know it, please don’t leave me.”

Severus kissed her forehead and gently lay her back down on her bed still clinging to him. His upper body was on top of hers, “What did Voldemort say?” he got some leeway and propped himself up on his elbows looking down at her and her tear stricken face. “I know that if he wished too, he could have taken you over fully, but he didn’t, he was just exercising his power over you, so tell me, what did he say?” He continued as his thumb brushed away another tear.

She looked too frightened to speak – he had never seen her like this.

“Stay with me,” her voice was meek and barely audible. She closed her eyes as she felt him lay the rest of his body aside her, almost guarding her from harm.

Once she felt him against her, she opened her eyes and stared at the ceiling with dead eyes. Severus, who was laying half way on his side and over her, just looked at her emotionless face and waited for her to speak. She didn’t need him to pressure her into talking, she didn’t need him to run and get Dumbledore, she didn’t need him to summon Harry or Ron, all she needed was him, right there and then, right next to her, holding her and waiting for her.

Severus warded her part of the hospital wing and was falling asleep when she finally spoke again. Her eyes were still diverted at the ceiling and her voice was barely audible, “Why do I have to be so intelligent?”

He was a little stunned, because he wasn’t sure what she was asking.

“I mean,” she continued, “if I wasn’t this smart he wouldn’t want me would he? He wouldn’t send me images of Draco killing Harry and Ron in my dreams, he wouldn’t make me do things and he wouldn’t threaten to kill me in my own thoughts if I didn’t comply with him.”

Rather than saying something, for the first time Severus was silent and just let her talk.

“Is Ormens Svarte Hjerte an easy potion to make? Or is it actually difficult for a reason? Did he choose me for a reason? Does he ever have a reason?” and a single tear fell out of the corner of her eye – almost unnoticeable.

“When you were reading Aiken’s book, did you by chance read the chapter entitled Snake’s Breath?”

She turned to him then, “No, I cannot recall, I barely even remember reading the book at all.”

He nodded, sighed and said, “Aiken describes something called the Snake’s Breath which is, in all actuality, Nagini’s unique, but poisonous venom, mixed with the extract of a rare flower, found in the mountains of Switzerland in the pure virgin snow, called the White Lotus.”

“What is it?”

“The two have to be heated over a small but concentrated fire, where the vapors can be inhaled, sent into the blood stream and literally, burn off, in a sense of the meaning, the Jadelisk mark off its inhabitant. Or there is another means of brewing a set of potions, a complex series, so to speak, that burn it off as well.”

“Why can’t the person drink the potion directly? The Snake’s Breath I mean.”

“Because it is too strong, the slightest miss at the precise brew, can kill. The virgin extract and the dark venom cancel the other, thus neutralizing whatever they come in contact with. The series of potions, takes longer to burn off the effects, but it’s safer. Inhaling too much, can be just as poisonous as sipping it directly. Do you understand?”

She nodded, “But there is something I do not understand?”

“Yes?”

“What does this have to do with me?” her eyes were innocent and curious, “I mean, does he want me to brew it for him? Does he want to neutralize one of his Jadelisk? Or kill them?”

“Neither and none,” He kissed the drained girl’s forehead, put her under his chin and told her she needed to sleep.

“Then what is it?”

“Close your eyes.”

“I can’t.”

“Surely you can.”

“And if he comes back to me?”

“I won’t leave you and he shall not return – not tonight.”

She exhaled and buried herself on his shoulder, “I still… do not understand…explain to me…pl…ea...se…” she yawned and he stroked her shoulders, it was making her more drowsy.

“Tomorrow is another day, my love.”

But by the time he uttered the endearment, she was already in too deep of a sleep to hear him and realize the sun was rising outside the castle.

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When she woke up, he was still with her, holding her in the same position as the night before. She assumed he was still asleep, she did have him up for most of the night. As slowly and carefully as she could, rotated her neck to glance the clock on the wall – ‘tis the time between tea and sleep – the magical clock read. Hermione thought about that for a second…good goddesses! It was twelve hours later, she slept through the entire day!

“I was waiting for you to awaken.”

He startled her, “I thought you were sleeping.”

“I do not require as much rest as you may think. To rest ones eyes is to ease the mind and go no further is suffice…real sleep, deep sleep…I have not had in years.”

“Seriously?” she asked, “What about that night in your office? When you wouldn’t let go of my hand.”

He gave a light laugh, “I rest my eyes, my mind, my body – but I am always awake.”

“That means, you meant it – that was intentional – that was – I can’t believe you did – you made me stay with you!”

Severus moved to look down upon her, “I did not make you do anything, I tend to believe that you do everything you wish too at your own urge.”

“My own urge?” he was playing games with her again, “You are beyond impossible.”

He laughed.

She passed her hands through his hair and he tried everything in his power not to show any emotion to her touch.

“You know,” she started, “I still think I love you.’

He said nothing and she wasn’t expecting him to.

“I love the way I feel when I’m around you,” the admission continued, “I love the feel of your skin on mine,” she let out a laugh, “and I think I even love your cross constitution.”

The hard structure of his mouth softened by her last statement as she leaned him to brush her lips along his cheek.

Severus momentarily closed his eyes to bask in her touch, before removing himself from her and simply leaving, thinking of her last statement as his sign to leave, without realizing her true meaning.

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Hermione ate dinner with the other Gryffindors, she was feeling better and decided she needed to get a straight head on, stop the crying, the madness and the soppy emotional fits she thought were becoming too much of her.

Was kissing his cheek adding an admission to closure? She was not sure, and did not actually want to know.

She never looked at him once at dinner rather she occupied herself with that of her fellow house members, talking about ridiculous stories and desires.

“I’ve always wanted to do it in water,” claimed Parvati.

“Do what?” asked Ron.

“Does that veela of yours teach you nothing?” Dean questioned full heartedly laughing.

“Gods I’m so hungry,” started Hermione, “I feel like I haven’t eaten in days. And that’s sex Ronald.”

Ron threw her a look of confusion and agitation – for calling him Ronald.

“Sex in water?” He asked.

“You can be so daft sometimes,” stated Lavender, “please pass the apples.”

“Wait so under water? Or just in water? But if its underwater how do you breathe?” another question from Ron.

“Does it matter?” Seamus inquired.

Ron raised a confused eyebrow, before Harry said, “Gillyweed.”

“Gillyweed?” Ron repeated.

“Enables you to breathe underwater, got some from Dobby for the Tri-Wizard Tournament. Remember?”

“Oh yea.” Ron said flatly.

“Anyway, I think it would be incredible to do it in water. Under or in, doesn’t matter, point being water has got to be there,” Parvati restated her initial statement.

“Seriously, I swear, if anyone ever passed by during one of our conversations, they would swear we were a group of sexed up juvenile delinquents,” Harry told them.

“Amazingly the new words of wisdom,” Said Dean, “what’s up Granger, no slick tongue thoughts for us tonight, letting Potter replace you?”

“Actually, Dean darling, I hardly doubt Harry could ever take my place because I will always have an opinion on you … and your …what did you call it again? … oh yes, magical viagra?” Hermione threw at him sweetly.

“What’s viagra?” asked Ron.

“You don’t need viagra do you?” asked Harry very well knowing the non-magical drug, daring not to ask what was so special about the magical version, rather the homemade magical version, he would rather not know at all.

“Sex stimulant,” said Lavender.

“You don’t actually use it?” asked Harry.

“Nah, I never tried it,” he said shamelessly.

“I don’t think he needs it,” smirked Parvati, “believe me I don’t think I does at all.”

Hermione and Lavender threw her looks of outraged surprise with laughter.

“Morgana, ugh, another conversation based on sex…it’s always about sex. I’m telling you we need to expand our converses to other subject areas,” mumbled Ron.

“Regardless, after we do it in water, let’s try it underwater hun,” Parvati said ignoring Ron and continuing with her original train of thought.

“Déja vu,” Ron muttered. “It’s like I’m in a porn and I can’t get out.”

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After what seemed like hours in the common room with after dinner chit chatting, they each went their separate ways supposedly to bed.

Hermione shrugged off her school clothes and was going to put on her nightgown, when she thought the better of it. She rummaged through her trunk, found muggle extra low-rise jeans, her favorite cotton tee and her black ankle boots. Sure, she was pretty simple – in the magical world – but she was a softy for muggle fashion. Hermione found her black coat, white scarf, black tote bag, and her emergency broom, a nimbus 2000 – a gift from her parents who thought a decently good broom would help their daughter relish even further into magical world and its habits – of course she was decently good, but was rather scared she might fly into an airplane, flock of birds or simply just fall off for no good reason.

With broom in hand and tote bag on shoulder, she quietly left the dormitory and headed for the boat entrance to the castle.

Once outside, the sky looked in excellent flying conditions. She mounted her broom, flew of the ground and no sooner was leaving the castle.

Hermione didn’t fly home, she thought about it once or twice, but decided to fly to Oxford and see her cousin Bryce – Lucy’s older brother.

She placed a shrinking spell on her broom, tucked it neatly into her purse and apparated to his room.

He sensed her appear behind him, and without turning away from his papers monotonously spoke to her, “Aren’t you suppose to be at that castle of yours?”

“So I can’t visit you when I please, well that is welcoming,” she stated.

“Hermione it’s almost four in the morning,” he didn’t turn around and his voice was still unchanging.

“Where’s your roommate? Dear old Patrick?” she asked changing the subject.

“Patrick,” Bryce started, “is off for the semester in Rome on some art project, and thus I a loner for the next couple of months.”

“Must be nice,” she said placing her bag at the side of Patrick’s bed, before walking to Bryce’s side hoping he’d acknowledge her presence.

“How long will you be staying this time?” he asked.

“You’re acting like I’m here all the time.’

“You were here a grand total of seven times last year. Hermione this is the first time I’m seeing you since the funeral.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You should never apologize for things that you need not be sorry for.”

“I want to apologize to you.”

“I don’t want you too.”

“Bryce I’m sorry.”

“And how long will your stay be this time?”

“You sound like you don’t want me here,” she said in the monotonous voice he was using.

“You know better than that,” there was a hint of emotion when he spoke this time and he did not turn around.

“Do I remind you of her?” she asked abruptly.

“You know that you do,” was his simple answer.

“Is that reason enough to estrange yourself from me, damn it Bryce look at me!” her sudden outburst took him by surprise, he flinched but didn’t turn his head.

She was so angry it was so unlike her to get that worked up, she grabbed his shoulder and made him face her. His eyes were red and full of sorrow. It broke her heart to see him like that. He couldn’t deal with it, with her. She felt his estrangement. I wished she could estrange the entire world around her too. But Bryce had one this to his advantage that she didn’t – he wasn’t loosing his mind – and therefore, could estrange himself to gain closure.

“I…” and words failed her. She pulled him to her chest and stoked his hair as he let a few strands of water escape his eyes, before pushing her away and regaining his composure.

She couldn’t remember him crying at the funeral. She hardly noticed him at the funeral at all, almost like he wasn’t there. She could have sworn he was made of stone, no emotion, no communication – yet somehow she had the urge that she needed to see him and confront her feelings, her life – just everything. She was under the impression that he could help her. Actually she knew he could.

Bryce lay in his bed staring at the ceiling as she sat across from him on Patrick’s bed.

“I didn’t like that professor of yours,” he admitted after long minutes of silence.

“Your mother as well as my own seem to beg to differ,” she told him.

“He’s too proud. He’s dark too dark, he reeks of evil and hallows blackness. Almost like he’s been down to hell and has come back,” another monotonous comment.

“I think he has,” said Hermione, “Bryce?”

“What?”

“I miss her too.”

“So are you going to tell me why you are here, in the middle of the week, before the break of dawn?” he asked ignoring her comments once again.

“I wanted to get away.”

“From what?”

“I deserve a break. Can I not take one?”

“A break from who?”

“I never said it was a person.”

“I know you well enough to know the difference between a break from studies – which isn’t likely for you, situations – which you ignore rather than deal with, and people – which for some reason unknown to the rest of the world, have this emotional effect on you that cause you to turn into a bloody mess.”

“Thanks for the rush of confidence,” she told him.

“You’re welcome,” he said before adding, “So who is it?”

“Bryce, I have dreams.”

“We all have dreams, what does that have to do with me and you’re being here?”

“Bryce, I dream that I’m bleeding without any wounds, I wake up and the blood is real, and a strange man appears in my dreams, he’s evil, and I think he’s using me as…” she stopped her explanation.

“As a what?” he asked

“I don’t know,” she told him, “but the thing is, he makes me do things, make potions that are so deadly the thought of them haunt people, he seeps into my thoughts and my head feels like it’s splitting, I can’t breathe, I can’t sleep, I can barely eat – Bryce I think I’m going mad.”

“What do you want me to do about it?”

“Do you remember what I told you was happening to Harry in our fifth year?”

“Visions?”

“Yes.”

“So you are having visions, and?”

“Well I think I’m not exactly have visions, but he’s using me as a puppet, an element, something, rather someone, he can use to get inside.”

“Hogwarts?” questioned Bryce.

“Yes.”

“So you figured out what is happening to you, cheers, you have some sort of reason for the occurrence, cheers, but yet, you fail to tell me what this has to do with me and why you are here. Although, the other brilliant Granger in the family can surely guess without any admission from you.”

“We are too much alike,” was all she said.

“Indeed we are, I know why you’re here, but I want you to tell it to me. I understand your pain, but rather emotionlessly get past it. Oh yes, Hermione, we are very much alike. However, I sense a change in you.”

“Can I stay tonight?”

“You’re already here. I don’t see the point in you’re leaving when daylight is breaking within the hour.”

“Do you have class tomorrow? Rather today?”

“No.”

“Can we talk in the latter?”

“I don’t see anything stopping us love,” he told her as he turned off the lamp by his bedside, leaving her in the darkness at the other end of the room.

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Daylight broke; they slept, awoke around lunch, left the campus, found a restaurant and amused themselves.

“I can’t believe you slept with him! That’s just … well I don’t know… it’s just…” Bryce was at a loss for words at Hermione’s admission to her somewhat of an affair with Severus.

“A little early to be chugging a Carlsberg, eh?” Hermione asked watching him down the entire second half.

“Who could resist after a story like that,” he shrugged off the beer, “So is this the part where you tell me what I’m suppose to do and why you’re here?”

She looked crossly at him, “Fine.”

“Well?”

“I don’t want to go back. I go crazy when I’m there, Bryce I can’t stay away from him; I want to stay away from him. I think I love him but-”

“You what?”

“- I don’t want to love him-”

“I would hope not.”

“- I just don’t want too. I think if I get away from that place, I can breathe normally again. Let me stay with you.”

“For how long? It isn’t going look normal if the dean see a girl living in my room, much less my cousin – that would look scandalous for lack of a more appropriate term.”

She pulled her hands through her hair, “I’m a witch, and no one will know I’m there, I can make myself invisible or I can walk through the halls as you or something.”

“And to shower Hermione? How are you going to pull that off? How are you going to pull off the bathroom situation?”

“The other half of your floor are girls, are they not? Well I’ll just do my stuff over there. So can I stay?”

“I suppose so.”

She smiled.

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“Hey Harry!”

“Hey Neville, what’s up?”

“Hermione was suppose to meet me over an hour ago to go over some Herbology notes, its not like her to be late, I was wondering if you’ve seen her?’

“No, Neville I’m sorry. I’m sure it just slipped her mind, she’s been pretty preoccupied lately.”

Walking into the common room Harry left Neville to slouch next to Ron on the couch by the fire, “You seen Hermione lately?”

“Yea.”

“Oh, she missed a study group with Neville.”

“I know.”

“So where was she?”

“Not here,” Ron said as he discreetly passed Harry a small parchment, “Read and burn it.”


‘Went to stay with Bryce. I never wrote this. Will be in touch. H.G’


Harry threw the parchment in the fire, “She couldn’t deal.”

“So it would seem.”

“Does anyone else know?”

“Of course not. I’m not that daft, it was under my wand when I woke up this morning. I almost tossed it, she made it look like a piece of scrap.”

“How are we suppose to cover for her then? She has thesis classes you know,” Harry told him.

“I was thinking about that. Harry we know her well enough to know, why she left, so I was thinking, we should have it all organized, a different plan for each scenario. So if he asks the first time she’s sick – can’t leave her room…”

“And?”

“Well that’s all I can come up with so far that’s believable.”

“She has to get better sometime, then what? We don’t even know how long she’s going to be gone. Ron, she doesn’t want to be found, we have to make sure that she isn’t.”

“The Jadelisk can always be found Harry.”

“I know, Ron, I know.”

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Severus noticed her absence at breakfast, at lunch and at dinner. This was odd indeed, skipping meals again, that wasn’t good. The girl was definitely one for the books.

“Mister Potter, I do believe I have not seen Miss Granger at any of the meals today, pray tell, where is she?” Snape said upon the conclusion of dinner, as Harry and Ron were getting up.

“She’s sick sir, came down with a muggle bug,” Harry lied.

“Bug? Mister Potter?” asked Snape.

“Muggle virus sir, very contagious,” Harry continued.

Snape arched and eyebrow and gave a look of sharp ice, “And why did Miss Granger not go to the hospital wing?”

“The only cure for the virus is time sir, time, rest and muggle medicines,” said Harry.

“Magic can cure almost everything Mister Potter. Miss Granger should know that. And do tell, what are her symptoms?” Snape prodded.

Ron threw Harry a look of panic.

“She’s throwing up sir, can’t keep anything down. It’s a stomach virus, must have been something she ate yesterday. Her mother sent her a box of chocolates, on the carrier, they must have spoiled. You know how owls can be.”

“Indeed. I suspect she will not be attending thesis lessons this evening,” Snape stated in what seemed to be more of a question than a statement.

Harry nodded.

“If this ‘virus’ as you so put it, is so contagious Mister Potter, then why have you and Mister Weasley not yet caught it?” Snape continued to dig for answers.

“Well, I…sir…you see…growing up with muggles, I have some knowledge of how to put myself out of harms way.”

“Pity you do not have any knowledge whatsoever of doing that in the magical world Mister Potter,” and he walked away.

A wave of relief swept over Harry after he left.

“Do you think he believed you?” asked Ron.

“I certainly hope so.”

** Before you read chapter 14, I seriously recommend that you find yourself a copy of “After All” performed by Cher and Peter Cetera – I promise it’s worth it for the next read!!! I’m excited, I think what I planned is so cute! lol**