A Tale of Two Men

TITLE: A Tale of Two Men

Author: Lady Sirius

Pairing: Anybody's guess

RATING: NC17
FEE FEEDBACK: darklove_zorg@yahoo.com

DISCLAIMER: Of course all rights belong to JK Rowling - I would claim Sirius if I could (but alas this is not meant to be!)

OOTP SPOILERS: Yes there are a few references, so don't read if you don't want to know.

DEDICATION: To my glorious, talented and wondrous inspiration - Gary Oldman


Chapter Fourteen - Let the Festivities Begin



"What'll we do with a drunken sailor,
What'll we do with a drunken sailor,
What'll we do with a drunken sailor,
Earl-aye in the morning?

Way hay and up she rises
Way hay and up she rises
Way hay and up she rises
Earl-aye in the morning"

from an old English sea chanty, arranged by Percy Aldridge Grainger


Sirius Black slowly opened hies, es, blinking against the harunliunlight which assaulted him, his eyeballs trying to do a desperate 180 and reverse themselves back into their sockets. He winced at the immense pain which seared his skull and resounded through it with the force of an unbridled tympani, and wondered just where the hell he was. He reached out tentatively with one hand, felt a hard surface beneath his fingertips. It was rough to the touch and none too comfortable. Further exploration of his body and his environment revealed some items which he couldn't immediately identify - they were soggy, papery, squishy and smelly. Raising his head slightly in order not to increase the pain which resided there, he realized that it seemed as if someone had emptied out the contents of a trash bin over him. "What the fuck?" he muttered, attempting to sit up and brushing bits of old food and wrappers off of himself.

He felt a strange hand being placed in his, and a familiar voice saying, "Here, let me give you a hand up," and he found himself being unceremoniously hauled to his feet, resulting in an avalanche of garbage about him. He couldn't decide whether to thank the other person or tell them to fuck off - he would have to gather some more data on the state of things before he could decide that - but any rude words which he had considered delivering were thought better of when he found himself looking into the anxious eyes of Molly Weasley.

"What are you doing here?" he managed to choke out, brushing himself off with what dignity he could muster. Now that his eyes seemed to be a bit more focused, he was able to look around him, and he saw that he was in some type of alley - not a very nice one at that - and had most likely lain there all night on the cold hard asphalt. He did a quick check of his limbs - nothing broken or missing - and his wallet - still had the muggle money which he had been spending last night - ran his tongue over his teeth to ascertain that none were missing or broken as a result of any sort of fist fight - and came to the conclusion that he was alive (more or less) and in one piece, and that he had a definite case of bad wizard's breath.

"I came to find you," Molly replied, clucking her tongue as she looked him over from head to foot. He realized that he most likely wasn't looking his best, especially considering the circumstances under which she found him, but there wasn't a whole lot he could do about it at the moment.

"How did you find me?" he muttered, searching for and finding his wand where he had tucked it safely away prior to last night's debacle. At least that wasn't missing - he'd hate to have to explain that to Arthur Weasley and that lot at the Muggle Department. "Nobody knew where I was, nobody except Dobby, and he...." Sirius looked down at y suy suspiciously. "Dobby! That sodding house elf! What did you do to that monument to basteaste to make him tell you where I was - it must have been really bad, ‘cause I had him scared I was going to sell him to Voldemort."

"I have my ways, Sirius," Molly replied mysteriously, "I have my ways."

"You still haven't told me what you're doing here and why you're looking for me." He looked about for a way out of the alley, found it and began moving in that direction, Molly dogging his steps. gai gait was a tad uneven, but he managed to pull himself together as he walked. Suddenly he turned to Molly as a thought occurred to him."Is "Is something wrong back at Hogwarts? Is Harry okay?" he asked anxiously, gripping her shoulders and looking as if he would shake the answer out of her if she didn't reply quickly enough.

"No, Sirius, of course nothing like that. I would hmentmentioned that right away," she said in a tone of resentment. "I'm here because of Harry, though, that part is true enough."

"What about Harry?" Sirius mumbled. He began to walk again, in the direction of a muggle liquor store, and Molly realized that she had to work fast to forestall him. With a shake of her head and a few muttered words, she managed to apparate them both into #12 Grimmauld Place.
"The last thing you need right now is more to drink," she commented drily, "you smell like you drank the distillery dry last night as it is."

"Sorry if I offend you," he dripped sarcasm, "it's a little hard to smell daisy fresh when you've spent the night under a pile of garbage."

"And who told you to do that?" she returned. He had no ready answer to that. His only reply was one of his patented dark scowls. "Anyway, I'm not here to pass judgement, although that wouldn't be too difficult to do, and you know it. No, I'm here because Harry and Ron came out to the Burrow in the middle of the day yesterday just to talk to me about you."

"What, in the middle of a school day? Is something wrong? No, you said it wasn't, I do remember and no, I'm not getting senile, just a tad hungover." Sirius pushed back the greasy strands of dark hair which fell across his face, yawned broadly.

"Here, let me help with that," Molly offered. She waved her hand toward him, uttered, "Ablutions detoxifus!" and added, "Aramis Herbal!" for good measure. Sirius found himself clad in clean clothes and a card-carrying member of the non-offensive world once again, with just a hint of Aramis Herbal about him. And he was completely sober and no longer hungover, a definite plus in his book.

"Thanks, Molly," he grunted, "now will you please tell me what the hell is going on!" He raised the level of his voice with every word until he was fairly screaming at her. Which was definitely the wroning ing to do, because it set off the evil old hag that had once been his mother and they were forced to go upstairs to get away from the noise of her obnoxious caterwauling.

"Harry came to see me, Sirius, because he's concerned about you. He thinks there's something wrong with you and, quite frankly, based on what I've just seen, so do I."

Sirius scowled, said nothing.

"He blames himself you know."

"For what, in Merlin's sake?" Exasperated.

"For failing you in some way. Of not being good enough." (Knowing that she now had his attention, Molly decided that some embellishment of the facts was needed, and she was pleased to see that it was having the desired effect). "You know how children can get, especially one as sensitive as Harry. And what with his parents' death and everything, you're the closest thing to a father that he's got left, and then when he thought he had lost you for good... well, you know.... He's just very needy, that's all I'm trying to say. And very sensitive."

"I still don't understand." Sirius shook his head, his long black tresses bouncing lightly about him as he moved, "why is he worried about me?"

"I think you know," Molly answered. "The way you've been acting - so mysterious and all - the way you spend so much of your time here rather than Hogwarts. Harry's no dummy, you know, he sees things. But he comes to the wrong conclusions about them, thaall.all. Blames himself for what you do."

"Merlin," Sirius swore, "of course Harry is not to blame for anything. He is perfectly blameless in everything. You have to let him know that - right away, Molly."

"Who is to blame, then?" Molly asked softly.

Sirius' eyes deepened into pure onyx as he glared at her. "Mind your own business." He turned away from her, but she refused to be shut out.

"Sirius Black!" she scolded him, "you're too old to be acting like some sort of a spoiled brat - it's time to grow up and accept your responsibilities, especially Harry! The boy loves you, and all he wants is the opportunity to be with you, and to be loved by you. Surely that isn't too much to ask, is it?"

A deep sigh of resigned admission escaped his lips. "No, it isn't," Sirius almost whispered. "What do you want me to do, Molly?" He looked at her closely, contrition in his eyes.

Inside, Molly was crowing triumphantly. On the outside, however, she maintained her cool demeanour. "Well, Harry mentioned that he was afraid that you were going to try to get out of going to Draco Malfoy's bachelor party, even after you promised him you would be there."

Sirius groaned and shut his eyes at the thought. He had completely forgotten about the bachelor party, caught up in his own problems. And he was really supposed to be there, considering that he was a member of the wedding party and all. And that thought brought about its own painful assocations - Severus was a member of the wedding party too.. He wasn't sure how to handle what was happening between them, and wasn't sure he could face seeing him there, in front of everyone, knowing the things they were probably saying about him behind his back. But Harry - Harry needed him, and Harry came first, and always would.

He squared his shoulders, looked Molly straight in the eye. "I will be at the bachelor party," he promised. "Please let Harry know that."

"Why don't you go with Harry and Ron?" Molly reached out and genttroktroked her cousin's arm, her motherly instincts roused by the sadness in his eyes. He was really such a little boy, she just wanted to hug him sometimes, and make it better for him. Oh if only she could! "I'm sure they would lthatthat, you kn

"All right, better to be with them than alone anyway. Tell Harry that I'll meet him in the Gryffindor common room before it starts, okay? Now, is there anything else I can help you with? If not, I have things..." He looked at her expectantly, but she wasn't put off by his rudeness - she had gotten what she had come for.

"No thank you, Sirius, I can't stay." She darted forward suddenly and gave him a light kiss on the cheek, startling him. "Sirius, dear, pleasay oay out of trouble, and stay away from muggle bars like the one back there. You're too good a man to waste yourself in places like that. You're too strong a man to let this get to you, whatever it is. Circe, man, you survived a complete hellhole and lived to tell about it - after that you would think everything else is a piece of cake!"

Sirius found himself almost smiling, against his will, at her words. "Thank you, Molly," he whispered, as he gave her a quick hug. She returned his smile and then she quickly apparated away, leaving Sirius to his own devices and his own thoughts, praying that she had succeeded in stopping his path of self-destruction for at least a little while.

****************************************************


Fred and George Weasley were beside themselves with excitement, although they did their best to hide it in order to maintain their accustomed aura of maturity and dignity. They had procured Professor Dumbledore's permission to use a little known suite of rooms in Hogwarts for Draco's bachelor party. His reasoning was that it would be safer that way, if everyone were to stay at the school rather than risk getting into trouble at some o loc location, and that the twins could be better contained at Hogwarts than elsewhere. They had spent the afternoon decorating and rearranging things, setting up the two beautiful fountains which would soon be flowing with beverages - one of the alcoholic variety, one that wasn't (this was at their mother's suggestion - she didn't want Harry and Ron indulging, and for that matter, Sirius.)

The twins had made the arrangements with the house elves for the refreshments, and they were going to provide the entertainment themselves in ways that they hoped would amuse and astound everyone. They had an assortment of new novelty jokes to show off, hopefully inspiring visits to their shop, as well as gag gifts for the groom-to-be. Not to mention their own personal hopes for what might transpire at this great event. Now everything was done, and they stood in the midst of their handiwork, and admired it greatly.

"Very nice, very nice," Fred commented, hands on hips, a pleased smile upon his lips. "Did you remember the tablets, George?"

"Of COURSE I did," with a trace of resentment, "what do you think I am, stupid?"

"Of course not, mate, just asking." Fred slipped his arms around his twin, drew him close and kissed him warmly, probing the familiar mouth with his tongue. They played tongue wars for a few minutes before reluctantly pulling back. George passed Fred the tablets, and he slipped them handily into the non-alcoholic fountain, where they quickly dissipated in orange fizzles. "That should do it! They won't even know what hit them!"

"Especially when you add that post-hypnotic suggestion during the hypnotist's schtick!"

"Especially then!" They kissed again, growing more and more excited by the minute.

"What time is it Fred?"

Fred consulted the clock on the wall. "Ummm, I think it's time for a shag," he said, clutching tightly at his brother, licking his chin and neck, as they sank together onto the floor.

A couple of hours later, and the guests were beginning to arrive. One of the first were Ron and Harry, with a clean and sober Sirius Black in tow. Dressed very nicely in a white linen shirt, fawn doeskin trousers and black leather boots, he was determined to make sure that Harry had a good time, and equally determined that he would stay sober to ensure that that happened. He tried not to wonder about Snape, but a quick perusal of the room revealed that he was not there. Sirius sighed. It was going to be a long night.

Remus was already there, engaged in conversation with Neville Longbottom. Unknown to Sirius, Remus had promised Molly Weasley to keep an eye on her erstwhile cousin, especially in enforcing the no-drinking policy. He didn't really mind as this gave him the opportunity to watch out for the other half of that duo - the inimitable Professor Snape. Lupin was worried about both of them, and hoped that everything would resolve itself by the end of the night.

"Ah, Sirius!" he greeted his long-time friend. "You're looking nice."

"Thank you, Remus," replied Sirius warily, giving the lycanthrope a ‘what-are-you-up-to-now look'.

"Here, have some punch," Lupin offered, drawing three cups from the non-alcoholic fountain and distributing them among Sirius and Harry and Ron. Sirius was quick to notice the pointed choice of refreshments, but guessed that he deserved it, so held his tongue. He looked into Lupin's eyes, and he knew that the werewolf knew everything about Sirius' mishap, and he sighed.

Lupin laughed mischievously. "You know it's impossible to keep a secret around here!"

"Merlin, don't I know it? Here, Harry, find a place for these gifts, will you?" He handed the wrapped packages to Harry and Ron who gladly obliged, leaving the two men alone.

"Before you get started, Remus, don't!" Sirius warned him. "I'm not in the mood, and I don't want to hear about it!"

"Why, whatever do you mean, Sirius?" Lupin pretended innocence. "What, did you think I was going to give you the grand inquisition regarding one Professor Severus Snape?"

"Actually yes, I did think so and I do think so, so save yourself the trouble and just don't it, okay?" Sirius took a sip of the punch, wished for a second that it was a tad stronger. But it did have an interesting flavour, so he resigned himself to it.

"Then can we talk later?"

"Hells bells, Remus, you're a persistent fucker, aren't you? All right, all right, if that's what you want. Later. As in not now. As in I'll tell you when. Verstehen Sie das?"

"Jawohl, meine kleine liebchen." Lupin playfully purred, arching one brow playfully at his friend. He started to say something else, but his attention was drawn to a commotion at the door, where Fred and George seemed to be signaling to everyone inside to hide. "I do believe the guest of honour has arrived," he commented drolly. "Shall we?" And everyone ducked out of sight as best they could.

Draco Malfoy's voice could be heard, apparently irritated, and very unhappy. "But Severus, I've done nothing to warrant any sort of detention - this is unreasonable of you. Hermione is waiting for me. Have pity on me, Severus, for Merlin's sake!" he whined.

"Come along, Mr. Malfoy, or I'll double your time!" This was Severus' voice, without a doubt. For a fleeting moment, Sirius considered the possibility of apparating away, but that moment quickly passed and he didn't move. The door to the party room opened, and Draco could be seen scowling - until he caught a glimpse of all the people who jumped up from nowhere and yelled ‘Surprise!' at him. He blinked, very definitely surprised, looked around him in confusion, and managed to ask, "What the hell is going on here?"

"Come, come, Draco," Snape replied, "surely you've seen a bachelor party before?"

Draco's face broke into a smile of gigantic proportions. "Cool!" he cried. "Awesome!" He was immediately surrounded by a gaggle of people, welcoming him, congratulating him, wishing him well. This was something new for Draco - Lucius Malfoy's son had not always been very well liked, mostly because of his bad behaviour, but Hermione's influence had changed all that. Ah, the love of a good woman! And today he was determined to put off any thoughts of his malicious father, still on the run from authorities since his breakout from Azkaban, and to thoroughly enjoy himself.

"Hey Potter, what's shaking?" he called out. "Hello, Ron!" And he looked at them knowingly, but suddenly he didn't seem to care. Wasn't love grand?

The three lads all shook hands. Severus sidled his way to the edge of the group. He had done what he had promised to do, but he hadn't even seriously considered staying for any length of time - he just wasn't in the mood. He was about to make his exit, when he felt it - a glance that seared his soul, and set him to trembling - he looked up and made direct eye contact with Sirius Black, who stood across the room, his dark eyes boring into him. The sight of Sirius, so heartbreakingly beautiful, so lusciously desirable - took Snape's br awa away.

He stared back at Sirius, unsure of what he should do - should he stay or should he go? His heart said stay, go to him, talk to him, but his mind said don't do it, walk away. Confusion reigned supreme in his soul - heart vs head, a vicious battle. But then he looked into those dark eyes again and he was lost. He had to go with his heart, reach out to his lover and make everything all right between them once again, end this pain he was living with.

He moved as if magnetized - like the scene in one of the muggle films which he enjoyed - West Side Story - at the dance in the gym, where Tony and Maria stand looking at one another and it's as if the rest of the world no longer exists for them. He began to walk toward Sirius, his resolve growing stronger with each step, but before he had covered half the distance, someone else had claimed Sirius' attention, someone who spoke quietly in his ear and laughed, as if at some private joke. Even with his back turned toward him, Snape recognized the man as Remus Lupin, and his jealousy flared and flamed within his heart. First their night together in Scotland, and now this! It was too much! He turned abruptly on his heel and strode quickly from the room.

Sirius had been temporarily distracted from the sight of his lover by Lupin's comment, which had been of no actual importance, merely an arch observation on some of the partygoers, and when he looked back toward Snape, he was dismayed to find that his potions master had flown the coop. And he had been so sure that he was coming his way - so confident in fact, that his heart had felt lighter than it had in a long time, sure that they were going to find a way to put everything behind them. And now he was gone!

"Damnation!" he cursed.

"What is it, old man?" Lupin caught a glimpse of the retreating professor, and quickly put two and two together. "I'm sorry, Sirius, I didn't mean to cause any trouble between you!"

"You didn't," Sirius sighed.

"I can run after him, explain...."

"No, don't bother. It wouldn't do any good." Sirius turned toward the two fountains, found his hand reaching out toward the forbidden drink. He wanted to drown himself so that he dn'tdn't feel this pain any more, wouldn't have to deal with it. But no, he couldn't do that to himself, or more importantly to Harry.

He braced himself against the pain, stiffened his upper lip, and took Lupin's elbow, leading him in the other direction. "Let's go find Harry," he said.


The encounter between Sirius and Severus had not gone unnoticed - Fred and George Weasley were excited witnesses of the event, and the two were besides themselves with glee. Their plan was working out even better than they had hoped! Now if everything else were to fall into place...


The bachelor party was going smashingly! The guest of honour was having the time of his life - unlike Harry and Ron and Sirius, he had not been forbidden to drink, and he made full use of the alcohol infused refreshment. Everyone had enjoyed the refreshments provided by the house elves, especially without the dour presence of Hermione to remind them of the evils of elf labor - and the presents had all been duly presented afterwards to great gales of laughter. There were more than a few sex toys, and some how-to manuals and even some very frilly lingerie!

There had even been a stripper that jumped out of a huge cake for Draco's pleasure - and coincidentally she was a redhead like his fiance. She took her clothes off, bumping and grinding all the way, to the raucous cries of Malfoy's mates, who encouraged her to take it all off, and when she was naked she prepared to climb onto the groom-to-be's lap, but Draco said that wasn't necessary, that Hermione wouldn't appreciate it, and she was paid off and sent on her way, to the hoots and jeers of some of the gentlemen.

Sirius had diverted the boys' attention from these festivities by taking them into another room under the pretext of having lost something, so by the time they re-emerged it was all over. Not that they minded anyway. But Sirius felt that it was his duty to keep them away from as much of the seamy things in life as possible. He had almost wanted to watch the stripper himself, much to his own surprise, and was finding that he was getting inexplicably horny, but he put it down to the estrangement between himself and Snape, which had created a breach in the frequency of their lovemaking. He pushed his libidinous thoughts out of his mind as best he could, and didn't notice that Ron and Harry were playing touchy-feely behind his back.

"May I have your attention, please?" Fred called out, while George encouraged everyone to gather around them. Fred was dressed rather elegantly in black hat and tails. "If you would take a seat, I would like to perform for you."

"For us or on us?" a voice in the crowd cried out, and everyone laughed.

"You tell me!" Fred quipped. More laughter. "For right now, I shall perform FOR you," he continued, "but we can discuss the other later." Raucous laughter.

"Ladies and gentlemen.... well, ladies anyway.... I am the great Fredini, master hypnotist extraordinaire. I have recently finished a command performance for the great heads of state of Europe and America and now here I am, to amaze and entertain you." He indicated George with one wave of his hand. "My assistant, Georgia." With a wave of his wand, George was now garbed in a French maid's outfit, with black hose and heels to match. Everyone cheered, and George took a bow.

"For my first number, I shall require an assistant," Fred announced, "you look like a likely lad, come up here, won't you?" and he pointed directly at Neville Longbottom, who looked about him in confusion, sure he was talking about someone else.

"Go on, get up there!" the other guys hissed at him, and with a smattering of applause, he was encourage to rise and stand beside Fred.

"How are you young man?" Fred greeted him. "Ready to be hypnotized?"

"Okay," Neville said nervously.

Fred circled his victim, using his wand to draw circles in the air about him, while muttering incoherent incantations. Neville tried to turn about to see what he was doing, but Fred insisted that he not move. When he had done, he produced a bouquet of flowers whie pre presented to Longbottom, as the audience cheered.

"Do you believe that I can hypnotize you, Neville?"

Neville shrugged. "I dunno."

"Well, believe it, because I can." Fred took Neville's chin in his hands and gazed deeply into the other boy's eyes. "I am going to make you cluck like a chicken," he predicted. "Do you think I can do that?" He turned to the audience, who cried out, "No!" and "No way!"

"Watch and be amazed!" Staring once again into Neville's eyes, Fred began. "You are going to get sleepy, very sleepy, so very sleepy that you will be as in a deep trance, but you will still be able to function, and do as I tell you. Do you understand?"

"I understand," Neville replied, "but I'm not sleepy at all."

"Give it time, give it time," Fred replied, while George pranced about them, showing off his legs.

"Listen very carefully - I am going to count from ten, and after I do, you will be in a deep trance. Is that clear?"

Neville nodded quietly.

"Good. Ten, nine, eight - you eyes are getting heavy, yoe gee getting very sleepy - seven, six five - you can barely keep your eyes open at all now, you really want your jimjams - four, three, two - you are about to sink into a deep sleep - one, now!"

Neville was wide awake one moment, gone the next! Everyone clapped and cheered.

"That's not all," Fred reassured them. He turned to Neville. "What is your name, young man?" he asked.

"Neville Longbottom, sir..." in a strange singsongy voice.

"Young Neville, show these nice people how you act like a monkey."

Neville obliged by curling up one arm in a chimplike posture, andkingking about as if his gram had used too much starch in his shorts, making strange little monkey noises - "Ooh, ooh, ooh," in a high-pitched squeal. Everyone was delighted, and laughed at the sight. After a few minutes, Fred reigned him in, and then told him to bark like a dog, cluck like a chicken, and squeal like a pig, all of which he performed admirably. Finally, he got him under control, saying, "Now I am going to count forward to ten, and you will awaken, refreshed, and not knowing anything of what just happened. One, two three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, wake up!" He clapped his hands sharply, and Neville roused himself from his trance, looked about him and asked, "When are you going to start, Fred?" at which everyone laughed and cheered and George escorted a confused Neville back to his place in the group.

Everyone insisted that the guest of honour go next, so Draco was encouraged to take his place with the great Fredini. He was more than a little high, and so it was relatively easy for Fred to hypnotize him. Once he was under, Fred began to question him.

"So, Draco, you're getting married tomorrow."

"Yes, I am."

"Do you love Hermione?"

"Yes, very much." Draco smiled.

"Tell me the truth, Draco, if you weren't going to marry Hermione, is there someone else you'd like to kiss? Someone else who turns you on?"

"I don't know what you mean," Malfoy protested.

"Look around you - is there someone here whose lips you would like to crush with your own?" Fredini persisted.

Draco surveyed the other party goers, his gaze flickering over most, lingering perceptibly on both Lupin and Sirius, as he licked his lips. But then his eyes stopped on Harry Potter, and he smiled shyly. "Well, now that you mention it..." he dropped his eyes modestly.

"Oh ho, the lucky fellow is Harry Potter is it? Come on up, Harry! Come join us here!"

Harry shook his head adamantly, while Ron laughed fit to bust a gut, and even Sirius smiled at the horseplay. Harry protested that he wouldn't do it for all the wands in Ollivander's but before he could say anything else, he found himself being bundled up to Fred and Draco.

"Here he is, Draco," Fredini said, "your secret crush. Have you anything to say to him?"

"Yes, I love you Harry Potter, you are the one and only for me, and I want to kiss you and have your babies..." Draco reached out and attempted to kiss Harry, who pulled back.

"Eww! Malfoy, have you taken leave of what little senses you possess?"

"No, Harry, I love you, love you, love you - give us a kiss, love, won'u?" u?" And he began to pursue the luckless Mr. Potter, who wound his way among his fellow revelers in his attempt to stay away from Malfoy. Unfortunately, he had the misfortune to run directly into Malfoy's goons, Crabb and Goyle, who held him fast as their leader approached, lips pursed in intent. Harry grimaced and tried to pull away as Malfoy's face came closer and closer to his.... until right before their lips were doomed to touch, he pulled away, and cried out, "Gotcha, Potter!" in a loud voice. Everyone rocked with laughter, as Harry tried to make sense out of what was happening.

"What, did you really think I wanted to kiss you, you big hairy git?" Malfoy snickered. "It was all a big joke, that's all! I was in on it with Fred the whole time!"

Harry was so relieved at the turn of events that he chose not to get mad. "You guys are as funny as crutches," he told them, as he attempted to regain some of his wounded dignity. Everyone applauded, and he graciously took a bow, as did Malfoy.

*******************************************************************
As the bachelor party continued, Severus Snape sat alone in his room, contemplating his steepled fingers, as he sat brooding upon his bed - the same bed which he had so recently shared with Sirius - and his thoughts all ran to the gorgeous Mr. Black and the moments they had had together. Sirius may sometimes act as if he had no common sense whatsoever, like an overage Peter Pan who has never grown up - sometimes selfish, thoughtless and crude - but there was a side of him that few people got to experience, the warm, loving, kind and gentle man who was trying to re-emerge from the cocoon he had been forced into to endure his experiences in Azkaban. He was intelligent, very literate, had excellent taste and was willing to learn about things he didn't know, was fun to be with, and had a great sense of humour. He could be a sympathetic listener, and a great conversationalist. He was a fantastic lover, and a good friend, and Severus missed him dreadfully.

As he sat, the words to a muggle song drifted through his mind - "I don't have plans and schemes, and I don't have hopes and dreams, I don't have anything since I don't have you. And I don't have fond desires, and I don't have happy hours, I don't have anything since I don't have you...." That was how he felt, as if he didn't have anything when he wasn't with Sirius. Damn the man, why did he have to treat him like that, there with Lupin, right in front of him and everybody else.

And then he damned himself for being so incredibly suspicious, and overly jealous! Lupin had told him that he didn't care for Sirius that way, that in fact he was rooting for Snape to have him - why would he suddenly go back on that, for no apparent reason? He was trying to help the two of them. After all, he was Sirius' oldest friend, the only one still living. It was obvious to him now what a great jealous fool he had been. Well, he would change that, if there was still time. He would go back to that party and talk to Sirius, make everything right again. But first, he needed to change his clothes, make himself ready. He hummed as he began to prepare himself - "I've got you under my skin, I've got you deep in the heart of me..." and he even found himself smiling as he worked.


Meanwhile, back at the bachelor party, Fred had coerced Harry, Ron and Sirius into letting him hypnotize them. "Don't try to kill me!" Draco warned, and everyone guffawed.

Fredini moved among them, encouraged them to relax, to close their eyes. "I promise you, I won't make you look ridiculous," he said. He counted backward from ten, watched the tension drain from their faces as they went into the trance. He turned to Harry and Ron. "You are runners in the Wizard Olympics. When I shoot the starter gun, you will run the race around this room, and come back here to me. On your mark, get set, go!" The sound of a starter's pistol could be heard, and they were off, sprinting about as if they were gold medal finalists, trying to keep ahead of each other. The other guests watched them with amusement, forgetting for a moment the last member of the trio.

But Fred hadn't forgotten. As George watched eagerly, he leaned close to Sirius, whispered in his ear, "I am going to tell you a word. When you wake up, you won't remember this word, but when you hear it, you will be incredibly horny and want to shag the Weasley twins. The word is Ticonderoga." Sirius seemed to nod, and George clapped his hands in glee.

Fred stepped back, noticed that Remus Lupin was eyeing him strangely, and returned the lycanthrope's stare with equanimity. "Sirius, old chap," he said, "why don't you dance for us - do the monkey!"

Sirius rose obediently, began to move his arms up and down, shaking his head from side to side, which caused his hair to fly about his face, his legs moving in rhythm to the private music in his head. Fred almost choked on his own saliva at the sight. He exchanged surreptitious glances with his twin, who was equally moved, and their eyes communicated the same thought - woof!

"Okay, Sirius, now do the hula!" Fredini said, and instantly, Sirius began to sway his hips in the most enticing manner, his arms wafting gracefully in the sensuous movements of the Hawaiian dance. Fred could feel his erection pressing to be free, and he knew that George felt the same way too.

Harry aon ron returned at the same time, their race run, to the cheers of the other partygoers. Fred told Sirius to stop dancing, and he lined all three of them up, and brought them out of their trances, then sent them off to applause. "Thank you, thank you, you've been just wonderful. This concludes our show for tonight, come again! And be sure to visit our fabulous joke shop in Diagon Alley!" He and George bowed, amid applause and cheers, and the party broke up into smaller groups once more.

Harry couldn't understand why he was feeling so rambunctious - he had the irresistible urge to touch Ron every time he looked at him - and his hardon was becoming painful to bear. It was obvious that Ron felt the same way too from the looks he was getting from his red-haired lover. Harry began to giggle as a wave of euphoria overtook him, floating up and through him.

"What's so funny?" Ron asked, looking as if he were on the verge of giggling himself.

Harry beckoned him closer, until Ron's ear was up against his mouth, looking about him lest they be overheard, even though there was no one closer than twenty feet from them. "I want to touch you so badly," he said, "I just want to feel you, to have you and to enjoy you."

"Me, too," Ron confessed, "but what can we do?"

Just then Fred and George popped up like red-headed jack-in-the-boxes beside them. Fred glanced about furtively in best spy fashion, put his finger to his lips, and motioned with his head for them to follow them, which they did, George bringing up the rear as he too glanced about them. In George's hands were two large glasses of punch.

Fred led them into one of the smaller rooms of the suite. There was nothing much to it - it contained a couple of couches and chairs, some end tables, and a full colour poster of the grey wizard. A muggle radio sat beside one sofa, and the music it emitted was soft and sensual.

George handed the boys the punch and they drank it gratefully, almost feeling their erections attempt to explode. Fred decided to prime the pump, pulled Harry to him and inserted his tongue in his mouth, probing and exploring, while Harry moaned piteously. George kissed Ron as well, and Ron ached so badly he almost reached down toward himself.

"Have fun boys, we'll be back soon," Fred said. "For fun and games," George added. Just before they left the room, Fred set a privacy charm, and George waved his wand at them, causing their clothes to disappear.

Harry and Ron looked at one another and giggled. Their erections were standing in the breeze for all to see. On impulse, Harry looked at Ron and cried out, "Reducio," and his hardon was no more. Then Harry said, "Engorgio," and it returned with lightening speed.

Ron caught on to this at once. "Reducio!" he cried, followed by "Engorgio!" They both laughed fit to be tied. The game was on!

Meanwhile, Fred and George found Sirius looking about for Harry and Ron. They looked at him and they positively drooled.

"Have you seen the boys?" Sirius asked.

"Yes, we have. C'mon, we'll take you to ‘em," George offered, and they each took an arm to lead him, but he pulled back from their antics.

"Never mind the nonsense, just take me to Harry and Ron," he said sternly.

They nodded and smiled, and led him through the door and into the other room, quietly shutting it behind them. Sirius could see no one, of course, due to the privacy charm. "What the hell is this?" he began to bellow at them, as Fred leaned forward on one side, George on the other, and they both whispered, "Ticonderoga!"

Instantly, Sirius' demeanour began to change. He felt the most incredible urge to shag someone, and preferably two someones - like the Weasley twins. He smiled at them sappily as his hand dropped uncontrollably to his crotch, and the twins felt as if they had hit the jackpot!

They led him to the unoccupied couch and helped Sirius to sit. George pressed his lips against Sirius', kissing him intensely, sticking his tongue so far into his mouth that he was practically performing a tonsillectomy on the man. Fred, for his part, was busily engaged in unzipping Sirius' pants, freeing his ten-inch love muscle, the sight of which caused him to gasp in wonder. "Ohmigod, George, look, he's hung like a bleedin' horse!"

George gazed at the beautiful sight below him. "Be still my beating heart!" he whispered. "Just remember to save some for me, brother!" and he returned to fucking Sirius' mouth with his anxious tongue.

Fred touched Sirius' hardened cock, encircled it with his fingers and began to stroke it lovingly - long, languid, luxurious strokes - feeling, absorbing, enjoying. God, he felt so good! Fred reached down with his free hand, stroked his own member. There was so much he wanted to do to Sirius, with Sirius - where to start? Finally he released himself, then doubled his attentions to the dark-haired wizard before him. He squeezed his shaft, caressed his balls, rolling them about between his fingers. Sirius moaned appreciatively. Gods, he was so beautiful - what did such a gorgeous man ever see in a great greasy git like Severus Snape? He needed someone like Fred Weasley to make love to, and George Weasley as well. Yes, they could make a man like Sirius very happy indeed. Confident in his own sexuality, Fred opened his mouth and took in Sirius' great length in fel fell swoop.


Severus Snape had gone to great lengths to make himself presentable to his lover. He had doffed his black professorial robes for black cords and a soft shirt of a midnight blue hue - Sirius had bought them for him as a gift. He knew Black had better taste in clothes than he had, and more money to indulge his taste. Snape carefully combed his long black hair, cleansed his breath with a citrusy spell, and added a splash of Sirius' faite ite cologne for good measure.

When he entered the room where the bachelor party was being held, the first person he saw was Draco, who looked as if he were leaving. Draco looked askance at theionsions professor, but held his tongue. He was more than a little tipsy, and had Crabb and Goyle on either side of him for balance. "Take me to ‘mione!" he commanded them, smiling at Snape. "Hey Severus, great party! You comin' to join us?"

"Perhaps," Snape replied noncommitally. He tried not to be too obvious as he glanced about the room.

"I gotta go now," Malfoy slurred, "but I shee you later, kay, Sev? I gotta go see ‘mione, ‘cuz I miss her and I want to kiss her. Hey, that rhymes!" He began to giggle idiotically.

"I suggest that you leave Miss Granger to her own devices tonight," Snape said to him, "or you might not be getting married tomorrow."

"What dush that mean?" Draco asked.

"That means that you had best sober up, or you'll end up smelling like ewerewery on your wedding day - before the ceremony." He directed Malfoy's gruesome twosome to take him to his room in Slytherin Hall and put him to bed forthwith.

He turned back to the room, only to find himself being accosted by Remus Lupin.

"I'm glad you came back, Severus," Lupin greeted him. "Sirius was upset when you left so abruptly."

"He was?" Snape looked incredulously at the werewolf.

Lupin nodded. "Yes, he was. He thought you were going to talk to him when he saw you coming across the room, and then he turned about and you left... I blame myself for that. I thought perhaps you had gotten the wrong idea when you saw us talking. On my oath, I meant what I told you before - I am rootinr yor you and Sirius to end up together. Great gods, man, he's not been himself without you - he's thoroughly miserable and completely lost, and I don't mind telling you I'm worried about him."

"Why?" Snape was concerned. "What has he been doing?"

"He's been drinking way too much," Remus replied, "and I can only speculate as to what else he has been up to, since he has managed to e me me very nicely."

"Where is he? I must talk to him." Snape was appalled at the thought of Sirius' overindulgence, was concerned about his lover's state of mind.

Lupin looked about him. He knew he had seen Sirius recently, but now there was no sign of him, nor of Harry and Ron. "I think I saw him with Fred and George not too long ago. They're probably with Harry and Ron, too. Perhaps they're in the other room. Come along," and he led the anxious professor to the room where even now, Sirius was being attended by the two mischievous Weasley boys, so full of the love potion which they had thrown into the punch, as well as the post-hypnotic suggestion that they had laid upon him, that he barely knew who he was nor what he was doing, his body one huge raging hormone.

Severus wished that Remus wasn't with him, for all he wanted to do was to throw himself into Sirius' arms and be thoroughly kissed by him, but for now he would settle for a decent word between them. That is, until Remus opened the door, and the first sight that met his eyes was that of his lover having his enormous cock sucked by one Weasley while the other was laving his chest with his tongue, kissing and sucking at the hardened nipples as if they were little nickel nips that he could drink.

Snape stood stock still in his tracks, unable to take in the vision before him. This was too much! It was far too obvious what was happening here, and Sirius certainly didn't look as if he were here against his will - far from it, he had a look of intense joy upon his handsome face. Snape was filled with a white-hot anger. You will be SO sorry, Mr. Sirius Black, he vowed to himself, even as he turned on his heel and shot out of the room, leaving Remus gaping in his wake at the scene before him.

Lupin couldn't believe what he was seeing - this seemed a bit much, even for Sirius, who in his youth had been known to indulge in some sexual excesses - but not any more, and certainly not since he had become involved with Severus. Sirius acted as if he were unaware of anyone else's presence in the room, as Lupin moved closer to the scene of the action.

"Sirius!" Lupin hissed, "Sirius, what the hell are you up to?"

Sirius smiled and rolled his dark eyes, and it was then that Lupin noticed that he looked distinctly unlike his usual self - perhaps even drugged. He agile mind quickly supplied the missing pieces, and he knew that they were Fred and George Weasley, who were oblivious to his presence as well, intent on their pillage of Sirius' body.

"You stop that this instant!" Lupin commanded, and they looked up at him in surprise. "What the fuck have you done to him?"

"N–nothing," George stammered, but Fred boldly replied, "We wanted to make love to hand and he wanted to make love to us. Is that so hard to understand?"

"Whatever you've done to him, remove it now!" Remus snarled, "or you're going to have one pretty pissed off werewolf to deal with. Do I make myself understood?"

The twins quickly nodded their understanding, as Fred removed the hypnotic suggestion, and George sullenly administered the antidote to the love potion.

Sirius roused himself from his sexual lethargy to find himself sitting on a strange couch, his hard cock hanging out of his trousers, and the Weasley twins hovering about him while Remus, who seemed angry, stood nearby. He blinked to clear his head, shook his pate as he zipped himself up, confused. On the couch nearby, Harry and Ron, who had concluded their game of "reducio" "engorgio" with the most delightful blow jobs, became aware that something was amiss, dressing hastily and removing their privacy spell so that they could now be seen.

"What is going on here, Remus?" Sirius wanted to know.

Lupin nodded at Fred and George. "It seems as if you have a little bit of a fan club here, Sirius. These boys have been fucking with you - quite literally, I'm afraid. They doctored the punch with a love potion, and then gave you a post-hypnotic suggestion during their show so that they could have their way with you. And if that wasn't bad enough, you were seen in the act by Severus, who of course thought it was voluntary on your part, hea headed out of here as if his ass were on fire."

"Severus was here!" Sirius gasped, "saw saw me with them? Oh Circe!" He closed his eyes and sighed heavily, then turned to Fred and George angrily. "What the fuck is the matter with you two? You can't do that to someone, you just can't play around with someone like that, against their will, and now you've hurt someone that I care about, probably made him hate me... He'll never forgive me now, and it's all your fault!. You two need to grow up!"

Fred and George managed to look thoroughly ashamed of themselves, casting their eyes down in mutual humility. "Sorry Sirius," they mumbled, "we didn't mean any harm."

"We just wanted to make love to you," Fred offered, while George added, "and we had no idea that there was anything serious between you and Snape, thought it was just a fling or something."

"That's what you get for thinking!" Sirius muttered angrily.

Harry rose from his place on the couch, felt his godfather's pain, rushed to his side.

"Harry, how long have you been here?" Sirius sounded concerned.

"Not long," Harry lied to spare Sirius' feelings. "Why don't you go to him, explain the situation, make him see that it wasn't your fault. Go on, go!"

Sirius shook his head. "He won't believe me. There's been too much water under that bridge."

"You have to try, though, or you'll never know, and you'll always wonder if it could have been fixed between you. You don't want to regret not having tried, just because you were too proud to say two little words!"

Sirius drew himself up to his full height. "Who's too proud?" And he turned and sped away, leaving Harry and Ron and Lupin to look at one another with concerned expressions, while casting dirty looks Fred and George's way.

Sirius rushed to Severus' rooms, assuming that was where the potions master was to be found. He had to find him, to explain to him, to make him see that it wasn't any of his doing. Damn those redheaded hellions! He hoped that they hadn't screwed up everything for good!

Entering the apartment, he looked about for Severus, saw no sign of him. "Severus! Severus, where are you? I have to talk to you, it's very import..."

He never saw what hit him, falling unconscious in a crumpled heap on the floor.


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a/n: Thanks to Frank Sinatra for "I've Got You Under My Skin", and to Guns n Roses for "Since I Don't Have You" (incidentally, the video for this song featured one Gary Oldman!)


Things are really not looking good for Sirius and Severus. Please stay tuned to follow their further adventures in chapter 15, and thanks for reading! As usual, please read and review!