Misery and Grief

To say that Draco was shook up after the incident was an understatement. Harry had his own emotions to deal with, of course, but he did note that it was the first time the young Malfoy had up front faced someone. The girls at the stores he had only barely acknowledged, almost completely focused on Harry. He had faced someone, and done it acting completely like his normal arrogant self. After that, the boy had seemed exhausted, excusing himself and not going back to his food but off to hide in his room, the one he had lived in before they began to share Harry's room.

Draco also didn't eat much that day, which made Harry worried. Draco was a light eater anyways, which he wasn't sure was the cause of his thin stature or to maintain it, but Harry knew the fact that the person hiding himself away should be not under any circumstances eating less. It was with that thought that late that night, as neither of them seemed tired, that he knocked on Draco's door.

Draco answered, looking fairly disheveled. Harry motioned to the tray in his hands with a head movement, and before Draco could refuse, he barged past the taller boy. "You haven't ate anything since the incident with Ginny, have you?" It wasn't really a question.

"I'm not hungry." Draco said strongly, instead of going to the food, just going to the bed and laying down. It looked like that's what he had been doing the entire time, since the bed was still made but was looking quite ruffled up from movement.

"And why is that?"

"I'm not hungry." It was a lie, Harry could tell.

So he picked up a roll deftly and strolled to the bed, hiding it on the side that Draco couldn't see. He sat next to Draco's side as the blonde laid down. He had to think of something quick, and it was almost unfortunate what the only thing he could come up was. "So about me buggering you..."

It worked, actually better than Harry had hoped. Not only had Draco's jaw dropped, sputtering, but he had also sat up clumsily in effort to get away from Harry. He took this opportunity to stuff the roll in his mouth. He smiled, and Draco looked both unbelievably angry and infinitely relieved. With what Harry noticed as shaking hands, he took the roll out of his mouth and chewed a bite. He swallowed.

"I hate you so much." It was dangerous, but Harry didn't care. Smiling, he crossed his arms and stared at the boy. "What?" Green eyes bore into the blonde, making him uncomfortable. "WHAT?"

"Nothing." Harry got up slowly. "If you hate me so much, you could sleep by yourself." He watched as emotions came and went in startled grey eyes.

"Sorry." That made Harry step back, now the shocked one. The other boy was looking down at his roll. "I don't hate you." He looked up with eyes that could only be described as pleading, and Harry realized that he had perhaps taken it too far. It was surreal to hear Draco apologize for anything and he rather didn't like it. So, with what was left on the edge of the bed, he climbed on and laid down, noting that Malfoy, half sitting, scooted over to give him more room.

"It's weird, isn't it." He wasn't sure what he was talking about exactly; their closeness, the newly found feelings in himself, the fact that they didn't hate each other, the fact that they still fought out of habit, or all of it. He could feel the other boy nodding a bit as he himself wondered exactly what Draco was agreeing to.

The other boy finished his roll and slid down to lay down completely as well. Harry had been facing him so he decided to look at him as well, immediately regretting it. They stared at one another for a long moment. It felt weird, looking at one another openly while laying down and having no intention of getting up. It was strange that they were so close and weren't touching. The silence only made it worse, so Harry spoke again.

"You know, while perhaps telling off people that actually care for me wouldn't be my choice, I'm proud of you. You seemed almost yourself again, that fire of hatred behind your eyes." He smiled. "It made me realize how much you changed."

Draco closed his eyes and grimaced. "I haven't changed."

"Maybe not. Perhaps just my perspective of you has changed. You may have always been the way you are, but I've gotten to see a side of you I hadn't before. You've gone from arrogant, cruel, and obnoxious to confident, quiet, and withdrawn."

Draco's frown deepened. He was always this way before, perhaps, but he wasn't so sure anymore. Was he confident now? He didn't know.

"You haven't spoke once of blood purity, of your heritage - and I understand why." He added quickly. Draco was now gazing at him. "What I guess I'm saying is that if I had met you as you are now, at least while it's just you and me here, I wouldn't have turned down your friendship so many years ago." Harry wondered then what would have happened, since he hadn't wanted to be in Slytherin because he attached it to the bully like personality of Draco Malfoy. He smiled lightly at himself.

He hadn't noticed that something had broken in Draco. Draco felt everything crash. Harry was saying that they could be friends, since he wasn't who Harry had known him to be. For a moment, he didn't breathe. Had he every had a real friend? One that chose him for something other than his status? Even back then, Malfoy knew he had only offered his friendship to Harry because of who he was, so it was only fair. But he remembered meeting the boy in Madame Milkin's, and though the conversation probably only turned Harry off to him more, he had tried to be friendly in his own way there before he had realized who it was.

He was crying. Silver dripped diamonds silently as green focused on him. "Hey!" Harry yelped. "I'm sorry, what did I say?" He had only seen Draco cry once before, and it was after seeing the boggart of his father and rapist. Draco didn't answer, since the blonde was quite sure that if he spoke it would sound broken. Instead, he only grabbed at Harry's shirt lightly and smiled. This confused the poor black haired boy.

Harry's only response was to wrap his arm over the crying boy's shoulder. The boy looked straight at him then, determination in flowing eyes. Choked words spurt out. "Why?" Harry, confused began to take his arm away, thinking perhaps he didn't want him to. They both were surprised when Draco's hand flew from Harry's shirt to his arm to keep him just where he was. Since Harry didn't know what the question was referring to, he didn't know how to answer. Silence.

Why did all this have to happen?
Why has everything gone wrong?
Why, despite that, does everything feel alright?
Why are we able to do this?
Why did it have to be you?

He was really crying now, leaving Harry totally unaware of what he should do. Draco tried to turn into his pillow, shifting his body around, but Harry seemed to take an opportunity to snake his arm around Draco's slim body and pull him closer, finding Draco crying deeply into the crook of his neck. His hands curled from Draco's shoulder to run through his hair. Harry wanted to know why it hurt so bad to watch Draco cry. Certainly he had seen so many tears in his life that he should be immune, and he even was to a certain degree, almost unaffected though awkward about Cho's tears. Why was Draco different? Was it because it was so unlike him?

Malfoy cried and cried and Harry ventured to hold him closer. Draco was just so overwhelmed as he told himself he was going to give up his old self - the biggoted, whiny part - because Harry was happy with just who he was. Screw his father and his opinions on the wizarding world. He had Harry, and Harry isn't the type to abandon anyone once he made the bonds of friendship, he could tell by the riffraff he always would hang around.

But now everything would change. He'd been ridiculous by trying to tell himself up until now that nothing was changing, and fighting it, and fighting Harry, and fighting himself. Even now, he felt silly for crying all over the other boy, he was showing a side of him he didn't want anyone to see. Especially Harry. But the feeling of the man holding him was comforting none the less, the fact that he could trust who he had spent so many years trying to deceive was so insane. It made him cry more to know that he had so actively tried to ruin this boy's life, and flaunted everything he could in attempt to prove that he was better than Harry. And here they were, under extreme circumstances only to show him just how much of an ass he was. And in the back of his mind he began to be thankful to his father and his death eater friends, if only a tiny bit, because without them he'd never had gotten this chance. Then he realized just how much of a sick moron he must be to even consider that. His bawling became more intense.

"Shh, it's okay..." Draco's body froze. The hand going through his hands hadn't been enough, so Harry had tried to comfort him verbally as well. It seemed to work, because a few mores sobs and Draco was still. Tears still splashed idly on Harry's neck but they weren't as rampant nor frequent. He ran fingers through loose strands, mind on how soft the pale locks were. Without thinking, he moved his head slightly so he was slightly kissing the hair that had become loose and untamed on top of the other boy's head. Malfoy didn't seem to notice, so he didn't move away. He noted the way the more thin of the two always seemed just right in his arms, how warm the boy always was. It was sort of funny, should he have expected ice because of the boy's Slytherin cold bloodedness, or extreme heat because of the fire that had always burned behind those eyes? He suppressed a sigh as he was able to smell the boy's hair. Draco always smelled nice. It wasn't really a particular scent, but the boy always smelled clean and refreshing.

Draco's crying had seemed to ebb away, and the boy ventured to look up at the man holding him, unaware of where Harry's lips were. Electricity ran through both of them as Draco's top lip touched Harry's bottom lip. The froze, keeping like that, not even moving away out of sheer terror, or perhaps there was something else as well, hesitation. Blushes touch both of the boy's cheeks and their eyes, foggy at first, both finally focused on each other. Emerald eyes seemed to shimmer, and Harry immediately recognized that fire behind Draco's eyes, but misinterpreted it. He thought that Draco was angry at him, hated him, so he made to move away slowly.

The blonde thought it over quickly, unsure what the green eyes meant, and though he didn't want to ruin what he had, he also knew that on the very off chance that Harry did want him as well, that the Gryffindor would never let him know, would never be the first to kiss him, because Harry was far too kind and afraid of being banished away. It would be a lie if Draco said he could take to be turned down, so what he did then was extremely stupid. He closed his eyes, quite sure that he might very well just be kicked out within the next five minutes, and pushed himself up. His soft lips landed completely on Harry's just as the brunette made to move away.

It was strange, the feeling of kissing someone who wasn't expecting it. First, everything within Harry seemed to go rigid, then it softened and Draco almost thought that perhaps Harry was just amusing him, especially since Harry's hands left Draco. That was, until both hands wrapped around his waist and pulled him closer. Butterflies flew nervously in his stomach.

On Harry's end, he was scared, then unsure if it was an accident again. Then Draco didn't move, and Harry noticed his eyes were closed. Electricity ran through him in a constant flow as he pulled the boy towards him. It was heaven, just that one long kiss. The lengthy fingers that had always given the blonde a deft ability in potions wrapped around his neck, sleeve taking up the tears to one side of it.

Draco pulled away after a moment but Harry leaned forward and stole another one. And another. The kissed each other back and forth, heat filling up in their heads. When they finally did part their faces from each other, they were out of breathe, eyes looking deep into each other, searching and respectively shining. Heavy breathing was the only sound as they tried to figure the other boy out but neither bothered to explain themselves. Finally they looked away from each other, not moving, but both embarrassed of themselves but elated at the same time.

"Well this is awkward..." Harry said, trying to be lighthearted.

Draco sighed. "It wasn't awkward until you said it was awkward. NOW it's awkward."