Rubbish.

Harry woke in darkness, wincing in expected pain, though none came and he sighed, rolling over on his back to stare up silently. He could feel the dried blood on his skin and grimaced, pushing himself out of bed to pad through the dark room toward the bathroom. "Severus?" He paused in the doorway to whisper, not hearing the quiet sounds of his guardian's breathing, and upon receiving no answer, he figured the man was sleeping in his office. 'Shouldn't be surprised. He probably thinks I hate him after that. Why don't I?' The realization of his own lack of hostility came as a shock, but he slipped into the bathroom and turned on the light.


The sight of his smooth back covered in maroon gore made him twitch and he turned the shower on, setting the water nice and hot before stepping in. His thoughts spiraled as he let the stinging spray wash over him, remembering the cold laughter that played harmony to his cries and the crack of the whip. Compared to the demented glee that had infused Voldemort's voice, Snape's laughter had sounded mechanical, almost robotic. Of course, at the time it had seemed to rake against his raw nerves like broken glass, but his mind seemed far more clear now. 'He wasn't really enjoying it, only laughing because he knew it would drive me mad with anger.'


This gave him pause and he caressed the thought silently, chewing his lower lip and reaching for the soap, washing absently. 'That's what this has all been about, then. When that anger starts up in me, he knows I have to get it out...like an infection. Doing that stuff makes it easier for me to hate him, it gives me an outlet for it, so that it doesn't fester inside of me...' He jerked at this, eyes flying open as he stared in utter amazement at the wall of the shower, jaw hanging open like that of a beached fish. "Bloody hell..." He rushed to finish showering and then gave a perfunctory attempt at toweling off before donning his robe.


He didn't think, merely shoved open the door into Snape's office, brought up short by the sight of the man sleeping in the dim light of the lamp on his desk. He stared in wonder at the softness of his face, the inky black hair falling across his brow, the way he was curled in his desk chair. 'He looks like a small boy.' For some reason this brought tears to Harry's eyes, and he blinked them back, swallowing around the lump in his throat as he walked silently over toward the desk. His fingers trembled as he reached to brush the hair from his guardian's brow and bent to press a kiss where it had been. Somehow he felt protective of him, and the feeling confused him no less than did the love that warmed his heart. After all, only a few hours before this man had whipped him until he'd bled.


'No, No....This is Severus and Severus would never whip me. The person who whipped me was Snape, the villain, the unfeeling bastard. And really...he didn't whip me, he whipped the person I become when I let my anger overwhelm me.' He was pleased by the clarity of thought that came after he'd been drained of the restless, brittle anger, but wished fervently that it didn't have to come at such a high price. He felt Snape stir and stepped back, swallowing hard, turning as a flash of green caught his eye. His gaze rose and he nearly collapsed as he stared up at the beautiful portrait of his mother, her fiery red hair framing her gently smiling face, eyes flashing with love and strength in equal measure.


"She gave it to me the Christmas before her death." Harry tensed a bit, but Severus' voice was soft, still muggy from sleep, and Harry could hear the tenderness in his tone. That tenderness which made his heart swell until it ached in his chest. He leaned back against the desk and stared up, rocked by the visage of his mother, and the news that she had gifted Snape with her portrait. "I didn't want to accept it. At the time I still couldn't stand to be near her, to look at her, because of everything that had happened, and was happening. However, I couldn't refuse her, and it stayed wrapped and in a closet until I returned here."


"Did you love her?" The question seemed a little pointless to Harry, but he had to ask, because if Snape had loved his mother, then maybe he might love Harry just a little bit, too. "My feelings for her were complex and mostly the result of my hatred for myself. I desired her at one time, grew to covet her, then I..." Snape paused and Harry looked back over his shoulder, blinking at the sight of the man burying his face in his hands. "I did something to her, Harry. There was no excuse for what I did, and I know in my heart that above all else it has damned me to hell. I don't mind, because I belong there for my actions, but I wish every moment that I could go back and save her the pain that I caused."


Harry felt an odd stirring in his chest and he moved around the desk, crouching and lifting a hand to touch Snape's cheek. "You raped her, didn't you?" His words came out gentle, almost compassionate, and it was clear from the way Severus jerked and stared that he was shocked by it. "Y-Yes. We were sixteen...I...She..." Harry pressed his fingers to Snape's lips and shook his head, thinking over how to word what he wanted to say. "I know. When you've got that rage going, churning away inside of you, if anyone is nice to you it makes you hate them. You don't feel nice, you feel mean and venomous. You strike out at any hand that tries to touch you gently, because it only makes it hurt worse inside."


"Harry. I never wanted you to understand what that feeling was like. After I did it, she said she understood why and she forgave me." Snape stopped and glanced up at the image of his beloved Lily, swallowing. "That was when I really began to hate her, because I had wanted so much to make her hate me, so that she would stay away from me. I was trying to make her leave me alone, for fear that my hate might infect her. But, she never did, Harry." Harry nodded, smiling a little and feeling tears slip from his eyes at the thought of his mother's amazing capacity to love. "She'd be disappointed with how I've turned out, wouldn't she?"


Snape shook his head firmly and leaned forward, peering intently into Harry's eyes, and the boy felt he could drown in the love he saw shining in those dark depths. "No, Harry. She would be sad for the situation you are in, and upset over the responsibility you've had to take on, but she wouldn't be disappointed. None of this is your fault. It's a wonder you aren't completely mental with what you've been through and what you've had to take on." Harry smiled, the words blanketing him in a welcomed warmth, and he lifted his head to press his lips to Snape's, whispering. "I wish you'd stop pretending you don't love me, Severus. I love you, even more now that I know you are punishing me at such a heavy cost to yourself. Please, Severus. I know you think it will hurt me for you to let me love you, but it's hurting me more for you to refuse."


Snape sighed at the feel of Harry's lips and shivered at his words, the temptation to push him away, beg him not to care, tell him that he wasn't worth loving was strong, but the need to hold Harry was stronger. He bent and lifted him in his arms, nestling him close in his lap as he nibbled softly at his lips and whispered. "I hate hurting you, Harry. I love you so much that sometimes I feel as if I can't breathe, but then I do things like...like what I did today and I think that my love is as twisted as the rest of me and you'd be better off without me." Harry sighed and curled his arms around Snape's neck, tilting his head into the kiss and trailing his fingers through the dark hair. "I'm the one making you do it. You should hate me for forcing you, being a rotten jerk and making you do things that you don't want to do. How can you love me when I get that way?"


"I love you, Harry. Even though you might sometimes behave in a way I don't like, I know it's not really who you are." Snape trailed a line of kisses down to Harry's neck, arms curled around him to hold him close, savoring the feel of his slight weight and warmth. "Just as I know that the man who hurt me today, and all those other times, wasn't really you. But, Severus...what about tomorrow?" He frowned gently, shifting in his guardian's lap and shivering when he heard him gasp. "You mean when daylight comes and this all seems some distant dream again?" Snape pressed a kiss to the soft spot behind Harry's ear, feeling himself harden with the slight movements of the boy in his lap. "Yeah. I'll probably get pissed at you again and then the whole cycle will repeat it's self. I don't want that, Severus. I want it to be the way it is now all the time." He hugged the older man tighter and buried his face in his neck, whimpering softly. "I never want to hurt you, again."


"I know, love. However, I don't think there's any other solution. The situation must run it's natural course until the end...once that comes, perhaps we can be this way in daylight and darkness." Harry sighed and wriggled again, lips finding the pulse in Snape's neck to suckle there softly before he whispered. "How long will it take, Severus?" Snape groaned at the feel of the boy's lips on his skin, tilting his head, and stroking a hand over his spine. "It took me years before I finally managed to rid myself of the poison inside of me, but mine was much stronger than yours, Harry. I hope that you will be clean of yours soon." Harry nodded, feeling himself grow warm with the passion that Snape's reactions to him caused, and he lifted his mouth to kiss the man's earlobe, whispering. "Make love to me, Severus? While we are still like this."


Snape felt those words go straight to his groin by way of his heart and he tightened his arms around the boy, heart beating wildly in his chest. "Are you sure, Harry? I'm not...not pretty." Harry laughed and leaned back, reaching to cup Severus' face in both hands, staring intently into his eyes as he murmured lovingly. "You are beautiful to me, love. I want to see all of you and kiss each precious inch of your body until you can feel my love for you seeping into your skin. Please?" Severus sighed at the words, and then he nodded. "I would do anything for you, Harry. But, we should go into the bedroom."


"Yeah...It'd be weird here with Mom watching." Harry blushed furiously and reluctantly climbed out of the larger man's lap, holding out a hand to him. He shivered when Snape's hand took his and he led him back into the darkened bedroom. As Snape turned on the lights, Harry sat at the end of his bed, chewing at his lower lip and watching the graceful way his guardian moved. Everything about him seemed to fill Harry's heart with longing and his body with desire. Once the room was filled with a soft golden glow, Snape moved to stand in front of him, face pulled into a nervous expression and his hands trembling as he removed his robes.


Harry shifted and slid off the robe he'd donned after his bath, unselfconcious about being nude in front of his guardian, his own eyes riveted to the tall, lean form that was being so deliciously revealed for him. Snape groaned at the sight of the sleek, delicate body, and the sight of Harry's throbbing cock thrusting up from the dark curls at his groin. "Harry...you are so beautiful." Harry blushed, and swallowed as Snape began to unbutton his shirt, following the elegant hands from his throat to his navel, then shuddered when Snape shrugged the shirt from his shoulders. He devoured the sight of his lean torso and velvety skin, barely noticing the scars at first, so drunk was he on the sheer amount of flesh offered up to his starving eyes. A frown flickered across his lips when he finally noticed the knotwork so painstakingly applied to the form and muttered. "Who the fuck did that to you?"


The anger in Harry's tone made Snape shiver and he longed for his shirt, forcing his hands to remain at his sides as he whispered shyly. "My father. He told me I should be grateful he was applying such beautiful artwork to so unworthy a canvas. He said it made me less painful to look at." He swallowed and lowered his head, trembling like a leaf under Harry's gaze and the weight of the past pressing down on him. Harry felt a flicker of murderous rage, then calmed as he noticed how distraught Severus was, rising from the bed to step closer and trace the rose with a fingertip. "Your father was a fool. There is nothing ugly about you, Severus. Even the scars have their own beauty, but not because he made them, because they show how much you have managed to survive. They're badges of honor."


Snape gasped at Harry's touch, a shiver running up his spine as he arched into it and felt himself hardening once more at the sincere words. "You...don't find me hideous?" He looked up, surprise infusing his tone, and then he blinked at Harry's smile. "Far from it, Severus. You are more beautiful to me than anything I have ever seen before. May I see the rest?" Snape swallowed and nodded, moving his hands to finish undressing, finding himself less frightened of the act, now that Harry seemed not to mind how he looked. He slipped his feet from his shoes and kicked them aside, then shoved down his slacks and undergarments in one swift tug, stepping free of them with a soft intake of breath.


Harry's eyes dropped and he stepped back to sit on the edge of the bed once more, unable to remain standing as the force of his guardian's nudity struck him an almost painful blow. He sucked in sharply and groaned, memorizing the long, taut legs and the thickening shaft that was so beautifully backdropped by the velvety black thatch. "Oh, Severus...You are...breathtaking." His heart was pounding, mouth dry and his cock was so hard it hurt, precum leaking out to smear across his stomach as he shifted. Snape shuddered, and Harry watched in amazement as his cock swelled, licking his lips and moaning under his breath.


"Come here, Severus." He spoke gently and watched as his words were obeyed, bending forward to kiss the arched wing of one hip bone, then trailing his lips down to nuzzle the soft curls at the base of Snape's cock. A skitter of electricity went shooting down his spine when he heard his guardian groan and felt a long-fingered hand slip into his hair, turning his head to lick slowly up the side of that magnificent length. The fingers tightened in his hair and Snape's breath skipped, making Harry smile as he pressed a firm kiss to the leaking tip, then licked up the heady taste of his guardian's precum. "Mmm...You taste so good." He purred against the sensitive crown and then took it into his mouth, nestling his lips just beneath it and sucking tenderly, his tongue flicking over the weeping slit. Snape cried his name and made his cock twitch, every reaction seeming to increase his own lust until he was nearly mad from it.


"Harry...Harry! Oh, fuck..." That word moaned so wantonly from lips that generally spoke only with the utmost of self-control, made him pull back with a final swirl of his tongue. He fell back on the bed, panting and staring up at Snape, eyes filled with feverish need. "Please, Severus. I want you inside of me." Snape groaned at the pleading in Harry's voice and lifted his legs, lowering himself to kneel, resting Harry's thighs on his shoulders. "I have to get you ready first." He whispered and murmured a soft spell as his head dipped to brush feathery kisses across Harry's balls, tongue flicking out lightly. Harry's back arched and he moaned, lifting his head to look down at his guardian's face nestled between his thighs, the sight almost enough to send him over the edge.


Snape's tongue traveled lower, and he licked softly at the smooth skin separating Harry's sac from his tight pucker, suckling and nibbling the skin as he felt Harry shudder and heard his sobs of pleasure. He smiled and trailed even lower, kissing the tight ring of muscle lovingly before licking around it slowly, his hands resting on Harry's hips to hold them still. The feel of Snape's tongue on him there sent a million brilliant sparks through Harry's body and he cried out helplessly in ecstasy, pressing back toward the feeling, wanting it deeper. "More! Please, Severus, more!" Hearing those desperate cries and feeling Harry open for him, Snape slid his tongue in slowly, intoxicated by the feel of that tight ring gripping him and the abandon displayed by his charge.


Harry felt sure he would go mad from that feeling, that warm, wet, pressing in his most intimate place, his head thrashing back and forth, wordless cries of pleasure tumbling from his lips. He clutched the sheets at either side of himself, sobbing out his need and bliss in equal measure, hips straining to move within the tight grip of Severus' hands. "Oh, fuck! Severus, please! I need your cock inside of me, please...please." While he would have liked to keep tonguing that twitching ass all night long, Severus too felt the pull to bury himself within the writhing boy, wanting to fill him up and bring him to climax. He withdrew his tongue and slid a long finger in slowly, watching it disappear with a shudder, his cock leaking. "Mmm...Harry, you have such a gorgeous ass."


"Yes! Fuck, yes, Severus! I want you to fuck it, please!" Harry pushed himself back on that finger, half-mad with the need to feel more, to feel Severus' cock twitching and throbbing within him. Severus sucked in a breath and pressed another finger in slowly, stretching the boy carefully as he watched him arch and shudder. He twisted his fingers, curling them as he did, and was rewarded with a cry of animal pleasure as his knuckles pressed against the boy's prostate. "Severus! More!" He smiled and kissed the base of Harry's straining, pulsing cock worshipfully before rising to his feet, sliding his fingers free. "Tell me what you want, Harry."


He shifted Harry's legs so that they were tucked up against his chest, and looked down into the face of love and lust, those green eyes hazy and blazing with passion. "Make love to me, Severus. I want to feel your cock inside of me, please!" Snape groaned, and bent to claim the boy's lips greedily, their tongues meeting to dance as he rubbed the head of his cock against Harry's entrance. His precum slicked the way as he slowly began to push in, taking his time to let the boy get used to the feeling before thrusting deeper. Harry's hands clawed at his back, and he moaned into his mouth, their lips and tongues pressing and swirling.


He stopped once he was fully buried in that wonderfully warm, achingly tight sheath, lifting his head to stare down at the boy he'd come to love even more than he'd once loved his mother, whispering softly. "I love you, Harry." Harry's eyes drifted open and he shivered, twitching around Snape's cock, a smile curling his lips. "I love you, too. Now, fuck me." Severus groaned at the wicked words and shifted his head to capture one of the dark nipples between his lips, sucking and lapping softly as he began to rock. He felt as if each thrust wove them together, binding them to one another until they ceased being separate entities, and he moved faster as the pleasure grew and grew. He listened to the harsh panting of Harry's breath, felt his hands clutching at him, his cries like music that Severus could listen to until time ceased. He lifted his head from the boy's chest when he felt himself coming close, watching Harry's face as he slid a hand down to curl his fingers about the granite-hard length of his lover's cock.


Harry almost screamed at the feel of Snape's hand, eyes flying open and locking on the pleasure-drunk, loving gaze of the older man. "Cum for me, Harry." The words and the firm squeeze on his cock combined and he arched hard, body wracked by tremors as his cum erupted from him to paint their bodies with its hot, white strands. Snape felt him tighten, and then pulse around his length and he threw his head back, pounding into Harry with abandon, then crying his name as he spilled himself deep within that sweet heat.


Harry watched through his lashes as Snape lost all self-control and it made him shiver to see the man so vulnerable, so trusting. His hands slid from his back and he caressed the sides of his face before Snape fell forward, rolling to the side. Harry was sad to feel the connection sever between their bodies as Severus' cock slid free of him, but he nestled close against his guardian's side and kissed his chest, whispering. "I love you, Severus." Snape closed his eyes, swallowing back tears of joy that threatened to shatter all the walls in his prison, and stroked a hand over Harry's back, murmuring softly. "I have always loved you, Harry."