With The First Ray Of Light

Hermione sat in a far corner as she waited for the Order meeting to start. She was more nervous than she had been for the previous one, which was saying something. She wasn't the only one feeling that way, apparently; they were still waiting for the last few members to arrive, but unlike what had happened two days ago, now the entire room was almost completely silent, the rare whispers so soft she didn't know how anyone could make out the words.

She turned the page of the file she was reading, then tried to focus on it again. It was the third time she read through the medical files Healer Thompson had given her, and although she had the feeling she had heard or read about those symptoms before, she had absolutely no idea where. It was frustrating, knowing many Order members were now at St Mungo's, and there was nothing she could do to help them.

She noticed someone moving closer and tapped the files with her finger, changing them into a boring financial analysis no one would be interested in. When she looked up, it was to find the two people in the room more likely to talk to her, especially after the last meeting.

Fred and George both looked relaxed, almost happy, as they always did, but she could tell they were as worried about what they were going to discuss in only a few minutes as everyone else was.

They quickly pulled a pair of chairs closer to her and sat down. "Busy?" Fred asked, as he tilted his head to see what she was reading so intently.

"Boring," George muttered, reaching for the file she was holding and snatching it away. He frowned for a second as he touched it, then smirked and gave it a closer look. "Amateur tricks," he said, moving his arm back when she tried to reach for him and handing the file to his brother.

"Indeed," he said, with a disapproving look. "We thought you were smarter than this, Hermione."

"Using basic Concealing Charms? Tut tut."

She reached forward and smacked Fred on the head before yanking the file away from him. "This is private," she said, "and I most certainly do not need lessons from you on Concealing Charms."

"If you say so..." George shrugged, while Fred rubbed the spot where Hermione had hit him. "But you might be interested in learning that we knew you had charmed those documents the second we touched them."

"What are you babbling about?" she asked as she vanished the files with a quick flick of her wand.

"Magic Trackers, new and improved," George announced proudly as he slid his sleeve up enough to show her the thin black and silver bracelet around his wrist.

"You managed to fix them?" she asked, annoyance forgotten as she reached for George's arm and took a closer look.

"You sound surprised," Fred said. "We simply changed the silver for platinum and used Muggle rubber to keep the two parts from making contact."

"Dad gave us the idea, then went on and on for hours about Muggle electricity and the use of rubber on cables." George said, as he reached inside his pocket and pulled another identical bracelet out.

With a wink, Fred said, "It's part of our private line of products, so we would appreciate it if you didn't use this to show why you think we are so smart."

"Thank you," she muttered, as she slipped the bracelet around her wrist. "Have you received your shipment, yet?"

"First one arrived this morning, four more to arrive tonight."

"You keep surprising us, Mione," Fred said, smirking when he saw her scowl at the nickname. "We could really use your list of contacts."

"I thought we'd discussed this. You're not getting your hands on the list, no matter how much you insist."

They both sighed at the same time, trying their best to look disappointed, but she knew them too well to be fooled.

Before they could say anything else, however, Hermione noticed the door open, and watched the last few members walk into the room. "I think it's time for the meeting to-" she started, but before the last word came out an explosion so powerful it made the ground around them shake interrupted her.

"What was that?" George asked, but she was already standing and on her way to the centre of the room, where she had last seen Caleb.

Everyone was quickly getting up, fear evident on their faces as they tried to figure out what was going on. They were looking at one another, but nothing seemed to be wrong.

"It didn't come from inside the house," Caleb said as he walked closer.

"I know."

"What was that?" Parvati asked from a few feet away, but she didn't waste time with a reply.

Hermione pushed her way among Order members as she tried to reach the door, Caleb close behind her. She reached for her wand as she made her way down the hallway, hearing a few more people follow but not taking the time to look behind and see who it was. She only stopped when she reached the main door, performing a few spells to detect magic on it before pulling it open.

There was a large crater right in the centre of the street, and as the thick fog the explosion had caused dimmed, she noticed something right in the middle of it.

It took her a few seconds to make sense of what she was seeing, and then she was yelling for someone to get a healer as she ran forward, tripping with the debris and almost falling down a few times before she finally reached the figure lying in the crater.

She heard screams behind her as they realised what they were seeing, but she was too focused on the body in front of her to care. A thick black cloak was covering most of the figure, but it was clear it was a person. She pulled the cloak back and gasped when she saw the mangled naked body it hid. Among all the blood she could see old cuts and burn marks that took over most of the skin.

"Be careful," Caleb said as he kneeled behind her. He reached forward, gingerly pushing the long, dirty strands of hair from the face to see who it was.

Just then the chest heaved, and the dry, swollen lips parted for a deep breath. The eyes fluttered open, their colour so blue, contrasting with all the blood. She jumped back at the sudden movement, barely catching herself before falling down. She stared at the man for an empty second, unable to believe he was still alive, and then she called for a healer again as she leaned forward.

She tried to decide what wound to work on first, but they all seemed like old, badly healed ones. She had no idea where all the blood was coming from.

The low, gurgling sound coming from the man was distracting her, and her eyes moved to his face again. There was something so familiar in it.

"Help," the man managed to whisper, his eyes scared, frantic as he looked at her.

"Can you see any fresh wounds?" Caleb asked, and she shook her head, unable to tear her gaze from the blue eyes.

"Her..." came another whisper. "Hermio..."

She felt her hands shake, and fought to control herself. The man knew her, which probably meant she knew him as well. She had to focus, had to- She took a deep breath, closed her eyes for a second, and then willed all those thoughts away as she focused on the most pressing matter.

"I can't see a wound, but where is all the blood coming from?" she asked, as she noticed a few others move closer.

"We must turn him over," Caleb said, and she nodded.

They reached for the man's shoulders and carefully pushed him to his side. There was a large knife buried in the middle of his back.

"Let me through! Move!" someone yelled behind her, and a few seconds later a healer was there, kneeling at the man's back. "Let me see him," the witch said, and Caleb inched to the side, careful not to lose his hold on the man's shoulder.

"That's the only open wound we’ve found," Hermione said, as she watched the healer lean closer.

"We have to get it out. Hold him firmly," the witch instructed as she reached forward and carefully pulled the long knife out.

"There's a note," Caleb muttered, as the healer laid the knife on the floor, but before she could see what it said someone had taken it.

She quickly looked to the side, watching Harry yank the small roll of parchment free from the knife’s handle and open it. He started shaking his head, muttering, "No, no..." as he looked at the man with wide eyes. "Who is it? Tell me who it is!" Harry demanded, as he moved closer to the man. The healer yelled, "Take him away!" the second she felt his hand on her shoulder, pulling her back, and she saw the twins step forward as one and take Harry’s arms, forcefully pulling him away from them. The note fell from Harry’s hand as he tried to fight back, and it landed on the floor close to her. She narrowed her eyes, trying to make out the upside-down text, and the second she read it she understood Harry's reaction. There were four words written on the roll of parchment: "Here's your proof, Potter."

*

She kept looking down at her hands every other second. There was no blood on them any more, although that didn't matter. She had used magic to clean them, but it didn't seem enough. She needed water, and soap, lots of soap. Or maybe something stronger.

"This is all my fault," Harry kept saying as he paced the small room. Most of the Order had left, but there were a few still in the house. They were waiting outside.

Ginny was standing next to Harry, but she hadn’t spoken since they’d entered the room. The healer had come to inform them only minutes ago that the man had died. The Death Eaters had set a curse on the knife, and there had been nothing she could do to save him. The death hadn't come as a surprise, she had known he was beyond healing. It had been his identity that had shocked them all into silence. The healer's assistant had recognised Colin Creevey from her years at Hogwarts.

"Are you all right?" Caleb asked, and she nodded. She looked into his eyes and could see that he didn't believe her, but he said nothing.

"We asked for proof," she said bitterly as her gaze darted to Harry.

"I asked for proof," he said angrily. "And he gave me just that."

"The only one to blame here is Malfoy and the other Death Eaters," Ginny said, but Harry merely snorted.

"I can't let anyone else die like that," Harry said, stopping his pacing. "They made sure he stayed alive despite the wound. We all saw the marks on his body, the burns and the cuts. I can't let that happen to anyone else."

"What are you saying?"

"We have to make that exchange."

Caleb took a step closer to Harry, trying to keep his voice calm as he spoke. "That is not a decision to make lightly, Potter."

"Do you think this is lightly?" he yelled angrily.

"You need to think this through,” Hermione said. “There are many-"

"Stop telling me to think things through! That's all you do, think and over-think. That will get everyone else killed."

"And you act without thinking, you always have! You jump in without thinking of the consequences. You want to save the others, I can understand that, but this is not the way."

"Then what is? What do you propose we do? Torture Lucius Malfoy until he tells us what we need to know? Then perhaps kill every Death Eater involved, just for the fun of it?"

"For the fun of it? What the hell are you talking about?"

"You know exactly what I'm talking about!" he yelled, taking a few steps towards her so they were now standing face to face. "You say I jump in without thinking? Well, that's better than killing without thinking, Hermione!"

"You have no idea what you’re saying,” she said, trying her best to control her temper as she took a step away from him.

"Don't pretend it's not true," he yelled, grabbing her arms and shaking her hard.

"Let. Go. Of. Me," she hissed.

"Or what?"

A mere thought of words had Harry cursing and pulling his hands back. The next second she had her hand around his neck and the tip of her wand touching his chest as she backed him against the wall.

"Don't you ever put your hands on me again. Ever. I’ve had enough of you,” she hissed. “You think yourself so high and mighty, looking down at me as if I'm worth nothing. Have you forgotten all we've been through? Have you forgotten everything I did for you? How many of those Death Eaters you mention did I have to kill to save your life? How many things was I forced to do, to get us through the war, things you’d rather not know ever happened?”

She stepped even closer to him, moving her wand until it was pressing into his pulse point. “Don't fool yourself. Someone had to do it, and you didn't have the balls," she said. "You killed Voldemort, but you only got to him because I cleared the way for you. Have you forgotten that? Have you forgotten how many curses hit me that night, while I held the Death Eaters back so you could kill Voldemort? You can't forgive yourself for that one death you caused, and I accept that, but don't you dare judge me for not feeling the same way." She pressed her wand deeper into his neck as a few sparks flew from the tip, the hiss of burning flesh not even registering as she continued. "The Death Eaters I killed were trying to kill us; they killed our families, our friends. I will not feel sorry for what I did. I will not feel sorry for saving my friends' lives. The only difference between you and me is that I can do what it takes, and I can deal with the aftermath. Don't you dare judge me for that."

She took a step back, then lowered her wand before she did something she would regret.

Harry looked at her in silence for a few moments, anger still clear in his eyes, but finally he glanced at Caleb as he spoke again. "I'll agree to the exchange. Can this be arranged through the Ministry?"

“No you won’t” Ginny said, but Harry ignored her.

“Can it be arranged?” he insisted.

Caleb looked from Harry to Ginny to Hermione, her, then finally spoke. "Perhaps, but I'm not sure. Freeing Azkaban prisoners would require more than my authorization. Many others will have to be convinced."

"I hate playing politics, but this time I will."

“Harry James Potter, you listen to me,” Ginny said, forcing him to turn to her. “You are not letting any Death Eaters take you!”

“I have to do this,” he muttered.

Hermione didn’t want to listen to this any more. It was insane, he couldn’t really agree to it. But she knew she wouldn’t be able to change Harry’s mind, and neither would Ginny. She turned around and walked to the small window, looking outside as the conversation continued.

"You're not just talking about rescuing Order members, Potter. Death Eaters will go free. And they will take you with them," Caleb said.

"I know,” he said. “We'll find a way to capture them again. Perhaps we can use some sort of Tracking Charm."

“Stop this!” Ginny said again. “You’re not going anywhere, you are not agreeing to this.”

“Perhaps you should listen to your wife, Potter.”

“I know someone specialised in Tracking Charms, I’ll ask them if it can be done.”

“Harry, stop it!” Ginny cried. “You can’t do this.”

“We’ll discuss this somewhere else,” Harry said.

She heard footsteps next, the door open and then close, but she didn't tear her gaze from window until she felt strong arms around her waist. With a deep sigh, she closed her eyes and rested her head back against Caleb's chest, moving her hands over his and pulling his arms tighter around her.

“Are you all right?”

“Would you believe me if I said yes?” she asked, and felt him shake his head against her shoulder. "I should’ve kept my temper."

“I think you were surprisingly well-behaved, considering the circumstances.”

"I'm so tired of this,” she said with a sigh. “I'm tired of them looking at me as if I'm some kind of monster."

“It doesn’t matter what they think. You know the truth.”

“Do I?”

“Of course you do,” he whispered, kissing her shoulder. “You wouldn’t-"

The doorknob turning was the only warning they had before the door was pushed open, barely enough time for him to let go and take a step back.

“Minister?” someone called from the doorway, but she didn’t bother turning around to see who it was.

“Yes?”

“Harry asked me to tell you his friend will be here in a few minutes.”

“I’ll be there in a moment,” he replied.

A few seconds passed, and the door was closed again.

“Merlin, I’m so sick of this,” she groaned, running her hands through her hair.

“Sick of what?”

“Of all this,” she said, turning around. “I’m sick of having to hide how I feel, I’m sick of not being able to kiss you, or to hold your hand just because someone could see us. It was the same with…it was the same with Kingsley,” she said, her voice barely breaking when she spoke the name. “I’m tired of having to hide my feelings from everyone.”

“It doesn’t have to be like this,” he said, and she couldn’t help but laugh.

“You heard what Malfoy said; he was right. I’ve worked with too many important people, influential people, and if they found out-" She took a deep breath. “You’re the Minister for Magic, and I’m…part of the Golden Trio,” she said, with a bitter laugh. “If it was only that, then you’re right, we wouldn’t have to hide this. But what I do, it’s rarely legal, and almost never morally right. You cannot be associated with someone like that.”

“Why don’t you let me worry about what people might think of me?”

“We’ve been through this already,” she said, trying to smile, if only a little. “I won’t risk everyone thinking badly of you because of me, and I won’t risk someone trying to hurt you just to get to me.”

“You don’t need to protect me, you know?” he said, pulling her closer and kissing her forehead.

She wrapped her arms around him, holding him close to her as she gathered the courage to voice the question she’d wanted to ask since the previous day. “Do you think they have him, too?”

“I don’t think so,” he said, softly. “Yesterday, Malfoy wanted to boast about who he had. He named people he thought Potter cared about, and important or powerful wizards. He even mentioned Fudge. If they had Kingsley, he wouldn’t have let the opportunity pass; he would’ve told us.”

That’s what she had been thinking, but still, she couldn’t help but hope.

“Kingsley was like a brother to me, Hermione. I wish I was wrong, but he’s dead. You saw it happen, and so did I.”

She tried to blink back the tears that welled in her eyes as she did her best to push away the memories that Caleb’s words had summoned.

“You can’t agree to that exchange,” she whispered. “We never should’ve involved the Order, we should have said no when Malfoy told us his terms.”

He moved his hand to her jaw, tilting her head back so he could look into her eyes.

“They’ll kill whoever they have, just like they killed Creevey.”

“I know. But you can’t let those Death Eaters go free, and you can’t let them have Harry.”

“Potter’s idea of tracking the prisoners down might work.”

“Either way, he will destroy your career.”

He took a deep breath before speaking again. “You worry too much about my career.” When she didn’t reply, he continued. “I don’t like the idea of doing the exchange, but even if I refused, he’d find a way to do it without the Ministry’s support.”

“He’d try, but I won’t give him the chance.”

“What are you thinking about?” Caleb asked, and now he sounded concerned.

“I’ll take the exchange agreement off the table.”

“If you do that the prisoners will be killed.”

“Not if I can help it.”

“Potter won’t just let this go, he won’t give up. Not only that, but the entire Order knows about the exchange, and they know how angry he was after the proof they sent earlier. If something happens to the Death Eaters, there’s no way Potter won’t be blamed for it.”

“Of course there is,” she whispered. “I can take the fall for him, like I always do.”