Blackeyed Girl

Here goes the new chapter.

Still unbetaed, please let me know if it is so painful to read that I should stop updating till I find a new beta!

Let me use this opportunity: Feeling like betaing this story anyone?



And please leave me a word or two in the reviews, it does help with the writing!



______________________

Chapter 11

A Reason to fear



Eleanor grabbed Luna\'s hand instinctively and squeezed it as they walked towards Snape, who stood there, like a tall, black wall, his arms crossed in front of him.



“Where were you?” he asked directly.



“With Luna”, she said, still squeezing Luna\'s hand.



“I can see that, but where?”



“Around... why?”



“I ask the questions! And \'around\' is not a satisfactory answer!”



“I don\'t understand”, Eleanor said, desperation becoming audible in her voice.



“Me neither, so please enlighten me.” Eleanor only stared at him, so Snape continued, “ I had the following astonishing experience: Asking colleague Flitwick how you were getting on after your absence from classes he assured me you were doing well, except for Divination. Not that Divination matters, but he suggested I should ask you about it, since it seemed to trouble you a lot more than any of your other subjects. Now as I could not find you in your common room I send an owl for you for I wished to clear this matter tonight. -”



“We can speak now!” Eleanor interrupted quickly but Snape only hissed: “Do not interrupt me!”



Eleanor swallowed on a dry throat and so did Luna.



“Now... like I was saying, I send an owl to you with a message but about an hour went by without a reply. Then Mr Zabini informed me that an owl was displaying a rather peculiar behaviour on the seventh floor. Apparently it repeatedly attempted to fly into the wall, with a note to be delivered to Miss Prince. Now I wonder, why that silly bird thought you would be stuck in a wall... or in a room behind it with no door...or window.”



“I am sure you are aware that owls…” but Luna did not get far with her theory as Snape shot her a deadly glance: “Be sure that I am aware that you were in the Room of Requirement. But why… I wonder.” His gaze turned to Eleanor.



Eleanor lowered her head, staring at her feet.



“I believe, we will continue this conversation in my office”, Snape said and Eleanor felt him grip her wrist hard. As he pulled her with him Eleanor looked back at Luna, hoping for a message of advice, but Luna only looked after her unsure what to do.



Snape pulled her along with him all the way down to the dungeon. She tired to think of a good explanation of what she had been doing in the Room of Requirement but she could not think of anything. She was too distressed about what was to come.



Snape shoved her into his office and threw the door shut behind them. He did not loose any time.



“Now, what kind of sneaky business broad you into the Room of Requirement?”



“I didn’t know it is out of bounce, Sir. I’m sorry.”



“It isn’t, yet its nature has the tendency to attract people who are up to something forbidden.”



“Well… we only used it as a neutral place to hang out… people from different houses you know, us and… Ginny and Neville.”



Snape frowned: “Almost any empty room in the castle would have served that purpose, why the Room of Requirement? After all it only reveals itself when it is ‘needed’ –you did not ‘need’ that particular room to meet with your friends… unless you wanted to make sure you are not seen with your friends and why would that be?”



Eleanor didn’t answer.



“I tell you why: Either you were doing something that is against the rules, and I don’t even dare thinking what that could be, if your only male company was Neville Longbottom”, Eleanor blushed and looked away, “or you were meeting someone you are not supposed to be seen with.” It was quiet again, “You know who is a frequent user of the Room of Requirement? Harry Potter.”



Eleanor looked up wide-eyed: “I wasn’t with him! Ginny thought of using the room. I’m not sure why.”



Snape detected the lie instantly and his eyes started to burn into hers as he swept towards her and grabbed her ear: “Don’t you dare lie to me! I will not have you make a fool out of me by lying to me and defying me behind my back.”



Eleanor was shacking and stared to the ground: “I’m… I’m sorry.”



Snape was furious. He jerked hard on her ear. Eleanor cried out.



“How long as this been going on? And what have you been doing in that room?!”



“Nothing! Let go! Please! You’re hurting me!”



“You better tell me what I want to know right now. Believe me I have ways to get the truth out of you and not all of them are as pleasant as the sensation you are experiencing right now.”



“Just … just this once and we only hang out!”



Snape stared at her a moment then he pulled harder on her ear again: “How stupid do you think I am?! I can tell that you are lying to me. You have one more chance to tell me the truth or I swear I will really hurt you! You have no idea what I can do to you, little girl!”



“Just… a few times I met him there. Since… just for a few weeks!” she cried terrified.



Snape let go of her ear but grabbed the collar of her dress instead and jerked her up to look at him. He seemed possessed by rage.



“A few weeks?! You have been playing me for weeks?! With Harry Potter?! Did I not warn you very clearly to stay away from that boy?! What were you thinking? Thought it would be fun to sneak off with the Chosen One because what is forbidden is twice as sweet?! I bet you have a crush on that twat, don’t you! Tell me does Potter enjoy tainting my ward? Has he tried to deflower you yet?”



“No! No! It’s not like that!”



“Of course it is! What do you know about boys!”



“No, we’re just friends!”



“He was with you the day the vampire attacked you, wasn’t he? And your little friends lied to me as well.”



She didn’t know what to say.



Snape threw her into a desk with jars of eerie objects and potion supplies.



“You will learn to obey me. You will never make a fool out of me again!”



He pushed her back down over the desk and jerked up her skirt. He grabbed a wooden spoon from the desk and brought it down on her backside as hard as he could. Eleanor screamed in pain and shock. Snape grabbed her left arm and forced it behind her back where he held her firmly in place. She was pinned to the desk. He brought the spoon down again and again as hard and unforgiving as before. Eleanor coughed on her own scream and gasped for air. But he continued. She felt her flesh getting numb against the pain and gave up on her protest. She ceased her screaming. She gripped the edge of the desk hard with her free hand. Her cheek was pressed to the desktop and now she only winced and gave an occasional quiet squeak when the spoon hit her. She had accepted the punishment. It was hard and violent but she told herself she deserved it. She had done what she had been warned not to do. She had done it anyway. Now she had to suffer the consequences. It was just pain. Pain she knew, it did not matter whether is was mental or physical. She lost track of how long he was beating her. She lost track of how often the spoon came down. But suddenly it was over. When she noticed that he was not pining her down anymore she took her first chance and instinctively dashed under the desk away from him. Only when she felt save under the desk on the cold stone floor she looked up at him again for the first time, catching her breath. Snape had stepped away. The spoon was flung to the floor. He was white in the face and also catching his breath. His eyes were still full of fury but there was something else now, too, uncertainty and irritation. He glared at her and then whispered breathlessly: “Stay there and don’t you dare move a muscle.” With that he stalked out of the office and threw the door shut behind him again.



Eleanor took his words very literally and didn’t dare move. She listened to herself breathing as she started to feel her backside again. She could feel pulsing waves of pain. She sat there for about fifteen minutes then she heard the door open again but as she looked towards the door it was not Snape who had entered.



“Professor Snape?” she heard a boy call. He stepped into the room and looked around. It was Draco Malfoy. Eleanor froze, hoping he would not see her under the desk but as he turned around he spotted her instantly. He looked at her a moment, his expression blank, then he asked:



“What are you doing?”



“I’m supposed to stay here.”



“What, under that desk?” Draco smirked.



“Yes”, answered Eleanor. She noticed her voice was raw from screaming. She wishes so hard he was not here. Why him? Why did he have to see her like this? She did not want to see anyone right now, but particularly not that beautiful boy she had taken a secret fancy too.



Draco stepped back a little and seemed to decide to observe the girl a little longer, amused with the odd picture in front of him. Then his eyes dropped when he spotted her knickers. Her skirt was still crumbled around her waist. Eleanor realised what he was looking at but did not move to hide her underwear from view.



”Your underwear is showing”, Draco said matter-of-factly.



“I know”, said Eleanor and added after a pause, “I’m not supposed to move.”



Draco laughed: “And you’re not taking that a little bit too literal?”



Eleanor looked away, not cracking a smile. It was silent again.



“You’re Snape’s ward. That… Prince girl?”



“Guess that’s me”, said Eleanor still not looking up. She had not wanted their introduction to be under these circumstances. It was silent again.



“Hey, when is Snape coming back? I need to speak to him.”



“Don’t know”, she answered disinterested and secretly hoped he would not be back in a long time, “perhaps you should come back later. He’s not in a good mood.”



“Seems so”, said Draco and raised an eyebrow but made no move to leave the spot on which he was standing.



Eleanor could not take his staring any longer. She lowered her face as she tried to frantically blink away the tears that were about to come. She had not cried in front of another person since her mother died.



“Hey you might as well stop crying!” said Draco suddenly with a voice that that did not sound like his own. Perhaps someone else had said this to him a couple of times in his life, “crying doesn’t get you anything. It’s just pathetic!”



“I didn’t ask you!” Eleanor cried angrily but instantly took in what he had said and swallowed down that knot in her throat and tried to regain control of her emotions. She was not going to cry. It was pathetic.



Meanwhile Snape was pacing up and down in Dumbledore’s office. The Headmaster had not been there when he arrived and now he was waiting, pacing up and down like a wild animal whose cage was too small. Repeatedly he brushed his hair out of his face and pressed a hand in front of his mouth trying to calm himself. Then he heard the door open and immediately turned towards it:



“Albus!”



“What is it Severus?” asked Dumbledore alarmed as he saw his teacher rounding on him in distress.



“I… I beat her, Albus. I beat her so hard…” he trailed away and Dumbledore saw his hand shaking slightly. He laid his hand on his shoulder and directed him to a chair.



“Sit down, Severus. Now tell me again. What has happened?”



Snape sat down, his face still white and coated in cold sweat.



“I beat her as hard as I could…”



“Eleanor?”



Snape nodded.



Dumbledore’s eyes widened but his voice remained calm: “Where is she now? Is she alright?”



“In my office. …I… I used a wooden spoon on her. I think she is all right… physically. But I …I beat her so hard…”



“Severus look at me”, said Dumbledore and sat down on a chair opposite him, his hand still firmly on his shoulder. Snape looked up at him shakily.



“What happened?”



Snape looked away quickly then explained quietly: “I found out that she… she had done something I told her not to do. She’d done it behind my back.” his voice became firmer again as he remembered the reason for his fury, “several times. She’s simply ignored what I had clearly forbidden and she lied. Even when I confronted her she still tried to lie her way out of it. I… I just needed to punish her…”



“But you went too far?” asked Dumbledore



Snape looked at him: “I wanted her to suffer. I wanted her to suffer and to fear me.”



“You probably archived that, Severus.” Dumbledore eyed him carefully.



“This is your fault!” Snape suddenly shouted, “I told you I shouldn’t look after the girl!”



Dumbledore took his hand off Snape’s shoulder and leaned back. His face went cold and he said with a sudden sternness in his voice.



“A man is responsible for his actions. Remember that Severus. You can blame me, and you can blame your father. But it is you alone who is responsible.”



Snape shot up from his chair: “I know. I know that. I’m sorry, Albus. Will you go and see if she is all right?”



“Me?” asked Dumbledore in clearly fake surprise.



“You don’t think I should go back to her?! She must be terrified of me now!”



Dumbledore thought a moment and then he said: “And what do you think can I do, Severus? Do you think I can undo what you have done? Do you think I can talk to her and explain to her that you made a mistake and that everything will be good from now on?”



“No!”



“Then what?”



“Damn it, Albus! I just don’t want to distress her anymore right now. She needs someone to help her calm down and make sure that she is all right before I face her again.”



“You don’t want to go back right now because you don’t want to face the damage you have done to that girl. You want someone else to clean up the mess.” There was still no anger in Dumbledore’s voice but Snape could only glare at his words.



“This isn’t about me, Albus.”



“It is all about you. You did not beat her because you wanted to discipline her. You beat her because you felt personally insulted by her behaviour. You are terrified of being disregarded by her. And that terror made you abuse her.”



“Albus, I’m sorry.” Snape said sincerely.



“It is not me you have to apologise to.”



Snape didn\'t answer but Dumbledore knew him well enough to know what was going on in his mind.



“Admitting you made a mistake does not make you weak, Severus. It is important that we admit mistakes… not only to ourselves, also the people we did wrong.” His eyes bored into Snape’s.



Snape looked away.



“I’ll take care of it,“ he said, not facing the Headmaster.



“Can I trust that you will?” Dumbledore asked sincerely, still glaring into Snape as though he could look right through him.



“Like I said!” Snape snapped impatiently and turned towards the door.



“Then I will trust you”, said Dumbledore simply, which made Snape freeze in his motion again, “It is good that you came to me with this. I wish that you do the same should something like this happen again, or perhaps… before something like this happens again.”



Snape avoided the Headmaster’s eyes, nodded and left.



Back at the office there was still a long ongoing silence between Draco and Eleanor. He had made himself comfortable leaning against the wall. His arms crossed he was observing her purely out of the entertainment her embarrassment gave him. She still had not as much as shifted under the desk with her skirt twisted around her hips. She was getting tired of trying to find other things in the room to look at so she did not have to look back at him. Then the door opened without warning. Eleanor did not look around but she recognised the sound of footsteps. She looked at Draco as he turned to the door and removed himself from the wall. Snape stopped at the sight of Draco.



“Draco. What are you doing here?”



“Waiting for you Professor. You wanted to see me, remember?”



“Of course”, Snape said curtly and paused. He looked down to the desk under which he saw Eleanor exactly the way he had left her. His impression darkened as he saw the state she was in and her underwear showing.



“Get out from under there already, silly girl!” he snapped at her. Her body shook at the sudden command. Turning very pink in the face she rushed out from under her hiding place, her skirt finally falling back into place. Draco smirked at the sight of her embarrassment. Snape frowned at him and then said: “You will have to come again later. I have to deal with something else now.”



Draco huffed and rolled his eyes: “Fine… I was only waiting here for like half an hour…”



“Then I will make sure you wait an entire hour next time, now get out of here”, he snapped and dared him to talk back.



Draco gave Eleanor another glance and left. As the door closed behind him it became quiet again. Eleanor cast her eyes to the grey stone floor before her and started twisting her fingers nervously in her lap; wishing that the pulsing pain in her backside would finally stop so she would only have her embarrassment, fear and Snape to deal with. Snape only stood there, looking at her silently. Then he started pacing silently. Eventually he asked without stopping: “Are you alright?” She didn’t know what to say. He stopped and looked at her: “Are you alright?” he asked again.



She shrugged her shoulders, her eyes still fixed at the ground.



“We need to talk about this”, he said then. Eleanor did not react. Snape looked around the room for an idea of how to makes this more comfortable for both of them, “Sit down,“ he said. Without looking at him she choose the chair next to her. But as she sat down she winced and gave air to a whimper. Snape watched her, expecting her to get back up as it was clearly uncomfortable for her to sit down, but she remained seated. Her face turned ever so slightly more white.



“Do you prefer to stand?” he said awkwardly. She nodded, her eyes fixed on her knees now. He sighed, then said a little irritated: “Then get up.” She jumped back to her feet.



Snape sighed again. Even if he found the words to what he wanted to tell her, would she even take it in in her current condition? He considered taking away her pain by giving her a potion. But he chose not to. He knew what he had done was wrong and he knew Dumbledore was right. But he was not a perfect man like Dumbledore. He could not make his mistake undone unless he obliviated her. And he was not going to apologise either. It seemed such a waist to him. He could not make any of this undone so he was not going to deny that it had been after all intended, even if not quite like this. But no matter how much he regretted that he has lost control he could not get himself to plainly admit that her punishment was a mistake. He had beaten her with only one thought: she should not dare to ever lie to him again, especially when it was about Harry Potter. And now that he had done it. He was not going to take it all back.



“I need to speak with you so… are you able to listen or not?” he said after another moment of pacing. She nodded again, blinking tears away again. She could hear Draco’s sudden sharp voice in her head “crying doesn’t get you anything. It is just pathetic.”



“I warned you several times about being with that boy. Was I not very clear on the consequences?”



“Yes, Sir”, she spoke for the first time and it came out in a whisper.



“You see I warned you so because I did not want this to happen. There are a few things that I cannot stand, among them are lying and disobedience. And I hoped I had made myself clear that I particularly do not want you near the Potter boy. Do you disagree? Was any of this not clear to you?”



“No, it was clear, Sir”, she whispered again.



“Then you deserved what you got”, he said coldly. She remained silent. She had never doubted that she deserved it, “yet that does not mean that I do not regret this. I admit that I was worried from the first moment when I heard that you had met him. I was worried that you would not listen and that I would end up beating that disobedience out of you as hard as I can or worse. I am not a good man.” he looked straight at her. Eleanor looked up carefully for the first time. The rumours of him being a Deatheater popped back into her head, “I have never made anyone believe otherwise. You have to know what you are dealing with, who you anger when you disobey or lie. I could spend my life wishing I was some sunshine of a hero like Potter”, he almost spat the name in disgust, “but that is not the man I am. I have my very own purpose in this world. There is a lot about me that you or Potter and his little friends can never understand.” He paused. He had noticed that she was now looking intently at him and it made him slightly uncomfortable. Those big black eyes seemed locked on him so powerfully. He felt as though they could look inside him, a feeling he only knew from being in the presence of Albus Dumbledore and the Dark Lord.



“You better not anger me again like that”, he said eventually, holding her glare, “because as much as I hated that this happened, I am bound to loose my temper again.”



She quickly looked down again: “I am sorry”, she whispered.



“So am I”, he whispered back with an unexpected softness in his voice.



She took a deep breath: “Please.”



“What?”



“Please let me be with my friends”, she whispered again, her voice cracking from the tears that were about to overcome her.



He only looked at her, her tearful, begging eyes met his again: “I don’t wanna be alone. They are my friends, all of them. Harry is my friend. I know you hate him, but this has nothing to do with you. He is just a good friend, just like the others. Nobody else wants anything to do with me. I don’t know why. I am not trying to be weird or… they are my only friends and I need them. I can’t be with them if I can not be with Harry.” She paused and gasped for air as she struggled more and more to hold her tears back. Snape only watched her, “I never wanted to lie to you. It was so hard. I hated it! But there was just no other way. Just keeping my distance to one person in this school, I know you think it is as easy as that but I don’t know how I can make you understand that it is not! I wish it were because I would do it! I never wanted to make you angry! I lied to you and I met Harry behind your back because I cannot do what you ask me to do. If I want anything like a normal life I need to be able to be with my friends. I never had friends…and now I have nobody… I need them. There is nothing else. Please!” she was out of breath again and realised there was nothing else she could say. She had said it all like it was and she did not know what she was going to do if he did not understand her now.

Snape only looked at her. He was a little stunned. She had never been so open with him. She had been like him, distant and controlled and he had appreciated it for it was so much easier to deal with. But Dumbledore had of course been right. There was trouble underneath and ignoring it didn’t work. It was clear to him now that what had happened was the result of ignoring it. But how had he been supposed to know? He knew that she was truthful now, more truthful than ever. And he felt a little touched that she had opened up to him out of all people.



“Well”, he said quietly after a moment, “I suppose it would be… acceptable that you are… accustomed to Mr Potter, as you are befriended with some of his…closer friends…. But make no mistake about it I will be watching you. If I see or hear of anything I do not like concerning you and Potter the privilege is gone.”



While he was speaking Eleanor felt a stone lifting from her chest and her face brightened. Snape was not sure whether to let it infatuate him or whether to grow suspicious again. He decided to ignore it entirely, “just don’t you dare lying to me again.”



“I won’t”, she whispered with the faintest smile.



“Well, now get out of here”, he said and motioned impatiently to the door.



Eleanor rushed forward but stopped just before she passed him. She looked up at him but did not dare to quite look him in the eye.



“Thank you, Sir.”



He didn’t know what to reply and remained silent. Then she hurried out of the office.