Transfiguration of the Heart

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Chapter 11- A Charming Man Underneath

A week later, Severus found himself agonizing over what exactly he was going to do about this little… ‘situation’. Actually, it was not so much a situation as it was a minor catastrophe in the making. Yes, catastrophe was the correct word to use. That could be the only accurately defining term to use for his clearly crazy and rapidly rising ardor for the young Transfigurations professor, and his former student.

He had used this past week to try to push away those thoughts that had surfaced at Lucius’ home. He had tried so very hard to forget what she looked like both evenings in flattering and revealing finery. Each time that he tried to forget, though, all that would stay in his mind would be the sight of the curve of her breasts, or the smoothness of her legs. Even when she walked about the corridors of the school in her non-descript teaching robes, he could imagine seeing her form beneath it and in nothing more than a few strategically placed pits of cloth, as well.

Seeing the sublime laciness of her pale pink underthings in her chambers last Sunday wasn’t any help at all, either.

As much as he tried to tell himself this was just a base lust, coming from the instinctual, male portion of his brain, he knew otherwise. He knew very much otherwise. There had been times during the years that he felt particularly in awe of her for her brilliance. There were just as many times that he had wanted to hurt her for speaking out of turn and making him grade an extra foot of parchment for an essay he had assigned. But there had always been a certain sort of kinship between them. Though she may have thought some nasty things about him for punishments he had given out over the years, or for the things he may have said to her in the past, she had always respected him. She had respected his intelligence.

He had insinuated otherwise on Sunday, but he had been lying. Something always seemed to surface when he spoke to others that made him contradict what they would say. He had always felt like he had to go against everything he ever felt, or he would have been seen as weak. Perhaps it was a self-defense mechanism that had long since been so ingrained into his head that he could not overcome it again.

He was an obstinate ox, was what he was.

One thing had become evident this past week, though, while she maintained her distance from him and afforded him dirty looks. He could just not leave what he felt alone and hope to maintain the status quo. Something had to change between them, even if he knew any true change was impossible. While he hoped a certain thing would eventually change between them, he had no idea where he was going to start at actually tranfiguring it completely.

Funny that her expertise is in Transfigurations.

By all rights, he should have gone to her to ask for help in transforming this relationship between them from that of colleagues to something much more. But Severus Snape did not ask for help. And neither did he let something out so blatantly, and only to explain his situation of lusting after her. He was a subtle, sneaky Slytherin after all.

He was on his own. From somewhere in the dark recesses of his mind, he would have the recall what impressing a woman meant, and then implement it without scaring her off. He would need to think back to those days he would spend with Lucius, watching the pureblood go through romancing witches and then sending them on their merry ways like there would be no tomorrow. That ladies’ man was somewhere inside of him, wasn’t it?

No, it couldn’t be inside of him. He certainly was not Lucius, nor did he ever wish to be so. But then again, he never wanted to be like his own father either. It bewildered him now, to look back on how two different men could be so spectacularly different, and that as an older male or father figure in his life, he had never had a happy medium. Not even Dumbledore had helped. All three men were very different points to a very equilateral triangle.

Would he be able to find the center of that triangle, and combine the best aspects of each male personality successfully? Probably not, but it was a good place to start. That was, if he could choose the correct aspects to begin with. He knew Hermione would most definitely not appreciate it if he chose to use the smooth-talking lessons from Lucius, the complete bastardly nature of his father, while accomplishing it all with a sadistic twinkle in his eyes like Dumbledore.

Could his eyes even twinkle?

Perhaps the best option was to just be himself. If she could not understand him for whom he was—which was nothing pleasant—then she was not worth his time. He had understood very early on that if he had ever been lucky enough to be in a relatively committed relationship, it would be to a remarkably understanding woman. Or an insane one… one insane enough to even look twice at him.

One thing he had done, was find a good sampling of books from his collection. He had taken the entire week, looking through his bookshelves, appraising each tome carefully to decide upon which ones she most likely would not have read, or ones that were so rare, her mouth would water at even being able to touch the leather bindings. In the end, he had chosen five. There were many more suitable ones for her, but these were the best. Five books probably would not last long in the hands of Hermione Granger, but he hoped that by that time, he would not have to keep her away from Krum. Hopefully, by then, she would be seeking him out before she even thought of anyone else. Hopefully by then, she might be coming to his rooms to choose her own books, rather than him having to choose for her.

The house-elves should have taken them to her room by dinner time, and she should have deciphered the note he had sent with it by now. He could nearly set a clock by her problem-solving after so many years, trying to decode so many different mysterious happenings. The letter he had sent would not be particularly difficult, and a few hours should have been enough, especially judging by the look of deep concentration she had on her face during dinner that night.

He had grown anxious sitting around in his rooms, though, to learn of her reaction to this gift, and had decided to take a stroll about the dark grounds. Never could Severus resist the opportunity to slink around in dark shadows, catching unsuspecting, trysting children in the large bushes around the castle grounds. Anything to punish severely with loss of house points and detentions. Sad, really, that the only thing that made him happy these days was punishing.

What he found on his walk, though, was not trysting students. What he found was a quiet, sullen-looking Hermione Granger sitting on a stone bench and looking up at the evening sky. He watched her shiver in the cold, and he realized that she had no cloak or jumper to protect herself. In one particularly gallant move (at least he thought so), he made to pull off his wool robes and walk over to her. Instead, he stopped suddenly when a twig snapped beside him.

Severus clutched his wand in his hand, holding it at the ready for whatever danger might befall him or Hermione, when a tall, hulking form moved out of the side bushes, pulling his own heavy fur-lined coat off his shoulders. When he stepped up behind Hermione and dropped the covering over her shoulders, she snuggled into the warmth as though it were second nature to her to do this. Severus felt an intense pang of jealousy when she smiled softly at the Bulgarian, and kissed his cheek in gratitude as he sat beside her.

“Thank you, Viktor,” she said softly, resting her head against his shoulder. The massive brute wrapped his arms securely around her, pulling her close beside him, his nose and lips lingering in her hair at the top of her head for a moment. Hermione did not seem to mind this, and Severus felt even more jealousy bubble in his blood. He had given her much more than a warm coat and shoulder to lay her head against! Where was his thanks?

“You are very velcome, Hermione,” the accented voice said.

Severus thought it very odd the way the Bulgarian was acting. Krum was a much more pushy person than this, in all aspects of his life. Severus hardly could see Viktor soft spoken and acting like this with a woman.

“Have you decided vot you vant for your birthday?” Viktor questioned.

Birthday?

Hermione shook her head, “I don’t need anything.”

“Every woman has something very special they vant,” he said. “Perhaps diamond earrings?”

“They would be nice, but there is certainly nothing I need,” she said. “A week away from Hogwarts might be negotiable, though.”

“I could step in for your classes,” he offered.

Hermione laughed, “No, you can step in for Tonks, and Tonks can teach my classes. At least I’ll know my students are learning something, even if it is only about how a Metamorphmagus can change her nose from a pig’s to a human’s in no time flat.”

Viktor chuckled at that, wrapping his arms more securely around the girl. Her small, fragile frame was positively engulfed by the large man, but what he thought Hermione might find to be frightening apparently was not. She buried her face against his chest and turned her head to the moon shining over them. She seemed much too content in his arms.

“I hope Remus took his potions,” Hermione said faintly.

“I do not know if he took them, but I vas present when Snape handed him the vials this veek,” he said.

She nodded and readjusted herself. The look of complete triumph on Krum’s face was enough to make Severus was to hex it right off, so that he could never look like that again. This was all a game to Krum, wasn’t it? He thought to make his presence known to pull the couple apart, but he stopped when he heard his name on her lips.

“He is so confusing,” Hermione said.

“Who, Remus?” Viktor asked.

“No, Snape,” she replied and pulled a bit away from the man to look at him. “I try my best to be a friend… or at least someone that understands… and at every turn he rebukes me. Then this evening, I go back to my chambers to find that I’ve received a gift from him. I just can’t seem to pin who he wants to be down.”

Was it a good sign that she was thinking about him while with Krum? After a millisecond of thought, he decided, that yes, yes it was a very good sign.

“Even when we were working together for Order things, I could not get a true feeling for the man,” she said. “I did not know until the final battle whether he was on our side or their side. And even then, I question him at times.”

Krum listened intently to her, and waited until she was quiet to speak. “I remember everything you have ever told me about him, Herm-own-ninny. It’s true he is not a very nice man much of the time, but he tries. When he gets confused about how he should be acting, he gets flustered and that results in his nastiness.”

Maybe the oaf was not as dense as he had once thought. But it was also unsettling that Krum could deduce this, from what little they spoke of together. Of course, he knew Karkaroff. Perhaps that had helped with this thesis.

“I just wish there were some way I could break that icy shell,” she said.

He did not know whether to be relieved that Hermione understood him that well, or worried that she too had the intention of trying to get closer to him.

“Why vould you vant to break it, Hermione?” Krum said. “I think he likes keeping everyone at a safe distance. And he surely vould not thank you for doing it.”

“I’m not going to go at it with explosives,” she said with a short laugh. “I’m trying to be Slytherin about it… pick away at the ice a little bit at a time.”

She was much sneakier than he gave her credit for. When he thought she was only trying to annoy him, what she was really trying to do was make him rise to the occasion to pull him out of that impassive, cool shell.

“What happens ven you find that you do not vant to know vat is leashed on the inside?” he questioned. “It vill not always be pleasant, and vill most likely be dark and harmful.”

Hermione shrugged her shoulders and pulled further away from the man. “Viktor, I appreciate your concern, but I have a feeling what lays beneath that exterior is really a charming man. Circumstance only made him adopt the way he has acted for so long, beginning with his childhood and then later on in the Dark Lord’s service.”

“You vill be picking away for an awfully long time to get to that desired center,” Viktor warned.

She would, Severus nodded.

“Then so be it!” Hermione said, in a sudden flourish of anger, her Gryffindor aggressiveness taking over. She stood up and pulled Krum’s coat from her shoulders, handing it over to him before stomping away and toward the castle. Krum watched after her with a hurt look in his eyes. Maybe the boy would get the hint now that she was only entertaining him because she had nothing better to do.

But he knew her intentions, and it made him feel utterly wanted to know that she wished to get to know him. As odd as it was for him, though, he thought that for the first time in twenty long years, he might just let his guard down for a woman. He would let her see him. Of course, he was not exactly like she suspected, but he would let her see, and he would let her decide if she continued to pursue it. He would make it her choice.

Only, he would not make it spectacularly easy on her to make her choice. Nor would he let her free without a few ‘sneaky machinations’ of his own.