Changing Ideals

Body



Disclaimer: I don\'t own Harry Potter and company. If any of you even think of suing me, I\'ll send the acromantulas after you. They like being in my story and will help me out by doing my bidding. Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Chapter 11: Waking Up, Decisions, and Serious Discussions

Hearing a whispered argument, Harry awoke in the infirmary to see Headmaster Dumbledore stride out in an angry manner. He could never remember a time where he had ever witnessed an event like that. Normally the Headmaster was cool, calm, and completely composed at all times. He figured that Dumbledore was falling apart because his master plan was not succeeding in the way he hoped. Evidently, there was now a hitch or two in the plan. Harry could really care less.

Turning his attention away from the door, that the Headmaster stalked out of, he met the carefully measured eyes of his Head of House, Severus Snape. Wincing, Harry realized that the other Slytherins had gotten an eye full of his multiple other injuries. Cursing his own stupidity under his breath, he silently prayed that Severus would just let it lie. This was not really something he wanted to get into at the moment. His past was better left as just that, his past.

\"Harry, I know that this might not be the easiest subject for you, but we have to talk about it. This is not something I can act ignorant about. You need to confide in somebody. If not me, maybe there is someone else. All your year mates, in Slytherin that is, have expressed a desire to help you. Any of them are willing to listen, as am I. We need you to open up to us. Keeping things locked inside is not good for you, or for our trust in you. We don\'t even know how much of you is you, and how much is a carefully laid out act. We are quite aware you have set some sort of plan into motion, but what it is, we are not certain. That is something we can leave to you, but this level of abuse can not be ignored. Now, I won\'t force you to answer just yet. I will give you time. You need to think through this thoroughly to best choose who it is you feel you can confide in. This shouldn\'t be a rushed decisi I w I will give you until no later than tonight. If you haven\'t chosen by then, you will either talk to me, or I will refer you to a therapist at St. Mungo\'s. I\'m sure you don\'t want to go there, so start deliberating.\" After Severus finished his little speech, he turned to leave, almost missing the quiet thank you he received from Harry.

Hmm, who to choose? The most obvious answer would be Sirius. I let him in on about as much as I have Severus, but I\'m not so sure how rational he\'d remain if I told him the rest. I guess the obvious answer isn\'t always the best. I really don\'t want Sev to know any more at the moment. He has enough on his shoulders without being burdened by my past, my mistakes. My only problem is that most the Slytherins are like that. Draco has to deal with spying, and his protecting his life now that Voldemort knows or will know. Pansy has to deal with attempting to dissuade her parents from forcing the mark on her. That goes for Vince, Greg, Blaise, and Millie. None of them want to be in service to Voldemort. How can I just lay all my problems on them? There\'s no way. I won\'t be a burden to others. But if I don\'t, Severus will force me to talk with a therapist at St. Mungo\'s. That is definitely not somewhere I want to go.

Aaahh! This is so frustrating! Why can\'t anything ever work out for me!? They weren\'t suppose to know until I was ready. I\'m always so careful, I always remember to cast the glamour spell. How could I have been so dense as to forget it? I think that if I\'m going to confide in anybody, it should be Draco. He saw the most. I remember drifting in and out of consciousness, he was the one who bandaged me. Draco also has a lot of protection on him. He has Severus, Lucius, and everyone Dumbledore can spare to protect him. They don\'t want to loose the Malfoy line, or they won\'t have spies like that any more. If he agrees, then he is who I will talk with.

Pulling himself from his thoughts, Harry looked at the clock to see that it was already passed lunch. Looking down towards his lap, he noticed that lunch had been sat out for him on his bedside table. Blushing at the thought he didn\'t even notice any of this, Harry dug into his lunch. Thank God for heating charms, he wasn\'t sure how well he would have enjoyed his soup if it were stone cold.

When he had finished his lunch, Madame Pomfrey seemed to materialize by his bed. Startled, Harry wondered how she always seemed to know when a patient was awake, or in his case, finished eating. Taking his tray, she sat it aside and starting examining Harry. She took his temperature, changed his dressings while applying new salve, and tisked at every little injury she saw. He felt like he was being scrutinized by his mother, who was disappointed that he had gotten into another fight. Fighting the urge to whine childishly about the unjusticeness of it all and how it wasn\'t his fault, Harry firmly kept his mouth shut and awaited her patented speech on his many visits to the infirmary.

\"Well, Harry dear, you seem to be healing fairly well. Mind you, you\'ll still have scars, but you will heal. I\'ve never had a student in this infirmary nearly as many times as you have been. I might as well set up a private room for you! Honestly! And the types of injuries you come in with! Near death, serious injuries, lacerations, contusions, and, oh well, nearly everything! One of these days I\'m not going to be abl hel help! You need to stop putting yourself in danger! We all care about you so much, and you turn around and nearly get yourself killed! It has got to stop! Each time you come in, you take nearly ten years off my life!\" Finishing that part of her speech, Poppy steeled herself to start asking the difficult questions.

\"Now, Harry, I have some questions for you,\" cringing inwardly, Harry only hoped they weren\'t what he thought. \"None of your House mates seemed to be able to tell me what gave you that rather large puncture wound in your stomach. It seems to have originate from the back and plunged all the way through to your stomach.\"

\"Yeah, well, an Acromantula fang can do that,\" came Harry\'s unconcerned reply. Gasping in horror, Madame Pomfrey went on and on about what a poor boy he was and what bad luck he had. It was all Harry could do to stop himself from rolling his eyes at the woman. He didn\'t want to point out that he had left the Acromantulas a little...angry. He did deprive them of their dinner, curse them, and run over some of them with a flying Ford Angelina. They had every right to want to exact revenge. He expected it, he should have just remembered to put up better protection wards on himself. Especially if he was going to go traipsing around in the Forbidden Forest. This had proved that there wasn\'t always going to be someone, or something, that would come to his rescue. He really needed to start relying on his guts instincts. Those very instincts had warned him of their impending anger. Had he listened to it? No. Now look where he was. He made a solemn vow to never discredit those feelings again, even if it had him acting as paranoid as Mad-eye Moody.

Harry was brought sharply back into the present when Madame Pomfrey inquired about his other numerous injuries. \"I really must know, Harry. Whatever, or whoever, inflicted these injuries, must be dealt with. It isn\'t something that should be taken lightly,\" she said. Choosing to ignore what she said and act ignorant to said injuries, Harry stared at her as if she\'d gone mad. He chose a vow of silence, he would not be telling her what happened. Not now, not ever. It wasn\'t even a conceivable idea. Laughable, yes. There wasn\'t a thing she could do to drag it out of him. He knew she\'d never resort to any sort of force, that meant no potions or spells that would force him to tell all his dirty little secrets. No, things like that would be left for the Headmaster and the more ruthless Slytherins.

Twiddling his thumbs and humming, Harry continued to stare vacantly out into space until Madame Pomfrey sighed in annoyance and left him alone. Shortly after she left, the Headmaster walked in. Glaring at him in annoyance, Harry turned his head away and ignored ever word falling from his lips. He did not accept the lemon drops, the tea, or anything else the Headmaster had to offer. He knew that the man thought he could help, to better his self image, but he was severely mistaken if he thought Harry to be a stupid enough to accept anything from him. With his luck, it would be laced with the Veritaserum Severus was always threatening Harry with. Stubbornly refusing to acknowledge him, the Headmaster left with a derisive snort. Harry could have cared less.

The rest of Harry\'s time was spent doing work that various Slytherin fifth years had brought him throughout the day. He hadn\'t finished his homework, planning on doing it during the study session that had to be canceled, and he was finalizing plans to make up the study session some tie during the week. He didn\'t want his plans to be shot to hell because of an unfortunate event during his detention. Before he even knew, dinner had crept up on him, and his appointed time with Severus. He had spoken with Draco earlier in the day, receiving his consent, Harry was ready to tell Severus that he had found his confidant. Hped ped that Severus would not be hurt and feel Harry could not trust him, because that was not his reasoning for not choosing him. He was pretty certain that the man would understand that.

When the door to the infirmary opened, Harry smiled serenely up at the person walking through. Getting a good look at who it was, the smile was wiped off his face immediately. \"Hi Harry. I\'m not saying that I understand why you decided to be resorted. I\'m not also not saying that I\'m okay with it. But I want to be. Your friendship means a lot to me and I let my temper get in the way. I\'m not here to ask for forgivance, that is something that will take a long time to get. I just want you to know that I will think long and hard on my previous actions. I will also think on why you felt the need to be resorted and try to come to terms. Someday, probably not in the immediate future, I\'m hoping we can reconcile. I still want to be your friend. Please, just don\'t say anything yet. It took my quite a bit to make me come here tonight. I was worried for you when I found out what happened, that\'s what made me see how great a prat I was being. I\'ll make sure to put in a good word for you with the other Gryffindors. Just know that you have Fred, George, Ginny, Hermione, and myself on your side.\" Saying his piece, Ron then left the infirmary, never giving Harry a chance to reply.

I-I can\'t believe it! Ron just gave a heart felt apology to me! I thought he\'d never do that! Although, I guess I should have known he would, my vision of fut future told me he would. Well, one apology definitisn\isn\'t enough to make up for how he treated me, but I guess he\'s on his way. Not that I\'ll admit to that. I don\'t think we\'ll ever be friends like we use to be. He changes loyalties too often, too easily. I\'ll give him a chance though, to prove where his loyalties lie. If he truly means it, then I\'ll start being civil and maybe speak with him.

A cough interrupted Harry\'s musings and he looked up to see Severus standing at the foot of his bed. Smiling to him, Harry gestured to the chair beside his bed. He wondered how he could word this. He wanted to be delicate about it, not un-tactful like some people. He didn\'t just want to blurt out he he didn\'t want to tell him.

\"Severus, while I appreciate your offer to listen to my problems, I will not be sharing my memories and burdens with you. Let me finish, that does not mean that I don\'t have someone in mind. I do, he has even agreed to listen to me. If you don\'t believe me, you can confirm this with Draco after we finish our talk. I don\'t want you to go stalking out just yet. I don\'t want you leaving with the misconception that I don\'t trust you enough to tell you. At the moment, I trust you more that my own godfather and more than Hermione. Even though, I don\'t want to burden you even more with my own petty problems. You have enough problems on your conscious and n\'tn\'t need to weigh it down more. I\'ve scheduled a secluded time to speak with Draco tomorrow, it\'s after classes are over. We are going to Fluffy\'s old room, where we\'ll be holding the practical lessons, and casting wards to keep eavesdroppers from listening in or barging in. When we have finished, there will be things I have told Draco about how I received my injuries that I have never confided in anyone else about,\" Harry told Severus.

\"Good. I\'m glad that you trust Draco. I also understand what you are saying. Hear me now, you\'re problems are not petty. They are very serious and it would not be a burden on my part to listen. Although I do thank you for not choosing me. Since I am a fully trained and licensed wizard, I probably would go to the Dursley\'s and then land in Azkaban for murder. While I wouldn\'t mind killing the Dursley\'s, they aren\'t worth me spending life in Azkaban with the possibility of the Dementor\'s kiss. So again, I am grateful,\" was Severus\' reply.

\"Well then, I think I should leave for the night. I do believe that Poppy has a Dreamless Sleep potion for you, and she will give me an ear full if I stay any longer. Can\'t keep her precious patient up any longer.\" Even though the tone sounded cold, aloof, and uncaring, Harry could see that it was an act and he cared. These emotions came through in his eyes and motions, ways he could display emotion when he wasn\'t being wat. D. Damn, I could drown in his eyes. This thought was shared by the two men, neither realizing they both felt the same way about one another.

Robes billowing dramatically around his body, the Potions Master of Hogwarts left the infirmary. Leaving it\'s lone occupant to the tender mercies of the mediwitch inside. After being poked and prodded for a few more minutes, Madame Pomfrey gave a definitive shake of her head and handed a goblet to Harry to drink. Keeping a careful eye on him, she watched as he drank it all, and then she deftly plucked the goblet from falling from his numb fingers before he finished succumbing to darkness. Oblivious to the world around him, Harry had a dreamless sleep, full of nothing but actual rest.

TBC

Thanks for all the lovely reviews and please, keep reviewing! I thrive off the reviews! *hugs all my wonderful reviewers, whether first-timers or loyal reviewers* Bye!