For all Joy wants Eternity

For all Joy wants Eternity
Chapter 11


\"If you ly wly want to know...\"

Remus had been holding the six-word note for some time now,
twisting the small piece of parchment between his fingers, staring
at the handwriting that was as distinctive and unmistakable as
the writer\'s voice would have been. In front of him, on the low table
beside his sofa, were the remnants of a very old book that was
falling apart, which more or less only consisted of single sheets of
yellowed parchment, scantly held together by the remains of
what once had been a spine. Several bookmarks of deep
green, slightly shimmering cloth were stuck here and there,
along with more handwritten notes, distributed throughout the
entire book. Which was waiting for him to finally open it.

Smoothing Severus\'s note that his nervous fingers had wrinkled
with both of his thumbs, Remus leaned back on the sofa with an
audible sigh. There it was, right before him. What he had been
waiting for for so long now. His opportunity, maybe the only one
he\'d ever get. The key to what had happened to Severus. The
reason for the Slytherin’s suffering. The truth.

Yet he hadn\'t touched the faded leather binding that held
The spy’s secret.

Remus didn\'t know what he was waiting for. The reason for his
sudden hesitation, now that what he had longed to know was
only a few feet away, was a complete mystery to him. Maybe it
was this note that held him back, maybe he was more than a little
afraid to actually find out what had happened to Severus. Maybe
his reluctance was due to a certain degree of respect that had
grown during the past weeks, a respect for the Slytherin\'s
desperate desire not to have to reveal whatever was torturing him.
Almost three months had passed since the spy had first informed
not only Albus but also the Gryffindor about the meetings he had
to attend some nights. Almost three months since Remus had
been greeted by a small smile in dark eyes for the first time after
Severus Apparated back to the Shrieking Shack where the
werewolf had been waiting. What had grown between them since
was a very delicate relationship. It was larded with traps and
snares, and Remus knew that they both were very aware of that.
It was encouraging, but a little frightening at the same time to
observe how they did their best to avoid hurting each other, how
they tried to negotiate the obstacles that their totally different lives
more than adequately provided. Remus had no interest at all in
sacrificing whatever it was that was developing between Severus
and himself to their differences - and it felt good to know that
Severus seemed to regard it in the same way. On the other hand,
their mutual and very deliberate taking care of the shy friendship
that nowcautiously bound them kept them from testing their
relationship as well, and this was something Remus found truly
disturbing. He didn\'t like the fact that they were building their
friendship by keeping certain aspects of their personalities out of
it, by not opening up completely. And even though he knew that
this simply took time, that they had to be careful, because of what
had already happened between them in the past, to be able to reach
a higher level of trust at all, this deliberate restraint on both sides,
this fear of learning more about the other, probably something
repulsive, something frightening, filled Remus with a deep and
profound sadness...

Could it be this fear that held him back? This hesitation not only to
touch what healready knew about Severus’s past as a Death Eater,
but to learn even more gloomy aspects about the man that he had
begun to regard as a friend? Was this the reason why he still had not
dared to open the book and finally be confronted with the truth? Was
he so caught up in patterns of caution, in the honest will to not
endanger this new thing he and Severus shared - or was he actually
afraid of the truth, afraid it could be something too dark, something
he would not be able to deal with, something he would not be able
to accept? Did he in truth fear that after he found out about Severus\'s
doom, he would not be able to stand by the spy anymore?

A cold hand reached for his heart at that thought, clenched
slowly into a fist, now that Remus realized he had himself fallen
victim to the same train of ideas and reactions that marked too many
people’s reaction to him, a werewolf. People who emneemned him
on the basis of what they thought they knew, of what they had been
told. He was loathed by those who didn’t even care about trying to
find out what really lay behind the vicious monster he had to turn into
once a month.

No. He would not do that to his new friend. How could he? He
would do his best to understand, to comprehend, to plumb the truth
behind the Slytherin\'s suffering, no matter how dark, loathsome,
repulsive, frightening or dangerous this truth might seem at first
glance. He not only owed that to himself; he also owed it to the
trust that Severus had displayed by handing this book over to him.
By inviting Remus into his own shattered life. By surrendering
himself to the mercy of the werewolf\'s reaction. The Gryffindor knew
that it was not only trust in him that had finally made Severus do
this, but also the trust into their relationship that he, Remus, had
thought of as frail only moments earlier.

Apparently Severus had decided it was time to put a little more
confidence in what had grown between them. Obviously he was
sure their friendship was strong enough to withstand the stress
of the plain truth...

With almost Slytherin determination, Remus reached for the book
in front of him.


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If there was something Severus Snape had learned during his years
as a spy, it was to be honest with himself. So far, there had not been
a single pn hen he had not been forced to lie to, so confronting
himself with the truth had become something vital to him, something
that kept him in touch with what and who he really was. Even though
this honesty was very painful from time to time.

The Slytherin was very well aware of the irony that lay in the strange
fact of Remus Lupin having become one of the most important persons
in his own, totally twisted life during the past eleven weeks. He once
had dreaded the Gryffindor so very much, and not only because of his
one encounter with the wolf decades ago, not only because of his fear
of the dark beast that he probably would never be able to overcome. It
had also been Lupin\'s keen, infallible perception that had made it
impossible to hide the true dimension of the effects that the ritual had
on him, which had frightened Severus in a way he was only now able to
realize,now that his fear of being forced to reveal his secret was not
extant anymore.


Because tonight, he had decided to let Remus in on the truth.
On all of it. It was time to get past the mere admission of his
pathetic physical and emotional state. It was time to give reasons
as well. It was time. Severus was sure of that, even though he felt
disquiet growing inside him with every minute that passed after he
had sent that house elf, along with the book that held his darkest
secret, up to Lupin\'s quarters in the East Tower. Up to the man who
had kept the promise he had made that other night. That night, when
Gryffindor persistence and abysmal exhaustion and weariness had
finally forced the spy to confess and affirm what Lupin had already
known when he had come on the pretext of returning a mug to offer
the spy his help. And the werewolf had stood by his offer.

The Slytherin had never thought that it would feel so good to have
someone who knew. Had been utterly surprised at the relief that the
opportunity to share his fear and pain brought, even though this
sharing took place silently. It wasn\'t necessary to talk about it. The
simple knowledge that Lupin was perfectly aware of his, Severus\'s,
struggle to go on with his life, of his fighting for his sanity, of his
desperate attempts to keep all this a secret from the rest of his
limited world was all that it had taken. It had brought a stange kind
of warmth running through his veins again, ever since he had found
Lupin waiting for him in the Shack in response to the owl about the
Death Eater Meeting he had sent the Gryffindor that evening. And
the gentle smile the werewolf had welcomed him back with had been
another promise, an affirmation that Lupin would be there again the
next time as well.

And he had been. Every time ever since.

Not that this weird relationship apparently developing between and
carefully preserved by both of them had not been difficult as well.
There had been more than one occasion when only their mutual
readiness to cut back from time to time for the sake of their fragile
friendship had kept discussions from becoming the oh so familiar
fights. Most of the time, those dangerous conversations had only
circled one issue, of course. Several times Lupin had tried to find
out, ever so carefully, about what Severus had hidden from him
thus far, and it had not been easy for Severus to keep his acid
tongue, his favourite weapon, in check whenever they\'d touched
this particular subject. He was quite sure that Lupin, who had never
been noted for dropping issues before he received satisfying answers,
had had his difficulties as well with turning down hncisncisive questions
as swiftly and willingly as he did when it came to the reasons for the
Slytherin’s condition. There seemed to be a silent treaty between
them to do everything in their power not to endanger the new and
highly sensitive connection they now shared - and yet the spy could
feel that his outright refusal to tell the Gryffindor the truth about what
had happened to him both deeply hurt and frustrated his new friend.
Still, after their last tense confrontation about this only three weeks
ago, the werewolf had never mentioned the issue again, for which
Severus had been more than grateful. It had taken a lot of subliminal
strain out of their highly sensitive relationship, had allowed the spy to
relax when they spent time together, had made it possible to talk
about other things, things that were more important, things that allowed
him to catch a glimpse of what lay behind the idea of Remus Lupin that
he, Severus, had built up during the decades that they had known each
other.

He was not sure yet what all he had found there. All he knew was that
there was understanding, unobtrusive compassion and sincere
warmth and gentleness, and all of this was given with a genuineness
that had surprised and deeply abashed the Sytherin every day that he
received it. All the facets of help that Lupin haferefered were not what
Severus would have expected from a werewolf, and even though it
had been years ago, what came to his mind when he had thought of
the Gryffindor was the image of the deadly creature approaching him in
the darkness of the tunnel, was the intense panic and fear for his life that
had grabbed for him then. Never had he associated anything other than
apprehension and horror with his former schoolmate, nor had he ever
cared to look for anyting else. nd snd so now, where and when he had least eted ted it, he had finally
discovered a person who had been nothing but a blessing for him
during the past months, purest comfort and undreamed-of refuge.
Someone who really seemed to care, whose concern was not restricted
to the necessity of addressing tactical aspects in a desperate war, who
was not bound by feelings of guilt.Somebody who, as unimaginable as
it was, actually seemed simply to worry about him. Not about the spy
that he was and the relevant role that he played in the battle against the
Dark. Not about the fellow Death Eater who had been punished and
tortured by the Dark Lord in front of everyone. No. Lupin\'s concern was
directed at him. And it had been this new, wonderful, but also slightly
confusing awareness that had madeSeverus change his mind. That had
made him reach a decision that he would not have thought possible only
a few weeks ago.

An he he had finally chosen to share it all. Had disregarded all
of his pride, his doubts and fears - and was now waiting for Lupin\'s
reaction to the truth.


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Remus felt maddeningly hot under the Invisibility Cloak. Dodging
passing students as best as he could on his way down to the dungeons,
he felt warm sweat running down his spine, covering his face and
palms. His heart battered a drum-roll inside his chest, and had he
listened to his brain it would have told him that what he was doing
here was sheer madness, that Sirius would give him a good roasting
should he ever find out, and that he would have every right to do so.

But Remus didn\'t pay attention to any such thoughts. He knew that
it was much too early to leave his rooms in the East Tower. Even
under the protection of Harry\'s Invisibility Cloak, he kneat hat he
risked a lot by running around among all these students who were just
hurrying from dinner in the Great Hall back to their common rooms.
Still, Remus didn\'t care at all. Completely disregarding reason and
caution as well, he headed for the dungeons, with only one thought
in mind.

It had taken him almost the entire day. The house elf with Severus\'s
book and note had arrived shortly after Sirius had left with the
remnants of this morning\'s breakfast, and after Remud fid finally
brought himself to search the pages of parchment for hints about the
spy\'s condition, he had spent the rest of the morning and the whole
afternoon struggling through pages of the darkest magic that he had
ever come across. The Defender against the Dark Arts inside him had
howled in disgust at every line he read, and the complexity of the
spells, curses and charms he had to study left him in blank and horrified
amazement. A vague idea about a dimension of Dark Magic he never
imagined to exist grew inside him, and when the initial innuendo
the first hours of his working through the book had provided finally
gathered, solidified to form a most terrifying idea which had become
absolute certainty only a few minutes earlier, the werewolf\'s horror had
momentarily frozen him to his chair.

It was the same overwhelming fright and unbelieving terror that
now drove him before the Potions Master\'s door. Not knowing if
the Slytherin had already returned from dinner, nor caring at
all if he had, Remus made his presence known with an urgent knock,
loud and clear. Unmistakable.

The door opened.

Remus didn\'t know what he had expected his first reaction to be, now
that he was facing the man who carried the most complete and
far-reaching curse that the wizarding world would ever know - apart
from Avada Kadevra. He now could see the ritual screaming from the
depths of those black eyes, feel it emanating from the slender body,
this body that belonged to the Dark Lord, that was Voldemort\'s now,
and would be so forever, untouched and unclaimed by anyone else,
slave to the most terrible wizard now walking their world...
Feeling his throat contracting, the werewolf involuntarily clenched
his hands into tight fists in utter frustration. For the second time today,
the Gryffindor felt mesmerized, totally helpless, prisoner to the horror
of the situation. And still, he waited for his subconscious\' answer to the
terrible truth that he now knew about the Slytherin, waited for scorn to
attack and revulsion to descend upon him.

That never happened, though.

Instead, the tight knot of shock and disgust that had built inside
Remus Lupin exploded, seemed to break open, setting free a flood of
desperate compassion, a deep hurting for the spy, a sympathetic
urge to soothe and protect such as he had never felt before...

The Slytherin\'s tense voice, a low and forced whisper asked,\"Is that you,
Remus?\"

Immediately, the werewolf jolted out of the trance he had been caught up
in. He became aware again of the Invisibility Cloak\'s soft cloth under which
he was still hidden, and of course Severus was not able to see him...
whereas, on the other hand, Remus now knew that the spy could
clearly sense his presence. His nearness to the Slytherin must cause the
same kind of panicky fear that Severus had displayed so very often now
as a reaction to physical closeness - and contrary to his expectation,
Remus\'s painful awareness of the reason for the other\'s terror didn\'t make
it easier to deal with it. Not at all.

Taking two steps back, Remus kept his voice just as low as the other
man had to answer his question.

\"I\'m sorry, Severus, I sometimes simply forget that I\'m wearing this
cloak...may I come in?\" He cHe couldn\'t see the Slytherin\'s eyes, but the wolf inside him felt
the hesitant joy growing in his former schoolmate because he,Remus,
was still willing to share some degree of intimacy with him. The
Gryffindor could sense the shy hope that the other didn\'t allow to take
over yet, the forced discipline that kept the spy from giving in to
relief yet, afraid to rely on trust too soon. Remus couldn\'t hold that kind
of caution against his new friend. He knew the fear of revealing certain
truths about oneself far too well, knew what it felt like to be afraid of
rejection, remembered the bitter taste of trusting but still being denied...

A small, barely visible smile lit the weary features of the tall,
dark man in the doorway. Leaving the door open, the Slytherin
retreated into his quarters, obviously waiting for the werewolf to
follow him, who did so without hesitation. They had practised this
so many times during the last weeks: the low conversations
outside the Potions Master\'s rooms, using as few words as
possible so as not to risk Remus\'s exposure, the keeping of a certain
distance between them that didn\'t make the Slytherin feel too
uncomfortable, the swiftness with which the werewolf always passed
the door so as not to arouse any suspicions in possible passers-by.
They had done it so very often, but tonight, it was entirely different.

Slowly taking off the Invisibilitoak,oak, Remus watched how the
Slytherin poured them two cups of tea, the elegant hands totally
steady. Again, he had to admire the other\'s self-mastery,
rememng hng how he himself had always felt after revealing the true
nature of his own dual existence. The werewolf was very aware that
Severus\'s calmness was nothing more than an extremely well
performed act, knew that inside, the spy was boiling with fear of being
rejected on the one hand and the hope of being understood on the
other. But stilhe she seemingly sovereign way that Severus dominated
his emotions woke the same strong impression of respect in the
werewolf that it always did - and an overwhelming feeling of profound
sadness as well, which was new to him.

A little upset by this surprisingly strong emotion, Remus took
his cup of tea from the table where Severus had put it and made s was way to the arm chair that he always sat in when they met
in the Slytherins\'s rooms - which they did most of the time. The
risk that Sirius would unexpectedly turn up at the doorstep to
Remus\'s quarters was simply too high. Because of the condition
the Slytherin was in right now, the werewolf didn\'t want to
expose his new friend to that, nor did he intend to hurt his old
friend with the knowledge of how close he and Severus had gotten.
So the feeling Remus had right now as he sat in the spy\'s living room
was a rather comfortable and familiar one - despite the silence that
had fallen betwehem hem after their short exchange at the door.

The spy seemed to have read his mind. With one swift and determined
movement, the Slytherin put his cup down on its saucer, his eyes
drilling deeply into those of the werewolf. Holding unspoken questions,
genuine fear and flickering hope as well.

\"You\'re very early tonight.\"

Remus set his cup aside as well. With a silent prayer to Merlin,
asking to find the right words, he searched for an apt reply, tried to
prepare for the ensuing conversation.

\"Had it not taken me the entire day to fully understand the reason
for you suffering , I would have come to see you even earlier.\"

He didn\'t have any intention of beating about the bush at all. And
even though the Gryffindor observed the tightening of the other\'s
jaw at his words, he knew that Severus preferred to come to the
point as soon as possible as well. Trying to put as much gentleness into
his words as possible, Remus leaned slightly forward, always concerned
not to enter the other\'s personal space, and plunged straight into the
middle of things.

\"How long has it been now, Severus?\"

His voice had not been more than a toneless rasp.

For the first time since their conversation had begun, the spy lowered
his eyes. But when Severus answered, his glance still fixed upon a point
on the table, the words came out clear and composed, the spy\'s speech
dominated by the same self-restraint that most of the time controlled his
seemingly arrogant body-language as well.

\"He finished it last summer, right after his return.\"

A slight frown formed on Remus\'s forehead.

\"He finished it...?\"

For a very brief moment, the mask of the untouchable double
agent splintered, and the distorted grimace of exasperation and very old
pain that showed through would have been enough to make wizards
more hardboiled than Remus Lupin flinch with shock. But this was
Severus Snape sitting there, so after a split second, the impenetrable
facade of pride and control returned, and the werewolf now listened with
growing horror and loathing to the low, but very assured and almost
matter-of-fact report that the spy gave him.

\"I received the first symbol of the ritual shortly after we finished school.
It was the reason why I turned to Albus again - and became a spy only
a few days later. About six months went by before the second mark
was added. You know what happened afterwards. He disappeared. I
first went to Azkaban and afterwards back to Hogwarts as a teacher. I
learned about the ritual by pure chance when I found the book t's 's
now lying in your rooms in the school library.\"

With a sigh, the spy leaned back in his chair and met Remus\'s
eyes again before he went on.

\"When he came back last summer, I returned to take up my former
position as a spy among his Death Eaters. Since he\'s not very fond of
unfinished business, that was also the night that Ireceived the third
symbol. And ever since...\"

\"...he\'s the only person able to touch you.\"

A sober glance from black eyes burned itself deep into Remus\'s mind.

\"Without momentarily completely crushing my entire existence. Body,
soul and sanity, yes.\"

A vague idea had surfaced at the back of the werewolf\'s mind as
he listened to Severus\'s explanations. It was still nebulous. Whispering.
Not tangible yet. The voice of the wolf. But it was there, had struck root
and didn\'t brook being denied, thoughRemus did all he could to ignore
its insistent susurration. These present moments were much too
important for him to allow himself to be distracted by the beast inside,
and he would not allow the wolf to fail Severus again. It was him,
Remus, the human aspect of his being that the Slytherin needed right now,
and not the creature that had once almost killed him...Supressing
his protesting instincts as effectively as he could, Remus concentrated
on the vital questions that he had and picked up the conversation.

\"But why did you go back to him then, Severus? I mean, you knew
about the ritual. You knew he would not let get you away without
the third mark. You were running into disaster with your eyes wide
open...spy or not, nobody would have forced you to return to
him. So why did you do it?\"

Only when the final word had left his mouth, did Remus realize the
inadequacy of his query.

And still, the swirling whisper of the wolf lingered in his mind,
gradually took shape and grew more urgent, a strange background to
the thoughts and feelings that dominated his consciousness while he
tried to imagine the mental, emotional and physical torture the
Slytherin must have gone through during each stage of this most
macabre evolution that had culminated at the final implementation
of the ritual. Remus fought to grasp some sense of how it must feel
to spend more than a decade with the promise to belong to Voldemort
burned into one\'s chest, of what it must be like to deliberately choose to
commit oneself to lifelong bondage to someone you despised with all
your heart, to the Darkest Wizard of their time.

But all his attempts were in vain, and how could it have been
otherwise? Still, the frustration and despair that Remus felt in the
face of his inability to fully emphazise with the Slytherin went deep,
and the genuine chagrin that he wasn\'t even able to touch the other man
to express his profound sympathy and compassion was almost
unbearable.

And all the time his instinct\'s call grew louder, more enticing,
claiming his attention more persistently with every passing moment.

Remus tried hard to refocus on the human part of his consciousness,
concentrated on the spy\'s eyes that still held his own gaze. Bitter
amusement was discernable in their dark depths, and the werewolf
knew that now he would receive the just and acid reaction to his
last question, which he had had no right to ask. He could already sense
the sarcastic reply that must be burning the Slytherin\'s tongue, could
feel the rage that flared behind the sardonic laughter in those eyes...but
suddenly, all that was gone, replaced by a resigantion that was just as
painful as Severus\'s anger had been. And instead of a caustic retort, all
that escaped the spy\'s lips was a small sigh, which was followed by a
moment of empty, shapeless silence, bare of emotion, representing the
final acceptance of the irrevocable situation by both men.

Until the Gryffindor couldn\'t take it anymore.

\"How in Merlin\'s name do you brave that?\"

The spy started to play with the saucer before him, slowly turning
it, following its rim with a long, steady index finger. Not making eye
contact again.

\"By the simple fact that I have to.\"

With a slight shaking of his head, Severus went on speaking.

\"I had more than ten years to think this through, to mentally prepare,
to ponder possiblities and choices. Of course I didn\'t have the slightest
idea about what it would actually be like after it happened, but I guess it
could still be, and most likely will become, much worse than it is now.\"

A slight twitching of the spy\'s mouth over that. And silence again.

And this was, exactly, when the wolf\'s voice triumphantly broke through
the mental barriers that Remus had errected one more time, filling his
mind with its presence, with the now clear shape of the hazy picture that
this all had begun with several minutes ago. The shape of an idea that
shook Remus to his very core, an idea that he knew was as problematic
as the being from which it had originated. It was something he would
never dare to suggest, and certainly not to Severus of all people! But at
the same time he was very aware that it could work out, that it could help,
that he could be of help here...No, no, not with Severus, impossible, he\'d
better forget about that now, before the brightly gleaming opportunity that
lay in this thought got the best of him...

The Slytherin\'s tense voice again, speaking more to himself than to
the werewolf, who was distracted between paying attention to his
friend on the one hand and the wolf\'s presence in his head on the other.

\"There\'s only one thing about the ritual I still think about, that I still want
to find out about, even though I have no idea why it seems so important.
Do you want to know what that is, Remus? It\'s the question about what is
worse, what is harder, what will actually finish me off in the end. Will it be
the Dark Lord\'s loving treatment, or will I simply break down because of
how extremely painful it is, physically and emotionally, to be close to other
people?”

An odd sound escaped the Gryffindor\'s lips and drew the spy\'s eyes
back to him. The urge to soothingly touch the suffering man in front of
him had become overwhelming, and only the knowledge that this would
cause Severus even more pain made Remus keep his hands to himself.
He knew that frustration was clearly showing on his features, and
strangely enough he was not surprised at all to see his own emotions
mirrored on the other\'s face.

\"Isn\'t that ironic, Remus?\"

The werewolf could see the effort it took the spy to carry on, to form
the following words that were an unfamiliar admission of affection.

\"Now that I...now that there finally is someone I...who\'s really
important to me, I can\'t help but fear this person\'s presence, can\'t
fight the need to retreat as soon as we get close. It\'s...it\'s definitely
hard to endure the nearness of the others at the stuff table, or of
students in classrooms. But this first reaction of mine when...thrst rst
reaction to want to flee...you, as soon as you come near me...this has
become the most unbearable aspect of it all.\"

And at that very moment, the human in Remus Lupin fortunately
Surrendered to the cheering, enthusiastic cry of the wolf within him.


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It was as if he would never ever be able to say a single word again.
After overcoming all of the obstacles that had tried to keep him from
telling Lupin what he just had, obstacles he himself had built during
the decades of his past, there couldn\'t possibly be any energy left to
form even one more sentence. Severus felt drained, his head was so
empty that all he could hear was the echo of his thoughts, and that of
his last statement as well... He didn’t really care right now if he was
going to be mute for the rest of his life,. This had been his second
revelation to the Gryffindor today, one he had not planned to share with
him yet, if ever. His surprise over the fact that he had nonetheless done
so was surpassed only by his growing dread of the other\'s reaction.

His and Remus\'s eyes still seemed to be glued on each other, and the
Slytherin did not intend to let the werewolf out of his sight. He knew
that his own perception was nothing compared to what the Gryffindor
was able to receive from him, but he was determined not to miss
one hint that could tell him about what Remus was thinking or feeling
right now. He noticed that the werewolf\'s mouth had opened very
slightly and that his nostrils were shivering faintly. He didn\'t miss the
spark that had waked in the other\'s eyes, nor the deep intake of his
breath.

And then Remus spoke.

\"Severus, the effects of the ritual deny you physical contact with any
other person, don\'t they?\"

Total confusion took hold of the spy. Confusion and traces of
disappointment, of uncomprehending irritability. Was this what he got
for opening as completely as he just had? Had the werewolf not
understood? Had he listened to him at all? The spy didn\'t need any
lecturing or redundancies about what he had already known for years
now...

His attempts to keep the peevishness that he felt out of his voice were
ineffective.

\"I thought you were a Defender against the Dark Arts. You should be able
to understand what a book like the one I gave you this morning is telling
you without asking the victim of the curse for clarification.\"

The Gryffindor\'s eyes grew dark with dismay. Inwardly still shivering with
supressed anger, Severus watched as Remus drew another deep breath
and leaned forward, only to stop in the middle of his movement and
withdraw again.

\"I truly apologize for this thoughtlessness of mine, Severus That was a
totally unnecessary question.\"

With one quick movement, the werewolf had jumped up from his seat
and paced behind the armchair several times before stopping and resting
his body on both of his hands, which he had placed on the back of the
armchair. Still, Severus noticed the slight shivering of the other\'s fingers
and of Remus\'s lips, now that he spoke again. But besides the apprehension
that the Slytherin could read in he the werewolf\'s eyes, there was a bright
gleaming as well.

\"There is a reason for my question, though, and maybe I should phrase it
more accurately...if the effects of this curse explicitly apply to humans, is
there any indication that your inability to touch and to be touched extends
to animals as well?\"

The Slytherin felt his confusion grow deeper with every word that he heard
Remus say.

\"I\'m afraid I still don\'t understand, your more accurate phrasing
notwithstanding. Would you be so kind as to...\"

Remus voice, vibrating with tension and urgency accenting every
word, cut in.

\"Severus, I asked you if this ritual keeps you from being touched by animals,
too.\"

And when the Slytherin finally recognized that the wolf was watching him
through those glowing human eyes, he felt his heart freeze and his mind
refuse to accept the implications of his friend’s question. It was with stunned
incredulity and wild denflooflooding his entire body that he finally understood
what the Gryffindor was implying.



Author’s note:
Heyho!
*sigh* I’m afraid it will take me even longer with the next chapters than it did with
uploading this one...my final exams will be at issue soon and cast tehor shadows
before them. In other words: preparation and studying for them consumes time like
hell. I hope, though, that the next chapter will be up for the grabs before the 21st
of June – because after that, I won’t do anything before having finished *her*
update *beam*!!
And yes, it’s true that chapter 11 ends with quite some cliffhanger...I couldn’t
resist *grin*...
Cheers and salve,
Kat


@ Lunatic: Good to know that you’re still with me :o)). Glad that you liked chapter 10
that much, even though it was ‘just’ talk, more or less...and I hope you’ll enjoy part 11
the same way!

@ @_@: I’ve had a feeling like being watched...started thinking about
counterspionage ;o)...

@ Yumi: I’m sorry for not having emailed you again – I will make up for that soon.
Have fun with chapter 11, and thanks for your latest comment!