Deliver Me

Chapter X – End of Innocence / Jenseits Von Liebe


“Get your bloody hands off her!” Ron shouted pointing his wand in Snape’s direction.

“Ron!” Hermione screamed.

They both ignored her and were gripping their wands turning their knuckles white.

“It is impolite to snoop, Mister Weasley,” Snape snarled

“Impolite my arse! It’s bloody impolite to take advantage of a-”

“Silencea!”

Hermione stared at them in horror, this was not good.

“What the hell did you think you were doing? Touching her like that-”

“I touched her in places you can only dream about-”

“I don’t want to ‘dream’ about them! Keep your filthy hands off her-”

“What are you going to do? Silly little boy-”

“You can’t touch her-”

“I already did.”

“She’s not yours.”

“She’s not yours either.”

“Hermione is mine,” Ron didn’t know where the last words he said came from, but he meant them in a protective way, although he wasn’t sure they came out right, “Keep away from her you hear!”

“Don’t order me around you little fool.”

“Blasted Slytherin!”

A bright red light came out of Ron’s wand and a green one came out of Severus’ – Hermione screamed.

Her scream cut through the hostility and they both turned to see her horror stricken face.

Ron moved towards her and she backed away, she looked like she was going to cry, or scream, or both.

They scared her, and before they knew it she was running up the stairs into the rainy night.

xxxxxxxxxx

“Look what you’ve done,” Ron said cursing Snape getting ready to go run after her.

“Stay where you are! Fifty points from Gryffindor if you don’t get back to your tower…now!”

“I’ll take the chance you bloody pervert,” and he started to walk away.

“I’ll make it a hundred,” Snape said with his usual Potions Master snarl.

“Go ahead and try you-”

“Gentlemen,” a quiet voice said.

“Headmaster-”
“Albus-” they said in unison.

The old wizard gave a nod, “Mister Weasley, I believe you have some explaining to do to our dear friend Mister Potter, I suggest you venture there now.”

Ron was fuming but nodded.

He turned to Severus, “And Professor, there is a delicate girl wandering the grounds of Hogwarts after hours, I suggest you find her before her death is placed on your hands.”

“Oh and Mister Weasley,” Albus stated as Ron headed up the stairs, “not a word to anyone but Mister Potter, do I make myself clear?” Ron nodded and left the dungeons.

xxxxxxxxxx

The rain was like ice, hard, cold and striking as she ran through it. What was happening? Her world was turning upside down. Severus…oh Severus…he made her happy, he made her whole, all the stress, all the school work, the war, just everything, being with him made the madness disappear.

Someone was trying to kill her to get to Harry, she heard the news before they had gone down to dinner, that’s why they were being extra careful, that’s why Ron threw a fit. McGonagall finally had a break through with the Morbis, it was meant to kill them, Harry’s mail was censored, it could never get to him unless…Then the death of Lucy, he took her away from the sadness and the grief, she couldn’t stay mad at him. But back there, she wouldn’t be surprised if her shoulders were black and blue from the impact when he shoved her against the wall.

Her tears were falling as hard as it was raining, the warm tears and cold rain didn’t make a comforting pack on her face. Her heart felt like it had been wrenched out of her body and she felt sick.

Hermione rested her hand against a tree and vomited. Her cries grew stronger and she started to run. She didn’t know where, but when she reached the edge of the forbidden forest she stopped, dropped to her knees, her hands fell to her sides and grabbed the wet grass, she wrenched it out of the ground in frustration and agony. What was going on? What was happening to her? If this was love, if she thought she was beginning to fall in love, if this was love it was awful. But, was it really love? No. It could not be love. She was going mad. Was she? Was it just Severus or was it everything? She had never been this sensitive before; it was odd.

She let herself fall backwards onto the moist ground, it was beginning to rain harder, she kicked off her shoes and curled up on to herself letting the rain drench her and wash away the burning, digging her feet into the cold grass she had high hopes of gaining oblivion.

xxxxxxxxxx

Severus found her lying on the ground, half way conscious, almost frozen and very stiff. How could he let this happen? What went wrong? Where when and how did it all spin out of control? He scared her, that’s why she ran. She ran into a thunderous rainstorm and lay down, uncaring if she was struck down or not…it was awful.

“Hermione,” he whispered, she barely opened her eyes, her body was so cold, so very cold, chills ran through him as he touched her. He didn’t like feeling like this, weak, helpless, sad, uncertain, worried. He had been able to deal with death, pain, suffering, even madness, but nothing quite like this – this girl, she was his undoing.

He picked her up, wrapped his robe and hurried back to the castle. The continuous rain was not making it better, and as soon as he reached inside the door he was able to apparate to his chambers, into his shower, he ran hot water and held her under it. It was the only immediate way he could of in order to get the chill out of her.

He slipped off her school robes, threw her shirt aside and held her under the showerhead. She slowly began to stir, moving her hands slowly against his arms, opening her eyes and looking at him.

She had never seen him look like that. It was a look of worry and uncertainty. She closed her eyes again and let the water bask her, she tugged him closer to her, she didn’t have to do much, he felt it and obliged taking her fully into his arms. She rested her head against his neck with her lips parted.

He rocked her back and fourth, his mouth resting against the top of her head. She looked up at him, then, and his mouth descended upon hers.

xxxxxxxxxx

Looking back later, he realized it was at that moment that he gave in. She was standing under the hot water, wearing only her bra top and school skirt, looking at him with something which he’d never seen in any woman’s eyes before - love. Or was it? Plunging his tongue into her mouth, he thrust her against the wall again, this time knowing exactly who she was, and having no intention of stopping.

“Hermione,” Severus whispered again her lips. Running his hands down her sides until he came to the waist of her skirt, he slipped one finger on either side under the waistband, between kisses, “My Hermione…I want to… If you don’t want this… tell me…now...before…gone too far…” He was already too far-gone and could feel her need with every twitch of her body, every thrust of her hips.

“Please, I want…” she didn’t get any farther. He picked her up and crushed her against the tile wall.

“You shall receive,” he groaned against her mouth as she wrapped her legs around his waist. His was straining as he ground himself against her.

“Off,” was the only thing she could manage to get out as she tugged at the fabric. He was touching her everywhere. His fingers roamed across her shoulders, down her arms, up her ribs, and teased the sides of her breasts. His mouth started moving down her throat lower and lower.

She tried pulling at the buttons on the front of his robe, but the wet material made for difficult removal.

“Severus – take – off,” she murmured, her hand snaking up his chest, making his breathing hitch slightly.

Severus muttered a spell, and was instantly defrocked.

He kneeled down in front of her and peeled off her skirt. Looking up at her he started pulling it down over her shapely hips, Hermione Granger was standing before him wearing only a matching red lace bra and panties. The swirling lace cupped her breasts, and as her chest moved with her breathing, Severus could see gold thread glittering in the material.

“Always a Gryffindor, eh?” Severus teased her as he reached around her back to undo the bra. It fell away and he pulled her tight against his body, feeling her nude skin touch his.

“Hermione,” he murmured as he ran his hands over her nude back and sucked gently on her bottom lip, he lifted her up until her legs were wrapped tightly about his waist.

It must have been the same for Severus, because his grip on her waist kept increasing, she didn’t know it was possible to hold on to something so stringent.

A small cry escaped from her mouth as he disentangled her legs from around him,
she was overwhelmed with desire.

Severus took her hands in his as he kneeled before her, she smiled at him and Severus pulled the fabric down past her hips. He watched the wet lace bunch up as he slid down her toned thighs. Lifting one foot and then the other he soon tossed the last of their clothing in the corner of the shower.

She was expecting him to do something with his fingers, like she’d heard Lavender describe. Hermione almost passed out when he bent his head forward and took her in his mouth. The swirling of his tongue and the gentle sucking sent made her weak in the knees. He was doing the most incredible things to her body, and all she could do was hold on for her dear life.

“Ah – ah – uh,” was all she could softly squeak before the final wave broke over her. Her head was spinning, her belly was clenching and her hips were rocking. Suddenly as the wave broke, it retreated again, leaving her a quivering mass of satiated woman.

“That was…” Hermione couldn’t get the words out of her mouth. Her head was resting against the tile wall, the water was beating down in spurs of hot steamy liquid and Severus was softy smiling at her.

“What?” he prodded her for an answer.

“Incredible,” that’s all she said.

“Seven years of higher education and all you can come up with is ‘incredible’? Tisk tisk darling, we will have to do something about that,” he told her in usual Snape tone with added amusement when his eyes caught a mark on her body he had never seen before.

“Severus?”

“Hermione, where did you get that?”

“What?”

“This,” he said kissing a little brown spot above the left side of her hip.

“Oh, when I went to Lucy’s funeral, when we were there, I had to remove my coat inside the church, I accidentally walked into an ornament on a table, it was poking out, I didn’t see it, and it stabbed me, there was no blood, and it just left a mark, but it won’t go away. Does it bother you?” She looked worried.

“Oh course not,” he kissed it again – more closely the mark was the shaped as the serpents tongue – before adding, “A exotic mark, makes me want you more.”

Teasing her belly button with his tongue for a few seconds, he swiftly trailed more kisses up her rib cage, eventually to the base of her throat.

“Tell me you want me,” Severus demanded in a hoarse whisper against her ear and a shiver ran up her body.

He let his tongue slide from her chin to the beginning of her ear, arching her back so she could press herself against him fully she moaned, “I…I want… you.” The throatiness in her voice pushed him over the line. As much as he wanted her, he was still willing to stop if this wasn’t what she wanted.

He braced himself – one arm wrapped firmly around her the other against the tiled wall. The water was still hot and fluid around them, adding to their sensory pleasure.

“My ‘little sacrifice’,” he murmured against her throat between kisses. His breath flowed over her like hot honey. Everything he had just done to her was designed to turn her on. And it had. She was positive every few seconds that it couldn’t get any better, and then he would prove her wrong. She could taste herself on his lips and their tongues danced as he started to enter her. He was only nudging his way toward her opening; she ran her tongue over his, savoring every stroke. Running her tongue along the outside of his lips, she noticed his small smile.

“You like it?” he asked her.

The blush spreading over her face as she nodded made him chuckle a little. “It’s fine Hermione,” he murmured. “It turns me on,” he growled in her ear right before he gave a mighty thrust and tore into her body.

She had been prepared for this – the pain. She’s read books and listened to the girls in the dorm talk about it. It hurt, but only for a second. But then, they had been with boys, not men. The whimper she let out was very small and she tried to swallow as much of it as she could, without noticing excess water trailing down her face from her eyes or the fact that Severus had stopped completely.

Those girls had told her about the pain, but never about the psychological feeling that went along with it. It felt like he was branding her, his name on her soul – forever.

“Hermione?” he asked his voice dangerously low, his eyes were peering into hers and he looked deadly.

xxxxxxxxxx

From the way she moved, the things she said and the things she did, no way, no how had Severus Snape ever expected Hermione Granger to be a virgin.

He assumed she had given it up to Potter or Weasley by now, maybe even that dunderhead Krum, who couldn’t even pronounce her name properly. But no, she was pure and innocent, or at least she had been until…

She closed her eyes and didn’t speak, her body was too shocked and far too into overdrive to have words come out.

“You are a virgin.”

It was more like a statement than a question; his voice had gone back into that menacing tone he used to frighten the likes of Neville.

He was scaring her now, she didn’t want to open her eyes because he had gone rigid.

“Look at me,” Severus kept his voice low and taunting, he didn’t wait, rather grabbed her face with his hand, making her senses force her eyes open.

He was expecting to see guilt and deceit in her eyes, carrying on like she was experienced and teasing him. He was not expecting to see innocence and fear in them at all.

Now he was the one being ripped apart by emotions, one side of him was ready to take her to his bed and make her first time exceptional and purely passionate, but the other side of him was ready to let her feel the pain anyway, she lied to him, the little witch lied to him –

“You never asked,” her soft whisper cutting across his thoughts.

“What?”

“You never asked if I was a virgin, you just assumed I wasn’t. Just brilliant professor, you are brilliant. Twenty points to Slytherin,” her tone turned sarcastic and dark, the same as his had been earlier.

“I do not take cynics to my bed.”

“Then that explains why you cannot get any, for you, dear professor, are as cynical as they come. Now kindly remove yourself from inside me and I’ll leave,” her feminine pain had not subsided yet, and she was using all her strength to attempt to mask her feelings and get out of there as quickly as she could. She wanted him, yes, but not like this, not now, not ever.

He whispered something inaudible, drying them, turning off the shower and his mouth found it’s way roughly onto hers. She couldn’t breath; he was plundering her lips.

Hermione attempted to push him away, but it didn’t work, she was too weak. She attempted to scratch his back with her nails, but that only drove him further and didn’t have much of its intended effect. Her arms were bolted under his, and whatever scratches or scorches she was intent on making, were all lost.

She didn’t know how or when, but at some given point and time during his war on her mouth, she ended up under him, on his bed, himself still very much so inside her, moving ever so slowly; bittersweet torment.

He heard her cry out against his lips and he felt wetness on her face.

What was he doing? In the name of Salazar Slytherin himself, what was he doing? He was punishing this poor girl for his own conviction, she was crying and he caused it.

He rested his forehead against hers, stopped completely and sighed deeply. Severus was attempting to control his temper, he was frustrated, angry, confused and irritated. He closed his eyes and remembered that morning, when things were better, when he could have been with her, but Potter had to come knocking on the door. She felt so good, so warm, so soft, so sweet…

Severus looked at her and his tongue rather preceded to kiss the saline away and stroke her hair. He was caressing her, holding her until she stopped crying. He didn’t like the fact that he made her cry, he was more angry at himself than at her, no he had no valid reason to be angry with her, it was all him. In a ragged whisper against her ears said, “Forgive me.” He kissed her cheek and continued to gently stroke her hair. Closing his eyes, he rested his forehead against hers and cradled her.

Her heart changed at that moment. He went from a man to a beast to a man again. He wasn’t ravaging her mouth anymore; he was being noble attempting to make up for all the discomfort. She didn’t want to leave him, he made that pact the moment he embedded her, she was his, she wanted to be his, just like this. But not now, too much had gone wrong, too much had gone so terribly wrong. It was like mixing fire and ice and rather than steam, they got cracking water.

He began to pull away from her and she let him go.

“Just go, stay away from me Hermione, just stay away, you cannot be with me, you’ll fall apart. I’m a dangerous man, and I could hurt you very badly – I’ve already hurt you, and I can’t –” he had no power in his voice, no emotion, just beaten words, “Hermione, this has gone too far too wrong-”

“- for far too long,” she finished his sentence for him.

He noticed how the expression on her face changed, no longer was she crying with fearful sad eyes, no, she had that love for him in her eyes again, that simple pure awe that he had seen in her eyes before.

But he would resist it, he was determined too, Severus got off his bed, “Floo powder in the jade bowl atop the fire place, the house elves will send you your clothes, here’s a robe,” he tossed her one of his without looking at her and he left.

xxxxxxxxxx

When Hermione floo back to her room, in Severus’ black silk robe, she was very shocked to see Ron sitting on her bed and Harry sitting on the chair next to her window.

“You were with him weren’t you?” Ron told her not looking at her.

“Ron I-”

“Save it, you’re wearing his clothes. Why didn’t you tell me? You told Harry-”

“Harry figured it out.”

“I should have seen it, all the signs were there, now look at you.”

She did look awful, her hair was a mess, her eyes were puffy, she ached everywhere and she was positive about those blue and black marks she had a feeling she got earlier.

“Ron-”

“It had to be him Hermione? What the hell is wrong with you? Him? A Slytherin, maybe I couldn’t care, but I do care, I do care because it’s him.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Hermie, don’t be,” Harry interjected.

“She should be,” said Ron.

“We can’t choose who we love Ron,” Harry defended.

“You love him?” Ron asked her finally looking at her.

“I think so.”

“So what happened?” Harry asked.

“We…I…He…and…I…” She was at a lost for words. How on earth was she going to tell her two best friends, let alone the fact that they were boys, that she just lost her virginity to their professor, who she loved, who turned her out after he hurt her…again?

“Forget what happened, why are you wearing his clothes?” Ron asked, still furious.

“The rain, you would know, if you hadn’t stormed in there, you scared me. I ran, he found me and…took care of me,” that was all she could rustle up.

“Took care of you? How?” Ron was really pushing it.

“Ron cool it,” Harry said attempting to ease the situation.

“He just did.”

“Like he did when I caught you, I was worried sick! And you where snogging him-”

“-Stop it!” she slapped him and cried. He hugged her, “Hermie I’m sorry, I really am. I didn’t mean too, I would never, it’s just you know, I want you to be safe, I want your happiness, I just want you to be ok.”

“It hurts,” she said in a muffle against his neck.

“What hurts?” he asked.

“My heart.”

Harry watched and stoked her hair, while Ron looked like he was going to join her in the crying. They looked like two sad children, sobbing together. But something else, more than that was off, and Harry was going to find out.

“I’ll be right back, I’m going to send Susu with some tea, and I have something I need to get. Stay here…both of you,” and with that, Harry left the Head Girl’s room.

“Ron, I’m sorry,” Hermione said, controlling her crying a little more.

“Don’t apologize, just promise me that you’ll come to me, no matter what it is.”

“I promise.”

They walked over to her bed, laid down, and he hugged her still wearing Severus Snape’s robe.

Her eyes eventually got tired watching the fire, Ron’s hands were against her stomach and his head above hers, she couldn’t see him because he was behind her, but she heard him snoring. Hermione smiled inside, he really was worried, silly Ron, no, loyal Ron, who worried himself senseless was tired just for her. No class tomorrow, just thesis sessions in the afternoon. She was already dreading tomorrow.

xxxxxxxxxx

Harry made his way to the headmaster’s office and was about to say the password when the door opened revealing the headmaster himself, “Goodnight Harry, a little late isn’t it? What can I do for you?”

Harry walked in and took a seat on Dumbledore’s couch and sighed deeply.

“Well what can I do for you? I don’t think it’s usual of you to linger at night for no reason.”

“Sir, I think I have a problem.”

“Harry you think? My dear boy, it is either you do or you do not,” Dumbledore gave a little laugh.

“Sir, it is important, and I suppose it is a problem. It’s about Hermione and…” Harry looked up at the headmaster and wasn’t sure if he should continue.

“Hermione and?”

“Hermione and Sna– her thesis project.”

“Yes, she is doing excellent work, her Medioca was fabulous, gave some to Draco Malfoy, poor boy fell off his broom unexpectedly.”

“What is bothering you about Hermione and her assignment?”

“I think…I think that…”

“Harry what is it?”

“Something is not right between her and Professor Snape!” He blurted that out, and he said it all wrong.

“Do you? Interesting, care for a lemon drop?” said the Headmaster unwrapping a candy.

“Umm no thanks. But back to Hermi-”

“Now, now Harry, relax. Maybe I should explain a few things to you.”

Harry nodded his head.

“You are aware that there is a war plaguing our world right now Harry? And that Severus works two sides of the coin. Am I making myself clear?”

“Yes, but what does that have to do with-”

“She is brilliant, isn’t she? Just brilliant, the little girl, loves learning. Harry do you remember what Hermione’s thesis topic is?”

“Defense Against the Dark Arts through Potions – but that’s only because Lucy was sick and-”

“It was induced, not natural,” Dumbledore never lost him tranquil voice.

“But even so… sir?”

“Very good Harry. Everything happens for a reason. Our dear Miss Granger and Professor Snape are not together by chance, now are they, more along the lines of pre-selected choice.”

“Pre-selected,” Harry pondered the words out loud, “The Morbis – bloody hell – Professor there is no coincidence-” Harry shot out of his seat.

“There never is, I am sorry to say, and things are getting worse my boy.”

Everything Harry had been through and everything right now, it was all beginning to make sense.

“On the grave of Godric himself,” Harry said exasperated sitting back down, “She never got better did she? And Ron? Ron doesn’t know, should I tell him? I must I have too -”

Before Dumbledore could answer Harry continued, “She doesn’t know, but he – Professor Snape he knows, he’s been lying to her-”

“To protect her, if she thinks nothing is wrong, nothing will be, mind over body. And yes you may tell Mister Weasley.”

“The Potatusnidium was meant for her but didn’t get her, so then…what did?”


** Chapter Notes: “Jenseits Von Liebe” means, “Hereafter would be love” in German. I find that music inspires me, and yes another song that I seem to have been listening too that seems to have that slow, sexy, powerful, dark feel to it, fire and ice make steam that burns…something to think about isn’t it? **