Save Me From My Pain

Wow, this has definitely been the hardest chapter to write. *Oh, you may want to have the tissues near-by...*



Chapter Twelve: It’s Really Over

Severus and Hermione were walking along the path to the school when she looked up to him. He was scowling, almost like the Professor she’d grown to hate in her school years. But his eyes, his eyes deceived the scowl pasted on his face.

“What’s wrong Severus?”

Severus looked at her. “Nothing Hermionveryverything is perfect,” he said, trying to keep the bitterness out of his voice. He knew that it would come to this, but a part of him hoped it wouldn’t.

They continued walking to the school, Hermione shooting him concerned glances. They reached the Entrance Hall doors and he opened them for her. Like a perfect gentleman, he walked her to her living quarters. Outside her door he turned to her.

“Good day Hermione, I’ll see you at dinner.” He gave her a small kiss on her forehead and turned to leave.

“May I come our our quarters tonight, to talk?” She asked quietly.

Severus seemed to ponder this for a moment. “Yes, I shall look forward to your visit.”

Severus left her and she went into her quarters. They suited her needs perfectly. In her entry room there was a small fireplace and two armchairs. There was also a hat and cloak rack, which she discarded her cloak onto. Through the door across the room was her office. She went into her office and looked around again. There was a red oak desk centered almost directly in the middle of the room. The walls were lined with bookshelves, which she’d had almost all the way full. On the left side of her office was the door that led to her classroom and on the right side was the door that led to her personal chambers. She went through this door after discarding the items from her home on her desk. Her bedroom was fairly large. Centered against the right wall was her queen size four poster. On the other side of the room was her closet, next to it was a full sized mirror. On the left side of her room was another door that led to her spacious bathroom.

Hermione sighed in contentment, she always knew she’d loved Hogwarts. She decided to stay in what she’d worn to the hearing, rather than changing, and went back to her office for a little light reading before dinner.


.;’;.;’.;.’.;.’.;.’.;.’.;.’.;.’.;.’.;.’.;.’.;.’;.;’;.;’;.;’;.;’; ;’;.;’.;.’.;.’.;.’.;.’.;.’.;.’.;.’.;.’.;.’.;.’;.;’;.;’;.;’;.;’;.;’;.;’;.;’;.;’;.;’;.;’;.;’;.;’;.


When Hermione went to the Great Hall for dinner, she noticed that most of the Professors were already there. Severus, Remus, Albus, Minerva, and Hagrid were among them. Hermione was cautious of their reactions to her presence as she didn’t know if Albus had informed them of her – situation. Everyone acted normal around her and she was grateful for that. Remus looked up at her when she sat next to Minerva and across from him.

“Hello Hermione! How are you?”

“Better than I have been,” Hermione said truthfully, sneaking a glance at Severus.

Severus watched her enter, she hadn’t bothered to change and she still looked as stunning as when she’d entered her sitting room earlier that day. He managed to keep his face impassive throughout the meal. Part of him was dreading the meeting that would transpire between him and Hermione shortly after dinner.

Aboulf wlf way through the meal Hermione suddenly remembered what had been the matter of discussion the last time she’d talked with Remus.

“Remus, how is that potion coming along?” She asked, eyes sparkling and thoroughly interested.

“Well, midear, the next full moon is in three days. It will be my last time taking the potion and then we’ll know for sure if I’ll be free.” His eyes were bright and it made her happy that Remus would finally be freed of the lycanthropy thad pld plagued his life since he was a young boy.

Severus noticed the exchange and couldn’t help the pang of jealousy within his stomach. He somehow knew that she’d never be able to look at him with that sparkle in her eyes. Sure, she’d definitely be forever grateful for what he’d done, but they’d never have the kind of friendship she’d shared with Remus, Potter, or Weasley, or anything more for that matter.

Dinner was over all too soon for Severus’ liking. He was absolutely dreg thg the meeting now. He was the first to stand from the table. He walked to the doors and was opening them when a soft hand on his shoulder stopped him. He turned around to see Hermione looking at him, an attractive smile on her soft lips.

“May I walk with you?”

“If you wish.”

He opened the door and motioned for her to go through. She did so, and he followed. When he heard the door shut he offered her his arm, which she took, a slight blush rising on her cheeks that did not go unnoticed by Severus.

Neither spoke on their journey to the dungeons, both fearing ruining the peaceful silence that had settled between them. They reached his office and he opened the door for her again. He ushered her through another door, which led to his sitting room. It was similar to hers, only larger. The carpet was black and there was a deep green rug in front of the fire. A coffee table was on the rug and two armchairs sat facing the fire, angled toward each other. Severus offered her a seat, which she took after he took her cloak and put it on the cloak rack.

They sat in the silence for a little while longer, both staring into the fire, trying to sort out their feelings.

“You’re free now,” Severus said softly, looking into her beautiful chocolate eyes.

Hermione smiled softly. “From Draco, yes.” She looked at him. “I still feel trapped though.”

Oh no, she feels like she owes me.

“Hermione, you owe me nothing. You know why I helped you.”

She smiled softly at him and put her hand on his, never breaking eye contact. “That’s not why.”

Severus felt his stomach jerk. Damn nerves! What is she doing to me?

Severus stood, almost hastily. “Would you like a drink? Brandy? Tea?”

Oh no! What did I do wrong? Maybe he doesn’t want me and I misinterpreted his actions!

“Some tea would be nice.” Hermione managed to keep her composure.

Shortly after, a house elf shoup wup with a tray of tea and a glass of brandy. After taking a swift drink of his brandy, Severus looked at Hermione.

“You wanted to talk?”

“Yes, I was hoping I could talk to you about, well, about what happened to me?”

“Are you sure that I’m the right person to talk to about this? You know my past Hermione.”

Good, he’s uncomfortable. It’s a little bit comforting knowing that I’m not the only one.

“I have no doubts.” Hermione stared into his dark orbs. alr already read that poem I wrote. I really did want to kill myself that night.”

He looked at her, his expression unreadable.

“I’m glad I didn’t.”

“So am I,” Severus said barely above a whisper. He took another long drink from his brandy and looked at her.

“I was so scared and confused,” she didn’t appear to have heard his comment, “and then when I realized that it was because I killed Narcissa, I wanted Draco to torture me because I thought I’d deserved it.”

Severus stood up and rounded on her.

“I never want to hear you blame yourself for this! Ever!”

Hermione stood as well.

“If I hadn’t killed Narcissa - ”

“Weasley would be dead, probably Potter too, and half the Wizarding world. Not to mention the fact that Voldemort would probably have free reign! You saved so many people in that one act of saving Weasley.”

Her face visibly softened. “I know.” She whispered.

She lessened the space between them and traced his jaw with her fingers. She lifted her head to his.

“I know,” she whispered just before she pressed her lips to his.

Hermione wrapped her arms around his neck in an attempt to deepen the kiss. Severus wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her closer.

Severus! What are you doing?!? You know you can’t!

Severus’ thoughts brought him back to reality and he pushed Hermione away. She looked dazed, but that quickly turned to confusion.

“Why’d you push me ?”
?”

“Hermione, I can’t - ”

“Can’t what Severus? Can’t have a relationship? Can’t have the chance to be happy? Merlin forbid you realize that you’ve earned it!”

“Hermione, please don’t do this!”

“No Severus, you need to not do this! I know that you feel the same about me as I do about you, I can see it in your eyes. Just let it happen!”

“Hermione! I can’t! Please just let it go!”

“Funny, I remember telling you to just let it go. Turns out I was wrong. You didn’t let it go and it turned out good for me to listen to you! Now all I’m asking is for you to give it a chance.”

Severus’ heart was racing and his vision was started to cloud. He couldn’t – didn’t want to – do this, yet he had to.

“Hermione, Miss Granger, please leave.”

Hermione didn’t move.

“Now!” He yelled.

Hermione walked to the door, tears in her eyes. He was in so much pain, but he wouldn’t let her in to help. She went through the door, leaning against it after she closed it.

“I love you Severus Snape.” She said clearly.

Severus watched her walk through the door and went after it. He leaned against it just in time to hear her say that she loved him. That seemed to be the breaking point for Severus. His hands were shaking as he took a drink of his brandy. In frustration, he threw the glass against the wall, then went to his private chambers. At his desk in his chambers he got out parchment, quill, and ink and began writing two letters: one to Albus and the other to Hermione. He sealed them and put them on the desk in clear view.

Severus then went to his potions lab. He went to a cabinet and pulled out a vial filled with a black substance. He went back to his desk in his quarters and pulled a knife out of one of the drawers. He took the knife and the vial to his bathroom, leaving the door open. He set the vial on the counter and put the knife in his left hand. He cut the palm of his right hand, not too deep, but deep enough for a flow of blood. He used the blood on his hand to write a message on the mirror. He then picked up the vial and drank half of it. He set the vial back on the counter and sat on the ground of his bathroom, leaning against the bathtub, closing his eyes.


.;’;.;’.;.’.;.’.;.’.;.’.;.’.;.’.;.’.;.’.;.’.;.’;.;’;.;’;.;’;.;’;;’;.;’.;.’.;.’.;.’.;.’.;.’.;.’.;.’.;.’.;.’.;.’;.;’;.;’;.;’;.;’;.;’;.;’;.;’;.;’;.;’;.;’;.;’;.;’;.


Hermione left his office and started the long journey back to her quarters. She was just about there when she felt a chill come over her.

Shoot, I forgot my cloak! Should I go back? It might make him even madder at me. Oh well, it’s worth it if it will give me a chance to talk some sense into him.

Hermione turned around to go back to Severus’ chambers. She felt a sudden chill come over her again.

There isn’t a breeze in the castle, why do I keep getting the chills?

Hermione shuddered and tried trm hrm her body by rubbing her arms. She reached his office and went in. She went through the door to his entry room and walked over to the coat rack. Severus wasn’t in there, but there was a door open that she thought would lead to his private chambers. Hermione picked up her cloak and put it on. She turned to leave, but something on the ground caught her eye. Glass.

He threw his glass against the wall, I wonder if he heard me when I said I loved him.

Hermione walked cautiously to the open door to his chambers and walked through. Another door across the room was halfway open and she could see legs on the ground. She furrowed her brows.

Severus? What is he doing on the ground?

Hermione walked forebodingly to the door and pushed it the rest of the way open. She gasped at the sight that met her eyes. Severus was leaned against the bathtub, his face extremely pale. His hand was bleeding. Hermione looked around to fiometomething to stop his bleeding hand. It was then that she saw the mirror.

I loved you too, written in his blood.

“No!” Hermione whispered shakily, crying.

With shaking hands she checked his neck for a pulse, there was none.

“NOOOO!” She screamed, tears streaming down her face like a river. “No Severus! You can’t leave me now! I need you now, please don’t leave me! No!”

Hermione had sat on the ground next to Severus’ lifeless form and pulled his head against her body. He was freezing. Hermione started rocking, running her fingers in his hair.


.;’;.;’.;.’.;.’.;.’.;.’.;.’.;.’.;.’.;.’.;.’.;.’;.;’;.;’;.;’;.;’;;’;.;’.;.’.;.’.;.’.;.’.;.’.;.’.;.’.;.’.;.’.;.’;.;’;.;’;.;’;.;’;.;’;.;’;.;’;.;’;.;’;.;’;.;’;.;’;.


“NOOOO!” Remus stopped in his tracks when he heard a female screaming.

Hermione!

Remus was going to see Severus to ask him something concerning a potion and when he was about to enter Severus’ office he heard her screammus mus ran into Severus’ office and through the door to his chambers. He then went to Severus’ bathroom and found Hermione sitting on the ground, cradling Severus’ lifeless form. Remus looked around the bathroom. ‘I loved you too’ was written on the mirror in blood and on the counter was a vile. He picked it up and looked at its contents. Shakily, he put it back down.

He killed himself.

Remus knelt down beside Hermione and put a hand on her shoulder. She turned faceface to him and shook her head.

“He’s not gone. He can’t be! He just can’t!” Hermione said in a voice barely above a whisper. Her eyes were puffy and red and her face was tearstained.

“I know Hermione. I’ll get Albus, okay?”

Hermione’s body was shaking so much and she was so cold from holding Severus, but she managed to nod her approval to get the Headmaster. Remus reluctantly left her and went to Severus’ fireplace. He grabbed a pinch of floo powder and stuck his head in the flames.

“Albus Dumbledore’s office, Hogwarts.” He said clearly.

Remus’ head appeared in Albus’ fire and he quickly explained the situation to the Headmaster. Once Remus’ head disappeared from the flames, Albus flooed to Severus’ chambers. Albus walked past Remus into the bathroom. He did not allow himself to yet be affected by seeing Severus dead.

“Hermione.” He said gently.

Hermione looked up at him with red, swollen eyes. The tears had stopped flowing, she’d apparently cried herself out.

“Come here dear.”

Hermione looked back at Severus and reluctantly let go of him and went to Albus.

“He can’t be gone, he just can’t.” She said in a soft whisper.

Albus pulled Hermione into a hug and felt a tear stream down his face.

“He will never fully leave us Hermione. You have to remember that.”

“Albus,” Remus called from Severus’ chambers, “you might want to come look at this.”








DON\'T STOP READING! GO TO THE EPILOGUE - NOW! TRUST ME... YOU\'LL REGRET IT IF YOU DON\'T!