A Love So Belated
folder
Harry Potter › Slash - Male/Male › Harry/Draco
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
44
Views:
46,660
Reviews:
358
Recommended:
1
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Harry Potter › Slash - Male/Male › Harry/Draco
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
44
Views:
46,660
Reviews:
358
Recommended:
1
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Chapter 10: Days of Silence
Chapter Number/Total:10/44
Chapter Title: Days of Silence
Words: 2240 Words
As soon as Harry's hand had fallen back down to his side, Rusty stood in front of him and stared with his large, old eyes.
"Is Draco here?" Harry asked quietly. He couldn't even look the damn house-elf in the eye.
Rusty didn't answer him and instead Disapparated, leaving Harry outside without a word.
Harry sighed, wondering if anyone were going to let him in at all. He wouldn't blame Draco for not wanting to talk to him. He wouldn't want to talk to himself.
Just as he was thinking he should just leave, the door opened and Draco's mother stood there, such a cold, stony look upon her face that Harry nearly took a step back.
They stared at each other for a moment, his eyes slightly wide and her eyes narrowed into slits. Harry swallowed.
"Mr Potter," she said unpleasantly. "What brings you here on this fine November afternoon?"
Harry swallowed again. "Well, I - I just wanted to possibly speak with Draco," he managed to say.
"Yes, I'm sure," she said. She knew. She had to know.
Harry flushed.
"You see, though," she continued acidly, "Draco is currently in his bedroom, quite distraught. Might you know why that is?"
"I -" Harry mouthed. No sound left his lips.
"He won't comb his hair, he won't eat, and I think he's in the same clothes he wore two days ago. Mr Potter, this makes me very unhappy. Please, do you know why Draco might have taken this sudden turn?"
"I -" Harry mouthed again.
"Yes," said Narcissa, "that is what I thought. Good day." She stepped back lightly and slammed the door in his face.
Harry stared at the place where she had just been standing, speechless. What was he to do now? Did he leave? Could he leave, knowing Draco was in that state? His heart ached so terribly that he nearly fell to his knees. He couldn't leave. He could not.
His raised his arm again, shakily, and knocked once more.
Rusty did not come this time. Narcissa flung the door back open, looking furious. "I don't know about where you come from," she hissed, her face very white with anger, "but here, that means go away."
"Please," Harry begged. "Please, Mrs Malfoy. Can I just speak to Draco? I only want to speak to him."
She glared heavily. "I said to go away, Potter," she said. "You've already done enough."
Harry's heart began picking up speed. Was she really not going to let him in? "Please," he begged again. "Five minutes. That's it, I swear."
"I cannot believe your audacity," she said to him. "Potter, remove yourself from our property or I will do it myself."
"Mother," came Draco's voice from behind her. He stood at the base of the staircase, holding on to the banister for support.
Narcissa's eyes widened and a small gasp escaped her lips. Then she gave Harry a look of utmost fury, worse even than the others. "Draco," she said, turning to him. "I can take care of this."
"Let him in," Draco said. He tried to sound commanding but it still came out as a kind of weak plea.
She faltered, looking confused. "What ...?" she questioned, her brows low.
Harry's heart sped up even more at the sight of Draco. He looked as terrible as Narcissa had said, and the guilt was tremendous.
"Please, Mother," Draco insisted, wincing.
She arranged her face, taking a deep breath through her nose as she turned back to Harry. "Apparently," she said to him, her voice carefully measured, "my son wishes to allow you into our home. I cannot say why. Consider yourself highly fortunate."
Harry nodded, looking away from her. He knew she was right.
Draco hadn't moved from the base of the stairs, not wanting to let Potter or his mother know how weak he was in that moment. He tried to look casual as he leaned on the banister.
Narcissa stepped back to let Harry inside, closing the door quite firmly behind him. She looked like the last thing she wanted to do was leave them alone, but she drew herself up and opened her mouth. "Draco," she addressed her son, "I will be in the study if you need me. Send Rusty." She shot one last very nasty look at Harry before she walked away, her heels clicking along the corridor.
Harry stood by the door, still in his cloak and staring at a point a little over Draco's shoulder. He didn't know what to say to him now that he was in the house.
Draco took in his appearance. Harry didn't look like he felt any better than Draco did. There were dark circles under his eyes and he was biting his lip again. Draco had always found that mannerism distracting and it nearly made him smile now. "You wanted to talk to me," he prompted.
"I - yeah," Harry said quietly, taking a few steps forward. "I - I won't blame you if you want me to leave."
"Did I say that? Because I was under the impression that I invited you in," Draco drawled.
Harry sighed. "Yeah, I guess." What felt like a very long moment of silence passed. "I'm sorry," he said finally. "For, well ... you know."
"No, I think you will have to explain exactly what it is you are apologising for," Draco replied, voice cold.
Harry flushed again. "Draco ...." He trailed off, looking away from him.
Draco's chest ached and he gripped the banister harder. "I want to understand just what it is that you regret," he insisted.
Harry still didn't look at him. "The whole thing," he said quietly. "Because if it wouldn't have happened, I wouldn't have left you there and we would still be ... friends, and you wouldn't look the way you do and ... I wouldn't feel this way." The last five words were whispered.
"You regret kissing me," Draco said flatly.
Harry looked up and met his eyes. "You don't?" he asked.
"No," Draco whispered.
Harry closed his eyes then, taking a very deep breath. This wasn't going the way it was supposed to. "I can't want to kiss you," he said, voice pained.
"Do you?" Draco asked, head cocked and his heart speeding up.
Harry once again took a long moment to answer. "I can't stop thinking about it," he admitted. "It's all I've been thinking of since I left here."
Draco's eyes widened. This changed things. "About doing it again?" he asked softly.
"About you," Harry answered. "I can't stop thinking about you. Even when I'm -" He paused abruptly, not sure if he should finish or not, but then he continued, "Even when I'm with Ginny."
Draco's heart was beating so fast, and it sounded so loud to him that he was surprised he could still hear Harry. "What ... kind of thoughts about me?" he asked.
"God, Draco, what do you think?" Harry replied in exasperation, unable to help that his voice was a little sharp. It still made him feel so incredibly guilty.
"I ... I am not sure what to think," Draco admitted. "You kissed me. And I kissed back. It was ... bloody amazing. Then you ran ...." He faltered. Taking a deep breath, he tried to continue. "And then you didn't visit or even write for weeks. I assumed it meant you were angry."
"I was," Harry admitted, flushing when Draco said it had been amazing. "I was furious with myself."
"And now?" Draco asked.
"And now ..." Harry repeated, "and now I still am, but it was worse, not seeing you. I couldn't stand it anymore."
Draco gave up trying to stand and allowed himself to slip down, holding the railing, until he was seated on the bottom step. He looked up at Harry. "I missed you," he whispered.
Harry winced and went to him then, not completely sure what he was doing but knowing he had to do something. He sat next to Draco on the step and wrapped an arm about his shoulders. "I missed you, too," he whispered back.
Draco trembled when Harry wrapped his arm around him. He felt like he was barely held together and that if he let go, he would shatter. He tensed but then leaned against Harry.
Harry frowned as he held Draco firmly against him and brought a hand up to lightly stroke his hair. He didn't know if he was doing it correctly but it felt right. "I'm sorry," he said again.
Draco pressed his face into Harry's shoulder with a sigh, relaxing as the man petted him. He was afraid to speak, to move, lest Harry run again.
As the two of them sat there, for who knew how long, Harry felt good - well, slightly anyway. He didn't like that Draco was hurting and he didn't like that he was the cause of it, but he did like the feel of Draco's body so close. He liked the feel of his hair, as unkempt as it was, against his fingers. He liked the sound of his breathing and he liked his warmth. He couldn't help it, he just did, and he knew that if he and Draco were to kiss again, he would like that too.
Draco felt warm and content in Harry's embrace. He allowed himself the luxury of inhaling his scent and the little shiver that accompanied doing so. He put an arm around Harry's back, just resting against him. He was, unfortunately, aware that he hadn't bathed in several days. In all his fantasies, this was not how he had imagined Harry holding him.
Harry sighed quietly. "I'll stay here as long as you like," he promised. "You can get cleaned up if you want and we can eat. I won't leave you again."
Draco blinked and looked up in surprise at Harry. "I ... I would like a bath, yes," he said, unable to think of what the last sentence could mean.
Harry nodded. "I'll wait for you," he offered. "I'll just read a book or something."
Draco didn't want to admit that he had barely made it down the stairs and there was little chance that he could make it back up again. He sighed. "I should call Rusty to help me."
"For what?" Harry asked, leaning his head back a bit to look at Draco's face.
"The bath," Draco said, flushing slightly.
"You need help?" Harry asked, frowning.
Draco grimaced. This was not romantic. He didn't like being seen as weak by anyone, but especially Harry. "I can't get up the stairs."
"Merlin, Draco," Harry said quietly, still frowning. "How did you get down them?"
Draco blushed and rolled his eyes. Will power, he thought. "I managed," he said.
"Well, I can - I mean, I'll help you," Harry told him, holding Draco firmly with his arm as he began trying to help him get up. God, could the guilt get any worse?
Draco sighed but allowed Harry to help him stand. "Can you Apparate us to the top of the stairs?" Draco asked.
"Can you handle that?" Harry asked, looking at Draco doubtfully.
"Better than you dragging me up there," he answered with a grimace.
"Well, I could - If you want - I could carry you." Harry flushed slightly as he said it. "I could just lighten you with my wand. I just don't, well I don't want you to get splinched on top of everything else."
"You won't splinch me," Draco said. "I trust you."
Harry nodded. "Okay," he said. He was already holding tightly to Draco's arm. "Are you ready?" he asked.
"Yes," Draco whispered.
Harry nodded again, grasping Draco a little tighter before Disapparating with him and appearing at the top of the staircase.
Draco came very close to passing out, but clung tightly to Harry's arm.
Harry held Draco with both hands. "Have you eaten anything since the last time I saw you?" he demanded.
"That was two weeks ago," Draco complained. "I would be dead if I hadn't eaten." He gestured down the hall. "That way."
Harry hefted most of Draco's weight as he began to walk with him to the bathroom. "You can't have eaten a lot," he retorted "And I know the way."
"I never eat a lot," Draco quipped.
Harry sighed. "You're impossible," he said, opening the door.
Draco smirked. "Yes," he agreed. They entered into the bedroom and Draco tried to stand on his own then. "You want to wait here while I bathe?" he asked.
Harry nodded. "Have you got a book lying around or something? I'll just read until you're finished," he said again. He flushed lightly, knowing without really knowing that Draco would let him in the bathroom with him if he wanted to go.
Draco nodded with a smirk and gestured to a bookcase on one wall. "Anything you want to read," he said, and then carefully made his way into the bathroom.
Harry watched him go, prepared to leap forward and catch him if he fell or something, but then turned to the bookcase when Draco was gone. A lot of the books were on potions and Harry avoided those, but he found a few on Quidditch and took them with him when he sat on Draco's bed.
He didn't know exactly what they would do once Draco was out of the bath, but he'd made up his mind now to stay.
Chapter Title: Days of Silence
Words: 2240 Words
As soon as Harry's hand had fallen back down to his side, Rusty stood in front of him and stared with his large, old eyes.
"Is Draco here?" Harry asked quietly. He couldn't even look the damn house-elf in the eye.
Rusty didn't answer him and instead Disapparated, leaving Harry outside without a word.
Harry sighed, wondering if anyone were going to let him in at all. He wouldn't blame Draco for not wanting to talk to him. He wouldn't want to talk to himself.
Just as he was thinking he should just leave, the door opened and Draco's mother stood there, such a cold, stony look upon her face that Harry nearly took a step back.
They stared at each other for a moment, his eyes slightly wide and her eyes narrowed into slits. Harry swallowed.
"Mr Potter," she said unpleasantly. "What brings you here on this fine November afternoon?"
Harry swallowed again. "Well, I - I just wanted to possibly speak with Draco," he managed to say.
"Yes, I'm sure," she said. She knew. She had to know.
Harry flushed.
"You see, though," she continued acidly, "Draco is currently in his bedroom, quite distraught. Might you know why that is?"
"I -" Harry mouthed. No sound left his lips.
"He won't comb his hair, he won't eat, and I think he's in the same clothes he wore two days ago. Mr Potter, this makes me very unhappy. Please, do you know why Draco might have taken this sudden turn?"
"I -" Harry mouthed again.
"Yes," said Narcissa, "that is what I thought. Good day." She stepped back lightly and slammed the door in his face.
Harry stared at the place where she had just been standing, speechless. What was he to do now? Did he leave? Could he leave, knowing Draco was in that state? His heart ached so terribly that he nearly fell to his knees. He couldn't leave. He could not.
His raised his arm again, shakily, and knocked once more.
Rusty did not come this time. Narcissa flung the door back open, looking furious. "I don't know about where you come from," she hissed, her face very white with anger, "but here, that means go away."
"Please," Harry begged. "Please, Mrs Malfoy. Can I just speak to Draco? I only want to speak to him."
She glared heavily. "I said to go away, Potter," she said. "You've already done enough."
Harry's heart began picking up speed. Was she really not going to let him in? "Please," he begged again. "Five minutes. That's it, I swear."
"I cannot believe your audacity," she said to him. "Potter, remove yourself from our property or I will do it myself."
"Mother," came Draco's voice from behind her. He stood at the base of the staircase, holding on to the banister for support.
Narcissa's eyes widened and a small gasp escaped her lips. Then she gave Harry a look of utmost fury, worse even than the others. "Draco," she said, turning to him. "I can take care of this."
"Let him in," Draco said. He tried to sound commanding but it still came out as a kind of weak plea.
She faltered, looking confused. "What ...?" she questioned, her brows low.
Harry's heart sped up even more at the sight of Draco. He looked as terrible as Narcissa had said, and the guilt was tremendous.
"Please, Mother," Draco insisted, wincing.
She arranged her face, taking a deep breath through her nose as she turned back to Harry. "Apparently," she said to him, her voice carefully measured, "my son wishes to allow you into our home. I cannot say why. Consider yourself highly fortunate."
Harry nodded, looking away from her. He knew she was right.
Draco hadn't moved from the base of the stairs, not wanting to let Potter or his mother know how weak he was in that moment. He tried to look casual as he leaned on the banister.
Narcissa stepped back to let Harry inside, closing the door quite firmly behind him. She looked like the last thing she wanted to do was leave them alone, but she drew herself up and opened her mouth. "Draco," she addressed her son, "I will be in the study if you need me. Send Rusty." She shot one last very nasty look at Harry before she walked away, her heels clicking along the corridor.
Harry stood by the door, still in his cloak and staring at a point a little over Draco's shoulder. He didn't know what to say to him now that he was in the house.
Draco took in his appearance. Harry didn't look like he felt any better than Draco did. There were dark circles under his eyes and he was biting his lip again. Draco had always found that mannerism distracting and it nearly made him smile now. "You wanted to talk to me," he prompted.
"I - yeah," Harry said quietly, taking a few steps forward. "I - I won't blame you if you want me to leave."
"Did I say that? Because I was under the impression that I invited you in," Draco drawled.
Harry sighed. "Yeah, I guess." What felt like a very long moment of silence passed. "I'm sorry," he said finally. "For, well ... you know."
"No, I think you will have to explain exactly what it is you are apologising for," Draco replied, voice cold.
Harry flushed again. "Draco ...." He trailed off, looking away from him.
Draco's chest ached and he gripped the banister harder. "I want to understand just what it is that you regret," he insisted.
Harry still didn't look at him. "The whole thing," he said quietly. "Because if it wouldn't have happened, I wouldn't have left you there and we would still be ... friends, and you wouldn't look the way you do and ... I wouldn't feel this way." The last five words were whispered.
"You regret kissing me," Draco said flatly.
Harry looked up and met his eyes. "You don't?" he asked.
"No," Draco whispered.
Harry closed his eyes then, taking a very deep breath. This wasn't going the way it was supposed to. "I can't want to kiss you," he said, voice pained.
"Do you?" Draco asked, head cocked and his heart speeding up.
Harry once again took a long moment to answer. "I can't stop thinking about it," he admitted. "It's all I've been thinking of since I left here."
Draco's eyes widened. This changed things. "About doing it again?" he asked softly.
"About you," Harry answered. "I can't stop thinking about you. Even when I'm -" He paused abruptly, not sure if he should finish or not, but then he continued, "Even when I'm with Ginny."
Draco's heart was beating so fast, and it sounded so loud to him that he was surprised he could still hear Harry. "What ... kind of thoughts about me?" he asked.
"God, Draco, what do you think?" Harry replied in exasperation, unable to help that his voice was a little sharp. It still made him feel so incredibly guilty.
"I ... I am not sure what to think," Draco admitted. "You kissed me. And I kissed back. It was ... bloody amazing. Then you ran ...." He faltered. Taking a deep breath, he tried to continue. "And then you didn't visit or even write for weeks. I assumed it meant you were angry."
"I was," Harry admitted, flushing when Draco said it had been amazing. "I was furious with myself."
"And now?" Draco asked.
"And now ..." Harry repeated, "and now I still am, but it was worse, not seeing you. I couldn't stand it anymore."
Draco gave up trying to stand and allowed himself to slip down, holding the railing, until he was seated on the bottom step. He looked up at Harry. "I missed you," he whispered.
Harry winced and went to him then, not completely sure what he was doing but knowing he had to do something. He sat next to Draco on the step and wrapped an arm about his shoulders. "I missed you, too," he whispered back.
Draco trembled when Harry wrapped his arm around him. He felt like he was barely held together and that if he let go, he would shatter. He tensed but then leaned against Harry.
Harry frowned as he held Draco firmly against him and brought a hand up to lightly stroke his hair. He didn't know if he was doing it correctly but it felt right. "I'm sorry," he said again.
Draco pressed his face into Harry's shoulder with a sigh, relaxing as the man petted him. He was afraid to speak, to move, lest Harry run again.
As the two of them sat there, for who knew how long, Harry felt good - well, slightly anyway. He didn't like that Draco was hurting and he didn't like that he was the cause of it, but he did like the feel of Draco's body so close. He liked the feel of his hair, as unkempt as it was, against his fingers. He liked the sound of his breathing and he liked his warmth. He couldn't help it, he just did, and he knew that if he and Draco were to kiss again, he would like that too.
Draco felt warm and content in Harry's embrace. He allowed himself the luxury of inhaling his scent and the little shiver that accompanied doing so. He put an arm around Harry's back, just resting against him. He was, unfortunately, aware that he hadn't bathed in several days. In all his fantasies, this was not how he had imagined Harry holding him.
Harry sighed quietly. "I'll stay here as long as you like," he promised. "You can get cleaned up if you want and we can eat. I won't leave you again."
Draco blinked and looked up in surprise at Harry. "I ... I would like a bath, yes," he said, unable to think of what the last sentence could mean.
Harry nodded. "I'll wait for you," he offered. "I'll just read a book or something."
Draco didn't want to admit that he had barely made it down the stairs and there was little chance that he could make it back up again. He sighed. "I should call Rusty to help me."
"For what?" Harry asked, leaning his head back a bit to look at Draco's face.
"The bath," Draco said, flushing slightly.
"You need help?" Harry asked, frowning.
Draco grimaced. This was not romantic. He didn't like being seen as weak by anyone, but especially Harry. "I can't get up the stairs."
"Merlin, Draco," Harry said quietly, still frowning. "How did you get down them?"
Draco blushed and rolled his eyes. Will power, he thought. "I managed," he said.
"Well, I can - I mean, I'll help you," Harry told him, holding Draco firmly with his arm as he began trying to help him get up. God, could the guilt get any worse?
Draco sighed but allowed Harry to help him stand. "Can you Apparate us to the top of the stairs?" Draco asked.
"Can you handle that?" Harry asked, looking at Draco doubtfully.
"Better than you dragging me up there," he answered with a grimace.
"Well, I could - If you want - I could carry you." Harry flushed slightly as he said it. "I could just lighten you with my wand. I just don't, well I don't want you to get splinched on top of everything else."
"You won't splinch me," Draco said. "I trust you."
Harry nodded. "Okay," he said. He was already holding tightly to Draco's arm. "Are you ready?" he asked.
"Yes," Draco whispered.
Harry nodded again, grasping Draco a little tighter before Disapparating with him and appearing at the top of the staircase.
Draco came very close to passing out, but clung tightly to Harry's arm.
Harry held Draco with both hands. "Have you eaten anything since the last time I saw you?" he demanded.
"That was two weeks ago," Draco complained. "I would be dead if I hadn't eaten." He gestured down the hall. "That way."
Harry hefted most of Draco's weight as he began to walk with him to the bathroom. "You can't have eaten a lot," he retorted "And I know the way."
"I never eat a lot," Draco quipped.
Harry sighed. "You're impossible," he said, opening the door.
Draco smirked. "Yes," he agreed. They entered into the bedroom and Draco tried to stand on his own then. "You want to wait here while I bathe?" he asked.
Harry nodded. "Have you got a book lying around or something? I'll just read until you're finished," he said again. He flushed lightly, knowing without really knowing that Draco would let him in the bathroom with him if he wanted to go.
Draco nodded with a smirk and gestured to a bookcase on one wall. "Anything you want to read," he said, and then carefully made his way into the bathroom.
Harry watched him go, prepared to leap forward and catch him if he fell or something, but then turned to the bookcase when Draco was gone. A lot of the books were on potions and Harry avoided those, but he found a few on Quidditch and took them with him when he sat on Draco's bed.
He didn't know exactly what they would do once Draco was out of the bath, but he'd made up his mind now to stay.