it will never happen...it can\'t

Hello, readers... I\'m not sure if it was a good decision to publish this chapter without knowing what were your reviews about, because, I could see that there were some new ones but couldn\'t reach them (very frustrating). Please, if it\'s not too much trouble levae them again, beacause I\'m starting to feel that this story is losing it\'s readers, or maybe, you don\'t find it interesting anymore. Also, if there was someone who offered to be a beta for me, please do so again. :)


************** CHAPTER 11
He regreted it the same second. Actually, even before he said it. \'\'Shit............. Hermione, stop.\'\'

\'\'DON\'T TOUCH ME!\'\' She pushed him away and headed in the other direction, towards the terace. There was not enough air in that room.

\'\'Wait. I\'m sorry.\'\'

\'\' STAY AWAY FROM ME.\'\' Tears were bluring her sight as she steped out in the rain. He was next to her in a second, pulling her to his body. She was trying to fight his tight grip....trying to push him away with her body, untill she gave up saying quietly \'\' Don\'t touch me, please. I can\'t stand your touch right now.\'\'

He released her, placing his hands on his head, helplessly. He closed his eyes, and she turned her back to him, and walked to the fence. She was broken. Tears and rain mixing on her face. She didn\'t feel a thing. Not the rain, not the cold, nothing but pain. She was alone again. Needed someone to protect her, someone she could crawl to. And cry. Just cry. She needed Harry.

She could sence Draco geting closer, and wanted to disapear, but instead, she turned to face him, knowing that the image of him would distroy her completely.But she needed to be ruined, now. She was right. He was standing there, surrender written all over his features, rain making him even more beautiful, almost not human. The pain inside her was spliting her in two. And he spoke slowly ,as if every word was hurting him \'\' I wanted to say something, anything...to hurt you. It\'s hard...to talk about it....please, try to understand...\'\'

No. She will not give into him again. He will never be hers anyway, it\'s not worth it. She can\'t do this to herself again. Insanity was already knocking at her door , she was a fool, for thinking she had her life back. She was a mess...and she didn\'t want to understand. \'\'It doesn\'t matter. It was a mistake. This was all a mistake. I knew I would regret it. \'\' Her voice was cold.


He deserved this, he was aware of that.

\'\' Don\'t do this. Don\'t. Not now. I need you. \'\'He spoke weakly, aproaching her.

No. No. She was fighting herself. she couldn\'t let him touch her, so she stepped back saying in the same emotionless tone. \'\' i\'m sure you can find someone else to fullfill your current need. That\'s what this is anyway. For you.\'\' She gave him a spitefull look. \'\' I guess I lasted long enough. And I was so damn Stupid, you\'re right, so stupid to think it was something more for you, than just sex. Congratulations Malfoy. You\'ve fucked me.\'\'

Her heart bounced as his head fell down to his chest, and his fingers burried in soaked platinum of his hair. It felt good. Destroying him . She wanted to sink to the bottom, destroy herself as well,she didn\'t care, so she continued.\'\' And yes, I came to you. You didn\'t even have to try. Just like one of them, I came to your bed.because I figured it was the only way to get to you. Since conversation obviously isn\'t your thing \'\' She smiled ironicaly.

\'\'Granger...\'\'he tried.

\'\' FUCK YOU!\'\' she screamed, tears choking her. He looked up, to see her bitting on her bottom lip, bracing herself . He didn\'t want it to be this way, couldn\'t stand watching her like this. \'\' My name is Hermione. And you can\'t even make yourself say it. It\'s easyer if I\'m just Granger, right? Malfoy?\'\'

\'\'What? WHAT?WHAT the Hell do you want from me?\'\'he asked.

Anger was rising inside her, through her teeth clenched, she said \'\'Nothing.\'\' She wanted to hurt him, so badly. \'\' Because anything more than nothing is too much for you to give.\'\'

He pulled her to him, his grip on her arm was too tight, she could feel his fingers pressing on her bone. He was hurting her. But it didn\'t matter. His other hand was in her wet hair, on the back of her head. He whispered \'\'What do you want?\'\' with his lips barely touching hers.

Her mind was crashing down. She\'ll tell him, she will let him know, everything, she\'ll confess. Such sadness taking over her, a feeling of loss.........\'\'What do I want?\'\' She started slowly, her voice broken. Tears rolling down from the corners of her eyes. A weak, sad smile on her lips. \'\' I wanted to fell safe, I wanted to feel NEEDED. I wanted to feel trusted.\'\' She saw fire lightly warming his eyes. So she Continued \'\' I wanted a new begining. I wanted to feel HAPPY.\'\' She paused. \'\'I wanted to make you happy, I wanted everything.\'\' She looked away from him, her courage leaving her. \'\' And I wanted it with a man who will never be able to give it to me.\'\'

When he didn\'t respond, she turned to look at him and said \'\' But I don\'t care, at least I am not afraid, to say how I feel. You were all I wanted. For so long.\'\' She looked away from him, as she continued \'\' And I was trying to fight it, to fight you, and you can mock me, and laugh at me, but I tried, I tried to get to you, to help myself,\'\' she paused \'\' to help you.\'\'

His head fell down to his chest. \'\'You can\'t help me.\'\'

She smiled weakly, determined not to give u and said\'\' Even though you are pushing me away and shuting me out at this very moment, you stil are the only damn thing I want... and need.\'\'

Her voice was breaking, as she tried to swallow her tears. He looked at her and asked weakly\'\' Why? Why me? Why are you doing all this?\'\'

She was so helpless with him so close, and words just kept going. She could see that she was slowly breaking him. Maybe she will get through that shield after all. \'\' I was a wreck, you saw it, I still am. I know what pain is, I want you to share yours with me.I know you are confused, but so was I. I want you to get out of that dark place and show me, as a friend, as a lover, as anything, just let it out.\'\'

She placed her palm on his cheek. Merlin she was killing him \'\' I know what it feels like, I kept it inside, too. I\'ve hurt all of them, anyone who tried to reach to me, and I had no mercy in doing that, I wanted to hurt them, to make them leave me alone.to give up on me. I know how you feel. Please. Tell me. Let me in. Let me be there. You can\'t go on like this. I can\'t. \'\'


\'\' What do you want me to do?\'\'

\'\'Say it.\'\'

\'\'What? What? What do you want me to say?\'\'

\'\' What are we Draco? I have to know is there anything more.\'\'

\'\'Yes. can\'t you see that , damn it?\'\'

\'\'i can only see that you are atractted to me. That means nothing..\'\'

\'\'I am not the mushy kind. You know that.\'\'

\'\'Fine.Then Don\'t. Just let me go.\'\'


He pulled her roughly to his chest, saying \'\' Do you think, that after this night, I will ever let you go? You want me to verbalize? Fine. You want to know how it feels? It feels like the fucking world disapears when I enter a room and you are there. It feels like protecting you even if it means taking a life ,or giving my own. I feel lost when I know I have to leave you. \'\'

Hermionr didn\'t expect this.\'\'...Draco....I, ...\'\' she started,but he didn\'t let her

\'\' You\'re the one thing that makes me weak. That makes me strong. Ever since that night he killed your parents. Since I\'ve seen you so completely distroyed, crushed, I wanted to protect you. I needed to.\'\'

He looked at her, trying to pull himself toghether before continuing.\'\'It was YOUR sorrow that pulled me through. That made me think that maybe I did the right thing. I didn\'t do it because of you. I did it because I had to, because he was destroying me, my mother. Because there was no other choice.because he was wrong. Because we would never be safe with him alive.\'\'he paused before saying

\'\' And yes, I\'ve been with so many of them, I needed to fight the image of you, always and everywhere, but I couldn\'t make it go away. you were always the last thought before I\'d fall asleep, no matter who was the one lying next to me.\'\'

\'\'Do you know what it feels like, for a Slytherin, to have someone to trust, someone so untainted? for the first time in my life, No hidden thoughts, no bad, selfish intentions? Nothing behind, just you as you are? So true, so honest?flawless, So perfect...so strong. Don\'t you see what you are to me? \'\'

And then he said THE WORDS that left Hermione Granger speechless for the first time in her life.


\'\' It was that night that I\'ve fallen in love with you.\'\'

He looked up to face her, and continued


\'\' I need you...to forgive me\'\'


She heard herself say \'\' for what?\'\'

\'\' For everything...but mostly for,....for...\'\' he paused....\'\'killing Lucius\'\'

\'\'wh...?\'\'

\'\' , hermione...my own blod. What kind of man am i ?\'\'

\'\'He was no longer your father...he turned into...\'\'

He shook his head \'\'You lost your parents...and you can remember them and grieve, and mourn them. You can cry. I remember him and I don\'t know what to,....how to feel. He was my father, he loved me, and hated me, he was proud of me, and then ashamed of me. He was wrong, yes, but still, my father. My family. I don\'t know, ....what to feel? Should I be sorry? Should I be sad? What? And the second I took his life I wanted to take my own. Do you realize what I\'ve done? Can someone with that heart of yours, so pure, understand that? I need you to help me.............forgive me, please, forgive me.I need you to....heal me.......please..........I need you, so bad..........\'\'


The kiss that followed was passion, pain, it was love and sorrow, it was need , relieve...She could feel his hands all over her body, and she pressed herself hard to him, her hands in his wet hair, pulling him closer, then pushing him away to take his soaked shirt off. When their lips parted, they were both breathing hard, forehead to forehead. She pulled her t-shirt over her head and placed her hands on his wet chest, then upwards to his neck, her fingers in his hair, only her thumbs on his temples, looking straight into his eyes half closed ,for few silent seconds before whispering \'\' Make love to me.\'\'

He responded by cupping her butt and lifting her up, her legs around his waist, while walking inside. She felt a light push, of his body leaning down, over her, covering her. His lips on her neck, and at the same time, his hands unzipping her jeans.When he reached for her waistband she was lieing on the floor, in her bra, and he pulled her pants off, with his following in a second.

He kneeled in front of her,placed his hands on her ankles to bend her legs a bit, then kissed the inner side of her knee, and continued upwards, his lips and tongue folowing the line of her thighs, with his hands slowly parting her legs. Hermione moaned and closed her eyes, her head fell to her right shoulder. So helpless,so weak when ever he was touching her. He was getting dangerously close to her panties, sucking on her wet skin. He felt her body trembling, because of rain? Cold? Him? Anticipation? He was finally where he wanted to be for so long, with only a little piece of cloth stoping him from what he wanted to do.

So, one little word murmured, and it was gone leaving her completely exposed to his eyes, his lips, hands, his will. She was a bit suprised, but not strong enough to say anything, or protest in any other way.

Her body arched at the first contact, of his slick tongue, and her own soaked sensitive flesh, he placed his hands around each side of her waist , and when his lips closed around her clit and sucked on it she sudenly found her voice \'\'Oh, gooood.\'\', he continued exploring, sliding his tongue down to her entrance, teasing her, then up again,changing the rhytm constantly, holding her on the edge, then inserting his fingers inside her, moving them knowingly, making her grab the carpet beneath, twisting her head from left to right, moaning.

He was losing his composure, fighting hard not to rush inside her. She was so close, and didn\'t want to come without him inside, not this time.....she pulled his hair, to make him stop, saying \'\' not this way.\'\' He understood, and positioned himself above her, one of his hands in her hair, the other one lower, on her breast with his thumb making litlle circles over her nipple. \'\' Please......draco...\'\' she said closing her eyes, breathless. She could feel him hard and waiting, down there. \'\' open your eyes,\'\'he whispered into her neck\'\' I want you to look at me\'\'

She did, and then fought not to close them again when she felt him slowly entering, streching her....she lifted her head to kiss him, but he pulled away, his eyes burning into her, watching her reactions to his body invading hers. Her legs closed around his hips, and he reached down, to take one of them higher, her knee above her breast, between them, making it possible to slide even deeper inside her hot body. It was too much even for Draco to take, his eyes closed shut, his lips crashed on hers , moaning into her mouth, their tongues fighting madly as he started to trust inside her, making her dig her nails into his back. Her clit was alraedy overstimulated, and this position was bringing her release rapidly. he was thinking about this all day, waiting for the moment they would be alone again, so it didn\'t take long before he felt his own aproaching. She followed him almost momentarly, with his mouth covering hers, denying her the need to breath, and inesifying the sensation of the ultimate pleasure that his body was bringing.


*********************

Narcissa was in her living, back at the Manor. Waiting, pacing nervously. Stearing at the momentarly empty frame at the wall. When a women finally apeared in it, she stoped breathing. Anticipation. God, she hated it. But then a woman in the frame smiled and nodded, and Narcissa sighed, placing a hand on her chest, and sat down on the sofa saying \'\'Thank Merlin\'\', smile of relief apearing on her face. Her plan worked.