A Love So Belated

Title: A Love So Belated
Authors: slashpervert and sayingsorry_hh.
Beta: asm614, 1over137pt036, Nomeci, LBaum and Indie.
Fandom: Harry Potter
Rating: ADULT
Genre: Romance, Drama, Angst, Smut
Pairing: Draco/Harry (Ginny/Harry, Other/Draco and others implied in backstory).
Book Length: 135,000 Words (44 Chapters) - COMPLETE
Warnings: DH Spoilers. Language, Brief M/F Sex, Explicit M/M Sex, Anal, Oral, Rimming, Intercourse, Infidelity, Humiliation, Exhibitionism, Pain, Violence, Blood, Torture, Non-con, Rape and Character Death (H/D live). (Characters in this fiction are adults.)
Summary: Harry returns Draco’s wand to him, and is surprised to find that an unlikely friendship develops between them. He isn’t prepared for the desire that grows as he gets to know the other man. Nor is anyone else in either of their lives.
Notes: Post-DH. We found additional inspiration in the song “Who Would Have Thought” by Darren Hayes, from which we draw the title.
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. Names, character, places and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or a used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead is entirely coincidental. This is a work of parody, as defined by the Fair Use Doctrine. Any similarities, without satirical intent, to copyrighted characters, or individuals living or dead, are purely coincidental. This work has not been endorsed by J.K. Rowling, Scholastic Books, Warner Brothers, or any of the other holding copyright or license to the Harry Potter books or movies. No connection is implied or should be inferred. This is not a commercial work. The authors receive no financial gain from its production or distribution. It is available without charge. This work is intended for adults only. Some of the content of this fiction is graphically violent and/or sexual. It is intended for readers age eighteen or over and anyone underage is prohibited from reading.

Chapter Number/Total: 1/44
Chapter Title: Unexpected Visit
Words: 3445 Words

The Weasleys had tried to get Harry to stay with them. They insisted that his presence wasn't a burden. They told him that they wanted him there, that it was actually nicer with him there, but he'd left anyway. He couldn't bear to look at any of them. Not even Ginny. And especially not George. It hurt far too much to watch him hang on the edge of completely losing it.

Fred's funeral had been that morning. The skies were grey. It had rained. Just like in a film. He'd cried with the rest of them, but wasn't one of them. Not really, not blood, not family. And he couldn't help thinking that if Fred hadn't been his friend he wouldn't have been in the thick of the battle. Perhaps he would've been in hiding and safe.

Hermione told Harry again and again that it wasn't his fault, because she could tell that he was thinking it was. He didn't even want to talk to her and Ron. He didn't really feel like talking to anyone at all. And so after the funeral was over, he had to get away from the Burrow. He had to get away and just think for a bit, or maybe just try not to. Honestly, he was sick of people. People patting him on the back for “saving the wizarding world.” Perhaps he had, but even if that were true, it didn't mean he wanted to hear about it. It brought up too many painful thoughts. All of the deaths were still so fresh.

He had been thinking of just taking a walk or something, and had actually gone to do that, but then Ginny had shown up and had cried silently on his shoulder. That wasn't what he wanted. He felt guilty enough for Fred's death. He didn't want to have to deal with the additional remorse that came from seeing Fred's family in a state of such sadness and grief.

He left the Burrow completely, taking with him a hawthorn wand. In truth, taking Draco Malfoy's wand back to him had simply been an excuse to leave, one that had eventually worked when he had let the Weasleys and Hermione know where he was going. He would be able to get in and out of Malfoy Manor and then go and do something else, be alone somewhere for a little while.

He Apparated there, appearing at the end of a long walkway. He began down the path, walking for several minutes before anything at all came into sight. He could practically feel the Surveillance Charms. Of course, Malfoy Manor was being watched by the Ministry.

Harry eyed a white peacock a short distance away, raising an eyebrow at it. Then he came upon a gate. It opened without much trouble and he was able to step through and follow the drive up to the front door of the huge house. He knocked, feeling slightly odd but not knowing what else to do. He hoped someone would come to the door quickly so that he could get it over with and be on his way.

A very wrinkled, stooped house-elf appeared on the doorstep with a loud pop. It startled Harry. He'd been expecting someone to open the door. He turned to the elf with an arched eyebrow. "Er, is Draco in?" he asked it.

"Master Malfoy is not to be disturbed," the creature wheezed.

Harry sighed. "Well, I have something of his that he probably really wants back." He found himself thinking of the fact that he hadn't actually had to bring it back to Malfoy at all, but shrugged it off. He didn't care enough to be vindictive and keep it, and had needed something to do. "Could you tell him that Harry Potter is here?"

The elf seemed to debate this, scowling for a moment. Then it nodded and Disapparated.

Harry sighed again and leaned with his back against the door to wait.

It seemed like a long time, but the door finally opened again.

Harry stumbled backwards, flinging his arms out wildly to try and catch himself, but fell onto the floor flat on his back with a loud, surprised yelp.

Draco stood looking down at the other man, one eyebrow raised. Despite his mood, the corners of his mouth did quirk up a bit. "Potter," he said flatly, shaking his head.

Harry narrowed his eyes slightly as he stared at Malfoy and then he quickly pushed himself up, getting to his feet. He rubbed his back embarrassedly. "Malfoy," he returned with a curt nod.

Draco tsked, gesturing for Harry to enter. He closed the door when he had, the cold draft from the rain making him shiver.

Harry was slightly surprised with Malfoy's appearance. He looked worse than he had when Harry had last seen him. He was paler than ever, eyes sunken and his hair unkempt. Even the clothes he was wearing looked rumpled. Harry figured he was probably upset due to his father being sent back to Azkaban, but he hadn't counted on him looking like he did. He cleared his throat oddly. "Well, I have your wand," he said. "I thought you probably wanted it back."

"My wand?" Draco asked, eyes narrowed in suspicion.

Harry raised his eyebrows. "Yeah," he said, reaching into his robes. He took the wand out, holding it up.

Draco took in Harry's red eyes and messier-than-usual appearance. He nodded. "Do you want tea?" he asked, gesturing to the parlour.

Harry's eyebrows did not lower. He stared at Draco for a moment, the wand still held in his own hand. A sudden curiosity overtook him. Hadn't that house-elf said that Draco was not to be disturbed? He didn't look like he'd been disturbed by anything in a few days at least. Why would he ask Harry if he wanted tea? "Sure," he agreed.

Draco nodded and turned, walking into the parlour. He snapped his fingers for the house-elf and the creature reappeared. It seemed startled to find Harry there. "Bring us tea for two," the blond instructed, sitting down on a sofa. He gestured, managing to encompass both the sofa and the chair beside it. "Have a seat, Potter," he said.

Harry simply took a seat on the sofa as well. It seemed stupid to sit in the chair. He felt like it would look as if he were trying to prove his dislike of Malfoy. It wasn't something that needed proving. "Your wand," he said, holding it out again.

Draco tried to look casual as he took the wand, but his hand shook slightly.

Harry noticed the movement. He didn't frown, but his lips twitched downward.

The elf returned with tea service and set it on the table in front of them. Draco set his wand down beside him and reached to pour the tea. He took several deep breaths and it took all his concentration to pour it without spilling.

Harry did frown then. "I can get it," he said, reaching for the teapot. It was very uncomfortable watching Malfoy try to pour.

Draco scowled, debating whether or not to relinquish the pot, but finally did so with a huff. He sat back, watching his guest pour tea.

Harry finished quickly and added sugar to his own cup. He glanced over his shoulder at Malfoy. "I'll just add – What do you take?" he asked.

"Milk and sugar," Draco said, his right hand resting beside his leg, lightly fingering his wand. He had missed it.

Harry nodded and fixed the cup. He picked it up to give it over, wondering if Malfoy's hands could support it.

Draco took the cup and saucer with both hands, careful not to spill it. He sat back and regarded Potter. Now that he had invited the man for tea, he was at a loss for what to say. The weight of their history and the things left unsaid between them seemed too large for small talk but too daunting to begin.

Harry sighed, thinking along the same lines as Draco. "You doing okay?" he asked, unable to think of what else to say, even though it was quite obvious that he wasn't doing the greatest.

"Yes, everything is lovely," Draco drawled, sarcasm being his first reaction. He winced inwardly. This wasn't what he wanted, but he didn't know how to get past it.

"Right," Harry responded shortly. "Look, I just came to give you your wand. You didn't have to invite me in. I can go." He absently wondered where Draco's mother was. It seemed odd to him that she wouldn't come in, at least to have a look at him. He found himself thinking of her words to him in the forest and looked at Draco. He wondered if he knew that his mother had falsely declared Harry dead simply because Draco was still alive.

"I knew it was you," Draco said shortly. "Back then, when they brought you in." He said it quickly, before he lost the nerve.

Harry stared at him. "Oh," he said. It was the only thing he could think to say for a moment.

Draco sat staring at his tea, frowning. "I didn't know what else to do," he admitted. "So I tried not to tell them it was you."

Harry stared at Draco once again. "You could have been killed," he said. His tone sounded slightly surprised, even to himself. It was something to which he had given absolutely no thought, what it might have cost Draco to just tell that small lie, not that it had actually mattered much.

Draco nodded. "I was more worried about my mother actually, but yes."

"Why did you do it?" Harry asked. Now that he was thinking about it, he was curious.

Draco set his teacup down and leaned back with a sigh. He looked at Potter, trying to decide how much to tell. "Because if you had died, that monster would've lived," he said.

"Yeah, he would've," agreed Harry. "You know though," he continued, voice picking up a slight edge, "you did try to catch me outside the Room of Requirement."

Draco flushed, looking down. "Yes," he admitted.

Harry nodded. "Yeah," he said flatly. "So while I appreciate you lying about knowing who I was while I was already captured by Death Eaters, that other thing was a pretty arsehole thing to do." He could feel a little anger trickling out of him, anger that was just simply there, because he didn't truly care all that much about Malfoy or his motives.

Draco shook his head. "Wasn't trying to capture you to take you to Him."

Harry frowned, giving Malfoy a doubtful look. "Then what were you trying to do?" he asked.

"I guess it doesn't matter," Draco said, sighing and leaning his head back. He stared up at the ceiling.

"If it doesn't matter," prodded Harry, "then why can't you just tell me?"

The blond huffed, tilting his head to look at Potter. "I was under orders to bring you in, of course," he said. "Vince and Greg were there to make sure I did."

"They tried to bloody kill us," Harry said next. By us he meant himself, Ron and Hermione, but he thought Draco could figure that out. After the words left his mouth, though, he felt slightly bad. Crabbe had died in that incident. He didn't know how Malfoy felt about it.

"Yes. Vince died and now Greg is in Azkaban," Draco said flatly.

"Er, yeah, sorry about that," Harry said awkwardly. "I know -" He paused. He'd been about to say he knew how it felt to lose someone, but he still didn't know if Draco had really suffered a true loss and thought it might be weird to say something so presumptuous.

Draco shrugged, looking away. "You didn't have to save me," he said, so softly it was barely audible.

Harry raised his eyebrows slightly. "Well, I couldn't just let you die," he countered.

Draco looked back, meeting his eyes. "Why not?" he asked.

Harry was a bit confused with the question. It seemed obvious to him. "Because, well – because," he stammered, unsure of how to reply. "I was able to ... save you, so I did."

"You believed me to be your enemy; you should have let me die," Draco said.

Harry sighed. "No, I didn't," he said honestly. "Not really."

"You didn't what?" Draco asked, frowning.

"Believe you to be my enemy," said Harry. "Well, I guess in a way I did, but like I said, not really."

"If you thought I was trying to take you to Voldemort, then I was your enemy," Draco said firmly.

"I thought you were going to try," Harry told him, "but I didn't think you were actually going to be able to do it." He stared at him directly in the eye as he said it.

Draco looked away, somehow finding it worse that Potter thought he was both his enemy and a failure as one.

"Out of curiosity," Harry began carefully, "what would you have done if you'd caught me? If you really didn't want to hand me over to Voldemort?"

Draco sighed, not even turning back. "Why would you even believe me now?"

"You lowered your wand," Harry said, still staring at Draco even as he looked away. "On the tower that night. You wouldn't have killed him. And you wouldn't kill me." He knew it to be true. He didn't know why he was so sure, but he was.

"No, I wouldn't have," Draco said, watching the fire in the hearth.

Harry nodded. "It's better, you know," he said. "That you wouldn't have."

"But the question is why I wouldn't, isn't it?"

"That is something to wonder over," Harry agreed, regarding him.

"One answer makes me a coward, and the other makes me a would-be hero," Draco said. "Either way, I am a failure."

Harry was quite confused with this Draco Malfoy. "Not becoming a murderer is not something to be ashamed of," he said.

"No, murder is not something I would be proud of," the blond admitted. "But failing to do what I set out to do is not something I am comfortable with either."

"Well, then there's no winning with you, is there?" said Harry.

Draco grimaced. "Actually, around you, I always lose."

Harry's eyebrows shot up. "What?" was all he managed in the slight shock Malfoy's statement brought.

"Oh, don't tell me that surprises you," Draco sneered, glancing back at Potter.

"Um, well – I – that's -" Harry paused to collect his words. "I suppose I'm just surprised you said that."

"Happy now?" Draco drawled, rolling his eyes.

Harry nearly snorted at that but settled for rolling his eyes, too. "Yes, it's what I've been just dying for you to say," he answered sarcastically.

"Glad to make you happy," Draco said, actually smirking at that one.

Harry did snort now. "Right." And then after a short moment he asked, "Why did you say that?"

Draco frowned. The truth of the matter was that he did want Potter to be happy. He thought he deserved it after everything he had been through. He didn't know what to say, though, so he shrugged.

Harry gave Malfoy a strange look. He took a sip of tea to keep from having to say anything else for the moment.

"Do you feel different? Now that it is done?" Draco asked.

"Different," Harry repeated, not exactly sure why he was being so honest. "Well, there are some things that just feel different because they can't not be that way."

Draco looked up, studying the other man's face. "You are hailed a hero and yet you sound ... unhappy," he said.

Now it was Harry's turn to look away. He didn't say anything. He'd come there to not have to think about those things.

Draco picked up his tea and sipped it. "I am not judging that," he said. "It makes sense."

Harry let out a breath through his nose, still not saying anything. Remus, and Tonks, and Fred, and so many others were gone. It wasn't something he liked to talk about with people he knew and loved, and he didn't really want to talk about it with Malfoy either.

The blond really looked at him. "I know what you are thinking, you know," he said casually.

Harry's eyes snapped up. "No you don't," he said, an edge to his voice again.

Draco nodded, setting the empty cup down. "You want me to tell you?"

Harry only looked at him, eyes narrowed.

"Suit yourself," Draco huffed, leaning back against the sofa again.

Harry snorted humourlessly. "Fine," he relented. There was no way Malfoy could really have any idea what he was thinking. They barely knew each other.

Draco looked up, meeting Potter's eyes. "You feel like you should have done it faster and better. That you caused the deaths of those people who fought to hold him off. You don't feel like a hero because you weren't the only one to sacrifice himself. You wish to hell that people would just stop calling you that and leave you the fuck alone."

Harry's eyes widened a little and a slow flush spread across the bridge of his nose. He opened his mouth to say that Malfoy was wrong, but no words came out, and by the time he could actually use his voice it would sound incredibly stupid to say what he'd been about to.

Draco arched an eyebrow, but his expression was serious. "You forget. I have known you since you were eleven."

Harry snorted humourlessly again. "You don't know me," he said, even though Malfoy had just pretty much hit the nail on the head.

"As you wish," Draco said with a sigh, looking away.

Harry frowned. "And what's the matter with you then?" he asked. "If you have me so figured out." He stared again.

"Oh, what could be the matter? You don't care to guess?"

"Your dad's back in Azkaban," Harry said quietly. He didn't know if that was actually it, but judging from the way Malfoy had reacted when his father had been thrown in prison the first time, he thought it might have something to do with it. "You still feel like a failure."

"Well, that is a part of it," Draco whispered. "And what place do I have in this new wizarding world, do you think?"

Harry frowned again. He didn't know how to answer Draco's question, because it was quite legitimate. "I imagine you'll find something," he said quietly.

"That's optimistic of you," Draco drawled.

Harry sighed, looking at his knees. "It's only the first week," he offered. "The Ministry will stop watching you after a while and then, well, I guess it will be different. You got off, didn't you? You and your mum got off."
"Yes, so lucky," Draco sneered.

"Well, it is lucky actually," said Harry a bit sharply, looking up again. "There was no case against you except that stuff you did in sixth year, and you were still a minor then. But your mum could've been thrown in prison. And then you'd be all alone here." He felt horribly like Hermione saying to look on the bright side, only meaner.

"You want me to give you the bloody silver lining speech, too?" Draco snapped.

Harry rolled his eyes. "Look, Malfoy," he said, setting his half empty cup of tea on the table. "You have your wand, so I guess that's it then."

Draco nodded. "Have a nice life," he drawled.

Harry looked at him, at his dishevelled hair, his rumpled clothes; he looked at how ill Malfoy seemed, but he didn't know what to do about any of it. He didn't owe him anything. "Yeah," he said, getting to his feet. He held his hand out to him.

Draco stared at Harry's hand for a moment, tempted to laugh at the irony. He stood up then and took the other man's hand.

Harry shook, meeting Malfoy's eyes. He still held his hand as he said, "I'll be honest and say that I really do hope you have a nice life as well."

"Same," Draco answered, his heart speeding up at the feel of the man's hand pressed against his own. It was ridiculous. He released him and stepped back.

Harry gave him a sort of loose salute then. "I can let myself out. Thanks for the tea," he said, turning.

Draco nodded and watched him go.