Black Robes, Pink Tights

***These characters are the property of JK Rowling and I do not make any money off of writing this ***

Severus stood looking around his study, at the various books of mythical creatures he’d accumulated through out the years. Tooth Fairy….. Tooth fairy…. how odd… it didn’t seem to be in any of them. The damn little creature that seemed to entice little Muggle children to pull their loose teeth, didn’t seem to be anywhere in his library. He was somewhat delighted. Wizarding children had no idea who the tooth fairy was, or even what its purpose was. Their parents had always transfigured their lost teeth into something interesting that could be kept as a momentum. Not Muggle children. It seemed as though, as from what Hermione had told him, that once Muggle children’s teeth fell out, they put them underneath their pillow and in the morning when they woke up, it was gone, to be replaced by Muggle money. Hermione said that she had usually gotten a pound. He had absolutely no interest what so ever in anything that had to do with Muggle fairy tales. But as it turned out, he was in despair. One night when he had been on a stroll throughout the grounds of Hogwarts, he saw a pesky little fairy flying around Hagrid’s house. Fang seemed to be lunging to get at the creature, so Severus did some quick thinking and quickly immobilized it. On further inspection, he realized that it was in fact a fairy like creature, though bigger than most fairies in the magical world. It had on a ridiculous looking outfit. It looked like a ballerina… With a frilly tutu and a weird looking crown, and even a wand, but no wand as though he’d ever seen before. It was silver, with a star atop. He laughed at the thought of what type of magic this wand might perform, if any.

He was curious as to what this unique creature was, and picked it up and stuck it inside of his pocket to take inside the castle. “oh great”, he thought, \"I’m turning into Hagrid”. Although he knew there was no way he was going to keep this creature, or give it a hideously cute name, such as “Fluffy”, as Hagrid had decided to dawn the infamous 3 headed dog.

It seems as though this creature was the “Tooth Fairy” in Muggle fairy tales, and actually performs a job.

Severus decided to ask Hermione about the creature, due to her expert knowledge in almost every subject in which she had taken.

Severus ironically found his time with Hermione ultimately delightful. Unsure of the headmaster’s knowledge of it… he and Hermoine had sort of an undeniable attraction towards one other. She intrigued him… and he no longer thought of her as an insrablrable know it all. It had taken him a while to admit to himself that Hermoine had really grown up from the pesky know it all she’d once been. What she’d become now, well, the thought of it kept him warm at night, among other things.

Dammit… He was getting off the subject of the bloody tooth fairy. What was her deal?? What did she do exactly?? He was never quite sure what her exact job was, but was too embarrassed to ask Hermoine. She still thought of him as her professor, and therefore he was supposed to know more. He admitted to himself that there were things she knew more about, but he was not about to admit that to her and shatter her image of him. He sort of liked seeing himself through Hermione’s eyes.
He decided that he would be better off going to the library and looking in the Mugstudstudies section. He knew that Hermoine was at her classes right now, so she would have no idea what he was up to. Even if she did catch him, he could say that he was looking for the history of her, or maybe what her “higher powers” were and how they were to get in touch with them. He thumbed through various books, with titles such as “mythical magical creatures” and so forth.
He had been there awhile when he realized he was being watched. He turned around and saw a small creature that appeared to be something like a goblin, but not quite as ugly, and with an American accent. “You have the fairy in question I presume?”
Severus looked confused “what?”
The little creature appeared to get flustered. “The fairy… we have traced the fairy‘s whereabouts back to you..”
“Oh yes… that. It’s downstairs in my office.”
“Very well, show me to it.”, he said sighing.
It was now Snape’s turn to look flustered. “And who might you be?”
The creature looked at him with a raised eyebrow. “I am Ignatius P. Coltrane. Head of fairy regulations at the American Ministry of Magic.”
Snape was surprised. “What does this so called fairy have to do with the ministry of magic?”
Ignatius let out an exasperated sigh. “And they told me this was a wizarding school….. Well sir, as you might not be aware, fairies are magical creatures, therefore are under jurisdiction of the American Ministry of Magic under magical creatures. Fairies are usually small creatures, but as I’m sure you’ve noticed, the fairy in question is neither small nor usual as most fairies. She has the appearance of a fairy, but is actually a metamorphous (Like Tonks…. have to find right spelling of it). She is able to take the likeness of a child’s loved one or such, so that she can protect her own identity. She is a very important part of the world. Already within her absence there have been many teeth lost that she needs to pick up.”
“So… that’s not my problem.”
“Actually, Mr. Snape… it is. You see, it’s simply stated in our Ministry of Magic laws that anyone who attacks, maims, disembodies, decapitates, injures or murders the Tooth Fairy, is suspect to trial and must regain the Tooth Fairy’s duties until a suitable rcemecement can be found, or until that person is dead OR until the fairy returns to health.” Ignatius explained.
Snape’s jaw dropped. “So what you’re telling me is that since I simply performed a minor spell on this… this…. THING…. that I’m going to be punished for it and expected to go to court!!! I don’t think you know who you’re dealing with.”
The little man glared at Severus and puffed himself up a considerable amount, “Sir, I don’t think YOU know who YOU’RE dealing with. I’m a member of the American Ministry of Magic. I could have your wand taken away for this!!”
“I’d like to see you try. I’ve taken on the Dark Lord… I’m not afraid of you.”
The man looked at him with his mouth gaped. “How dare you refer to him in any manner to that of one Holy.”
Severus shook his head. “Now that you’ve done well wasted my time, I have better things to be doing than standing here talking to you. Good day.” and walked off towards the door of the library.
“I’m not through with you mister!!! You haven’t seen the last of me.”

Severus paced back and forth in his study. Where was Hermoine? He’d floo called for her half an hour ago. Surely she knew the importance of his call. He hadn’t been able to explain it since he was using the floo network, which was definitely not secure, but he knew that she had to know it was urgent. He looked down at the fairy and grimly shook his head. What had seemed to be a simple immobulis charm turned out to be something much more serious for this creature. It was starting to turn gray, and it’s once colorful and large wings had started to droop. What had he done? Was this creature really something of high importance like the man said? But it was just a common fairy!! It was barely different from most fairies that he had seen. The only difference was this one had a wand. The man, Ignatius, had said that this thing could change its form, but what he’d seen of it so far was just a measly fairy. What on Earth could this thing do that made the laws against injuring it so strict? And why was it so important to the American Ministry of Magic and not ours? Surely they didn’t allow their fairies to perform magic. But the thing had a wand. He was unsure of what it did, but it had a wand. He noticed that the wand was tiny, but of course so was the creature itself.
He was relieved to hear the ‘tap tap’ on his door, which could only mean one thing, Hermione. He quickly jumped up and answered the door. “Oh Severus, you’ve got a real predicament this time.”, she said.
“Tell me about it.”, he replied.
“This Ignatius character seems to be the real thing. I’ve checked on him and everything. Senior member of the American Ministry of Magic, Head of Department of Special Magical Creatures. I had a chat with the Muggle Studies professor, I let him think I was writing a paper on Muggle things such as Santa Claus and such. He informed me that there was such a thing as the tooth fairy. Her name is Glinda and she’s been doing this job for 200 years. She took over when she accidentally ran over the previous tooth fairy with her car. I guess that once you injure the fairy, the person responsible takes over her duties until she’s well or in the case of death, indefinitely, or until they too are killed.”
“Bloody brilliant. Why can’t Hagrid of been the one to find it? Could you imagine him being the fairy?”, he laughed while taking a big drink of his fire whiskey.
“I don’t know, I think you’ll look rather sexy in the fairy outfit,” Hermoine giggled and winked.
“WHAT?!?! I am NOT going to wear that!!”, Severus bellowed.
She sniggered, “I don’t think you have much of a choice.”
“Why can’t you do it? Clearly there can’t be a man fairy.”
Hermoine frowned. “Yeah right, I’m not the one who tried to off the fairy.”
Severus buried his head in his hands. “Why me?”
Suddenly an owl came swooshing through the fire place, headed straight towards Severus, with an official looking scroll, bearing a wax crest upon it. The owl held out its leg as Severus took off the scroll and looked down. “Great, American Ministry of Magic.” He opened it and read it and a look as though he’d just tasted something fowl spread across his face, then flung it unceremoniously to Hermione. “I’ll be the laughing stock of the wizarding world.”
Hermoine picked up the scroll and read it. “Actually, this states that your identity must be kept a secret, from everyone. And the official Mythical Outfitters will be here to fit you for your uniform in the next 2 hours.”
“Uniform… great. What about my teaching job?”
“It says here that once you put the uniform on, you’re obligated.”
“Oh no.” Severus moaned.
Hermione went up and hugged him. “Severus I’m sure everything will be okay.”
“Ugh. What would the Dark Lord say if he knew about this? I’d be the laughing stock of the death eaters if they found out.”
“Come here Severus, we’ve got a little bit before you become the Tooth Fairy.”, Hermoine said, seductively.
Severus turned around and Hermoine wrapped her arms around him, pressing her body against his, then playfully nipping at his neck. Severus moaned at the touch of her body against his.
“Oh Hermione…” he moaned as she started sucking on his earlobe. He ran his fingers up and down her back.
“Mmmm Sev…” She grinned at him and pulled him towards his desk. “Come here baby….”
Severus gulped nervously. “Umm.. Maybe we shouldn’t do this right now. What if someone catches us?” as he walked nervously towards his desk.
Hermione pulled out her wand and put charms up to ward Severus’ office from intruders. Ironically they were the same exact charms that Severus himself used.
“My, my Hermione, you’re getting good at that.”
She grinned. “I’ve hard you do it enough, I should know.”
Severus looked sheepishly at her. “I didn’t think I’d done it that often.”
Hermione wrapped her arms around Severus’ waist and giggled. “Often enough,” then kissed him passionately.

Severus and Hermione started their “relationship” the term before, after the beginning of her sixth year. It was during the Halloween Feast that he’d noticed she’d grown up. She and the boys had gone sneaking around the castle. The boys had gotten side tracked by Cho Chang and Luna Lovegood, which left Hermoine by herself in the dungeons. She noticed Severus sulking around and tried to avoid him, but it was inevitable.
“So where are the other two? Off to sneak some supplies for another illegal potion? Eh Miss Granger?”, Snape sneered. Hermoine just stood there. “Miss Granger.”
Hermione turned and looked at Severus. “For your information, Professor Snape, they’re thinking with their hormones now. It appears Huffelpuff and Ravenclaw make them better than Gryffindor.”
Severus had felt the betrayal she must’ve been feeling. “Oh Hermione,” he said, and looked into her eyes. For once he saw a woman, not an insufferable know it all of a little girl. At that moment she realized that he wasn’t a greasy old bat. It was all just an act so that no one could break through his heart. After that moment, they’d become instant friends, and it grew into more.
It wasn’t until after another Christmas at Grimuald Place that they started to get intimate. And they had never gone “all the way”, due to Hermione’s age. They’d fooled around a bit though. But tonight Hermione was more excited than she’d ever been. Perhaps it was the thought of the only man she’d ever wanted becoming a fairy. She imagine that wouldn’t bode well for a relationship. Probably make it worse than their current student professor status.

They kept kissing and Hermione started hastily unbuttoning Severus’ robes. Then suddenly they heard a “POOF” from the fireplace.
“Sorry dears, hope I’m not interrupting anything. Ministry’s orders though.” They turned to see a woman in silver robes conjure a measuring tape.
Severus hastily pulled away from Hermione, stumbling backwards and landing upon his backside. Hermione tried to keep from giggling and Severus glared at her.
“Don’t worry, I’m just here to fit your uniform. There will be someone here shortly after to brief you and give you your job description and stuff,” The woman said.
Severus stood up and brushed himself off.
“Name’s Madame Tyse. You must be Severus Snape. Come here dear, I won’t bite. Strip down to nothing but your underwear.” She conjured up a screen for him to stand behind and shooed him behind it. Then she hurried in behind him. “Hmmm- nice nice- okay, turn around. Spread your legs. Lift your arms, okay. Okay. That’s all” She stepped out from behind the screen and with a quick swish of her wand, Severus’ clothes were back on. “That’ll be all for now Mr. Snape. In a few hours you’ll be flooed your new uniform. Have a nice day.” Then she flooed back into the fire.
Hermoine and Severus looked at each other and automatically started cracking up. “Surely Dumbledore won’t let this happen. He won’t let his Potions professor go.”, Hermoine said, hugging Severus.
“Somehow I doubt even Dumbledore can get me out of this. I guess we just wait until our next guest arrives to see what comes next.”
Hermione kissed Severus. “You know, we could always do something while we wait….”
“Tempting……..really tempting… but I can’t.”, Severus said, pulling away.
“If I tempt you, why do you run from me?” Hermoine asked, frowning.
“Hermione, I don’t run from you. It’s just not the right time. We’ll know when it’s time- trust me. Besides, right now- things are crazy until we get this whole Tooth Fairy thing figured out.”
Hermoine half smiled. “Things have got to get better, because they sure can’t get worse.”
“Oh don’t say that- it’s bad luck. They usually do once someone says that. Hello. I’m Evin Alexander. I’ve come to explain to you what your entire new job entails you to.”, the man now standing in front of them said.
The man looked to both Hermoine and Severus. “Well, I need to ask you to leave, Miss Granger, so that I can discuss something with your professor.”
“Oh, it’s okay sir. She knows that I’m about to become the world’s new Tooth Fairy, whatever the hell that means.”
“Fine, okay. Well, first thing’s first, lets see Miss Glinda and see what’s going on with her.”, Evin said.
“Okay, right this way.” Hermoine led him to the makeshift bed she’d made for the sick fairy.
“Ah. I see. Well, she’s not dead, but she’s barely hanging on. I’ll take her back with me. In the mean time, Severus, you’re to take all of her duties until she is either better, we find someone more suitable, or until you die, and then the person who kills you takes over your duties. Is that clear?”, Evin asked.
Severus looked up at him skeptically. “What exactly do these duties include?”
“Well, you need to go around the world and collect the teeth that children have lost, and give them money in return”, Evin said.
“So I apparate from place to place, take the brat’s tooth, leave them money and leave? That sounds simple enough.”, Severus said.
“Well, you also have to try and avoid being seen. If you’re seen, you have to turn yourself into their parents or beloved al. Al. And you cannot get caught. And for your first two weeks you cannot apparate across continents.”, Evin informed.
“WHAT!?!?!”, Severus yelled.
“You must pass a trans-continental apparation test first.”, Evin explained.
What in the hell is a Trans cant er -- whatever.”, Severus exclaimed.
“A Transcontinental apparation test. It’s required in America.”, he explained.
“What? There’s no such thing as that with our ministry. When you become of age and get your license, you’re allowed to apparate wherever.”, Severus replied.
“Well America’s laws have changed.” Evin stated.
“So if I can’t apparate to another continent, how am I supposed to get there? Fly on a bloody broom?”, Snape snarled.
“You COULD, but the ministry would pr ifr if you flew the Muggle way.”
“Oh great, and HOW would the Muggle way be?”, Severus sighed.
“Honestly man are you that daft? Have you never taken Muggle Studies? It’s called airplane.”
“Pardon?”
“It’s a type of vehicle, with wings, its gas powered and it flies from place to place”, Evin exned.ned.
“Like an insect?”, Severus asked.
“Evin sighed. “No, it’s not alive.”
“So I’m supposed to fly on something with no brain? How does it know where to go?”
Hermoine shook her head. “I’ll explain it to Professor Snape. How is he supposed to get his tickets?”
“Glad SOMEONE knows what’s happening. As soon as we get the information, we’ll owl him a ticket along with information and directions. Usually for the first few times, we have someone, uh, experienced fly with the fairy in training, but however, we have no one to spare at the moment.”
“Excuse me sir,” Hermione said bravely, “but I’ve flown on a Muggle airplane before. I could accompany him the first few times, as I know what’s going on.”
“Excellent! We’ll send one extra ticket along. Now, most importantly. You must not tell ANYONE what’s going on. Make up as many lies as you must, but no one must know your secret.”, Evin said.
Severus flared up. “I have a job to do. I cannot just up and suddenly leave. I must have a replacement.”
“Not my problem, it’s yours. You injured the fairy. Now, if you’ll just sign this little paper here, I can be on my way. Sign here on the dotted line, saying that if anything happens to you, your true identity will be unknown. No one will recognize you as the Tooth Fairy, and if anything happens, the American Ministry is in no way responsible for it,” Evin said, as he pushed a paper and quill towards Severus.
“Hmmmp… I’m not going to sign that.”
“Suit yourself, but you’ll regret it. If you don’t sign it, you must attend fairy training in America. I figured beings you were a professor and an adult wizard, you would chose to forgo that.”, Evin replied.
“What?! Oh hand over the bloody thing.” Severus scribbled his signature and shoved the paper back.
“Thank you. Now, when the call for a tooth comes in, you have thirty minutes to get to the airport. You may apparate there.”, Evin stated.
“Great, great” Severus said, as he poured himself a fire whiskey and gulped it down.
“We’re working on flooing the whole Tooth Fairy area, to just floo wherever we need to go.”, Evin said as he walked back to the fireplace. Then he turned around before stepping inside, “Oh, and be sure to dress like a Muggle while on the airplanes.” And with that, he flooed away, with the injured fairy in tow.
After Evin had taken off, they heard a “thud” in the fireplace. Hermione went over to examine what was in the fireplace. It appeared to be a book. Tooth Fairying for Dummies with a note attached.
“Severus, check this out.” Hermoine said.
Severus went over to the fireplace and picked up the book and read the attached note. Hope this helps you with your new ‘project’.
“There’s no name, who could know?”, Hermione asked.
“Dear, this writing is oddly familiar. Someone who knows all within the walls of this castle, even if he doesn’t let on.”
“Oh.” Hermione knew it must be Dumbledore.
“How touching, he’s even highlighted a few passages, such as tips on how to make unmanageable hair manageable.” With this, Hermione started uncontrollably giggling. “What?”, He asked curiously.
“Oh, uh.”, Hermione started sniggering, then pulled herself together. “Harry and Ron called, um, called you a greasy old bat.”
Severus screwed up his face while looking in the mirror. “It’s not THAT greasy, is it?”
Hermione smiled. “Hey, why doesn’t your mirror talk? Most others in the castle do, even if it’s just an occasional comment.”
Severus looked guilty. “Umm.. Mine must be special.”
Hermione giggled. “Oh come off of it Severus. You did something to make yours quiet. How’d you do it?”
“Surely you’ve figured out how to silence your mirror. You’re the smartest girl in your year.”
Hermione blushed. “No, I haven’t. Believe me, I’ve tried, but it gets more and more obnoxious every time I try.”
Severus shrugged. “A simple “silencio” spell isn’t complex enough. You must first use a reflectus charm on it, so that it will reflect the true image instead of the foul thing that you’ll believe it’s telling you that you are.”
Hermione studied him. “Anyway, it doesn’t’ matter now. Mine’s been broken.”
Severus gasped. “No! That’s the worst thing you could do.”
“Honestly Severus, you can’t believe in the old superstition of seven years bad luck for breaking a mirror?”
“No, that’s Muggle rubbish. But there’s an old wizarding tale of Walt the Weird. He broke a mirror and was doomed to spend the rest of his life alone. Without companionship or a lover.”
Hermione sniggered. “Sounds like the same thing.”
“Hermione I’m serious.”, Severus said as he pulled her closer. “I don’t want to lose you.”
All of a sudden, two things happened. A package came zooming out of the fireplace and smacked Severus right in the chest, and an oame ame flying through the air, nearly colliding mid air with the package.
“Bloody hell,” Severus cursed, as he caught the package and tried to avoid the owl’s attempts at dive bombing his head.
“Here, I’ll get the owl. You deal with the package.”, Hermione said, as she grabbed the owl and gently took the message from its leg. When she opened up the message, the owl pecked her. “Oh bugger off.”
“Bloody hell!” They both said as they looked at what they’d ended up with.
In Severus’ hands was the absolute ugliest thing he’d ever seen in his life. It looked like a pink dress, but not one that anyone would want to wear. It had appalling sparkles on it that seemed as though they had been haphazardly thrown on the garment in no particular fashion. On further inspection, it seemed to have a volatile pink ruffle around what could only be the waist of the thing. And as he unfolded the garment, a pair of what seemed to be the smallest trousers he’d ever seen, but they weren’t even trouser material. They were thin, almost, oh no, not happening… SEE THROUGH. Severus threw the clothing down in disgust. All this was because he’d immobilized a damn fairy! Who, with only his damn luck, turned out to be their queen or some celebrity. Lovely.
He looked over at Hermione and saw that her package seemed not to contain good news either. “What’s the matter dear?”
She looked at him with what was unmistakably a look of disgust on her face. “They’re awful. Those, those… Americans!”, she said, trembling.
“What?”, Severus asked.
“THREE layovers. THREE! To get to America.”
“Uh, okay. That’s not that bad is it?”, Severus said confused.
“It’s appalling. At that rate it’ll take us two weeks to get there!”, she exclaimed as she studied the tickets. “Wait.. wait.. the first 2 are on one continent.. We can apparate to the airport then to board the 2nd flight to leave the continent, and fly to America. Granted, we’d be breaking about two dozen rules or so, but think of the time we’d save.”
“I’m all for it. Maybe they’ll find out and fire me.”
“Okay. I’ll floo Professor Dumbledore, then we’ll be off.”, Hermione said.
“Wait, we can’t tell him.”
“Clearly he already knows. You dress in a Muggle outfit and I’ll floo him.”, as she headed towards the fireplace.
“Great, just brilliant. First this blasted outfit and then Muggle clothes.” Severus mumbled.