rate_review Reviews

For some reason this story is intriguing me, but there are a few things I wanted to point out that make your writing a little... immature. I'm only saying this because I think you can do better, I know criticism sucks so I hope you take it as I mean it: constructively.

The biggest problem i have is your character descriptions. I swear if I see one more person use angelic, perfect, or elven in their physical descriptions then I'll explode. There are other, better, ways to describe someone. And no one is perfect, so describing a character as perfect makes them unrelatable. If you want your audience to connect to the characters, you need to dig deep and think harder about what you want them to look like. A good practice I use is to find random photos and then describe that peraon in as interesting a way as possible. Beyond "blue eyes, high cheek bones, pale skin..." you can delve into what the person's physical looks tell about their personality. Like smile lines or shifty eyes.

And just on a curious note: pale purple streaks would be freakin hard to achieve in black hair (believe me, I've tried), does Abyss have extensions? Or is this a sign that not everyone at this school is normal?

Yay, we finally meet Draco, can't wait to meet the others.

Aww, poor Harry, goodbyes are so sad!!

i am liking this so please send me a email update for this story to at latriceguillory@hotmail.com...thanxz