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December 5, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Whoa Who would've thought. Harry is the focal point to Hermione's masturbation session, where will they go from there what will Harry do, What about Ron? Will he be cool with his best mates hooking up please update. CHEERS
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December 5, 2007 at 12:00 AM
I'm really enjoying the build up your creating in Chapter 3 and 4 please update and soon
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November 25, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Great story, Bonza! I'm loving what I read so far. Descriptive, witty, not to over-the-top smutty. Quite the commendable effort. I look forward to reading your future chapters!
Just one bit of constructive criticism for you. Your character descriptions and the level of detail that you go into for emotions and interactions is superb. However, knowing about the environment that your characters are situated in is just as important, if not more. Knowing details about the environment that the characters are in can heighten the enjoyment for some people during the more, *cough* private moments, of the characters interactions. Details of a room, smells, light effects, materials, shadows, accents, etc. would all help in this regard. See if you can add a touch of those to your chapters. Might make things more interesting, and you never know if a new idea might pop into your head!
Also, I've read "Forever Knight" from start to finish, and I desperately want DeliverMeFromEve to continue it. It's an unbelievably amazing fanfiction. I was hooked the first day I started reading it! Unfortunately, Eve hasn't been active on the site for a little while, so I don't know if she ever will.
Anywho, kudos to you on a stupendous effort! Keep it up! (*cough* Erm...the effort, that is...heh *cough*)
-DX
Just one bit of constructive criticism for you. Your character descriptions and the level of detail that you go into for emotions and interactions is superb. However, knowing about the environment that your characters are situated in is just as important, if not more. Knowing details about the environment that the characters are in can heighten the enjoyment for some people during the more, *cough* private moments, of the characters interactions. Details of a room, smells, light effects, materials, shadows, accents, etc. would all help in this regard. See if you can add a touch of those to your chapters. Might make things more interesting, and you never know if a new idea might pop into your head!
Also, I've read "Forever Knight" from start to finish, and I desperately want DeliverMeFromEve to continue it. It's an unbelievably amazing fanfiction. I was hooked the first day I started reading it! Unfortunately, Eve hasn't been active on the site for a little while, so I don't know if she ever will.
Anywho, kudos to you on a stupendous effort! Keep it up! (*cough* Erm...the effort, that is...heh *cough*)
-DX
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October 29, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Yes! I've finally caught up with my reading and I'm not disappointed!
Wonderful character development - the dialog lines are very well done.
Hot scene on the sofa with Hermione! I kept wondering if she knew Harry was there.
Still looking forward to where this may be going. I hope Harry makes his move soon. I'm curious as to Draco watching with jealousy. Just what is he jealous of? hmmmm...
Keep up the great work, Bonza. Looking forward to more!
Wonderful character development - the dialog lines are very well done.
Hot scene on the sofa with Hermione! I kept wondering if she knew Harry was there.
Still looking forward to where this may be going. I hope Harry makes his move soon. I'm curious as to Draco watching with jealousy. Just what is he jealous of? hmmmm...
Keep up the great work, Bonza. Looking forward to more!
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October 25, 2007 at 12:00 AM
so, ron is most def. Gay in this fic i have never read a fic where ron was gay, i never thought i would like it but this story is nice keep up the good work!
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October 24, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Wow...this is just Wow. In reading these chapters I can just only imagine, let alone feel the sexual tension building up between them. I have read many books where there is little to no build up at all and right from the very start of it I felt like I was going to pop. And this comes from a guy!!!! Please update soon. I wanna see where this goes.
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October 13, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Hi! This was my first time reading your story and I love it! Its very well written and the smut is well written and placed in the story, i'm looking forward to reading more. :)
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October 11, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Wow you're good. The story is amazing. I can't wait for the next chapter. Thanks for sharing this story to us.
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October 11, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Woo! Great stuff. I really liked Ron's advice.
Keep up the good work and update soon!
Keep up the good work and update soon!
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October 10, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Hey there. Just wanted to drop a note to say how much I like your fic so far.. Haha. I'm lame but that's okay I think. Really good job especially for your first fanfic I think. I've read some really bad ones, but I honestly can't wait to see waht happens next :P What a tease she is.