schedule
June 28, 2006 at 12:00 AM
There's an awful lot of influence from similar Hermione and Draco stories. You have potential, but it'd help to step back a little bit. Hermione's first thought shouldn't be that her summer's going rotten, it should be shock, stress from hiding so much, etc. Hermione's adoption should be on the back of her mind more. More details and color would help lighten up the narrative a little bit too.
schedule
June 26, 2006 at 12:00 AM
It looks good. Your a good writer, keep it up. When someone speaks in your story then don't do all the quotes in one paragraph, separte it a little. You should use more detail and don't make too many things happen all at one, her parents died, she's adopted and she's seeing Draco all in one chapter is a little hard to take in all at once. Please update,
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