rate_review Reviews

You've got a glaring continuity problem: Draco broke his leg; there was no use of skele-grow potion nor introduction of Madame Pomfrey to fix it; and, a broken leg hurts like hell. You seem to ignore that plot device.

Why don't you submit your story, the chapters written so far, to a beta? They can be found at http://groups.yahoo.com/adultconf?dest=%2Fgroup%2FAdultFanFictionBetaReaders%2F

In a church? Kinky! This was all planned? Can't wait for chapter 4!

ooh, I liked! Can't wait for the rest.

I promise I am going to be gentle! First and foremost I love the scenario for your story. It has a great plot and can be done so well.

for my nit-picking, I promise to be nice because I would want someone to tell me (and nicely). Personally I think you rushed the sex. I was confused through most of the chapters in trying to figure out what was going on. Adding more detail would help.

Feel free to email me if you want, I promise I don't bite, I just want to help because I see so much potential in this story. Or just ignore me and chalk me up to a raving lunatic.

*Goes to hide behind her famous rock*

THIS IS NOT A REVIEW. Thank you for your reviews. I will take your advice and check my work beforehand. In the next chap. the two hook up and everything is explained. Thanks for being so understanding of my computer's malogustment.

thanks for that little summery at the bottom of the chapter. I was a bit confuzzled. This is gonna be a good fic me thinks. Cant wait for more.

Oh my gosh lol!!! I loved:\"

Well done- here\'s hoping they get away.

That went well. Harry wants to be inside him? He kissed him? O-kay. So what happens in chapter 3?

The story was going well until they heard Harry\'s Aunt\'s voice. There is no way she could have found them with them having the map and using secret passages. Try to be SLIGHTLY more realistic.