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schedule
September 11, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Interesting so far. You have the same problem I have: homonyms and similar sounding words.
**voluble ... You\'re likening Harry to something flammable, so he\'s \'volatile\'.
**sideline ... you sit on or send someone to the sidelines; sideways or sidewise, depending on where you\'re from.
**Finnegan ... should be Finnigan (www.hp-lexicon.org)
**death eater ... it\'s a proper noun, so Death Eater.
Not too shabby otherwise...The cluelessness of Harry is frightening.
**voluble ... You\'re likening Harry to something flammable, so he\'s \'volatile\'.
**sideline ... you sit on or send someone to the sidelines; sideways or sidewise, depending on where you\'re from.
**Finnegan ... should be Finnigan (www.hp-lexicon.org)
**death eater ... it\'s a proper noun, so Death Eater.
Not too shabby otherwise...The cluelessness of Harry is frightening.
schedule
September 11, 2005 at 12:00 AM
I ended up reading this as a beta. So, this is what I found:
**envoloping ... enveloping
**The next morning, Seamus woke earlier than normal and slipped quietly out before Harry could awake and incur his wrath even more. ... The way you wrote the sentence, you have Harry incurring Seamus\' wrath; the definitions for incur are: 1. To acquire or come into (something usually undesirable); sustain: incurred substantial losses during the stock market crash. 2. To become liable or subject to as a result of one\'s actions; bring upon oneself: incur the anger of a friend.
**talking in hushed voiced ... they were talking in hushed voices (number agreement needs to be satisfied)
**eyeline ... usually it\'s \'sight-line\' or \'line of sight\'; never seen \'eyeline\'.
**immensly ... immensely
**unmistakeable ... unmistakable (no \'e\' before the \'able\')
**His captures leg ... captor\'s
**His capture didn\'t say ... captor
**His capture didn\'t reply ... captor
**His capture pressed closer ... captor
**desparately ... desperately
**cimmamon ... cinnamon
Fix these bits up, and the eye won\'t be distracted from the story.
**envoloping ... enveloping
**The next morning, Seamus woke earlier than normal and slipped quietly out before Harry could awake and incur his wrath even more. ... The way you wrote the sentence, you have Harry incurring Seamus\' wrath; the definitions for incur are: 1. To acquire or come into (something usually undesirable); sustain: incurred substantial losses during the stock market crash. 2. To become liable or subject to as a result of one\'s actions; bring upon oneself: incur the anger of a friend.
**talking in hushed voiced ... they were talking in hushed voices (number agreement needs to be satisfied)
**eyeline ... usually it\'s \'sight-line\' or \'line of sight\'; never seen \'eyeline\'.
**immensly ... immensely
**unmistakeable ... unmistakable (no \'e\' before the \'able\')
**His captures leg ... captor\'s
**His capture didn\'t say ... captor
**His capture didn\'t reply ... captor
**His capture pressed closer ... captor
**desparately ... desperately
**cimmamon ... cinnamon
Fix these bits up, and the eye won\'t be distracted from the story.
schedule
September 11, 2005 at 12:00 AM
You\'re having fun making Harry jump through hoops convincing Draco he\'s worth the commitment, eh? Okay, the beta in me noticed you were typing fast...
**Finnegan ... Finnigan
**roon ... room
**disparagingly ... are you certain you wanted to use that word? since it means: 1. To speak of in a slighting or disrespectful way; belittle. See Synonyms at decry. 2. To reduce in esteem or rank.
I use www.dictionary.com and www.askoxford.com for words and grammar.
**Finnegan ... Finnigan
**roon ... room
**disparagingly ... are you certain you wanted to use that word? since it means: 1. To speak of in a slighting or disrespectful way; belittle. See Synonyms at decry. 2. To reduce in esteem or rank.
I use www.dictionary.com and www.askoxford.com for words and grammar.
schedule
September 11, 2005 at 12:00 AM
hahah that was great. THis light little fic has been good relaxing read but u ended chp 4 on a cliffie... now we can\'t have that right? so what does potter do to get malfoy cornered? can\'t wait to find out
schedule
September 11, 2005 at 12:00 AM
wonderful! Harry needs to take Draco now!
schedule
September 9, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Draco called him Harry. But left him. Hermione\'s right. I know she is. Can\'t wait for chapter 5!
schedule
September 9, 2005 at 12:00 AM
I love it! Hopefully Harry is succesful in getting Draco. More please.
schedule
September 4, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Whoaaa! You`ve continued! :D
Yeah, I think the title is perfect! I just hope Draco will show his feelings public... :D
How many chaps will the fic have?
I want to know what happens... Will Harry go after Draco, now that he knows Draco doesn`t dislike him at all?
Update soon, please!
Yeah, I think the title is perfect! I just hope Draco will show his feelings public... :D
How many chaps will the fic have?
I want to know what happens... Will Harry go after Draco, now that he knows Draco doesn`t dislike him at all?
Update soon, please!
schedule
September 4, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Oh I can\'t wait for chapter 4! Draco is playing a game. I hope neither of them get hurt.
schedule
September 4, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Here have a lovely strawberry cake just for you!! I love it!! I can\'t wait for more. I love Draco just sneaking in and tormenting! so awesome