What Nourishes Me Destroys Me

Title: What Nourishes Me Destroys Me
Author: Anais
Pairing: Harry/Sirius
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: slash, AU
Disclaimer: I don\'t own, so don\'t sue
A/N: Harry\'s 20 and a model. Sirius is a photographer who wants to capture him in more ways than one. The title is from Angelina Jolie\'s tummy tattoo.

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When he walks into my flat bringing the damp and cold up four flights with him, he looks relaxed as if being asked by fuddy duddy photographers to pose nude occurred all the time. The wild black hair is wet with rain and his pale cheeks are ruddy with the chill of Fall. He gives a tired smile and yawns. Out late last night with his good friends and sometimes sex partners, Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley. I don\'t approve of his decadent lifestyle, but I was young once also. So I can\'t say much.

As soon as he walks in I can\'t take my eyes off him. I really n\'tn\'t been able to since he had come of age five years ago. He\'s now twenty and all my desires can be realized, but he is still my godson. That puts a damper on things.

Darling Harry Potter is known to many artists, photographers, and designers. He is sought by these people to give a pout, a wink, and a little skin for the right price. Even though I can\'t pay him the the amount he normally takes, he is dothisthis as a favor to me. My scheduled model came down with the flu and I called up the lad to see if he\'d be interested in a few pounds. Of course he would be. Anything for his one and only godfather. It\'s no secret that he loves being the center of attention, losing himself in the work, posing nude because it is more raw. His parents don\'t object seeing that they\'re artists themselves and painted Harry from the time he was born. It\'s only natural for him to be the object of so many desires.


Moving gracefully he gives me the once over taking in my shoulder length black hair pulled back by a scrap of ribbon, white t-shirt and black pants. A look of amusement plays in his brilliant green eyes and he smiles. \"Sirius,\" he says pulling me into a hug. I stiffen, the feel of his body so familiar but yet so strange.

\"Harry,\" I respond, patting his head. I haven\'t seen him since last Christmas despite the fact that we constantly talk on the phone and send e-mails. I look down at him. I see faint shadows under his bright green eyes and I worry about him partying so much. I truly don\'t want to see him turn into a washed up has-been. Still he retains a certain beauty that is androgynous. I want to capture this. Immortalize this young man.

He pulls back, taking off his messenger bag and black wool peacoat. He sets them on the cushy red sofa in my living room. Aimlessly, he walks around in a black long sleeved shirt and loose black slacks, admiring some of my photos and paintings hanging with pride on the walls. My eyes follow him around. \"Dad always said you did remarkable work,\" he says softly. His voice is easy, sensual, the way it does on the phone when we have three hour long conversations.

\"Thank you,\" I say as I ready my equipment. Candid shots would be wonderful. I plan on using these pictures for an exhibit I have in three weeks at the Tate Modern.

Harry stands before my self-portrait, smiling. \"My, who\'s this handsome bloke?\" he asks playfully. He brings his fingers up to the canvas and brushes the painted me\'s cheek. \"He\'s rather stoic looking isn\'t he?\" He laughs.

I blush. \"You know who that is, silly.\" I double-check everything and begin to take some shots of Harry as he paces the living room, admiring my DVD collection, peering through my stack of magazines on the coffeetable and my CD collection.

\"Yeah, I do. Just kidding with you, Sirius. So how have you been?\" He\'s reading the track listing on the back of a Tori Amos CD. \"I didn\'t know you like Tori Amos. I love her,\" he sighs with a bit of reverence for the redheaded musical goddess.

\"Fine,\" I say from behind the camera, catching him as he plops down on the sofa. \"I\'ve been selling my stuff to plenty of rich people. They\'ll buy anything if you ask me. And I\'ve always liked Tori Amos if you must know. I\'m not that *old*.\"

He laughs, lounging out on the sofa. \" Of course you aren\'t. And peopled don\'t buy just anything. Not some of them at least,\" he yawns as he stretches, \"Alot of them won\'t buy anything unless it has some worth and value.\"

I smirk to myself. \"How would you know, Harry?\"

\"I\'ve had some rich boyfriends,\" he replies nonchalantly. It\'s really no secret that Harry prefers men to women, but will occassionally date a woman if she\'s boyish enough. \"Art collectors, you know. Like to say they\'re collecting me. They love keeping me in drink and....\" He shakes his head.

I feel jealousy surge inside me. My love for him makes me want to protect him. It\'s funny what prison life can do to your preferences of flesh. Mine had went from gorgeous women and men to beautiful little boys. When my lust snuck up on me I kept it to myself. I let it eat me alive, tried to sate it with numerous lovers.

\"Oh, how nice.\" I catch the bitterness in that statement and so does he.

He starts shedding clothing. Preparing for the nude shots. \"You sound jealous,\" he accuses.

I grimace and snap, \"Oh do I?\"

He\'s down to his briefs which match his artsy all-black ensemble, his torso exposed and a sly smile on his face. He is virtually hairless with the exception of the dark trail running from his navel down into his briefs.\"You\'re a rather interesting man,\" he purrs. I feel warmth spread through my lower regions. He has no idea how much I want to be the only one to please him, shower him in expensive gifts, and hear my name come from his luscious pink mouth.

He pulls his briefs down and my breath hitches. I have seen numerous photos of him naked. Muscles taunt beneath his ivory skin, his rosy nipples hard even though it\'s very warm in my flat, and that beautiful cock that lies against his stomach. I notice he has a tattoo written in latin on his upper back when he turns to fiddle with the pillows. \"When did you get that?\" I ask making small talk to block the moan I want to give when I see his tight ass in the flesh.

He flops down, arranging himself like some modern male Odalisque. \"I got it last year. It means \'what nourishes me destroys me\'. Saw it in a magazine, some actress has it etched on her stomach. If you had came by for Christmas you would have seen it,\" he smiles,\"I mean, I\'d show you *anything*.\"

I have the strange feeling that he knows about my obsession with him. I pray he doesn\'t. He must think me a terrible old man who lusts after his own godson. \"Harry, just *why* did you agree to model for me? You really didn\'t have to,\" I say shakily. He\'s painfully good looking, giving me a come hither look and pout.

He puts his arms behind his head and closes his eyes as if in ecstasy. \"You can\'t tell?\"

\"No. I\'m sorry. I\'m a bit slow.\" Two flashes of that look on his face.

He opens his eyes and giggles. Men shouldn\'t giggle but he\'s such an exception. \"Oh, please, Sirius. Like I can\'t tell that you want me.\"

I stop taking pictures and walk from behind my camera. \"What?\" I\'m taken aback by this and he knows it. The damn imp.

He looks at me and gets up, walking over to me. I feel his body against mine and I know he feels my arousal through my trousers. \"I didn\'t understand it when I was fifteen but now I do. The looks that you give me are the ones my lovers and admirers give me. I thought it was all innocence when you would brush against me, but it wasn\'t. You wanted to feel me against you without touching me in any way sexual. You succeeded in torturing not only yourself, but me as well.

It didn\'t really hit me that you had a thing for me until last Thanksgiving when we were standing on the balcony sharing a fag. You acted so odd when I stood close to you and when I gave you a good night kiss you blushed.\"

\"But how did you know that...that...\"

\"That you want me? I can tell by how you\'re acting now. You\'re so tense,\" he says while running his fingers over my jaw.

I shudder under that touch. A trap to get me to admit how I feel for him. \"I...but...we...I...\"

\"Oh, don\'t give me that shit about you being older and me being younger. I\'m not a little boy,\" he snaps,\" I know damn well what I want and I want you. I\'m tired of my mediocore lovers. I want someone who\'ll just love me for me not because I\'m a model.\" He sighs, resting his head on my chest.

My arms automatically wrap around him. I hold him, feeling his arms snake around my waist. Gently, lovingly, I kiss the top of his head. I whisper, \"But you have to be sure you want this. That you want me.\"

He gazes up at me, tears clinging to his long black eyelashes. \"I do want you. Sirius, I did this so I could be with you. I wanted you to see me naked so I could know if it was true. I needed to know that you wanted me.\" I see all the desparation in his eyes. He wants to end his bed hopping, put a stop to the late night parties and the liver-eroding drinking. He just wants love.

Silent tears fall down his face and he tries to wipe them off. I hold him tightly, just savoring the feel of him in my arms naked. I tilt his face up to mine and do what I should have done when he first came of age and my lust could have been realized. At first Harry doesn\'t kiss back, he just cries and allows my lips to press against his. Slowly he kisses back, letting my tongue enter his mouth and slid against his. I taste coffee and desire. I moan into his mouth as he rocks against me, pulling me tight to him. His arousal rubs against my thigh and mine is digging into his smooth stomach.

I pull back and stare down into his glazed green eyes. He looks at me with all the tenderness in the world. \ove ove you, Harry,\" I murmur as I brush a strand of hair off his forehead. \"I want to be with you.\"

\"Oh, Sirius,\" he whispers as he kisses me again, long fingers tangling in my black locks. I run my hands down to his firm ass, squeezing. He whimpers and rocks against me again. I know what he wants. I want it too. I let my hands run across his back. \"Make love to me, Sirius,\" he says boldly.

I nod. I can only nod. To have the boy that I\'ve wanted for so long finally was too much to grasp. I lead him back to my room and he pounces me as soon as I close the door. His lips are all over my face and neck, his fingers are fumbling with my trousers. I pin his hands to his side and manage to croak, \"You\'re in such a rush. Slow down.\" I kiss one of his hands, sucking on his fingers. He tosses his head back and moans. I remove my t-shirt and unbutton my pants. He yanks them down along with my boxers to the floor. Nervous as a schoolboy at the start of his first term, I stand before Harry naked. His eyes flicker over my body taking in every muscle.

\"You\'re hairless,\" he muses.

\"I shave,\" I confess.

\"Oh.\" He runs his hands over my chest, rubbing my nipples softly. It\'s my turn to toss my head back. I haven\'t had anyone touch me for two years. I feel his mouth on my nipple, sucking and blowing on it. Then I feel teeth. He nibbles on one for a bit before turning his attention to the other. I put his hands in his shock of black hair as he licks his way down my stomach to my navel and then my cock.

He takes my leaking member in his hands and grins ferally. \"Mmm...you\'re so big,\" he purrs. I expect to see a tail whipping through the air shortly. He\'s so damn cat-like. He licks the clear liquid that has gathered on my tip, testing to see if I taste good. Apparently I do because he takes my whole cock into his mouth. Watching my cock disappear into that mouth is divine. The wet heat envelopes me and I want to fall to the floor. I look down to see what he\'s doing.

Harry licks my shaft, stroking me with his hand as he does. Need is building up in me, the want to release my seed coming to a boil. One more suck, lick, or stroke and I\'m done for. Harry sucks me down again, bobbing up and down, pumping me with his right hand. Finally this pulls me over the cliff and I come into his mouth. I realize now that I want to see his stomach and face covered in the sticky pearls of desire. He grins up at me and I shake my head. \"You\'re amazing.\"

\"Thank you,\" he breathes as he licks his lips seductively. I gather him up and kiss him, tasting myself upon his lips and inside his mouth. He undoes the ribbon that\'s holding my hair back and it cascades about my shoulders. He fingers a lock playfully. I fall to kissing his neck, feeling the noises he makes through the sensitive flesh there.

I press him up against a wall, grinding my erection against his. He wraps his legs around my waist, clinging onto me, and begging me to fuck him. Not yet. He\'ll have to wait for that. I want this to last, because I can finally make all my fantasies come true. I rock against him, rolling my hips in wide circles. His hands run down to my ass, grabbing roughly. Feverishly he kisses me. It\'s almost as if life depends upon us being bound together like this.

He rocks back, panting. I admire his kiss-swollen lips and the flush that has creeped up into his skin. A sheen of sweat covers his skin and I can feel his own need seeping from his cock. I reach my hand between us, securing him to the wall with my hips, and wrap my hand around his cock. Slowly I start to jerk him off. He arches a bit and begins to whimper.

In a strained voice he manages to say, \"No...one...has...t-touched me...oh...god...like this.\" His eyes roll in his head and he cries out as I bring him to completion, his pleasure shooting onto his stomach and spilling over my hand. He nudges at me and I let him down onto the floor. He\'s on me in no time, kissing me, grinding against me and pushing me over to the bed. We fall on the bed. He\'s straddling me. I look up and grin. This is what I want; to be taken by a young man. I\'m tired of being the one doing all the fucking, let him fuck me.

Harry bends down and kisses me on the nose. \"I love you, Harry,\" I growl. A smile on that lovely face.

\"Tell me what you want, Sirius.\" He moves against me in slow, achingly delicious circles. I feel his fingers feather across my biceps.

I close my eyes, this is so good. Feeling him on top of me asking me to tell him what I want is making me hard again. He figures this out and bites my earlobe, tugging at it. \"I...I...I want you to fuck me, Harry,\" I pant.

He chuckles. I feel his hair tickle the side of my face. \"Oh no, Sirius. I\'m afraid that just won\'t do.\" He sits up and rubs against me hard. I cry out, eyes slamming shut at the sudden sensation. \"More detail, my darling,\" he says as he runs a finger over my nipples and pinches them.

He\'s torturing me, but I like it and I don\'t want to stop now. \"I want to feel you inside me, Harry. I want that hard cock in my ass. I think about you all the time, Harry. What it would be like to fuck you and have you fuck me,\" I moan.

This makes him smile, satisfied at my words. \"Alright. Do you have any lube?\" I point to the dresser that sits by closet. He bounces off the bed, returning shortly with the tube in his hand. He squeezes some on his fingers and puts some around my entrance. I gasp like a virgin when I feel his finger enter me. First one, then another one. Soon he is pumping me with three fingers. He gives me a hungry look as I writhe beneath him, crying out. I fuck his hand, thrusting upon his fingers and he rubs my pleasure spot. This makes me shot my come on him and myself. He laughs as my seed splashes his chin and chest. I sit up and lick it off, biting his nipples and sucking on them. He goes into peals of moaning.

\"Now are you going to fuck me?\" I ask looking into his eyes.

\"Of course. Lie back down.\" I do as I\'m told and open my legs for him. I watch as he slathers his cock in the sweet smelling gel. He puts my legs over his bent knees and positions himself at my entrance. At first there is pressure at my entrance and I grip the sheets praying that he\'ll pound my body into the sheets.

Suddenly I feel him enter me entirely. He is in me to the hilt, thrusting slow and steady. He\'s picking a rhythm to follow. He finds it and picks up the pace. As he fucks me gentle I beg for him to go harder and faster. He listens to me. His cock isn\'t as big as many lovers I\'ve had, but it\'s enough to make me come without touching my own.

I know that when my muscles tighten around him that he\'ll follow in my wake. How right I am. He comes, slamming into me, crying my name out. He collapses on missiissing me.

For awhile we just lie silent. I hold him to me and whisper, \"Did you really plan this?\"

\"Yes. I couldn\'t help myself. I want you.\"

\"Promise you\'ll never leave my side, Harry.\"

\"I promise, Sirius. I promise.\"

the end