The Pickle Jar

It was night a Hogwarts and Professor Snape was in this study grading papers. With just a flick of his quill he crushed the hopes and dreams of many of his students. He also made sure to give Harry and his friends the lowest grades possible.  Snape laughed evilly as he gave Ron a big fat zero. Snape finished grading the papers and then he reached underneath his desk and got himself a nice fine glass of brandy.  He drank it all down and then he tossed his shoes off and then he got another bottle of brandy and drank it all down as well.

A disgusting grin graced Snape’s face as he sat down on Ron’s paper and farted on it. Knowing the stench would still be attached to it when he handed the paper to Ron tomorrow.  Snape looked at the clock and saw that it was mid night. He decided that he was drunk enough to have some real fun. Snape put a spell on his study making the whole place soundproof, but still allowing him to hear all the sound outside. Snape got out his record player and put his favorite muggle record on. The beautiful voice of Billy Idol filled his ears and Snape decided to dance to the amazing song, Dancing with Myself.

On the floors of Tokyo

A-down in London town's a go go

A-with the record selection,

And the mirror's reflection,

I'm a dancin' with myself

                     Snape danced on his desk like a maniac and stripped off his cloak leaving him in his underclothes and socks. He had Winne the Poo boxers on and had began touching his genitals. 

A-when there's no one else in sight,

A-in crowded lonely night

Well, I wait so long for my love vibration

And I'm dancing with myself

Oh oh, Dancing with a-myself,

Oh, oh, dancing with myself

Well, there's nothing to lose

And there's nothing to prove, well,

Dancing a-with myself

        Snape flicked his wand and it started raining in his study. The water-soaked Snape’s undergarments and Snape took his undershirt off and flicked his nipples. Then he took tossed his socks off and got out another bottle of brandy. He kicked the papers off his desk scattering them all over the place.

If I looked all over the world

And there's every type of girl

But your empty eyes seem to pass me by

And leave me dancin' with myself.

So let's sink another drink

Cause it'll give me time to think

If I had the chance I'd ask the world to dance

And I'll be dancin' with myself

Oh oh, Dancing with a-myself,

Oh, oh, dancing with myself

Well, there's nothing to lose

And there's nothing to prove, well,

Dancing a-with myself

                   Snape dropped the bottle of brandy and stripped of his underwear. He had a 10-inch cock and testicles the size of tennis balls.  Snape started fumbling with his cock and began stroking it in slow and gentle storks. He wanted to time things just right so he could cum right when the song ended.

Well if I looked all over the world

And there's every type of girl

But your empty eyes seem to pass me by

And leave me dancin' with myself.

So let's sink another drink

Cause it'll give me time to think

If I had the chance I'd ask the world to dance

And I'll be dancin' with myself

Oh oh, Dancing a-with myself,

Oh, oh, dancing with myself

If I had the chance I'd ask the world to dance

If I had the chance I'd ask the world to dance

If I had the chance I'd ask the world to dance

Oh, oh, oh, oh oh

Oh, oh, oh dancin' with myself.

Oh, oh, dancin' with myself, oh, oh,

Sweat, sweat, etc.

    Snape was one stroke away from jazzing all over the place. His engorged cock was pulsing in his hand, begging for release. Then he heard a knock on his study door. “Fuck!” Snape shouted.

Snape picked up his wand and quickly muttered a few spells that stopped the music and the rain. Put the papers back in order, made all the brandy bottle disappear and made everything dry again and put all of Snape’s clothes back on him. There was another knock. “I’m coming!” Snape hollered.

Snape opened the door and saw that no one was there, but that there was a pickle jar on the ground with three pickles inside of it.  Snape glanced around to see if anyone else was there but saw no one. Snape shrugged his shoulders, picked the jar up and placed it on his desk. Snape like pickles, but he didn’t know why someone who drop them off at his study at this time of the night. Snape saw the door to his study was still open, he closed it and then sat back down at his desk. He stroked his chin and debated within himself whether he should eat the pickles or go back to jacking off.

Then the pickle jar stared hovering in the air and Snape slapped his hands against his face while yelling. “Oh, my goodness that pickle jar is jinxed.”

The pickle jar flew at Snape who step to the side. The pickle jar crashed against the wall and shattered into countless pieces. Then then pickles glowed a green glow and floated.  Snape pointed his wand at them, but one of the pickles knocked it out of his grasp.  Then it somehow grew to the size of a baseball bat and bashed Snape across his face. Three teeth flew out of Snape’s mouth and blood gushed from his nose.  The picked beat Snape until he couldn’t move. Then the other two pickles somehow stripped him off his clothes. Once Snape was naked one pickles painfully pressed itself against Snape’s balls while the other one jabbed itself up his anus!

Snape screamed. “NO! NO! STOP PLEASE!”

But because of his own spell no one heard him. The pickle buried itself deeper into Snape’s shit hole and he writhed on the floor in utter agony. The pickle squirmed in his bum as blood and stool dripped out Snape’s asshole and ran down his legs.  Snape felt the pickle get burrow deeper and deeper until only its end was sticking out. The pickle wiggled inside of him, causing Snape to have an agonizing erection.  His dick got bigger and bigger. Soon it became to much, Snape arched his back as he had the most intense and painful orgasm of his life, his cum shot all over his torso as he pooped the pickle out and then his bowls extricated all the shit in them. Snape’s hot crap gushed out of his bloody anus and covered the floor, then Snape pissed himself and his warm urine ran down his knees.

Snape laid in his own, cum, shit, blood and piss and wept.  Healing potions would take away the damage, but he didn’t know enough memory spells to erase this terrible event from his mind. The pickles stopped glowing green and became like normal pickles, but Snape still feared them. Snape sobbed. “How could this happen to me?”

As Snape cried, he failed to hear the laugher beside him. Ron was sitting right next to him wearing the Harry’s invisibility cloak. He had slipped in when the door had open, he wouldn’t tell anyone what he had just done. Every time he ate pickle the memories of Snape’s suffering would fill his heart with glee, as for Snape he never ate another pickle again. He couldn’t even look at one without whimpering and after his death Ron grew pickles on his grave.