Confessions of Love

A/N: So I have seen a lot of Snape BDSM fanfiction whilst I think it's great you are expressing yourselves I just can't see Snape being into BDSM as he was tortured under Voldemort and abused as a child, he needs some happiness.  Ginny is legal in this fanfic so please keep your flames to yourself.  Reviews are more than welcome as is constructive critism.  Saying this story is shit is not constructive. I always apologize in advance for my horrid spelling and grammar. I am also writing this on and off like most of my other fics I have a life outside of fanfiction.  On with the show.....

THE SECRET JOURNAL

I can't help myself, no really I can't I am bursting to tell anyone but if I did he would kill me.  That's why I am writing in you dear journal.  I would call you diary but that brings up too many bad memories.  So why am I so thrilled you ask? Well I am glad you asked, because I have a secret lover.  I won't write his name but it begins with S anymore than that and once again he would kill me, I have no doubt.  Even writing that letter may land me in hot water, especially if anyone was to find you, there are only a few people with the name S here.  You see this is my last year at Hogwarts I can't believe it either! I have no idea how this even happened.  I think it was because Harry basically gave up on me, went to find himself and all that.  I didn't want to wait around forever but I still can't fathom how this happened.  He survived this war merlin only knows how and looked so lonely and so hurt, and something in my heart broke. Now don't get me wrong it wasn't pity even he thought it was at first but there was just something about the way he looked at me that day, something that made my Griffindor courage light up and flare, otherwise I would never had, had the courage.  He needed me and I needed him apparently. We love each other I can say that without any false pretence, I never knew I could actually say these words let alone write them and mean them, but I do, I truly do and I know when he says them back he means it as well.  It took me a while to gain his trust, and I his.  I remember the first words he asked of me that day, in our secret room.  We needed a room to ourselves and the Room Of Requirement (ROR) had presented itself to us without hesitation without question and I barged on in like I knew what I was doing whilst my heart was hammering in my chest.

"Teach me how to love."  It wasn't a question I looked at him, me teach him how to love? Did I honestly even know what love was myself? I thought I did whilst I was Harry but this, this was so different, it was terrifying and exciting all at once.  I had to pinch myself to make sure I wasn't halluncinating after all stranger things had happened especially here at Hogwarts.  I couldn't show him love straight away as I wasn't sure it was love, but I could show him kindness, tenderness things he obviously had missed out on in his life.  He is older than I am, I will not say how much older and he didn't think we could work. "You can't teach an old dog new tricks."  I looked as if he had grown a second head. "Very bad anology.  I am sorry I will never say that again.  I just mean I think it's a little late to try and help me."  

"No it isn't!" I protested, "You may be a mean bastard to others but you don't fool me I can see the real you, you try so hard to hide it but I can see it in your eyes."  I am not going to go into every detail but it sort of went from there.  It was actually quite cute I never imagined using this word with him when he had confessed he really hadn't done much with a woman before.  "But the parties?" I protested and questioned.  He chuckled, it was deep silky and rich which made me shiver.  

"Have you ever seen me gone for more than a few hours?."  No I hadn't I had seen him a few times when I had snuck out after curfew doing things with Dean that I regret now.  My eyes widened in relization, he was a virgin and he wanted me to take the lead, my heart hammered and I began to sweat.  I actually liked being bossy and in control, anyone would if you were stuck in the position I was with all these brothers, most of whom were overprotective. Usually in a relationship I liked the guy to take the lead and I would follow my confidence building as the hours went on.  I needed to know my boundries especially with him.  

"Do you know what dry humping is?" I spat out, not intentially I was just thinking about it, more physical things could wait, waiting made things better but I didn't want to wait forever and knew he wouldn't either.  Now he was looking as if I was the one with the second head.  I kinda of blushed scarlet, my face could probably match my hair.  "Ummm well it's fuck!" I swore sometimes it was easier for me to just show him.  I grabbed the back of his head and bent him down to my level so I could kiss him, I hated being so short but I loved that he was so tall.  Harry really wasn't that much taller than I was, which really didn't bother me at the time but I loved grabbing S's collar or shoulders to tug him down to me so I could kiss his lips properly.