In the land of Gods and Monsters

Warning: This story contains elements of rape and violence, as well as substance abuse.  These can be triggering.  This is purely fiction. 

Prologue

It was dusk.  That strange time of in-between, neither day nor night.  The sky was lit up by a sinking sun, creating bright swirls of pink and purple.  Pale gold was the backdrop, and somewhere mixed into this was blue, but only on the edges of the sky.

It was beautiful. 

Singular. 

A scene that was oddly reminiscent of a thousand sunsets before, from the ones she had seen from her parents little bungalow back home or the hundreds of others glimpsed from places around the world: family trips, school, late nights with friends…

But it was different this time, and that upset her.   

Instead of feeling excitement, she felt oddly empty.  Nostalgic, for something better.  Cleaner and wholesome.

She yearned for the days when she was just Hermione, unattached and free to selfishly worry about the everday and boring things that made up who she was. 

She felt herself smile wryly.

In retrospect, her life had been really simple even though she hadn't seen it that way.  Funny how things had a way of becoming meaningless once your eyes were opened...and you found yourself colliding head first with a star. 

She had been devoured, eaten up and burned until she was nothing.  She had been turned to ash, her remains scattered to the wind.

Her belly did several flips, and for a moment she drowned in anxiety.  The sudden urge to close her eyes and pray came over her, which was shocking all on its own.  She wasn’t the type of person who prayed.  She wasn’t even religious.  And to be honest, she wasn’t even sure if the gods would consider someone as broken and unwholesome worthy of their time.

Someone, save me.

It was a pitiful and desperate; her final and least used tool.  Every other avenue was now exhausted: her friends and family were completely alienated.  Professors treated her with politeness but beneath the veneer was poorly concealed disappointment. 

Even her lover had abandoned her. 

Hermione Granger sat down and pulled her knees to her chest. 

No, I will not cry.

But it seemed the more she didn’t want to cry, the less control she had.  She felt little tears beginning to form and reacted with anger, vigorously rubbing her eyes to erase the shameful things.

It would be okay, god dammit she was fine.  She didn't need anything.  She would be happy.  Everything always worked out in the end.

Haha what a fucking joke, he would say. 

She grabbed her head and shook it back and forth. nononono! 

I want to be fine, I don't want to back to that!

Was it her, or did that sound like weak desperation?

All your fault, he had said.

And she was realizing that it was.  And that hurt so much.

It was more a matter of her own pride, her stupid need to handle things by herself.  Where had that gotten her?  Why couldn’t she just…not be who she was?  Because all she seemed capable of was hurting herself and others.  What was the point of anything? 

Somewhere in the distance, a bird cawed.

She looked up, and watched a hawk soaring through the sky.  She envied it.  How lovely it must be, to have not a care in the world.  To be free to simply fly.

How would it feel, the air beneath her wings, wind at her back.

No choices.

No fears or regrets.

And most importantly, no pain.  She would simply be free. 

A light breeze stirred her curly hair.  It began to pick up, whipping the long strands across her face until they were sticking to her lips.

She inhaled deeply, and then exhaled.  And then pushed the hair aside—

Just in time to see her hawk—because after watching it for so long it seemed like it was hers—dive down and attack another bird.  A smaller bird.

Her stomach plummeted as she watched the violent scene.  Feathers flew, and screeching, like wailing babies only much worse, rocketed off the valley walls. 

I can’t even dream without something horrible happening.

If there was one thing she wished she could do, it would be to turn back time.  To undo her mistakes.  There were simply so many of them. 

And she wasn’t alone.  They had both made mistakes. 

But it wasn’t her nature to do the wrong thing.  Perhaps that was why she seemed to be the only one suffering. 

The wind was picking up, and the pretty colors were fast fading.   The sky was somewhere between deep blue and black.  Hermione stared off into the distance as the brightest stars began to emerge, her gaze glued to Venus.

Please, god…

Her lashes lowered, and she felt her lower lip tremble even as she whispered, ‘….don’t let this be how things end.’

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Does this sound interesting??  Please tell me what you think!!  This is, i hope, going to be a dark and angsty story! 

There will be violence, but I don't think in the high quanties of other stories [i.e. Deception, Bittersweet, You Won't Know] BUT I have a lumione story that is very, very violent [and still a WIP] if that is what you seek.

And just a warning: this story is inspired by Lana Del Rey's 'Gods & Monsters' so if references pop up this is where I am saying that I do not own her song, or profit from it.