Harry's Poem

Author's Note: Parody on some HP fanfiction cliches. (Over-the-top abusive Dursleys, evil!manipulative!Dumbledore, evil!Snape, Not-a-heartless-bastard!Voldie). Reviews are welcome.

I am Harry Potter and my story is sad

My relatives always abuse me so bad

that I should really have been long dead

(about six-hundred times, Pomfrey said

before she took an Obliviate to the head)

But somehow I never die when I should

Even if the whole floor is smeared with my blood

I stand up, killing my uncle’s good mood

(so he kicks me in a broken rib with his boot

Or sometimes just with his bare foot)

My Headmaster knows but he still sends me here

All because of a prophecy from some stupid Seer

And when I try to tell my ‘friends’, they just won’t hear

(They act as though they really hold me dear

But they’re paid by Dumbles, that much is clear)

And when I’m at Hogwarts, I’m still not safe

Dumbles wants to dump me in an unmarked grave

Or perhaps he’d rather give me a potion to enslave

(And all that stupid Snape can say is that I misbehave

But at least unlike him, I dare to be brave)

They all think they’re so clever and smart

But when they learn the truth, it’ll hit them hard

In the prophecy I won’t do my part

(I found out that Voldemort does have a heart,

And now nothing will keep him and I apart)

He promised me revenge on all that hurt me

I think we should start with Vernon Dursley

Or maybe that bitch called Molly Weasley

(Or Dumbles, Snape, Ron or Hermione,

perhaps Ginny, I guess we will see)

I am Harry Potter and my story was sad

Went to see Tom, such a lovely lad

He’d help me plan my revenge, or so he said

(But then he hit me with an AK to the head

And now I lay in the ground, finally dead)