Watch Me

Watch Me
by Zenerific1


“Stupid Slytherin!”

The insult was punctuated by a heavy kick to his already abused side. Severus Snape curled even tighter into the fetal position his head buried under his arms in an attempt to keep it protected from the random blows the Gryffindor was delivering. Huddled as he was, Severus couldn’t see the sneering face looming over him, but he didn’t need to. He saw it in his mind, having seen the same expression almost daily from Sirius Black for the last six years.

“You foul, filthy, arrogant, greasy git!”

It didn’t matter if Severus was innocent or not of whatever Black thought he’d done this time. It could be something as simple as looking in the direction of Black’s current flavor of the month, to hurtling an insult at a Hufflepuff. Whatever Black took an offense to Severus suffered for it.

“Do you really think that James is going to look twice at you?” The harsh voice growled down at him. A clubbed fist hit home, this time landing on his shoulder.

“Wha—?” Confused, Severus forgot about protecting his head and peeked up at the boy towering over him.

“What, Snivellus? You really think I didn’t see you looking at him with those big, mooning eyes yesterday?” A grotesque chuckle escaped Black’s lips. Dark, brown eyes glared at him, rage making them almost black. Shame clawed its way up Severus’ throat. He looked away and didn’t see the fist in time to dodge. His sight blurred and darkened.

“Sirius! What are you doing!?” A shadowy figure stepped into his hazy vision. A boy knelt next to his and gently took his face into warm soothing hands. Bending closer, Severus could make out the rounded rim of glasses and messy, dark hair. Unable to stay conscious any longer, he sunk into the welcoming darkness.

James.

*** ***

“Jam—,“ Severus startled himself awake by bolting half-way upright before his already abused muscles protested. Vehemently. Groaning, he sank back into the pillows that kept him partially inclined on the bed. The stark, white bed linens and the handrails were his first clues that he wasn’t in his dormitory. The IV that was dripping a nasty looking liquid was his second. He was in the hospital wing. Glaring at the slimy green and brown liquid dripped into a cylinder then it turned to a silver, mercury-like substance that flowed down and into his forearm, Severus tried to remember what had happened.

Blinking at the memory, he raised his other arm to touch his face just to be sure that it wasn’t hurt. Well, he tried to but it was tied down. Turning to see why was holding his hand; he was met with a wealth of shaggy brown hair. It seemed to curl and wave in silky strands and Severus wanted…no, needed…to touch it. Test its texture to see if it was as soft as it looked. He carefully touched the strands with his left hand, being careful not to tangle the lines. Fascinated, he watched the strands curl around his fingers. Sighing he smiled.

“Mm…” The head moved and a cheek caressed his captured hand, lips moved in a slow brush over the skin as it heated with the hot breath that was blown across it. Severus’ lips parted in shock when he felt a warm, damp, rasp across the knuckles. Then he began to tremble.

The head slowly lift to reveal a smooth, pale gold forehead, then hazel eyes, an aquiline nose, rosy lips, and finally a chiseled chin. James Potter smiled warmly at him.

Bratty, pampered James Potter, the star of the school, smiled. AT HIM.

“Severus, I’m glad you’re alright.”

Severus stared. He’d seen the lips move—those gorgeous, kissable lips—and he’d heard the words come out. But he couldn’t put the two together. Where were the insults? Why wasn’t James calling him a half-blood git? Why wasn’t his sneering and glaring? Was it a spell? Or even worse a prank?

Ducking his head, Severus looked away. He didn’t want to see that smile change. He didn’t want to see the lips form the words that would lift him by his ankle into the air. Couldn’t bear to watch those eyes start to glare as Potter informed him with a laugh that the only place he’d want ‘Snivellus’ would be in his worst nightmares.

“Hey,” the same warm voice said and a hand reached out to grasp Severus’ chin. He resisted but James didn’t let go and drew the pale face back towards him. Severus didn’t meet James’ gaze, instead kept his eyes trained on the ceiling just past his left ear. “Severus? Please, Sev, look at me.”

It was the nick name. Severus was startled to hear his name shortened like he was an old and trusted friend of James Potter’s.

“That’s better.” Teeth flashed as James grinned at Severus. “Oh! Your eyes aren’t black, are they? They’re just a really dark blue like that velvet that I saw once when my mum took me to a muggle jewelry store. It had all these different diamonds on it. I thought it was a very beautiful color. Your eyes are that same beautiful shade, like wet velvet.”

Severus blinked at the sudden spout of babbling that had just come from James, the most sought after boy in the school.

“What?” He asked, unable to stop the word.

“Sorry.” That grin again was followed by a deep, rose rising to James’ cheeks. He sat back and put a hand behind his head to scratch it in embarrassment. It was an affectation that Severus had noticed during his first year.

Severus had caught sight of James on his very first night, during the selection ceremony. He’d been sitting on that stool in front of the whole school, nervous and scared that he’d be put in Ravenclaw or, Merlin forbid, Hufflepuff. Until a few minutes ago, he’d had his fingers crossed, hoping that his one and only friend, Lily, would be put into Slytherin, but she’d been shuffled into Gryffindor. Of all places, why Gryffindor? It was like fate was trying to separate them, force them apart.

Looking up to survey the room, Severus noticed Lily sitting next to a handsome boy. He had dark, brown hair that looked unkempt, and round glasses perched on his aristocratic nose. Lily smiled at the boy then laughed at something he’d said. He saw the boy blush and his hand scratch at the back of his head. A small gasp escaped just before a worn, Wizard hat had been put over his head.

“Ah, you are very unique and powerful. But you’ve an inclination towards things best left in the dark. Very, well then, we’d better put you in the right house, hadn’t we? SLYTHERIN!”

Light returned with the lifting of the hat and Severus was again looking at Lily and that boy. Lily clapped sadly as a cheer erupted from a table of children dressed in green and black clothes. The bespectacled boy sent a glare towards the table before looking away and back to three other boys, one of which was directing a sneer towards him. Sirius Black, his future tormentor.

For the next six years, Severus had tried to keep some distance between him and the older Gryffindor. But he’d watched Potter as he befriended Lily. He’d watched as the boy became a renown seeker for the Gryffindor house, as he’d pulled prank after prank on any Slytherin to cross his path—everyone except Severus, and as he turned from a handsome boy into a gorgeous man.

Severus had never really thought about why the Gryffindor had hexed almost every Slytherin, but him. He guessed it had been because of Lily. That James had become enamored of Severus’ childhood friend. Heaven knew that Lily had tried to protect him on several occasions from some of the nastier pranks that the rest of the Gryffindors had pulled. She’d even once stepped in front of a boils hex from a Weasley. That time had earned her a bed in the hospital wing for a week. The Weasley chit had been reprimanded by Headmaster Dumbledor and then she’d received a rather nasty howler from her mother in front of the whole school the next morning. Severus had been rather pleased at the volume at which the red letter had spoken. But never, never had Severus dreamed that perhaps James hadn’t picked on him was because he could possibly, unimaginably LIKE Severus.

“—blab when I’m nervous,” the man drew Severus back from his memories.

“You’re nervous? Why?” Severus asked. His eyes studied the man carefully.

James stilled his nervous fidgeting and looked down at the floor. Severus cocked his head to the side trying to see what emotions were crossing his features. That and he felt a little bereft when James wasn’t looking at him. It wasn’t that he wanted everyone’s attention on him, but if James looked at him with even a kind eye then Severus would be satisfied.

“Well, I—I feel bad that Sirius treated you that way. I knew that he didn’t like you, but he doesn’t like ANY Slytherin. But for him to single you out like that, I never knew. He’s gotten angry with me before, because he’s jealous that I don’t like him in the same way that he likes me.” Potter shrugged.

Black liked James? As in romantically liked James? The same way that Serverus liked James? Well, that explains a few things, Severus thought.

“He…” Severus started then stopped trying to find a way tell James. He looked away and picked at a lint ball that was stuck to the hospital blanket. “He didn’t like it that I—I wa-watched you. But I guess he’s right about one thing. I’m not good enough, so I shouldn’t be watching you—as I’m only a half-blood.”

“Not goo—Hey! No, that’s not right! Don’t ever,” James took his chin again and pulled Severus back to face him. He loomed angrily over Severus, one hand on the railing above his head as James leaned over, “think about yourself like that. Don’t ever let anyone make you feel like you aren’t good enough. That’s a stupid thing to let someone do to you. Everyone is worthy enough as long as they feel they are. If you want to watch me then watch me! I want you to watch me, I love having those gorgeous, dark blue eyes looking at me, seeing me, peeking at me from under those long, long lashes. I love the blush that steals across that translucent skin when I catch you looking at me. It makes me want to touch it to see if it is as cold as porcelain and it startles me when I do reach out and touch you that you are warm and soft. That warmth reassures me that you are real and you won’t break, that I can push you to the edge—,” he broke off and it was his turn to look away. “I—I want to do things to you,” James’ voice became soft, nearly silent and Severus strained to hear what he said. “I want to mark that skin, see it turn red and heat up as I do so. There are so many things that I want to teach you, Sev. And I know that I can’t, because then you wouldn’t want to look at me anymore.”

Severus could barely breathe. “Like what?” He waited in anticipation for James’ answer.

James’ gaze found his again, studying them, searching for anything that would mean that Severus really didn’t want to hear what he had to say. He drew in a deep breath. “The pureblood Wizarding world has many layers to it. And I grew up in a dark layer. One which is a hard mistress and few belong. I want to bind you, make it so that you can’t move, but you’ll feel the safest that you’ve ever been. I want to see you fall into a bliss so deep that only I can give you. You’ll be pushed to the brink and brought back over and over. I want to hear you beg me to mark you. To give you pain but also a pleasure unlike any you’ve ever known. I want to see evenly spaced stripes across your back and ass, and know that I put them there. I want to know that I’m the only one that can put them there. I want to own you.”

Severus swallowed at the words. He’d heard some of the Slytherins talking. He knew that there was a whole world out there that he’d never be able to get into, because he wasn’t a pureblood. He had heard things; he’d even seen some of it. In fact, Lucian Malfoy had been proudly displaying the caning marks that he’d received from a boyfriend over Christmas break. Those marks had pulled something dark from Severus, and he wanted to feel more of it.

“Yes,” Severus whispered, barely audible.