Lemons at Hogwarts

Lemons at Hogwarts.

“Everything seems to be in order, professor Gumsworth,” Headmaster Severus Snape said to the balding wizard sitting in front of his desk.  “It appears you will have a long and distinguished tenure as the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher here at Hogwarts.”

”Congratulations,” deputy Headmistress Hermione Granger said, smiling at the new addition to the staff.

“Thank you,” Harold replied, who rose to shake Snape’s hand and then Hermione’s.

This hadn’t gone too badly.  Everyone had warned him about Snape’s snarky temperament, but the wizard had been quite . . . well nice wasn’t the word.  Cooperative, maybe?  Well, whatever he was, he hadn’t given Harold a hard time at all, or even tested him for the job. 

“There’s only one more thing for you to do, Mr. Gumsworth,” Snape said softly as he pulled open the top drawer to his desk and took out a handsomely decorated tin.  He opened it and held it out to Harold, who stood there, blinking at the offering.

“Lemon drop?  It is customary for Hogwarts Headmasters to give new staff a lemon drop at the start of their employ.  It is a kind of tribute to the late Albus Dumbledore,” Snape purred.

The lemon drops were very tempting, glistening like aromatic little gems inside the tin.  Hermione scowled at Snape, but didn’t say anything.  She couldn’t.

“Well, I’m not one to shun tradition,” Harold said good-naturedly, plucking a plump lemon drop out of the tin.

“Good for you,” Snape said, his black eyes glittering.  Hermione did a face palm as Harold popped the lemon drop into his mouth and promptly turned into a huge lemon, which began rolling about, muffled shouting coming from within.

“Why must you always do that to applicants?” Hermione snapped at Snape as a tiny tear appeared in the yellow rind, wet fingers prying through it, ripping at the skin.

“It’s fun,” Snape replied shortly. “Besides, what kind of DADA teacher just pops something into his mouth without checking it first? That candy could have been poisoned.  He’s clearly not qualified for the position, Hermione.”

Hermione continue frowning at Snape, her brown eyes narrowed.  What a bloody git.

Harold’s shiny pate, then entire head appeared through an enlarged tear in the rind, red, glistening, lemony and gasping for air.  He started cursing a blue streak as he worked his way out of the giant fruit.

Snape strode to the door, opened it and looked out at several applicants waiting to apply for the DADA position.  He looked at a young witch who was clearly dressed to impress.  His eyes glittered at her impeccable blue robes. 

”I will see you, Miss Brandigard, in about five minutes,” he said to her with an unpleasant smirk.  “Have your credentials ready.”

THE END

A/N:  Hi everyone.  Yes, I haven’t written anything in a long time and I’m sorry about that.  My HG/SS muse has fled the building. :(  However, someone asked me what would have happened if anyone ever took one of Albus’ offered lemon drops.  Since Albus has gone on to glory and in fanfic, Snape has not . . . I decided to quickly answer that question.  Now, I’m not sure Albus’ lemon drops had the same effect as Snape’s lemon drops.  I’m inclined to think the Potions master added a little something to make them more . . . interesting. XD