Harry Potter and the Royal Guard, Crackfic
folder
Harry Potter › General
Rating:
Adult
Chapters:
1
Views:
7,463
Reviews:
1
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Harry Potter › General
Rating:
Adult
Chapters:
1
Views:
7,463
Reviews:
1
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
Harry Potter, and all characters, and other related texts, are the intellectual property of J.K Rowling, and her associates as the copyright holders. I have made no money/profit from the publishing of this story.
Harry Potter and the Royal Guard, Crackfic
Harry Potter and the Royal Guard
Harry Potter hated, no despised, his job some times. Here he sat, dressed to the nines in Britain’s finest military attire, only to keep watch over an over-the-top wedding, for the Queens grandson no less. Yes, he was stuck attending Prince Williams wedding, along with several other wizards, who were watching over Her Majesty, and her brood, while his wife stayed at home with his three children. Well, Harry thought, at least Teddy was at Hogwarts, hell he was thirteen already!
Harry looked over to his right at the woman who he was accompanying, the first cousin of Prince William, and the daughter of Prince Andrew, Princess Beatrice of York, whose dress was some horrid colour of puce, and that hat, Merlin, it looked like she had sprouted a pair of rams horns from her forehead. When he took in her face though, he noticed that she could have looked halfway decent, if she hadn’t over did her mascara. Then, he looked across at her sister, Eugenie, who at least had a better-coloured dress, but her hat looked like she had a dead chickens arse stuck to her head!
Harry heard a snort sound off in the cathedral from above, and he looked up to see the next in line to the head of the Department of Mysteries smirking at him, and none other than one Draco Malfoy! As Harry started to send the prat a sneer, he was lightly tapped on the left shoulder. Harry quickly schooled his face, and glanced over to see who had the audacity to pester him in his time of sulking, and found Her Royal Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II, staring at him.
“Lord Potter”, the queen simpered, “Do you have all your men stationed; the wedding is about to commence”?
“Err, uh, yes your highness, they are as ready as they’ll ever be”. Harry blurted out, but was slightly worried about what Malfoy might do around all these muggles, royalty or not. He decided then and there that he might aught to keep an eye on the blond.
The wedding commenced, as the Archbishop recited the words, and Harry started to listen to the vows, when a very loud, and rude, noise erupted from His Royal Highness, Prince Charles, The Prince of Wales, who sat just in front of him. Oh, Merlin, help me, the Prince had farted at mid ceremony, and it stunk so bad that he felt his toes start to curl!
Harry had expected something from Charles anyhow, as his cheeks were too rosy for him to be sober, and his wife, the one who favored his aunt Petunia in the mouth, had to allow him to lean on her when they were seated. Too much Vodka, was all Harry could think of at the moment, when his wife, Camilla Parker Bowles, opened her mouth as if to scold Charles, but neighed like a horse!
Harry quickly shot a look at the Queen, who, in turn, was looking at her son in mortification, and then began to pick at her nose! Harry was appalled, to say the least, but it all added up when he heard another loud snort from above him, and he turned just in time to see Malfoy hoisting, what looked to be an alter boy, in mid air, by his ankle, and probably by the levicorpus charm!
They had received a warning that something like this could happen! Harry began to slowly extract himself from Beatrice’s clutches, and make his way up to the balcony where Malfoy was creating the havoc. Yes, Malfoy would be fired over this, and Harry would most definitely see to it. To embarrass Her Majesty like this was just not on in Harry’s book! Besides, Malfoy was supposed to be promoted to the position of Head Unspeakable before Harry, himself, was going to be promoted to his coveted Head Auror position, and that just really pissed Harry off! The snotty little Prince of Slytherin was not going to best Harry, no-sir-ree!
As Harry rounded the top of the stairs, leading onto the balcony, he saw Malfoy and Spiker, a new auror, standing over a now bound and gagged alter boy! “What the hell do you think you’re doing Malfoy? You’ll be fired over this, and I’ll see to it! You’ve probably used the imperius curse on the entire royal family”!
“Head Auror Potter, calm down, Unspeakable Malfoy did no such thing! I’ve been up here watching, and he caught the criminal who did do it, and had him bound before I could even act”! Auror Spiker evenly explained.
“Spiker, that is an alter boy for Merlin’s sake, and he’s a muggle”! Harry growled out, and then proceeded to pull his wand and aim it at Malfoy.
“Sloth breeds ignorance, which, in turn, begets stupidity”. Draco drawled, as he shot Harry a sneer, and disregarded the wand in his face. “Spiker, we’ll take him to that store room over in the corner, and watch for the Polyjuice to wear off. We’ll get our answer after it does”. Draco explained, as he calmly levitated the bound and gagged alter boy towards the room. “Shouldn’t you return to that Antelope you came to the wedding with Potter, you’re no help to us up here”.
“Why you egotistical, arrogant, slimy…..” Harry snarled, but then stopped, as he noticed that both Malfoy, and Spiker, had already left him standing there like a common dumbarse.
0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0
Three days later, Harry Potter was sitting at another event, grinding his teeth, and this one he was made to attend, or either be fired. He looked over at his wife, Ginny, beside him, and saw that her lips were pursed shut, and Ron, seated beside her, looked like he would explode at any moment, what with that large vein bulging on his right temple. Both, however, looked like they were constipated, and Ron’s wife, Hermione, looked like she would rather be home reading a set of encyclopedias.
When the ceremony began, Harry turned his attention to the front, sitting up straight, as if he had a poker shoved up his arse, and watched as Draco Malfoy was knighted by Her Royal Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II, right in front of him! That should have been him, damn it! He was almost the head of the auror’s now, but no, Malfoy had bested him again. He guessed this was fate paying him back for besting Malfoy all those years they were at Hogwarts together. What made it worse though, and he was loathe to see it, but his middle son, Albus Severus Potter, his little Al, had made a new friend today at the gathering just before the ceremony, and that was with none other than Scorpius Hyperion Malfoy! Why oh why did fate hate him the way it did?
The prisoner, from the wedding, had turned out to be Theodore Nott, using Polyjuice potion, and was there to seek some retribution for his father, who, had died in Azkaban a few years back. Not only that, but Malfoy had been promoted to Head Unspeakable after the incident, and was now being knighted. He would now have to address Malfoy as “Sir Draco”, in order to keep from being arrested for insulting a knight in Her Majesty’s Wizarding Royal Guard! That’s pure-blooded, antiquated, wizarding law for you! Harry almost spat!
End.
Harry Potter hated, no despised, his job some times. Here he sat, dressed to the nines in Britain’s finest military attire, only to keep watch over an over-the-top wedding, for the Queens grandson no less. Yes, he was stuck attending Prince Williams wedding, along with several other wizards, who were watching over Her Majesty, and her brood, while his wife stayed at home with his three children. Well, Harry thought, at least Teddy was at Hogwarts, hell he was thirteen already!
Harry looked over to his right at the woman who he was accompanying, the first cousin of Prince William, and the daughter of Prince Andrew, Princess Beatrice of York, whose dress was some horrid colour of puce, and that hat, Merlin, it looked like she had sprouted a pair of rams horns from her forehead. When he took in her face though, he noticed that she could have looked halfway decent, if she hadn’t over did her mascara. Then, he looked across at her sister, Eugenie, who at least had a better-coloured dress, but her hat looked like she had a dead chickens arse stuck to her head!
Harry heard a snort sound off in the cathedral from above, and he looked up to see the next in line to the head of the Department of Mysteries smirking at him, and none other than one Draco Malfoy! As Harry started to send the prat a sneer, he was lightly tapped on the left shoulder. Harry quickly schooled his face, and glanced over to see who had the audacity to pester him in his time of sulking, and found Her Royal Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II, staring at him.
“Lord Potter”, the queen simpered, “Do you have all your men stationed; the wedding is about to commence”?
“Err, uh, yes your highness, they are as ready as they’ll ever be”. Harry blurted out, but was slightly worried about what Malfoy might do around all these muggles, royalty or not. He decided then and there that he might aught to keep an eye on the blond.
The wedding commenced, as the Archbishop recited the words, and Harry started to listen to the vows, when a very loud, and rude, noise erupted from His Royal Highness, Prince Charles, The Prince of Wales, who sat just in front of him. Oh, Merlin, help me, the Prince had farted at mid ceremony, and it stunk so bad that he felt his toes start to curl!
Harry had expected something from Charles anyhow, as his cheeks were too rosy for him to be sober, and his wife, the one who favored his aunt Petunia in the mouth, had to allow him to lean on her when they were seated. Too much Vodka, was all Harry could think of at the moment, when his wife, Camilla Parker Bowles, opened her mouth as if to scold Charles, but neighed like a horse!
Harry quickly shot a look at the Queen, who, in turn, was looking at her son in mortification, and then began to pick at her nose! Harry was appalled, to say the least, but it all added up when he heard another loud snort from above him, and he turned just in time to see Malfoy hoisting, what looked to be an alter boy, in mid air, by his ankle, and probably by the levicorpus charm!
They had received a warning that something like this could happen! Harry began to slowly extract himself from Beatrice’s clutches, and make his way up to the balcony where Malfoy was creating the havoc. Yes, Malfoy would be fired over this, and Harry would most definitely see to it. To embarrass Her Majesty like this was just not on in Harry’s book! Besides, Malfoy was supposed to be promoted to the position of Head Unspeakable before Harry, himself, was going to be promoted to his coveted Head Auror position, and that just really pissed Harry off! The snotty little Prince of Slytherin was not going to best Harry, no-sir-ree!
As Harry rounded the top of the stairs, leading onto the balcony, he saw Malfoy and Spiker, a new auror, standing over a now bound and gagged alter boy! “What the hell do you think you’re doing Malfoy? You’ll be fired over this, and I’ll see to it! You’ve probably used the imperius curse on the entire royal family”!
“Head Auror Potter, calm down, Unspeakable Malfoy did no such thing! I’ve been up here watching, and he caught the criminal who did do it, and had him bound before I could even act”! Auror Spiker evenly explained.
“Spiker, that is an alter boy for Merlin’s sake, and he’s a muggle”! Harry growled out, and then proceeded to pull his wand and aim it at Malfoy.
“Sloth breeds ignorance, which, in turn, begets stupidity”. Draco drawled, as he shot Harry a sneer, and disregarded the wand in his face. “Spiker, we’ll take him to that store room over in the corner, and watch for the Polyjuice to wear off. We’ll get our answer after it does”. Draco explained, as he calmly levitated the bound and gagged alter boy towards the room. “Shouldn’t you return to that Antelope you came to the wedding with Potter, you’re no help to us up here”.
“Why you egotistical, arrogant, slimy…..” Harry snarled, but then stopped, as he noticed that both Malfoy, and Spiker, had already left him standing there like a common dumbarse.
0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0
Three days later, Harry Potter was sitting at another event, grinding his teeth, and this one he was made to attend, or either be fired. He looked over at his wife, Ginny, beside him, and saw that her lips were pursed shut, and Ron, seated beside her, looked like he would explode at any moment, what with that large vein bulging on his right temple. Both, however, looked like they were constipated, and Ron’s wife, Hermione, looked like she would rather be home reading a set of encyclopedias.
When the ceremony began, Harry turned his attention to the front, sitting up straight, as if he had a poker shoved up his arse, and watched as Draco Malfoy was knighted by Her Royal Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II, right in front of him! That should have been him, damn it! He was almost the head of the auror’s now, but no, Malfoy had bested him again. He guessed this was fate paying him back for besting Malfoy all those years they were at Hogwarts together. What made it worse though, and he was loathe to see it, but his middle son, Albus Severus Potter, his little Al, had made a new friend today at the gathering just before the ceremony, and that was with none other than Scorpius Hyperion Malfoy! Why oh why did fate hate him the way it did?
The prisoner, from the wedding, had turned out to be Theodore Nott, using Polyjuice potion, and was there to seek some retribution for his father, who, had died in Azkaban a few years back. Not only that, but Malfoy had been promoted to Head Unspeakable after the incident, and was now being knighted. He would now have to address Malfoy as “Sir Draco”, in order to keep from being arrested for insulting a knight in Her Majesty’s Wizarding Royal Guard! That’s pure-blooded, antiquated, wizarding law for you! Harry almost spat!
End.