The Impossibility of Forgiveness

Unbeta’d as BabyGurl is working

The Impossibility of Forgiveness

Some things and some people can never be forgiven.  That is just a fact of life.  Harsh, yes, but then so is life.  Severus Snape, potions master at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, ex-Death Eater, and double spy for the Order of the Phoenix knew this to be true.  So once again the man found himself safely ensconced in his dungeon chambers with a bottle of firewhiskey on the table and a glass of the liquid in his hand.  Staring into the mesmerizing flames of the fireplace he allowed the alcohol to work its way into his system. 

The acerbic professor pondered his life and his many failings; the myriad of things for which he could never be forgiven.  As the days and years went by it seemed that the number of sins for which he could never atone only grew.  Certainly there were the hexes he had traded with the marauders as well as all of the subterfuge that was necessary to survive in the Slytherin house at school.  Then there were the dark deeds he was forced to perform as an erstwhile Death Eater in order to maintain his cover as a spy.  Of course, with his duties as a spy while teaching, he had to appear to favor the Slytherins while seeming to hate the Gryffindors and especially the Boy-Who-Lived.  So many he had been forced to hurt in the line of duty.  So many who were innocent and so many more who were guilty.  Lives changed and lives lost simply so that he could bring back tiny snippets of information to the side of Light. 

Wearily the potions master took another sip of his strong drink as he continued to ponder his life and the many mistakes and misdeeds he had been forced to commit.  Once his overbearing father had literally dragged the young man to the Dark Lord’s altar his fate and course in life had been set.  There was no walking away from the Death Eaters and their maniacal lord.  Instead, Severus had turned to the one man who had always been there for him.  Oddly enough, he even understood why the old wizard had refrained from properly punishing Black for trying to kill Severus at school.  Albus Dumbledore had known that if he had expelled the other boy that Black would have been lost forever to the dark.  But somehow, the headmaster had known even then what it would take Severus years to discover.  While Black would have been lost irrevocably, Severus would not be.  Albus Dumbledore had understood that Severus would be able to withstand the storm and survive in the face of adversity. 

The many years of having to play to the Death Eaters and their horrid offspring had taken its toll on the proud Slytherin.  Too many years of having to look the other way when one crossed the line and to pretend that he was pleased with the dreadful behavior.  Too many years of having to find creative ways of deducting unnecessary points from the other houses and particularly from Gryffindor.  And certainly too many years of having to be obviously and painfully cruel to the Savior-of-the-Wizarding-World, Harry Potter.  Severus took pride in his brilliant and his imaginative methods of harassing the boy.  Severus snorted as he recalled that he had even gone so far as to verbally flail the boy for taking notes on his first years’ opening speech.  The potions master could not recall any other student having ever gone to the trouble of doing so before.

But now, Severus felt that he had committed the ultimate sin.  He had somehow managed to fall in love with that very young man.  No, he could never be forgiven for that atrocity.  But still, he simply could not help himself.  His thoughts and his dreams were filled with erotic and decadent visions of the young man writhing in ecstasy beneath him.  Severus felt his eyes glaze over as he envisioned Harry arching his back as the older man caressed a pert nipple and as a hand grazed across a tight abdomen to reach the erect and straining cock of his young lover.  The potions master drew a deep breath as he tried to rein in his body’s reaction to these images.  Surely he was doomed as this was by far the greatest sin in the long line of transgressions in his life. 

Taking another sip of the firewhiskey, Severus allowed his mind to once again create the forbidden scene.  In his fantasy Harry would moan Severus’ name and beg to be taken by his professor.  Severus would bend down and trace the firm jaw with his lips as he placed a hand between the muscular thighs of the young Quidditch player.  His lover’s hands would tenderly rub across the potions master’s chest as he moved to prepare Harry for his entrance.  The emerald eyes would take on a smoky, lust-filled expression as the young man thrust back on the intruding fingers.  Finally he would be ready for Severus’ thick cock to enter him and sliding in, Severus would shudder at the incredible heat and tightness of his lover’s body surrounding him.  Moving together, they would reach climax as Harry shouted his name and soaked both of their chests and abdomens.  The contractions of his body would set off Severus’ own reaction and with a yell he would fill his lover with his own essence.  Coming back to earth from the intense experience, Severus would wave a hand, banishing the evidence of their lovemaking.  Then he would gently cradle his young lover to his chest, murmuring words of endearment and love.  Harry would look up at the potions master and give his own words of love and contentment.

Sighing once more, Severus drained the last of his drink before setting the glass down on the table.  The flames leapt and danced as he considered his long slide into hell.  So many choices had been made in life and now there was no turning back for him.

The potions master turned his head as a familiar tussled head appeared at the bedroom door.  “Sev, are you going to come to bed soon?”  The young man sleepily asked.

“Yes, Harry, my love.  I was just coming in to join you,” said the older wizard as he gracefully rose from his seat by the fire.  Truly he was damned for all of his sins, but most especially for this one, Severus thought to himself as he joined his young lover in their bed.

~The End~