Stoned for the Wedding

Hi! So get this, I was wondering what would happen if our favorite characters from Harry Potter got stoned. This story is the answer I got. I hope you guys like it.

PLEASE READ AND REVIEW!!!

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Hermione looked over to see that Ginny was sound asleep in her bed. She slipped on a robe and slippers, leaving the room as quietly as she could. Trying to be sneaky in the Weasley household was next to impossible. About the only people that could and did get away with it were the twins and even they had to be more covert than most.


She got to the door and was about to knock on it when it opened. She was yanked into the room and the door was shut firmly behind her.


“Do you have it?” Charlie asked in a low voice.


“Yes,” she murmured, pulling out the pre-rolled joints out of the pocket of her robe. “Here is yours.” She handed him one. “I grew this myself. Do you have a lighter?”


“Yes, that I do,” he said, pulling one out and lighting his own joint. “Thanks, Hermione, I needed this.” Handing her the lighter, he murmured, “This is good stuff.”


“I only grow the very best,” she murmured, inhaling her own cigarette and sighing out the smoke. “Merlin, but there have been times in this last week I’ve wondered just how I didn’t drink myself under the table or just got stoned constantly.”


“I hear you,” Charlie muttered. “Bad enough everyone is here for the wedding, but it’s like everyone is making a point to tell me that I better get married soon.”


“Your mother likened me to ripening and rotting fruit. The point being that men don’t want rotten fruit.” He cringed. “I must tell you that wasn’t one of my best moments.”


“I bet,” he sighed. “Ron, my youngest brother is getting married and Ginny is only about five months away from hers. That will make me the only Weasley not married after they hook up.”


She thought that over. “You are making them sound like trailer hitches.”


Charlie snorted with laughter. Absently he grabbed up the ashtray and put it on a small nightstand. “Relax, Hermione. Take a load off.”


“I thought you’d never ask,” she murmured as she curled up on the large overstuffed chair that she had transfigured two days before. “Tell me something, why don’t you get married?”


He snorted. “Not for me. And you? Why don’t you care for marriage?”


“Witches and wizards are very long lived,” she told him. “Look at Dumbledore—it took a cursed ring, a bowl of poison and an Unforgivable that knocked his ass off of a tower to do him in. True, not typical, but he would have lived at least another what? Twenty or so years and he was already well over one hundred years old!” Charlie was snorting with laughter. “I have time.” She relaxed even more in her chair. “Tell me if you could fuck any person in the world, who would it be?”


He thought it over. “Anyone?” She nodded. “Harry Potter.”


“Really? Why?”


“He’s handsome,” he drawled.


“I suppose,” she murmured. “He’s too much like a brother for me to think of him that way. Same goes for Ron—we’d more than likely kill each other before we even thought about snogging, never mind fucking.”


“Who would you like to fuck?” he asked. “Anyone.”


Just then Bill came into the room, looking at them with a wicked smile. “I thought I smelled something special. Hand me one.” Hermione pulled another out of her pocket and handed it over to him, along with the lighter. “Thank Merlin Mum is Grimmwauld Place. What are you two going on about?”


“Whom in the world we would want to fuck,” Charlie told his older brother. “I said Harry Potter.”


“Hmm, that’s a tough one,” Bill said, blowing out a stream of smoke. “I would have to say Hermione.”


“Really?” Charlie asked, looking a bit shocked.


“Really.” He looked over to Hermione. “There’s just something about her that makes me hard.”


Hermione snorted. “You’re only saying that because of the wager Harry and Ron made today. The wankers.”


“Wait a minute, what wager?” Charlie asked, looking to his brother.


“Harry and Ron had already been drinking for a while by that point…”


“Right after Harry declared he loved his wife-to-be and about a half an hour before he passed out into the cleavage of that stripper,” Hermione said, giggling. “Did anyone get a picture of that?”


“Dennis did, but back to topic,” Bill told her and went on with, “So they were chatting and before I know it they’re talking about how they have to get a wizard for our Hermione because and I quote, We can’t have her dying a virgin, can we? end quote.”


“They didn’t!” Charlie exclaimed, looking over to Hermione who looked less than thrilled. “What did you say to them?”


“What could I say?” she muttered. “I was shocked. Never had they ever said anything like that before. And I should know, I’ve been around them when they were pissed plenty of times in the past.” She took a pull on her smoke. “For Merlin sake, they began putting my supposed virginity up for auction!”


Charlie let out a bark of laughter. “Did anyone bid?”


“One person,” she murmured.


“Just one?” Charlie asked.


Hermione nodded. “Just one, but what a wager!”


“How much?” they both asked.


“Two hundred million galleons,” she replied weakly.


“What!” they both exclaimed. “Who was it?”


Sighing she relaxed more, she took another toke of her joint. “That’s for me to know and for you two never to find out.”


“Come on,” Charlie whined at her. “I told you I was gay!”


“I caught you snogging Oliver Wood before you told me!” she snapped, looking over to Bill. “He said afterwards, with Oliver holding him I might add, ‘I’m gay. So what’.”


Bill snorted with laughter even as his younger brother was blushing red hot. “Considering what a horny bastard he was growing up, I’m shocked you didn’t catch him doing more than snogging.”


“Did I forget to mention they were both naked?”


That time both Hermione and Bill were laughing even as Charlie was grinning to himself.


“Lovely diversion,” Charlie said. “Now out with it, witch. Who bid that much on you?”


“Are you saying that I’m not worth it?” she asked him.


“That and more,” Charlie told her. “But the man more than likely doesn’t love you as much as we do.”


“Ahh, you’re so sweet,” she cooed. “And no, I’m still not telling you. But that was a lovely attempt to kiss up to me.”


Just then Ginny, Lavender, as well as Luna came into the room. The entire bridal party was staying at the Burrow with a few of the groomsmen staying over at Harry’s place. Molly wanting to keep a close eye on her youngest son, stayed with the groom along with her husband. But something told Hermione that the groomsmen would find a way to get over to the Burrow, if only to relax and chat with a smoke. The curly haired witch pulled out three more joints, holding the handmade cigarettes up to them.


“Just how many of these things to you have?” Bill asked her, trying to look into the pocket.


“I came loaded for bear tonight,” she said, slapping his hand away from the robe. “Were we being too loud?”


“No,” Luna said casually as she took up the lighter. “We were about to sneak out to smoke when we smelled yours. And we all know you have the better weed.”


“Hermione, you smoke pot?” Lavender inquired in shock.


“Not all the time,” she answered casually. “Only special occasions like the time around weddings.”


“So you got stoned during all the weddings?” Lavender asked her.


“We get stoned at most of them. The twins, Bill, Luna, Harry, Charlie…” She paused. “Was that the time that Percy was with us?”


“No, that was the time before,” Charlie murmured. “At Luna and Neville’s wedding.”


“Oh yeah,” Hermione replied. “We were stoned for at least three days that time.”


Bill nodded, saying, “We had the best debate that night.”


Ginny laughed. “The one about Ron losing a bet with God? Oh that was funny!”


“Why did you think that?” Lavender demanded.


“It wasn’t about you,” Hermione said casually. “Sort of, but not really. We all concurred that Ron lost a bet with God because why else would he have had the worst luck known to wizardkind with dress robes?”


“First that disaster at the Yule Ball,” Ginny muttered. “And then you making him wear lavender lace and shiny silk robes that he was fitted for the week before Luna’s wedding? And believe you me we all heard about it that night from Ron.”


“I still feel his pain,” Charlie muttered. “That is cruel.”


“You’re just saying that because you lost the bet,” Hermione told him.


“That too,” he said, smiling. “But then no one won.”


“I did,” Hermione stated. “I won the wager. I told you that there was going to be lavender all over the place, including the dress robes. It was her way of marking her territory.”


Luna looked over to Lavender. “Pissing on him would have been a kinder way to do so.”


Snorts of laughter went up from all of them. Lavender cleared her throat and asked, “So do tell, I heard that Ron and Harry were auctioning off your virginity.”


“You heard correctly,” Hermione said casually. “What a damn shame that the were trying to do so four years too late.”


This caught all of their attentions. “Really?” Bill drawled. “And who was the lucky man or woman?”


“None of your business,” she told them casually even as Fred and George came into the room. “Fred, did you bring extra ashtrays?”


“You know we would,” he answered.


“We also brought with us fire whiskey,” George told her lifting the bottle along with the glasses that were in a bag. “Wasn’t thinking we would have to provide for this many people though.”


“That’s okay,” Ginny said. “I had enough to drink earlier.”


“Same for me,” Sirius announced as he and Remus came into the room behind the Twins. “Just how many people are in here? Where can we sit?” He went over to where Hermione was, pulled her up out of her seat. Sitting down, he sat her in his lap. “Have one for me, love?”


“But of course,” she answered, handing him one. “Want one, Remus?”


“No thank you,” he said as he sat down on the bed. “We need a larger room.”


“Yes, that we do,” Hermione sighed, resting her head on Sirius’s shoulder.


“So, Sirius, do tell were you Hermione’s first?” Ginny asked, looking over to Hermione who had no reaction from her doing so.


“First what?” he asked casually.


“Lover,” Bill provided.


“What? No,” he said. “Why?”


“We’ve been trying to find out who Miss Hermione Granger’s first lover was,” Charlie told him.


“Is that so?” Sirius lowered his head so that his mouth was near her ear. “Who was it?”


“I don’t know if I should tell any of you,” she said coyly. “It’s not as if I get to ask you whom your first times were with.”


“A bird by the name of Delilah Wintergreen,” Sirius confessed.


“Mine too,” Remus said. “Many a young man lost their cherry to that girl.” He had a reminiscent look as he sighed, “Ahh, the memories.”


“My first time was with Ron,” Lavender said proudly. “He had won his first professional quidditch match.”


“We know,” several of them there said together.


“Why do you think we told you to remember the silencing charms the next day?” Ginny informed the now blushing girl.


“I’m going to bed!” Lavender announced and charged out of the room.


“Thank Merlin, more room to sit down,” George said as he took her spot. “My first time was with Katie Bell. Lovely girl, damn shame she thought I was Fred though.”


“Hey!” But then Fred settled down and muttered, “Can’t complain much, my first time was with your bird back then. She thought I was you, only more handsome and with far more sex appeal.”


“I wish I could say my first time was with Harry,” Ginny said, cutting off her brothers before they could get into it. “My first time was with…”


“We don’t want to know!” All the Weasley men declared together.


“Fine, I was just saying that I had a very excellent relationship with a vibrator, but if you don’t want to know…” All the red haired men in the room cringed.


“Someone please obliviate me now!” Charlie begged.


“We didn’t need to hear that,” Bill muttered.


“And yet you need to know who Hermione’s first lover was?” Luna inquired.


“That’s different. She isn’t our little sister,” the twins said together. “Spill, Granger, who was your first lover.”


“And some of us would like details,” Sirius said. “If you need to, love, I’m sure we can get a pensive…” She elbowed him in the ribs. “Never mind.”


“I say that if she doesn’t want to talk about it, leave her be,” Remus said casually.


“So was he your…” Charlie started.


“Four years ago I was with my wife, who has since left me for another woman,” Remus muttered. “So no, I wasn’t her first.”


“I say a new topic is in order,” Hermione announced. “Because I don’t remember what we were talking about.” She looked over to Sirius. “I think I’m intoxicated.”


“That you are, love,” the older wizard murmured. “But not to worry, I’m here to take care of you.”


“Really? Does this mean I don’t have to go to the wedding tomorrow? That bow on my ass makes it look a mile wide.” Sirius took her joint from her, putting it out. “And I think she picked that color to make me look sickly.”


“Never you fear, pet, I’ll charm it to make you look ravishing once the wedding is over,” Sirius told her.


“Promise?” she cooed, closing her eyes.


“Promise,” he murmured, feeling her rubbing her face against his shoulder. “And she’s down.” He stood up, handing the joint to Remus. “I better see her to bed. Good night all.”


Once they were gone, Ginny asked, “So who do you think her first time was with?”


“Can’t rightly say,” Charlie answered. “But I would pay good money to find out who was the one man to bid on her this afternoon at the pub.”


“It’s probably someone totally unexpected,” Luna murmured. “You never know with Hermione.”


And so started the next wager that they all wanted the answer that they were planning to get the next day.


***


Once Hermione finished up with the eye drops, she handed them over to Sirius who then handed them off to the next person. Taking a sip of her coffee, she handed that off to Remus as she was muttering about needing to get ready for the wedding. With any luck, the dress wouldn’t look as awful as she thought it did. The lavender and lace robes looked like they were made for a woman twice her size, as the bride never had her over to the garment maker for a fitting with the rest of the bridal party. Ginny was sure this was out of jealousy. At this point Hermione was beyond caring about anything other than the fact that the dress looked liked crap and made her look even worse.


She rushed out of her room straight over to Sirius and Remus, exclaiming, “This isn’t fair. Why I should be punished because the bride has no taste is quite beyond me!”


“Holy shit!” Sirius hissed even as Remus cringed.


“Do you know any spell work for clothing?” she asked them.


Both shook their head no. Muttering a curse, she left the Burrow, but none of them knew where. It wasn’t until right before the wedding that she returned. The dress robes were not only fitting properly, but were now a more flattering lavender tone for Hermione’s coloring.


She was in the middle of fixing her makeup when Sirius and Remus walked over to her. “Fixed the robes?”


“I found someone who knew the spells,” she murmured. “Okay, I’m ready.” She looked to them. “Both of you are looking sharp as always.”


They arrived to the wedding with plenty of time, which went off without a hitch. And if looks were anything to indicate, Lavender was less than thrilled to see that Hermione had the gown fixed. The new bride had said nothing, but this didn’t stop her from giving the curly haired witch glares every chance she could.


It was in the middle of the reception that the Twins noticed that Hermione wasn’t in the mix. They looked around the party for her. They had expected her to be with Sirius or at the very least off at the pond tossing pebbles with Charlie as they both smoked. But she was at neither place. They went over to Remus, expecting Sirius to be there with him, but found him watching the dancers alone.


“Where is Sirius?” they asked together, looking around the party for them both.


“He’s at the bar,” Bill told them, pointing him out chatting up a female guest. “Why?”


“We haven’t been able to find Hermione,” Fred told him.


Bill looked around at the partygoers and murmured, “She must be off resting…”


“We checked the house…”


“Did you check the garden?” Sirius asked them. “She goes there to get a smoke, because she told me that the gnomes like her and warn her when someone is coming.”


“More like they enjoy her hash,” Bill said with a laugh.


“Let’s go see if she’s there,” Sirius said to Fred and George.


They walked over and stopped dead in their tracks at the sight of Hermione slow dancing with…


“Oh Merlin, is that…” George whispered.


“Yeah, it most definitely is,” Sirius breathed, too shocked to say much more as Hermione was spun around in the arms of the last person that they would have imagined. Blaise Zabini lifted her head up, kissing her lightly on her lips.


“Thank you,” she murmured. “I don’t think I could have been able to continue wearing that sorry excuse of a robe.”


“Anything for you,” he assured her, his voice low and gentle.


“Do you have to go back to work?” she asked him, hope glowing in her eyes as she inquired.


“You know I must,” he sighed, sounding disappointed. “A wizard’s work is never done.” The tall dark man pulled her all the tighter against himself. “I’ll see you tonight?”


She nodded. “But chances are I won’t be sober.”


“And Sirius will be taking care of you again?” he asked, sounding sour.


“I told you…”


“I know,” he cut her off. “I’m a fool. I want to be the one that takes care of you always.” The alarm on his watch went off. “I must be off. Until later, love.”


“Please don’t overwork yourself,” she murmured, watching as he left to go disapperate at the proper location.


The group of men scrambled getting away from where they were spying on her. Hermione went over to Sirius five minutes later.


“Ready for a smoke?” she asked him casually.


“That I am,” he said, sliding his arm around her shoulders. “You’ll never guess what I saw.”


She thought it over. “Blaise Zabini and I dancing?”


“Why, yes, that was it,” he teased.


“And it never occurred to you that what you might be seeing in that moment was a man using polyjuice?” she asked him.


Frowning he inquired, “Why would I?”


She pointed over to where Ginny and Luna were sitting, chatting away with none other than Blaise. “He’s been over there chatting them up for the last hour. Talking about something to do with what witches really like or some nonsense when it comes to wizards.”


“No!” He went over to check out her story.


Bill drifted over to her. “I heard what you just said.”


“Hmm, really?” She looked over to him. “And do you have anything to add?”


He looked over to her and smiled slowly. “Nothing worth mentioning.”


“Are you certain?”


“Positive.” With that he smiled, holding out an arm to her to take.


Slipping her arm through his offered one, she murmured, “Let’s go smoke, shall we?”


***


Hermione was practically dancing on her way to bed. Tossing her shoes off, she sat down on the mattress. There in the darkness of the room was none other than her one and only. He slipped out of the darkness and went over to her. Taking her into his arms, the tall man smiled down at her.


“Have fun, pet?” he asked, as he nuzzled her neck.


“Very much so,” she murmured, combing her fingers through his hair. “Thank you for fixing my dress.”


“Anytime,” he said, pulling back to look into her amber eyes. “Are your friends still flummoxed over whom I might be?”


Laughing she told him, “Very much so.” Stroking his chin she admitted, “I thought at least one of them saw you make that bid at me at the pub, but it turns out not to be the case.” Going on her tiptoes she murmured against his mouth, “Take me.”


“But of course, my love,” he cooed, scooping her up off her feet and took her straight over to their bed.


THE END!

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So do you know who it is? Give it a guess and I'll post the answer at the review area in a week! Thanks for reading and by all means--REVIEW!!!