Granny Always Knows Best

Pairing: Augusta/Neville, Neville/other
Word count:1045

(A/N: Timeline: before the first book. Also an abnormally large "Thank you darling!" to Luci for betaing and being generally awesome.)


Granny Always Knows Best

No one knows about this. No one except Granny who always knows best. She says it's because there is no one else to take care of me because my parents... I can't think about that. It's just because she loves me. Or, so she tells me but it makes me feel so sick every time that I am not sure anymore. I think I'm not sure of anything any more, except that it makes me feel so bad that I wish I was dead. But that must be a naughty thing to think and if Granny finds out... I don't want to think these things she does to me when I have been a naughty boy.

I think I'm naughty all the time. I feel like I almost hate her and I never should. Granny keeps me safe. She loves me. She said so even when I crushed all the dried roses in her house because... because they made me to think about that... that hole between her legs. After she had spanked me she said that she still loved me.

I said that I loved her too. I don't know. But I had to say that, I had destroyed her flowers and it would hurt her if I didn't love her. I trembled and she took me to bed and made me lick her hole longer than ever before and my face was all sticky.

When I was in the bathroom, cleaning my face and throwing up, I thought that if she made me feel dirty... maybe she was dirty too? But... isn't it just that I am a naughty boy? Like the morning she saw that my ...thing was hard. She was so mad at me, telling that I was sick and dirty and ...I don't know what 'perverted' means. I didn't dare to ask. I don't want to know. I... it's like there is something evil and nauseating inside me and maybe she just tries to heal me? But it still doesn't feel like so. I don't know anything any more.

I don't know if it's good or bad that she wears so much clothes. It takes more time to take them off but I always know what I have to do when she is naked. I feel the taste already, it's salty and old and bitter and I taste it all the time. Even when there's been a week when Granny doesn't want me to... I don't know what it is and... I think I don't want to know.

She tells me that I'm a pretty boy. Once I found some sharp razor blades, Grandpa had used them for shaving. I cut my face. If I would be ugly, maybe Granny wouldn't want me to take baths with her anymore? She healed me with magic and took the blades away. I had been naughty again. Like when it made me so sick to sleep beside her that I crept away at that night.

I'm so happy when Granny's not here. I shouldn't think like that and it has to be a bad thing to feel. I feel like I can breath easier when she is away. I do now. It's summer and I look out of the window. There's a girl outside, maybe younger than me, sitting in a weird chair with wheels.

Her dress is the same brownish green colour as Granny's and she's drooling, saliva dripping from the corner of her mouth, staining the dress. It's like everything comes clear. I know. She is naughty and I will punish her.

I rush downstairs and out of the house. No one is paying attention to the girl, she is being naughty and all alone like I am... The summer heat is searing and I ache. I am hard again, like some mornings and now I feel like I know what that is for. I am a so bad boy now but I don't care.

There are bushes nearby and I drag her there and open my zip. This girl, she tries to say something and she cries. Her mouth is so nasty, I will close it. I put my thing inside that mouth, it feels so warm and good, her teeth scrape me but I don't care and I lift her skirt and tear her panties down and I see... It's like Granny's and it is her, all over and I'm not hard anymore and she's dirty and Granny is dirty and I am dirty, even if I'd peel my skin off like from an orange, everything is dirty. Forever.

It's like there are Flobberworms crawling under my skin. Everything is going blurry and I flee back into the house. Granny is still shopping at the Diagon Alley. I don't want this. I don't want this. I don't want anything anymore.

I hid one of the razor blades away when Granny took them away from me and now I grab it and run to the bathroom. The cold touch of the sharp edge is the only thing that doesn't feel dirty. Granny will punish me and I can't take this anymore.

“You are very bad boy, Neville.”

The mirror. I try not to look into the mirror, I hate my face. I don't want to hear the voice. It's Granny. Granny is like a cloud around me even when she's away.

The razor blade is cold, its touch the only thing that is clear. The only thing that is not inside the cloud. It is the only comforting touch I have ever felt when I cut my jugular vein. My blood flows down my throat and my neck like a warm loving caress.

“Now Neville is staining the bathroom carpet! He should be spanked.”

It's all going black inside my head and I will get away. I'm going to be free. It's my last thought.

But then there is light and my throat hurts. It isn't Heaven or Hell, it's St. Mungo's. I don't want to open my eyes but there is something crawling on my wrist like a carrion beast. I look, an old, wrinkled hand with all the familiar rings.

“Don't worry, Neville. You did a very bad thing but Granny will always be here for you."


-Fin-

(p.s. Yes, Augusta used selective memory charms on Neville before he went to Hogwarts.)