How Can We be Lovers?

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A/N: Hello peoples1 A few weeks ago I published a one shot in the general section as part of an offshoot of my current W.I.P 'It Started With a Kiss' When I initially decided to write a one shot it was intented to be a Ron/Hermione and not the general fic it was. As a result I was never happy with it and now have decided to re-write it and publish it as I intended it to be in the first place. I hope you like it!

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Forty five minutes after leaving the Order of Merlin Ball people started arriving at Neville’s home in Upper Flagley and were already being plied with mead by Algie.

‘Really Algie you’ll get ‘em all pissed before we go out and I don’t want to have to be the safe apparator’ Neville said greeting the occupants of the room.

‘Take the Knight Bus then’ Algie countered levitating two goblets full of the mead over to Hannah and himself ‘It’ll only cost ya five sickles from the pub’

‘Not the way Ern dives he’ll go via bloody Cornwall’

Harry and Ron sniggered appreciatively.

‘Where are Seamus and Lavender?’ Hannah asked sitting down at the breakfast bar and sipping on her mead ‘and Dean and Padma and Terry and Luna come to think of it’

‘Shagging’ Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny chorused.

‘Well Seamus and Lavender would be anyway’ Ron said with a grin ‘and I reckon Terry might be giving Luna a good rodgering that’s the general thought anyway they looked about to jump into each others pants when we left the convention centre Terry actually said if they weren’t here by eleven to go ahead of us and they’d meet us at the pub. Dean and Padma had left by the time I did the rounds’

‘I think that’s what we’re going to have to end up doing’ Harry said.

‘Did you tell them to bring some muggle money?’ Neville asked ‘we’re going to need it and Gringotts isn't open this time of night.

‘Yeah I told them not sure if they were really paying attention though’

‘Well you lot I’m going to head off to bed behave yourselves’ Algie said with a grin draining the last mouthful of mead ‘if you do get too rat shit to get home send a Patronus and I’m sure someone will come and apparate you home’

‘Algie if we get to the point where we’re too pissed to apparate home we’re sure as hell not going to be sober enough to cast the Patronus Charm’ Neville said with a snort ‘Seamus tried that in the aftermath of the Battle and gave Dean Walrus tusks’

Harry, Ron, Hermione and Hannah sniggered at the memory.

‘Well take the Knight Bus then’ Algie replied ‘Just get home safe. Gussie would kill me if I didn’t at least warn you to be safe’

‘Why isn’t she here doing it then?’ Neville asked in amusement ‘she’s normally the one to warn me to be a good boy’

‘Ah I think she may have over indulged on the various alcoholic beverages at the ball’ Algie said with a grin as Neville sniggered ‘she went straight to bed when we got home’

‘Ah ha that’s funny’ Neville said ‘but I promise we’ll be good little girls and boys’

‘Good, Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny the spare rooms on the second floor are made up so if you get too pissed to apparate and floo home you’re more than welcome to stay here til you sober up’ Algie said.

‘Ta Algie’ Ginny said ‘I reckon we might end up taking you up on your kind offer’

‘No worries dear, oh Neville that invitation goes for the others too tell them when you see them’ Algie said.

‘Ta I’ll do that’

‘Well I’m off you kids have fun’

‘Niiiiight!’

‘So how are we getting to where we’re going?’ Harry asked once Algie left the kitchen ‘I don’t know the apparition co-ordinates’

‘Well walk to the end of the drive and take the Knight Bus’ Neville said ‘once you see where we are you can apparate there in the future’

‘You know I’m rather looking forward to tonight’ Ginny said brightly as she finished off her mead ‘the Order of Merlin Ball was lovely but a bit too stuffy. I fancy letting my hair down’

‘Me too’ Hannah said brightly ‘let’s see if we can do a duet eh Ginny?’

‘Yeah why not?’

‘You girls are actually going to sing?’ Ron asked in amazement.

‘Yeah aren’t you?’ Hannah replied.

‘No way I don’t sing’ Ron said firmly ‘I have some dignity and self respect you know’

‘Wimp’ Ginny said ‘limp wristed nancy boy’

‘Yeah any scarder and you’ll be welcomed into Hufflepuff Ron’ Hannah said with a snort.

‘Oh sod off Hannah just because I don’t want to sing in public doesn’t mean I can’t’

‘You wouldn’t think so’ Ginny said with a giggle

‘Fuck off Gin’

So are we going to alter our appearances before we head out?’ Hermione asked no one in particular drawing her wand.

‘I’d prefer to’ Harry said ‘Rita Skeeter looked all for following me when I was leaving the Convention Centre before George let off a Decoy Detonator and she got distracted’

‘George took a Decoy Detonator to the ball?’ Ginny and Ron exclaimed in chorus.

‘Yeah apparently’ Harry said ‘well work your magic Hermione s’cuse the pun’

Hermione say Harry down on one of the bench stools.

‘What or who do you want to look like?’ she asked as Ginny, Ron, Hannah and Neville watched on in interest.

‘Gene Simmons’ Harry said with a grin.

‘Who the hell is Gene Simmons?’ Everyone chorused.

‘He’s the lead guitarist of the muggle band Kiss’ Hermione replied cocking her head to the side ‘do you really want to look like Gene Simmons Harry?’

Harry laughed.
‘No of course not just make me look like the gorgeous hunk of spunk I am’

‘Oh Lord he’s drunk’ Ginny muttered as everyone else roared with laughter.

Hermione began flourishing her wand the tip of her tongue pressed between her lips in concentration and her head cocked to the side like a curious puppy. She poked and prodded and finished with one elaborate sweep of her wand. The result being Harry now had a platinum blonde buzz cut frameless glasses peirced ears and a tattoo of a violin on the side of his neck.

‘There what do you think?’ she said conjuring a mirror ansd pushing it into his hands.

‘Well it’s not quite Gene Simmons but I don’t look like me so I’m happy’ Harry said with a grin ‘I like the glasses might keep them like that once tonight’s over. What’s the deal with the violin tattoo?’

‘Meh I just added that in a moment of inpiration’ Hermione said ‘I put a simple glamour charm on your scar but I’m tipsy so it mightn’t be as strong as usual. It might need re-applying later on’

‘Okay my turn!’ Ron declared striding forward ‘make me look sexy wench!’

Ginny mimiced vomiting into the fruit bowl on the bench.
‘Oh vomit!’ she decalred.

‘You already look sexy Ronnie’ Hermione replied giggling.

‘Oh double vomit’ Harry added as Ron and Hermione shared a very obvious, wet and sloppy kiss with lots of tongue ‘Hurry up Hermione we haven’t got all night you know’

Hermione who was clearly under the influence of more then one alcoholic beverage gave Harry a one fingered salute.

Half an hour everyone in disguise and after downing a large measure of Sobering Draught left the house and began walking down the long drive.

‘So do we have to pay an entry fee for this Karaoke competition?’ Ginny asked Neville.

‘Nope all you do is register you interest and pick your song and you sing when you’re called up’ Neville said.

‘Have you ever taken part?’ Ron asked with a laugh.

‘Nah Algie and I just go along to watch and laugh at the people who can’t cary a tune, it’s a great night just to watch’ Neville said with a grin ‘sometimes they have a live band play the music but more often then not they use a fancy pants stereo system’

Hannah, Ron and Ginny looked confused.

‘A stereo system is a muggle machine you play music on’ Neville explained ‘Algie’s got a smaller one he’s charmed to work by Magic for when he’s working in the greenhouses’

‘Dad would love to see that’ Ron said ‘he’s obsessed with anything Muggle related, you should see our shed at home it’s full of Muggle gadgets it drives Mum nuts’

They reached the end of the drive and left the boundaries of the property where Neville drew his wand and held it out. A second passed then with a bang the Knight Bus arrived. The door opened and a new face of a young wizard greeted them.

‘Good evenin!’ He piped ‘Welcome to the Knight Bus...’

‘Emergency transport for the stranded Witch or Wizard..’ Everyone chorused.

The young man laughed.

‘I see you know the spiel’ he said ‘well Im Jack where would you like to head this evening?’

‘Muggle Yorkshire’ Neville said ‘Cottesloe Avenue’

‘Right that’ll be five sickles each’

They handed over their money and took a seat holding on to the nearest fixture before with a lurch the bus took off again. It stopped in Doncaster, Cirencester and Blackpool before screeching to a stop in Cottesloe Avenue.

‘Muggle Yorkshire!’ Jack announced to the group who had been knocked out of their chairs by the sudden stop.

‘Great any minute and I would’ve decorated the floor with my dinner’ Ron said dryly gingerly getting to his feet.

Everyone left the bus and it disappeared in a flash of metal and a metallic crunch.

‘Okay where to now?’ Harry asked as Neville led them up a street lined that was clearly in an industrial part of Yorkshire.

‘About three blocks walk’ Neville said ‘it’ll take about fifteen minutes then we join the cue to get in the pub. There might be a cover charge, I can’t remember. If there’s a live band playing the music it’ll be abut ten pounds. It was when Algie and I last came’

‘Will Lavender, Seamus, Luna, Terry and Dean and Padma know how to get where we’re going?’ Ginny asked as they set off up Cottesloe Avenue ‘we do seem to be in a remote area’

‘Yeah I gave them the apparition co-ordinates and the directions if they take the Knight Bus’ Neville replied ‘Seamus said something about going to Lavender’s place in Liverpool first and that’s not too far away so they might already we there waiting for us’

‘Ha I doubt it!’ Hermione exclaimed ‘they’ll be late because they’ll be banging each other like a set of kettle drums’

Ginny burst into a it of giggles losing her balance and falling against Harry who had to stop walking and help Ginny balance herself.

‘You girls are nuts!’ Ron exclaimed in amusement as Hermione and Hannah were set off their shrill giggles echoing off the warehouses on either side of the street ‘someone will see us if you lot don’t shut it!’

‘We’ll flash them then!’ Hannah trilled leaning on Neville.

‘I have a feeling you girls only pretended to swig the sobering draught didn’t you?’ Harry said as Neville led them out of Cottesloe Avenue into a lane that took them to ‘Livistona Lane’

‘I only had a weeeeeeeeenie bit!’ Hermione declared holding her thumb and forefinger about a milimetre apart.

Harry dug into his jacket pocket and pulled out a pint bottle of purple Hangover Draught.

‘Girls have a decent swig of this or you won’t see midnight’ Harry said.

‘It’s only half eleven!’ Ginny declared.

‘I know and I want to relax tonight not have to worry about picking you up off the dance floor’

Ginny snorted.
‘As if that’s going to happen, I’m a Weasley you know we party all night given half the chance’

And struggling to keep his face straight Harry made sure Hannah, Ginny and Hermione had a generous measure of Hangover Draught before vanishing it with his wand.

‘Try and pace yourselves girls’ He said dryly.

‘You’re no fun Harry’ Ron said suddenly ‘since when have you been such an old fart?’

Neville snorted so hard he hurt his face.

‘Sod off’ Harry returned.

Ten minutes later Harry, Ron, Neville, Ginny, Hermione and Hannah arrived at the Elephant and Castle pub. There was a cue of about twenty people waiting outside the entrance manned by an enourmous Maori bouncer.

‘Great only a short cue shouldn’t be too long til we get in’ Neville said brightly.

‘Are we going to need I.D?’ Hermione asked Neville ‘I’ve only got my portkey and apparition licence and that’s not going to be any good and Luna and Ginny are underage for a muggle pub’

‘If you’re asked for I.D just cast a Confundus Charm that’s what Algie used to do’ Neville said ‘but I don’t think we will be asked for I.D you made everyone look older than they are. And Luna is smart she’ll figure out that she has to cast the charm or put on a disguise that’ll make her look older. Or Terry will probably do it for her seeing as she’s underage’

Within fifteen minutes the group was let inside by the bouncer who had a curiously vacant expression on his face.

‘Who cast the charm?’ Neville asked as they heaed toward the bar.

‘I did I wanted to make sure we got in’ Harry said

‘Thanks’ Neville said as a woman stepped up on the stage and began singing ‘My Heart Will Go On’ 'okay my round first what's your poison?'

'Oh I was going to buy first round' Harry said.

‘You can buy the next round, or the first round after Luna, Terry, Dean, Padma and Seamus and Lavender get here that one will cost more’ Neville said with a grin.

Harry rolled his eyes.
‘Fair enough’ he said ‘I’ll just have a pint then’

‘Right-oh’

'Same' Harry,Ginny, Hannah and Hermione chorused.

Neville and Ron got their drinks and returned to a booth near where the Karoke machine had been set up.

Harry,Ginny, Hannah and Hermione went to find seats and Neville went Ron to buy the first round.

‘I’ve never been to a muggle pub’ Ron said in interest ‘looks a bit like the Three Broomsticks’

‘Yeah it is’ Neville said ‘it’s a good place to come on Friday and Saturday nights, they have quizzes meat tray competitions, karaoke like tonight and a weekly tipping competition for the F.A Cup. Algie won it two years ago and got a load of fancy muggle wine, a trip to the east end of London for a musical of his choice a three hundred pound bar tab and a dinnner for two at a local fancy resturant’

‘The F.A Cup is that football shite Dean keeps banging on about isn’t it?’ Ron asked wincing as the karaoke participant who was singing ‘My Heart Will Go On’ hit a high and very out of tune note.

‘Yeah it’s not a sport that really lights my fire I prefer the horses’ Neville said.

‘God that looks like Hippogriff piss’ Ron declared turning his sttention to hisbeer and once again displaying his knack for opening his mouth and speaking before thinking.

‘Shut up Ron just try it’ Ginny returned shifting closer to Harry ‘and I’m going to start tonight’s festivities with a toast’

‘Another one?’ Harry exclaimed ‘all my alcohol consumption tonight has been in toasts’

‘Don’t be a drama queen’ Ginny shot back rolling her eyes ‘to the future. And may it be full of peace and harmony and a healthy amount of sex, drinking and rock ‘n’ roll’

Hannah and Hemione giggled.

‘I’ll drink to that’ Ron said enthusiastically holding his pint aloft ‘especially to the sex bit’

‘To the future!’

They all took a deep swig of their drink and Ron predictably screwed up his face like he’d sucked on a lemon ‘Urgh that tastes like Hippogriff piss’ he muttered ‘and muggles drink that shit?’

‘All the time’ Harry said ‘It’s not that bad you know, you can develop a taste for it’

‘Just bolt it down’ Hermione suggested seizing her pint.

‘No thanks’

‘I’ll bolt mine down’ Hannah said to Neville’s surprise.

‘Me too’ Ginny and Hermione chorused to general surprise (Ron’s eyebrows disappeared into his fringe)

‘On the count of three’ Hannah said with a giggle ‘one...two...THREE!’

Hannah, Hermione and Ginny seized their pints and in perfect synchronisation began guzzling their pints. Ron began laughing heartily and Harry began chanting ‘CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG! (Neville clapped in time to the chant)

Hermione was the first to finish her pint and slammed the empty glass down on its coaster with a flourish.

‘Last one to finish has to buy the next round!’ she declared loudly earning sniggers from the people sitting at the surrounding tables.

It was a close finish but with people around them cheering them on Hannah finished just before Ginny.

‘Fucking bollocks!’ she declared wiping her mouth with the back of her hand.

‘Ginevra Weasley language!’ Ron said with a laugh.

‘Fuck off Ron’

‘I hope whoever’s going to sing out of our group tonight sings better than that git’ Ron said a second later as a young man in his twenties made his way to the stage and began singing ‘Bat Out of Hell’

‘Why don’t you get up there and raise the tone a bit?’ Neville said with a grin.

‘No way Weasley’s don’t sing in public’ Ron said taking another mouthful of his beer.

‘Excuse me?’ Ginny said raising an eyebrow ‘this Weasley does’

‘Weasley men then’

‘I reckon once Seamus, Lavender, Dean, Padma, and Terry and Luna arrive we ought to go up and sign ourselves up for a song or two’ Hannah said with a grin ‘Hermione you know more about muggle music than the rest of us save Harry do you have any suggestions?’

‘Oh a few’ Hermione said with a grin ‘I reckon the boys should sing Wannabe’

Harry snorted into his pint spraying it all over his shirt.

‘What’s so funny? Ron exclaimed.

‘N-nothing’ Harry said with a grin glancing around and cleaning himself with his wand ‘nothing at all’

‘Oh bullshit I’m not stupid Harry’

‘Well Wannabe is a Spice Girls hit’ he said with a snigger ‘they’re a five member girl group, quite popular amongst muggle female teenagers’

‘Bugger off!’ Ron exclaimed as Hannah, Hermione and Ginny giggled shrilly ‘I am not singing a girl group song, you can go fuck yourself if you even think I’d consider that’

‘Limp wrister’ Hannah said with a giggle.

‘Bugger off’

Ten minutes later Terry and Luna, Dean and Padma and Seamus and Lavender arrived just as another Karaoke contestant got up on stage and began singing ‘Turn Back Time’ Ron stood up and whistled shrilly waving them over.

‘What took you lot so long to get here?’ was his greeting.

‘Hello to you to Ronald’ Luna said serenely sitting down next to Hannah.

‘I reckon we can guess what made you lot late’ Harry said with a grin wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

‘Harry behave yourself’ Ginny said.

‘Did the press hassle you lot much after leaving the ball?’ Neville asked.

‘No not too much’ Luna replied ‘Once you, Harry, Hermione and Ronald left they didn’t seem to think the other Order of Merlin recipients were worth talking to’

‘That’s not very nice!’ Hermione exclaimed looking affronted ‘You lot are worth talking to just as much as the other recipients’

‘I didn’t mind too much to be honest, with all the press conferences since the battle I’ve had quite enough of the press for the time being. At least once school starts back I won’t have to deal with them. That Rita Skeeter isn’t a very nice person’

‘Oh you’ve noticed?’ Harry said sarcastically ‘I wouldn’t piss on that woman if she were on fire’

‘I think that’s the general consensus’ Lavender said ‘what’s the drink of choice? I’m feeling generous enough to buy first round’

‘You can buy the next one the next one’s Neville’s shout’ Harry said with a grin ‘I’ll have another pint pal’

‘Yeah right-oh’ Neville said getting up.

There was a breif discussion about who wanted what then Neville headed toward the bar.

‘I’ll come with you’ Seamus said.

The boys left the table and made their way up to the bar where they waited their turn to be served.

‘So what’s your poison?’ Seamus asked.

‘Just a pint of house ale’ Neville replied ‘you ought to try it it’ll get you pissed quicker than that poofter drink you usually down’

‘Excuse me?’

Neville laughed.
‘Well what else do you call a Vodka and Pelligrino?’

‘An alcoholic beverage you prat’ Seamus shot back rolling his eyes.

‘Girl’

‘Wanker’

‘Nah Hannah does that for me’ Neville said with a grin.

Seamus made a face
‘Thanks mate but that’s not a mental picture I need right now’ he said as they stepped up to the bar.

‘No worries just let me know when it is a mental picture you require and I’ll send you an owl’

‘Idiot’

‘What’s yer poison lads?’ The veluptuously busty barmaid with a stud below her lip asked cheerfully.

‘Five pints of house ale, a tall Vodka and Pelligrino, a Cock Sucking Cowboy, a Toblerone Cocktail, a Vodka and Rasperry on the rocks, a Sex on the Beach, Apple Martini and a Chocolate Mudslide’ Neville rattled off

‘No worries coming right up’

‘What the hell is a Sex on the Beach?’ Seamus asked as the barmaid began pouring the pints while another of her colleagues began constructing the fancier drinks.

‘It’s a cocktail with vodka, peach schnapps, orange juice and cranberry juice’ Neville said ‘you get a little umbrella with it too’

‘Sounds revolting’

‘This is coming from the person who phanthies vodktha and Pelligrino’ Neville said finishing off with an effeminate lisp.

‘Oh fuck off Longbottom’

It took fifteen minutes and two trips to the table for Neville and Seamus to deliver the drinks but eventually they sat back down to join in the conversation which had turned to the Karaoke competition and the alluring prize it offered.

‘Excuse me a minute but what the hell is that?’ Ron asked Padma incredulously as Neville placed her elaborately constructed chocolate mudslide cocktail down in front of her.

‘A chocolate mudslide’ Padma said after taking a long sustained sip ‘Like a sip?’

‘I think the sugar hit would kill me’

‘Go on Ronald be a man, prove that trying a mudslide is less poofy than a Vodka and Pelligrino’ Neville said with a laugh

‘Oh for fucks sake!’ Seamus muttered.

The whole table titterd as Ron took a sip of Padma’s drink coating the tip of his nose in cream as he did so.

‘Bloody hell that’s sweet!’ he exclaimed crossing his eyes.

‘Um Ronald’ Hermione said tapping the tip of her nose.

‘What?’

Hermione tipped her nose harder.

‘What?’

‘Oh for fucks sake you have cream on you nose!’ Hermione exclaimed in exasperation.

The to the surprise of the rest of their friends Hermione grabbed Rons shirt and licked the cream off his nose in such a sexual manner it caused everyone at the table to hiss.

‘Fuckin’ hell you two go and get a room’ Harry muttered after his two best friends surfaced from a very obvious with tongue kiss.

‘Nah let ‘em at it’ Ginny said with a grin ‘It’s only taken them seven years to get with the program they may as well let it all hang out now’

The rest of the table fell about laughing as Ron and Hermione burned scarlet.

‘So who’s up for a go at the karaoke?’ Lavender asked sipping her Sex on the Beach cocktail ‘it’s a three hundred pound first prize that’s about a hundred galleons anyone fancy taking me on?’

‘You’re having a go?’ Seamus exclaimed choking slightly on his drink.

‘Yeah why not? I can’t sing to save myself but I’m willing to make an arse of myself for a hundred galleons, anyway karaoke isn’t meant for people who can sing, look at that bird on stage now’

Everyone’s gaze turned to the tall shapley brunette on stage who was enthusiastically singing ‘Rocking All Over The World’ very out of tune.

‘God I could do better than that and I’m half cut!’ Hermione exclaimed who was getting more and more intoxicated as the minutes passed

‘Well then how about we go up there and sign ourselves up for a song?’ Hannah piped up ‘if we do it as a group we can split the prizemoney’

‘You’re on!’ Ginny exclaimed getting up ‘c’mon ladies let's start this evening started!

So following Ginny’s lead, Lavender, Hermione, Luna, Hannah and Padma left the table and made their way up to the stand where an enormous folder stood on the end of the bar.

‘You girls fancy havin’ a go?’ a short muscular man wearing a black muscle shirt yelled over the ear peircing racket of the current competitior.

‘Yeah why not? Ginny yelled back ‘something that’ll get the crowd pumping’

‘Well have a look in the folder and pick something out, then we’ll put you in line. There’s ten people ahead of you at the moment so you have loads of time to decide which tune you’d like’

Ginny seized the folder and took it to the nearest table where Hannah, Lavender, Hermione and Padma crowded around her.

‘Hermione you’re going to have to help us all these are all muggle tunes and I’ve never heard of them!’ Ginny said ‘how about Mmm Bop that’s er...by Hanson?’

‘Oh god no not Hanson!’ Hermione exclaimed making a face ‘we’ll be laughed out of Yorkshire if we sing that’

‘What about Achy Breaky Heart?’ Lavender suggested.

‘I will hex you if we sing that’

‘How about we all go up at once and go a group song?’ Luna suggested ‘I learnt a bit about muggle music during Muggle studies last year and I know the Spice Girls are pretty popular amongst muggles our age’

‘Yeah that’ll do’ Hermione said as grabbing the folder and flicking through to the ‘S’ section

Ginny suddenly let out a loud an unladylike snort and began to giggle uncontrollably totally unoticed by Hermione.

‘What’s so funny?’ Hannah asked.

‘I’ve just had a BRILLIANT idea!’ Ginny tittered.

‘Well? Spill’

Making sure Hermione was concentrating on scanning through the folder of songs Ginny pulled Luna, Hannah, Padma and Lavender into a semi circle

‘How about we pick a lovey dovey soppy love song and sign Ron and Hermione up for it?’ she suggested ‘you know exept when they’re extraordinarily drunk they’re still not big on PDA’s’

‘What are PDA’s?’ Lavender asked in confusion.

‘Public displays of affection’ Ginny said ‘something you and Seamus have no issue with’

‘Oh shut up’

‘But hey’d hex us!’ Luna said.

‘Especially Ron’ Padma, Luna, Lavender, and Hannah chorused.

‘Yeah well that’s a risk I’m willing to take’ Ginny said ‘Luna you know more about muggle music than we do can you choose a song?’

‘Be happy to’ Luna replied with a grin ‘so do you still want to sign up for a group song or just let Hermione know we’ve had a sudden change of heart?’

‘I’m all up for a sudden change of heart’ Ginny said with an evil grin.

The others quickly agreed.

‘So who’s going to do the actual signing up?’ Hannah wondered watching Hermione run a painted nail down an enormous list os songs starting with ‘s’

‘I’ll do it’ Ginny said with a giggle ‘but don’t you girls dare drop me in it’

‘Oh nooooo we wouldn’t dream of it’ Padma said with a grin.

‘Hey Hermione’ Ginny said going over to her friend.

‘Hmm?’

‘The girls have changed their mind but I still fancy singing want to duet with me?’

‘Oh no way’ Hermione said at once ‘In a group I was fine with with two people there’s more exposure I don’t fancy making a prat of myself’

‘Oh too bad!’ Ginny said in mock disappointment ‘oh well I’ll just have to sing on my own then won’t I?’

‘If Ginny were a muggle that performance would’ve just earnt her an Oscar’ Luna muttered to the other girls as they stood a short distance away watching the two friends converse.

‘You’re not kidding’ Hannah said as Hermione made her way back over to them.

‘Changed your mind then Hermione?’ Lavender asked in mock innocence.

‘Of course I’m not going to stand up on stage and make an idiot of myself’

‘Oh Luna you’re smart could you help me choose a song I’m stuck!’ Ginny called in false sweetness waving her Ravenclaw friend over.

‘Right away’

The other girls returned to the booth and Luna made her way over to the dark corner of the bar where Hermione had left the song folder open at ‘S’

‘So any ideas?’ Ginny asked her friend flicking back ot the beginning of the folder.

‘A few’ Luna said ‘you know Ronald is going to hex you if he twigs you’re the one who signed him and Hermione up for a song’

‘Yeah who cares?’ Ginny said with a grin ‘I can cast a pretty good Sheild Charm and you never know by the time he and Hermione get up here they might be too off their guts to care who signed them up. And if they win the prize he definitely won’t care’

For several minutes Ginny and Luna went through the foot thick folder when all of a sudden Luna soved her hand down on the page stopping Ginny from turning the plastic sleeve that held a page in the ‘H’ section.

‘There that’s it’ she said.

‘Wha...oh How Can We be Lovers?’ Ginny said peering down at the miniscule print ‘whos Michael Bolton?’

‘Oh he was a popular singer in the late eighties and early nineties’ Luna said ‘How Can We be Lovers was one of his biggest hits. But apparently now it’s sort of uncool to play one of his songs or be known for liking his music. Muggles who grew up in the eighties would know who he is. Harry and Hermione would. He’s a tall American man with long grey hair’

Ginny grinned.

‘Perfect it’s brilliant’ she said rubbing her hands together.

‘You girls ready to sign up for a song?’ the Karaoke announcer asked brightly upon Ginny and Luna returning the folder to a card table.

‘Oh yes I would like so sign up to sing How Can We be Lovers by Michael Bolton with a friend of mine’ Ginny said brightly ‘it was like so my favourite song growing up’

The attendant chuckled.
‘Is that right Missy? And what’s your name?’

‘Hermione’ Ginny said ‘and my boyfriend is called Ron’

The karaoke attendant scribbled details down on a clipboard.

‘Rightio Hermione we’ve got a big sign up rate tonight so you and Ron won’t be on for another hour yet. But don’t orry I’ll announce you so you won’t forget’

‘Oh thankyou so much!’ Ginny exclaimed clapping her hands ‘this is going to be so much fun!’

‘Well good lucky t’ya missy three hundred quid is the prize if you win’

‘Yayness!’

‘Yayness?’ Luna said to her friend with a raised eyebrow.

‘Meh I had to make the dumb blonde act realistic’ Ginny sad with a giggle ‘was it?’

‘Oh very’

‘Decided on a s-song?’ Ron slurred as Ginny and Luna took their seats.

‘Yeah and I’ll be on in about forty five minutes’ Ginny said downing the last of her cocktail ‘and if I win the pool I’m going into Muggle London with Hermione for a shopping spree’

Lavender suddenly snorted but quickly turned it into a hacking cough busying herself with finishing her old Sex on the Beach Cocktail and starting on the new one that had been bought in Ginny and Luna’s absence from the table.

Just over an hour later in which time Ginny and Luna had managed to convey the plan to everyone (bar Ron and Hermione of course) the short stout man in the black muscle tee stepped up on the stage in front of the live band and announced the next Karaoke competition.

‘Okay ladies and gents we now have our next Karaoke comp contestants on stage a pair singing a duet version of Michael Bolton’s How Can We be Lovers please welcome Ron and Hermione!’

Ron and Hermione choked on their drinks at exactly the same time.

‘EXCUSE ME?’ Ron bellowed.

‘Aw come on guys everyone’s keen to hear you sing’ the attendant called waving at the booth as a chant of ‘SING SING SING!’ sprung up from the drinkers nearest the stage.

‘Yeah go on Ronniekins be a brave Gryffindor and move your arse up on stage to sing’ Ginny said elbowing her drunk brother hard in the side.

‘Only if H-hermione c-comes wif me’ Ron hiccuped as the chant became louder (This time accompanied by banging glasses against tables)

‘NO WAY!’ Hermione by far the drunkest member of the group screeched ‘I AM NOT SINGING I DO NOT WANT TO LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT!’

‘Hermione you will anyway if you don’t go up there’ Hannah said diplomatically ‘go on it won’t kill you’

‘But-but...’

‘Hermione you’ve experienced worse than singing in public it won’t kill you’ Harry said.

‘Sod off you go and sing them Mr Hero!’

Everyone at the table tittered.

‘I will if you get up there with Ron and sing the song’ Harry promised.

‘Oh you don’t expect me to believe that do you?’

‘That is totally up to you’

By now the chanting and glass banging had reached a fever pitch.

‘BAR CLOSED TIL THOSE TWO GET UP AND SING!’ the busty barmaid who had earlier served Neville and Seamus bellowed pointing at Ron and Hermione who by the minute by the second were sinking lower and lower in their seats.

‘Ronald Weasley and Hermione Granger get up there or I will break the International Statute of Secrecy and hex you both!’ Ginny threatened her hand going to her jeans pocket where her wand was hidden.

‘OH OKAY OKAY OKAAAAAAAAY!’ Ron bellowed getting out of his seat as a cheer rose from the crowd.

‘COME ON LUV GET UP AND SING THE BAR IS CLOSED TIL YOU DO AND I NEED A REFILL!’ a tall portly man yelled at Hermione from across the room

‘YEAH GO ON!’ his female companion echoed.

Hermione rolled her eyes and with her face a magnificent shade of scarlet she got to her feet and followed Ron to the stage. Much to the delight of everyone in the pub.

‘If they find out who signed them up for this I’m not admittin’ to nuthin’’ Seamus slurred as the attendant explained the Karaoke machine to Ron with Hermione’s help.

‘Oi one in all in’ Ginny said ‘I’m not copping all the abuse’

‘Yeah one in all in our little drunken leprechaun’ Hannah said in a put on Irish accent after surfacing from a heated kiss with Neville ‘I’m in on it and I’m a Hufflepuff and you know we’re not renown for admitting to anything if we’ve been dropped in it. Actually we’re more likely to do the dropping’

‘AND TAKE IT AWAAAY!’ the karaoke attendant bellowed.

And looking extremely awkward Ron and Hermione began singing.

How can we be lovers if we can't be friends
How can we start over when the fighting never ends
Baby, how can we make love if we can't make amends
Tell me how we can be lovers if we can't be,
happy friends

Over in the booth everyone was having trouble contolling themselves. All the girls were brick red from the effort holding in their laughter and Ginny revelling in her brothers embarrassment had tears streaming down her face. Seamus had lost all pretence and was laughing so hard he would’ve been bent double had it not been for the semi circle table in front of him. Even Neville the most conservative of the group was clutching at his stomach.

‘This is gold pure gold!’ Ginny hissed her face as almost as red as her hair ‘this memory is so going in a pensive!

Look at us now, look at us baby
Still tryin' to work it out
Never get it right
We must be fools, we must be crazy
Whoa, whoa, when there's no communication
Whao, Whoa, it's a no win situation

With every line Ron and Hermione were getting more and more into the experience. Ron started dancing Hermione as pissed as she was trying ever so hard to keep up. Back in the booth everyone had stopped drinking for fear of spilling or spraying their beverages over each other. Hannah and Ginny were hicupping almost in unison and Lavender almost paralysed with hilarity was making sounds like a dying rabbit.

How can we be lovers if we can't be friends
How can we start over when the fighting never ends
Baby, how can we make love if we can't make amends
Tell me how we can be lovers if we can't be,
happy friends

We lie awake, this wall between us
We're just not talking, we got so much to say
Let's break these chains, our love can free us
Whoa, Whoa, ain't it time we started tryin'
Whoa, whoa, gotta stop this love from dying

‘I wish I had a video camera!’ Harry wheezed to no one in particular ‘I would record this and play it as Weasley family functions!’

How can we be lovers if we can't be friends
How can we start over when the fighting never ends
Baby, how can we make love if we can't make amends
Tell me how we can be lovers if we can't be,
happy friends

After this

Baby, love is tough but we can take it
Baby, times are rough but we can make it
We can work it out

How can we be lovers if we can't be friends
How can we start over when the fighting never ends
Baby, how can we make love if we can't make amends
Tell me how we can be lovers if we can't be,
happy friends

‘Whay haaaay ladies and gentlemen how was that effort?’ The Karaoke emcee exclaimed ‘I think we have a new clubhouse leader for the three hundred pound pot!’

‘If they don’t win I’ll personally give them three hundred pounds’ Harry said with a grin as his friends left the stage and made their way through the back slapping crowd to the both ‘that performance ws pure unadulterated solid gold!’

Ron and Hermione got back to the booth and flopped down in their seats their faces still flaming with embarrasment.

‘Nice job brother dear’ Ginny said with the widest grin Harry had ever seen ‘are you going to follow it up with another go maybe this time on your own?’

‘Hell no!’ Ron exclaimed reaching for his pint ‘that was bloody embarrassing never in a million years of eternity or for a hundred million gazillion Galleons will you EVER get me to do that again’

‘Aw I don’t know Ronald that wasn’t too bad’ Hermione said sipping her Appletini.

‘You weren’t saying tht when we first got up there’

‘Well no of course not not when we first got up there’ Hermione said ‘yes it was the most embarrasing thing I’ve ever experienced bt it didn’t kill me and as the saying goes what doesn’t kill you.....’

‘MAKES YOU STRONGER’ everyone else chorused.

‘Exactly’ Hermione said ‘okay who’s buying the next round?

*****************************************************
An hour later as the Karaoke competition neared it’s end talk turned to where the next pitstop would be.

‘There’s an Irish Pub on the other side of town that has clubbing nights and line dacing nights that’s not too bad’ Neville said ‘the line dancing nights are a right laugh’

‘An Irish pub?’ Seamus said in confusion ‘A Muggle one?’

‘Yeah it’s a muggle fad just starting up, bit odd but they’re really popular the one on the other side of town had thirty seven types of beer on tap and has a cocktail menu with irish themed drinks on it. They always have an irish folk band playing and they have ameteur comedy nights and once in a blue moon they have a karaoke competition’

‘Sounds like a place worthy of inspection’

‘God you just sounded like a Ministry official then’ Ron said dryly ‘I expected Hermione to sound like that not you’

Hermione gave Ron a dead arm.

‘Ow what was that for?’ Ron exclaimed rubbing his arm hard.

‘Because you were being an arse’

‘Why don’t we head to this place once we know who’s won the karaoke competition? Hannah suggested ‘it’s not a proper night on the town unless you go to more than one premesis’

‘I don’t know if my constitution could handle a second stop’ Terry mumbled finishing off his pint ‘I’ve been drinking since eight o’clock’

‘So?’ Ron slurred it’s only one am, take a teaspon of cement and harden up Boot’

‘Did anyone bring any Hangover Draught with them?’ Lavender asked no one in particular.

‘I had a small bottle of it when we got off the bus but Hermione drank it all’ Harry said with a barely discernable grin’

‘Sod off Harry I did not, You Ginny, Neville and Hannah had some too!’ Hermione exclaimed.

‘Yeah but you drank most of it’ Harry said with a grin abandoning his attempts to hide his amusement behnd his pint.

‘Well you should’ve just said so you stupid great prat’

Seamus sniggered suddenly and for not apparent reason.

‘What’s so funny?’ Ginny asked grabbing Harry’s pint quick as a flash gulping down the last couple of mouthfuls’

‘Hey!’

‘Nothing, well yes something’ Seamus said with a drunken titter ‘I never thought I’d ever hear Hermione use the words stupid great prat’

‘Get me drunk enough and I’ll start swearing in french’ Hermione interjected leaning on Ron.

‘I’m willing to load you up on Pisco Sours to hear that’ Hannah said with a grin.

‘Ew yuvk no way, no offence Hannah but a Pisco Sour looks like Dragon vomit with Hippogriff spoof on it’

‘Bloody hell Hermione you can’t hold your grog’ Harry said half amused half amazed.

‘Bollocks!’

Half an hour later the Karaoke competition ended and the emcee began tallying the votes the patrons had cast to reveal the winner of the competition.

‘I hope you and Hermione win’ Luna said sipping her Vodka and orange in a dainty way ‘you were rather good you know’

‘Nah we were shite’ Ron said making a face.

‘Aw I dunno the dancing was pretty hot’ Lavender said with a giggle

‘Especially the hip thrusting’ Ginny said with a grin.

‘That was Hermione’s idea’ Ron said going bright red.

‘I reckon next time there’s a karaoke competition you ought to have a go and include some hip thrusting’ Hannah said with a grin ‘if you win it’ll be that’ll be the key factor’

‘Oh yeah I’m sure it will be’ Ron said sarcastically.

Ten minutes later the karaoke emcee took to the stage.

‘Okay ladies and gentlemen we have a winner!’ he said ‘first we will award the third prize which is for a fifty pound bar tab this prize goes to Leanne for her rendition of My Heart Will Go On’

‘Merlin’s pants that’s the bird who sounded like Crookshanks had his nuts in a Venus Fly Trap!’ Ron exclaimed. As ‘Leanne’ bounced up to the stage to accept an envelope.

‘Oh come on Ronald it wasn’t that bad’ Hermione said.

‘Wanna bet?’

‘Okay ladies and gents now for the second prize which is a hundred a fifty pounds cash, for their wonderful rendition of I Was Made for Lovin’ You by Kiss is John!’

‘John’ stumbled up on stage and accepted his envelope leaving the stage with an enthusiastic ‘WHOO HOO!’

Attention then turned back to the Karaoke attendant and everyone in the bar waited in anticipation for the announcement of the winner. The drummer of the house band started up a dramatic drumroll and ended it with a tiny, cute ‘boom tish’ that caused everyone to titter.

'And the winner of the Monthy Elephant and Castle Karaoke competition with their version of Michael Bolton’s hit How Can We be Lovers is Ron an Hermione!’

The bar burst into loud raucous whoops, cheers and whistles. As Hermione and Ron stared at each other in drunken disbelief.

‘Go on go and get your prize!’ Ginny urged her brother elbowing him in the side.

‘W-e w-won?’ he hiccuped.

‘Yeah you did’

‘It was a rather good performance you know’ Luna said moving aside so Hermione had room to move.

‘Go on! Ginny hissed now giving her brother a hard push.

Still stunned Ron led the Hermiones up to the stage where they were greeted enthusiastically by the emcee.

‘Give them a hand ladies and gents, that was quite a memorable and ballsy performance!’ the emcee said ‘maybe we’ll see them back here next month, the twenty sixth for those of you who wish to enter!’

The pair returned to the table victorius Ron waving the envelope containing his and Hermione's winnings.

'I have a confession to make' Ginny said with a grin as her brother took his seat.

'Oh?'

'I signed you and Hermione up for the competition' Ginny said with a grin 'with some help from the girls.

'You did? Ron bellowed 'I'm going to kill you!'

'Nah you won't you love me your ickle baby sister' Ginny said with a giggle.

'Ginny how could you?' Hermione moaned covering her glowing face with her hands 'getting up there was embarrassing!'

'Hey a minute ago you didn't think it was so bad' Harry said with a laugh.

'We-yes...but..that's not the point!'

'And what is the point?'

'Its...oh never mind'

After some good natured ribbing of their friends the group's talk quickly turned to the groups next stop.

‘I reckon we ought to go to this place you told us about’ Seamus said to Neville after Ron and Hermione divided their prizemoney ‘I fancy seeing this Irish pub. Sounds novel. Of course all pubs back home are Irish Pubs’

‘That’s because you live in Ireland you stupid great prat’ Dean said dryly ‘they’re Irish by default’

Dean’s response caused everyone around the table to titter and snort.

‘What’s the name of this place anyway? Harry asked Neville.

‘Finn McCools a nice place opened up at the beginning of last Summer’ Neville replied pushing his empty glass to the middle of the table ‘How about we head there now?’

‘How are we going to get the-ere? hic’ Hermione slurred.

‘Walk it's only two blocks away about ten minutes walk’

‘I don’t think I could walk to the loo’ Hermione said from where she was leaning on Ron ‘Ronald you’re going to have to carry me’

‘Sod off’

‘C’mon we better head off it looks like this place is closing and the sooner we get going the sooner we can get to Finn’s’ Neville said getting up ‘Hermione are you going to be okay? You don’t look well’

‘I’ll b’right Neville’ Hermione mumbled sitting up ‘still yet to get my second wind’

‘I’m starting a book on who’s going to be the first in our group to drop’ Seamus said ‘Hermione you’re evens to shit yourself before sunrise’

‘Sod off Seamus’

‘C’mon Hermione if we walk through the back streets I’ll conjure a wheelchair and push you’ Neville said with a grin as one by one they got to their feet.

‘Sod off Neville I’m not that drunk’ Hermione said dragging herself to her feet and swaying slightly on the spot.

‘Like hell you’re not’ Harry said pulling on his jacket ‘Hermione you’re off your guts’

‘Fu...’

‘C’mon lets go it looks like we’re about to be kicket out anyway’ Ginny said interrupting Hermione's response as the lights began going out.

Hermione who clearly couldn’t hold her liquor clumsily pulled on her jacket the tottered out toward the door starting to sing the Wombles theme much to Harry’s amusement

‘UNDERGROUND OVERGROUND WOMBLING FREE THE WOMBLES OF WIMBLEDON COMMON ARE WE! MAKING GOOD USE OF THE THINGS THAT WE FIND....

‘THINGS THAT THE EVERYDAY FOLKS LEAVE BEHIND Harry finished with a great snorting laugh.

‘Second verse Harry!’ Hermione trilled slinging her arm around her friends shoulders.

‘Can you remember it?’

‘Of courrrrrrse!....UUUUUUUUNCLE BULGAAAAAAAARIA HE CAN REMEMBER THE DAYS WHEN HE WASN’T BEHIND THE TIMES, WITH HIS MAP OF THE WORLD PICK UP THE PAPERS AND TAKE THEM TO TOBERMORY....

WOMBLES ARE ORGANIZED, WORK AS A TEAM, WOMBLES ARE TIDY, WOMBLES ARE CLEAN, UNDERGROUND OVERGROUND WOMBLING FREE THE WOMBLES OF WIMBLEDON COMMON ARE WEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

‘What the fuck are Wombles?’ Ron asked no one in particular as they exited the pub and Harry and Hermione began an awkward waltz bumping into people and giggling apologies.

‘It was a childrens television show about fictional furry animals in the nineteen s-seventies...hic’ Luna said hiccuping slightly ‘in the television show they lived on Wimbledon Common I learnt abut it in Muggle Studies, it was rather popular for a time’

‘So they’re like those Crumple Horned Snorkaks you’re always banging on about’

‘Yes and n-no’ Luna said covering a silent burp with her hand ‘Wombles are fictional and Snorkacks aren’t they...’

‘C’mon you lot we’ll get there before you dooooooooooooo!’ Hermione trilled from ahead of them.

‘Hermione you don’t know where you’re going’ Neville said in amusement.

‘I don’t think she cares’ Lavender said with a giggle.

‘Hey luv how about the Muppet Show?’ one patron who had left the pub ahead of the group called sarcastically (his friends laughed)

‘Oh Harry let’s do that!’ Hermione pleaded stopping Harry in his tracks ‘I loved the Muppet Show!’

By now people in the street including three muggle police officers had stopped to watch Harry and Hermione openly laughing at them.

Without waiting from an answer Hermione struck a pose and began belting out the theme to the Muppet Show. Soon Harry decided to join in.

IT’S TIME TO PLAY THE MUSIC,
IT’S TIME TO LIGHT THE LIGHTS
IT’S TIME TO MEET THE MUPPETS ON THE MUPPET SHOW TONIGHT!

IT’S TIME TO PUT ON MAKEUP
IT’S TIME TO DRESS UP RIGHT
IT’S TIME TO RAISE THE CURTAIN ON THE MUPPET SHOW TONIGHT!

WHY DO WE ALWAYS COME HERE
I GUESS WE’LL NEVER KNOW
IT’S LIKE A KIND OF TORTURE
TO HAVE TO WATCH THE SHOW!

AND NOW LET’S GET THINGS STARTED
WHY DON’T WE GET THINGS STARTED
IT’S TIME TO GET THINGS STARTED
ON THE MOST SENSATIONAL INSPIRATIONAL CELEBRATIONAL MUPPETATIONAL THAT IS WHAT WE CALL THE MUPPET SHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!

‘Oh my god I can’t believe I know those two’ Ginny muttered as Harry and Hermione gave each other theatrical air kisses and began to bow to the people in the street (Including the three muggle police officers who were some of the people laughing the hardest)

‘C’mon you two let's’ get you inside somewhere before you’re arrested’ Ron said to Harry and Hermione jerking his head toward the Muggle police officers.

‘Oh Ronald don’t be such a stuffshirt!’ Hermione giggled kisssing him sloppily on the lips ‘Harry and I are just having fun. Look! Everyone enjoyed the show’

‘Actually we did too’ Neville said with a grin applauding his two friends jokingly ‘that was quite a show, you ought to do those two songs at next months karaoke competition’

‘Hey that’s an idea!’ Hermione exclaimed

‘C’mon you two piss heads I reckon we ought to get to this pub and really get you in a mood to party’ Seamus said with a grin ‘lead the way Neville you’re the only one who knows where the hell we’re supposed to go’

And Neville led the way, in doing so leading his friends on in the rest of the night of light hearted parting...all part of the recovery from post Battle Blues.

****************************************************