Mr. Malfoy Builds His Dream Home

This story is a response to a challenge on fanfic.net. In the challenge I chose three numbers and was given three corresponding words that began with the letter 'H'. My words were: Housewife, Headache, and Halo. This is the first chapter of three.

It is set five years after the events of Miss Patil Takes a Holiday but you don't have to read that story to understand this one. If you feel the need to read Miss Patil, it can be found under my pen-name on this site.

This chapter was red-moused by Jilliane. All hail J!

Chapter 1: Lucius Malfoy: Harried Housewife

It was not common knowledge in the wizarding world that Lucius Malfoy had become a housewife. It had happened after his new wife, the lovely Dr. Padma Patil-Malfoy, had borne their second child, leaving the Patil-Malfoys with four children, excluding Draco. That said children were at some point in their childhood, living up to their father's rather colourful past and their mother's proclivity for involved practical jokes, it was simply impossible to keep a human nanny. The disgraced house elf, Dibby, having served his time in the United States on the terrorism counts levelled at him, quite rightly , after the Narcissa Black debacle (in which Narcissa's rather sordid sex life was played internationally over the Muggle satellite airwaves, exposing her duplicity in securing Lucius' frozen sperm in a scheme to get more money from him after their rather public and even more heated divorce, as well as many of the well-preserved portions of her heavily pregnant anatomy. Narcissa had been a particularly unpopular divorcee after that fiasco), was in no shape to care for the little hellions. That poor creature had problems of his own with his free Brownie wife, Mari, an odd looking, heavily furred (for an elf) creature and his raft of quarter-elflings. Lucius thought the two creatures might stop at twelve offspring, but they didn't. Mari was expecting anothertwo in a few months.

So, now it was October, in Lucius' fifth year of marriage to his lovely wife, and his sixth year out of the confines of Azkaban. He surveyed the once grand Manor, which had been dubbed a mausoleum by his wife. It was shabby, too large for his family, even with the many elves, and quite outmoded. The old girl still bore the marks of the depredations of both Muggle vandalism and Ministry neglect. The Manor had been impounded after Lucius was taken to Azkaban. It had been gutted, and no matter how Lucius tried to repair the building, new problems cropped up. Perhaps some of the current problems were due to the age of the structure. Those problems included a leaking roof on the west wing, a rotten floor in the library, and a heavy infestation of termites, not to mention the wrack and ruin in which the extensive gardens lay. Lucius had not been able to find a stonemason worth his salt to get the beds back in order and restore the fountains for which the Manor had been famed for centuries.

He ran over the figures for the latest repairs and cursed under his breath so that the four imps, Corvus and Altheae, ceded to his custody by Narcissa, and Padman and Archini, his and Padma's children, could not hear. They were playing in the area in front of his desk and he was mindful that they did not pick up any words for which Padma might chide him. The last time he had uttered a rather nasty oath, after stepping on a wheeled dog left on the third step of the family wing's stairs, nearly cracking his skull open in the fall, his son Corvus, had repeated the word to his siblings. It took months to replace the 'f' word with a more suitable oath for the children's vocabulary. The youngest, their daughter Archini, who was just acquiring words at the time, had shouted it out at a dinner with Healer McMurtry, who was then Chief of Operations at St. Mungo's, and the man's wife, a rather stodgy older witch with no discernible personality. The man's wife had almost fainted as the devil-child prattled on in her unintelligible language after uttering the childish equivalent of a Muggle nuclear warhead. It had been fortunate that McMurtry was stepping down at the time, being replaced by Severus' American wife, Antonia.

Lucius had just turned his attention back to the documents before him when he heard a groaning crash followed by the tinkling of falling glass, outside his study. He checked to ensure that all four children were safely in front of his desk, only to see that Padman and Altheae were missing. He strode from behind the structure, admonishing the other two children to stay where they were on pain of death or comparable punishment, and went looking for the other two, who were obviously at the epicentre of the disastrous sounding noise.

He did not have to go far. Padman was looking guiltily at what was left of an eighteenth century crystal and gilt chandelier, whilst Altheae's fair haired head peeked over the hole in the formerly faultless ceiling. Plaster rained down on Lucius, as he attempted to control his rising temper.

Altheae said in brightly innocent tone, "Oops!"

&*&*&

Later in the day, after securing Dibby's aid on the dusty wreck in the main hallway and placing both Altheae and Padman in time outs, Lucius once more surveyed his ancestral home. Walking from room to room, he was unable to deny that the building was falling down about his family's ears. The measures he had taken to make the building inhabitable after the twelve years of neglect during his stay in Azkaban were failing. Even with his newly-learned DIY skills, he had only scratched the surface of the mouldering plaster and rotting silk wall-hangings. He had to admit, he had admired the glass and stone structure Draco had erected for his family, a modern bit of architecture that seemed to live in harmony with nature, rather than impose some arcane feudal sense of order on the land. Perhaps if he simply started over, with clean lines, greater order, and more light, Lucius' life might follow the same path.

He paused in his musings, rubbing the dust off his hands onto his denim trousers. He had taken to wearing them to care for the children after one too many ruined sets of expensive robes. The children were hell on silk, and Padma seemed to react quite favourably to the jeans, ever since their magical holiday in Greece. He smiled, thinking of how the events of that disastrous month had spelled such great contentment for him.

"Daddy?" a querulous, juvenile voice sounded from down the hall. Lucius immediately became aware of two things. First, his children had disobeyed him once again. Long gone were the days of Lucius' near Roman patrimony of his family. The children were a law unto themselves. Second, it was well past noon and he had not fed the monsters yet. He pinched the bridge of his nose, attempting to come up with any method of interaction with cranky, hungry children that would not in turn make Lucius go spare with irritation at himself and them. He almost envied Severus and his ordered life. His oldest friend had two more children than he did, and yet Severus could leave for his labs every day and return to a reasonably ordered household and happy, mannerly children.

Damning his Malfoy genes, he headed to the sound of the voice.

Archini stood in the doorway to her room, hair atumble, as if she had been wrestling a small troll, rather than ensconced quietly on her bed, as she was supposed to be. Tears tracked down her grubby cheeks, and as Lucius drew closer, she held out her chubby arms.

"What is it, my sweetling?" Lucius asked, overcome by his more maudlin senses as he viewed his angelic-faced demon. He scooped her up in his arms and then realised why she had called him as her damp crotch met his jeans. Immediately his sense of guilt over his failure to understand his children increased. Perhaps this self-same guilt is what drove Narcissa from Draco's presence when he was a babe. Lucius felt immensely inadequate as he commiserated with his daughter. "Did you have an accident?"

His youngest daughter nodded as she laid her head under his chin, bucking underneath it and making him taste blood as she caused his jaw to crash onto his tongue. After a moment of judicious, if pain-filled, silence, Lucius said, "Well, let's just take care of the problem and then we can get brothers and sister and I'll have Dibby fix lunch. How's that?"

"Don't like Dibby's lunches." Archini answered, a petulant note creeping in at the end. "'Want Mari. She's nicer."

"You mean she spoils you more." Lucius bent to allow Archini to the floor, but she clung to him stubbornly. He sighed, at once warmed and irritated by her neediness. He heard Padma's, and perplexingly, Severus' voice in his head, admonishing him to enjoy his children's undivided attention whilst he could. He knew it would not last forever. Before he knew it, she would be off to Hogwarts with beaux and teenaged angst. Lucius hugged her closer for a moment and then said, "Let me fix your problem, and then we'll see if Mari is up to feeding us all."

Archini sighed, and Lucius felt her push her thumb in her mouth. He hooked his finger over her hand and disengaged the offending digit with a distinctive popping sound. "You're a big girl now. No need for that."

His daughter giggled and Lucius felt happier than he had only moments before. Perhaps he was cut out for domestic life after all.

&*&*&

It was during a late dinner that Lucius' well-ordered world tilted once again. The children had been put to bed yet again before Padma arrived home late from St. Mungo's. She was in a foul mood, her usual one when she was detained by work. Lucius knew better than to interrupt her scowling until she had some food in her. His wife tended to neglect herself in the face of an interesting or urgent case. He had instructed Dibby to serve a cold dinner to them when his mistress arrived. Lucius had forgotten about the gaping hole in the front entryway ceiling where the once proud chandelier had hug. Had he remembered, he might have had an easier time of it.

"Lucius?" He heard his wife's dulcet tones (hah!) from the library where he was researching demolition spells. He had almost decided to destroy the Manor and start over. "Lucius! What in the bloody hell happened today?"

He stood, taking his tea with him to the door of the study, wishing for perhaps the millionth time that week that he had not discovered his alcoholism so precipitously. Had he a few firewhiskys in him, he might have found his days more enjoyable. But, alas, he had given it up, and had promised his young wife that no alcohol would pass his lips. Perhaps a whisky enema... He discarded the idea as too disgusting, and possibly more than a little desperate.

"I'm in my study, my flower." Lucius went back to the desk to hastily close the books, not wanting to discuss such a volatile subject whilst his wife was still hungry, and very probably angry and/or anxious.

Padma, a vision of loveliness even in her sickly green scrubs, slouched into the room and shot him an unreasonably aggressive look. Lucius almost retreated a step. The last time she had given him just such a look had been when they discovered that she was pregnant with Archini. Lucius knew it couldn't be that, this time. He had taken over the administration of the contraceptive spells, and his wand work was perfect, if he said so himself.

Dibby appeared at Padma's elbow with a tray of cold salmon, saffron rice, and a large spinach salad. Padma thanked him and then went back to scowling as she picked at her food. "So, you never told me what happened to the ceiling in the entryway, Lucius."

"Ah, that," Lucius sighed inwardly. As much as Padma hated the Manor for it's decay and opulence, she resisted any talk about removing the family from the premises. His wife was a rabid traditionalist when it came to showing up her sister, Parvati and her wastrel of a husband, Finch-Fletchley, the Muggleborn aristocrat that the twin had stolen from Padma. Lucius knew he had to tread carefully, or the conversation would turn into a full on row, complete with muttered Hindi phrases and distressing tears. Lucius began, "Altheae and Padman tried their hand at redecorating."

Padma started forward, her distress evident. "Are they all right? Was anyone hurt?"

"No one was hurt." Lucius said. "Though I did have to extract plaster and bits of lath from my own person. Padman was quite ingenious when he pulled the chandelier from the ceiling. He just could not control such a large object once Altheae lost her concentration. One of the elflings, Morris, I believe, wanted to play."

Padma gave a small, tight smile and put aside her plate. She stood, and twirled Lucius around in his swivel chair which he had insisted on buying when he saw it in the Muggle office furniture shop when they had taken their holiday in France last summer. As soon as she had him situated, she straddled his legs and kissed him on the nose. "Poor baby, you have to put up with so much. I am sorry."

Lucius ran his hands over his wife's curves, fuller since giving birth to their last child. He liked the way the globes of her buttocks filled and overflowed his hands. He raked her closer, kissing a trail along her neck down to the little bit of cleavage that showed above her scrubs. With a wry bit of heat he thought that she might be getting rather larger in that department also. Lucius had never considered himself a breast man before he had seen the pulchritude that was Padma. He slid a finger after his tongue, watching as her cinnamon skin engulfed the digit. "I will never get enough of you."

Padma gave a throaty groan and pushed at his shoulders half-heartedly, before running her fingers through Lucius' silvered hair. "Mmm... Lucius."

Lucius answered with a nip to the exposed top of her breast. Padma gave a sharp tug to his hair in return. He whinged, "Ow, darling, not so hard. It does come out, and with shocking regularity."

"Lucius," her exasperated laughter followed. "I love you, but I stink, and well, we need to talk."

Lucius settled back in his chair, narrowing his eyes as he said, "I don't like those words. I never like those words. What usually follows is bad news, such as the time you volunteered us to host your extended family for the wedding of distant cousin. There were elephants in my stables and squalling children all about."

"The only squalling children were our own," Padma shot back.

Lucius made a noise close to disgust, but meant as acquiescence. "As I said, squalling children. I will be glad when they can take care of themselves."

"Yes, well, about that..." Padma began. "I found out that Dibby's fertility spell is rather farther reaching than we were told. I'm pregnant."

"Fu--" Lucius began only to be interrupted by a child's voice speaking from the hallway.

"Mummy? I had a bad dream." Corvus peeked around the door, scrunching his face when he saw his mother sitting astride Lucius. "You were kissing him, weren't you?"

"Come here, little man," Padma said, twisting her body so that she remained in Lucius' lap, a nice bit of friction that Lucius felt he had to squirm against, the vixen. Corvus launched himself at Padma, his tear-streaked cheeks blossoming into a dimpled smile. As she dried his face, she asked, "What was your dream about?"

"Daddy said he was going to tear down the house, and I dreamt that I was left inside when he blowed it up," Corvus answered, his lip jutting out, threatening to tremble. "It was just like in that telebishion show Drakey let us watch, where the bad men blewed a building up and the good guys had to run away and hide behind that Muggle car." He finished with a whine, the tone one that had the ability to call deaf dogs. "I was scared."

Padma turned to Lucius and asked archly, "You're going to demolish our home?"

"It's only a dream, dear," Lucius said, not entirely sure he was speaking of his son's nightmare or the demolition of the Manor.

Padma smiled, the one that hid her teeth, the one she employed when she was finally giving into one of Lucius' more extravagant whims. "I think you should, as long as all the children are accounted for. This place is falling down around our ears. I would hate to think what might happen if our children take it into their heads to redecorate again."

She turned back to Corvus. "Let's get you to bed and I will sing a pretty song for you. It's one my grandmother sang to me when I had bad dreams."

She rose, drawing Corvus with her. As they left the room, Padma paused, "You can build anything you want as long as it's not by the same architect that Draco used. I hate that house. I don't know how Liz can stand it with all those open windows. There's just no privacy at all."

Lucius waited until they left before he flipped open the book that he had been reading before.

He was going to demolish this tomb and erect his dream home.

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