The Dreaded M-word

The Dreaded M-word



Summery: Colin finds himself wondering about the content of his porn, so he goes searching for the answers. anti-M-preg.

A/N: This was written because I got cranky one day that all the updated stories were M-preg. I don’t like reading about, hearing about, or even thinking about pregnancy, so naturally I don’t like M-preg, and if you do you should probably read something else. If you read this anyway and complain that I bashed on M-preg I will laugh at you.


Also, this is my first fic and I had no beta so spell check did its best but there may still be typos. I apologize in advance for them.



Colin sat up on his four poster bead in the 5th year boys’ dormitory and gave a heaving stretch to try and work lose the tension in his shoulders. It was about 2 am and he had just finished his usual reading having found himself generally too on edge to sleep without it since the tri-wizard tournament made it clear that even Hogwarts was in danger. Fortunately for him he found some of the other students had taken to writing pornographic fan fictions for one of his favorite book series and between the steamy sex and the good jerking off to follow he could generally get enough sleep to drag through the O.W.L. level classes.

However, he was starting to think he was not the only one suffering from sleep depravation of late. He looked at the cover of the underground paper and frowned. Lately instead of just a bit of action then hot gay sex, or even some plot leading up to hot gay sex, more and more authors were writing multi chapter fics, witch would have been fine if not for the warning containing that dreaded m-word: M-preg.

As a (relatively) self respecting gay male, with a (fairly) good understanding of male anatomy and puberty in general, Colin found it (utterly) horrifying to think that in any way shape or form(even creature fic! dom!evil!vamp! Harvey/ slave! Louis) a male was capable of having a natural pregnancy with another male. on the other hand, had you asked him if there was a secret society of magic users right under the nose of the average London commuters…… maybe he should get more info before he (finally) lost his virginity just in case.

Mind made up to get more info in the morning, Colin tucked the paper under his mattress with the other issues, settled back in his bed, double checked the silencing spell, and settled into a preferred fan fic induced fantasy. imagining Louis(who looked suspiciously like a younger Lucius Malfoy in his head) letting his long blond hair tease the bare glistening back of a bound and gagged Harvey(who looked suspiciously like Harry Potter with no glasses and no scar) he let his hand go to work on his now straining erection. as his hand pumped up and down working the shaft his voyeuristic mind supplied images of Louis spanking, scratching and caressing Harvey with one hand as he worked his other gloved hand into Harvey’s twitching ass till it was wrist deep. just as his mind supplied Louis being joined by his friend Aries(who looked suspiciously like a younger, not sallow, much cleaner professor Snape) for a bit of D.P., Colin peeked and spilled himself all over his hand.

“Dear god I have issues” Colin muttered out loud as he spelled himself clean. One day he would have to go to a mind healer and find out why the ideal of two utter bastards buggering a good guy senseless with kink made him so hot. But now it was time to drift in dreams.


Lucius Malfoy, for god only knew what reason, had decided some years ago to stop hating muggleborns, turn to the side of light to defeat Voldmort, leave his wife of enough years to have a teenage son by, and move in with his male lover who was a year younger than the previously mentioned son in a modest muggle style flat. Life was good as far as Colin was concerned as he stretched in the plush, warm bed next to his blond lover. Lucius looked deep into his eyes and whispered “up for another round, pet?”

Colin smiled and was just about to say “always my love.” before a horrible lurch in his stomach sent him running to the bathroom. Lucius, being a conscientious lover followed, casting spells to check his pet’s health as Colin dry heaved into the toilet. Once the heaving stopped, Lucius looked at him seriously and said softly “don’t panic. I think you have morning sickness love. You seem to be pregnant.”


“AAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!”

The peaceful though groggy atmosphere of the freshly woken 5th year boys’ dormitory was shattered by Colin’s ear drum shredding scream. Sadly the semi alert boys were rather used to this and may not have thought to question him on the nightmare had his younger brother Dennis not come to make sure he got to breakfast.

“WhathappenedColin? WasittheDarkLord? LikewithHarry?” Dennis started in on Colin in a rush with far more enthusiasm than was healthy for any human, as usual. “Whatdidyoudream? WeretheDeathEaterstormentingmugglesagain? ShouldwegotellHarry? I’llgogethimnow.”

“NOOO!!” Colin shouted before he could stop himself and a lucky thing to because his brother was a speedy little bunny. “No Dennis it was far worse than death eaters tormenting muggles or the dark lord. I dreamed Lucius Malfoy went all fluffy and got me pregnant.” cringe, sudder, twitch “it was horrible” Colin wailed. “You can’t tell Harry, he’ll think I’ve gone round the twist and never speak to me again…”

Dennis nodded seriously and said “okiunderstandnotoneword. seeyouinthegreathallforbreakfast. don’tbetoolongoryou’llmissit.

John Jenkins finally caught up to the conversation and felt the need to comment. “Kay, firstly Colin, how in the bloody hell can you make out what Dennis said? If he was in text instead of audio it would be like trying to read with no spaces or punctuation. Second, you do realize that Malfoy IS a Death Eater therefore you did dream about one. Third, you HAVE gone round the twist if you are dreaming that you got pregnant by him. I told you it was a bad ideal to read that rubbish paper and that it would break your brain and now look what’s happened.”

“Oh come off it” Colin said as he started pulling on his school robes “you were writing in that ‘rubbish paper’ not 2 months ago so don’t you try to act innocent.”

John sighed “Yes well you may have noticed I stopped writing and reading when all those daft fan girls decided that writhing gay male porn could be done by just writing straight porn and changing a bit of wording to make the hormonal girl a guy, not to mention all the creepy nerds who were filling the review space with M-preg request. I say if my readers want a hormonal bitch they should read the het as there is plenty of it. I, however, have standards.” he ranted.

“But don’t you see” Colin grumbled as he combed out his hair “between you pulling out all together and Katie not having time around quidich practice, creepy nerds like me have to read through the M-preg to get to the smut. Maybe if there was good gay porn the gay readers wouldn’t be having nightmares about pregnancy. Is that even possible? Can men get pregnant? Should I be worried?”

John practically snarled “You are not seriously more concerned about getting pregnant then reading bad gay porn are you? Bloody hell Colin I thought I knew you. I don’t think I can talk to you any more.” he growled as he stormed out the door.

“Well hell, so much for getting an answer from a writer.” Colin said to the empty corridor as he headed out.

Still highly troubled by his dream, Colin made his way to breakfast when a thought hit him with the force of a tripping jinx. Wait. No. that wasn’t right. The tripping jinx hit him with the force of a tripping jinx by way of the laughing prefect Malfoy. The thought just hit at the same time. This was a matter for Hermione granger. Well the m-preg thing at least. Maybe Malfoy too, as a book worm like her must know some good curses by now (strictly academically, of course).

So with that thought Colin pulled himself up off the floor and headed to the Gryffindor table in search of everyone’s favorite bushy haired know-it-all(well she is) to ask one of the oddest questions she had likely ever had. Not the one about cursing Malfoy, which was likely a daily occurrence, the one about m-preg. But surely with all the books she read she would know….

Luckily she was alone with a book this morning so Colin sat him self down and prepared for an answer (lecture). “Hiya Granger.” he started but didn’t get farther.

“No I don’t know where Harry is. I don’t know who he’s with or when he’ll be back either. Now be quiet and let me read” she snapped in a board tone.

“That’s not what I wanted to ask. actually it had nothing to do with Harry this time I swear.” and seeing she never looked up brought out the most Slytherin move he could think of “Well you probably wouldn’t know anyway, I mean it is such an odd topic I bet it’s nothing you’d have read about….” and the know-it-all takes the bate.

“I highly doubt that.” Hermione huffed. “Try me.”

“Kay, sooo in the wizarding world…can guys get pregnant?” Collin slowly forced out, realizing just how odd he sounded.

Hermione’s jaw dropped. When she composed herself it was not with the answer that was expected. “Look I don’t know who put you up to this, but it’s not funny any more. if the bloody fan fic nerds want research you lot need to do it yourselves or get me the damned case of coffee I asked for, got it?” at witch point Colin decided a live demo of a curse for Malfoy with Colin as the target seemed like a bad plan.

“Yeah” he managed to squeak before running to the other end of the table, wide eye and pale. Breakfast wasn’t supposed to make your heart pound this much he was sure….


Fully fed (finally) and with John still glaring daggers at him, Colin had got through potions in one piece, and thought of a new information source. Snape knew curses and potions, so he must know a bit about the body as well. He was also rumored to be gay so he may need to know.

So Colin swallowed his fear and approached the most terrifying teacher of Hogwarts and asked “Professor, do you have a moment?” to be answered with a glare.

“Well, Creevey? Spit it out! I have things to do you know.”

“Can men get pregnant?” Colin squeaked.

“Since your parents clearly failed to inform you accurately on how conception works, kindly remove yourself from my presence and ask the school nurse to help you with further information on this matter.” was all he got. Amazingly this simple question kept getting non answers for answers.


Poppy Pomfry finally sorted the matter out, with much blushing and polite enuendows of course. As it turned out, with all the effort involved in magicing a man’s body into a condition that allowed him to carry a child, he may as well just get a sex change. It also turns out that even then a woman’s eggs were need for conception anyway. On top of that, muggles actually had more dependable and consistent results with invetro fertilization, so gay couples generally went to muggle fertility clinics even after a sex change. while there were curses that made a man suffer the symptoms of pregnancy, even men with vela, vampire, werewolf, elf or other creature blood would have to be trying amazingly hard to actually get pregnant.

Now that Colin knew what was going on, he just had to find some one to help him with that pesky virginity issue….