If Only for Tonight

Draco stepped off the spiraling staircase and approached the door of the Headmaster’s office. Not bothering with the formality of knocking, he simply strode into the room as though he owned the place. He faced the man in the high-backed chair; the Headmaster’s eyes were distant as though he were daydreaming.

“You wanted to see me, Professor?” Draco questioned.

“Yes, Draco,” Snape answered him, eyes refocusing on here and now. He stood and moved to a cabinet, extracting a cauldron full of potion and setting it on his desk. Draco had expected him to explain the presence of this potion, but he did not.

“I am going to ask you a question, Draco,” Snape began. “This question may seem strange or out of place, but I would like you to answer it to the best of your ability.”

“Of course, sir.” Draco was happy to help Snape as both the Headmaster and a friend of his father’s. “What’s the question, sir?”

“Do you know of any students that – like me?” Snape met his eyes pointedly.

“I don’t fully understand you, sir,” Draco answered. Surely Snape was not asking what Draco thought he was implying. “All of Slytherin house is pleased with you as a Headmaster.”

“That is not what I was asking, Draco.”

“I-” Draco was unsure of how to respond. He did not want to voice his suggestion if he was wrong, but Snape did seem to be hinting at what Draco was thinking. Looking nervously around the office, he noticed the absence of the portraits of the other Headmasters. “Could you clarify your meaning, sir?”

“Are you aware of any students who would perhaps be interested in spending time with me?” Snape stressed the end of his sentence.

“Do you mean to say…” Draco could still not bring himself to finish the sentence.

“I do mean to say,” Snape hinted darkly. “Can you think of anyone?”

“Yes, Professor,” Draco responded. “Possibly several, there’s-”

“I don’t need to know names,” Snape cut him off quickly. He turned his back on Draco, conjuring a goblet and scooping some potion from the cauldron on his desk. Draco thought he was going for his wand when he plunged his hand inside his robes, but instead he extracted a small vial containing three red hairs. He added one of these hairs to the goblet of potion as he turned to face Draco again.

“Polyjuice potion, sir?” Draco questioned.

“Yes,” Snape replied shortly.

“May I ask who-”

“No you may not,” Snape snapped. “I want you to seek out the student you have in mind. Inform her that she has been summoned to my office. Take this potion and instruct her to take it in the stairwell away from prying eyes. When the potion has taken effect, she is to come into my office. Do you understand?”

“Yes sir,” Draco answered curtly.

“Thank you for your assistance, Draco. In return you may choose to drop one of your final exams. I will see to it that you are given the highest marks.”

“Thank you, Professor.” Draco lowered his head in a bow to the Headmaster.

“Now take this goblet and go.” Snape handed the potion to Draco, who turned at a brisk walk and left the office. In the intervening moments, Snape conjured a couch opposite his desk. After this he spent much of his time pacing back and forth in front of the desk. Nearly thirty minutes passed before someone finally knocked twice on the door to his office.

“Enter,” Snape called out.

The door opened slowly and she entered, looking nervous. She was a vision of true beauty. Long dark red hair, almond-shaped green eyes, and an exuberantly shining face that outweighed her slightly nervous demeanor. She wore a vibrant red t-shirt and a black skirt that ended just above her knees.

“Lily.” His face broke into the first smile he had worn in many years.

“Professor,” Lily responded uncertainly.

“Severus,” he insisted. “Call me Severus.” He crossed the room and cupped her cheek in one hand. “It’s good to see you,” he said softly.

“It’s good to see you too, Severus.” She blushed at his very intimate touch of her face.

“I’ve missed you so much.” His other arm wrapped around her back and pulled her close in a hug. “So much,” he repeated.

“I’m here for you, Severus,” Lily assured him, patting his back somewhat awkwardly.

“Sit with me,” he requested, gesturing to the couch he had conjured. They sat side by side together; Snape rested his hand comfortably on her knee. They were silent for a long moment. Lily was hesitant to speak, uncertain of what Snape wanted to hear. She watched his hand rubbing her knee.

“What do you think of me, Lily?” Snape asked her finally.

“I think you’re wonderful, Severus,” said Lily readily. “I always have.”

“I’ve made mistakes,” said Snape, his voice hollow. “Terrible mistakes.”

“It’s okay, Severus,” Lily told him kindly. “I could never think less of you.”

“You were always so wonderful to me. I wish I had deserved it.”

“You do deserve it, Severus.” Emboldened, she laid her arm over his chest and rested her head on his shoulder.

“I’m afraid,” Snape admitted quietly.

“What are you afraid of?”

“Death.” The word hung heavy in the air. “I have crossed a lot of powerful people. There is every chance I could be killed.”

“Is that why you sent for me?” Lily asked him timidly.

“It is,” said Snape. “Important things are happening. The Dark Lord himself visited the school just recently. The battle is drawing near and I’m afraid to die.”

“You might live,” Lily suggested.

“I wish I could hope.” Snape’s tone was dark and cold. “I’m such a coward.”

“You’re not,” Lily countered immediately. It was plain that she did not want Snape to belittle himself, but to happy here with her. “You’re a brave man, Severus. It’s one of the things I love about you.”

“Oh Lily.” Snape’s voice shook and a single tear slipped down his cheek.

“It’s okay, Severus.” She reached up with a single finger and brushed the tear away lovingly. “Let me ease your pain,” she offered, hoping she did not sound overly dramatic. Two more tears leaked slowly from his eyes.

“Are you – happy – here with me?”

“I am,” she vowed. “There’s no place I’d rather be.”

“I l-love you, Lily,” Snape said thickly, fighting against further tears. “I’ve never loved anyone but you.”

“I love you too, Severus,” she whispered, tears welling in her own eyes as she looked into his.

“You don’t have to cry, Lily. I want you to be happy.”

“I want that for you too, Severus.” She took his face in between her hands. “We can be happy together, if only for tonight.”

“I want that very much,” he told her.

“Severus?” she said quietly.

“Yes?”

“Kiss me.”

Their faces rushed toward each other and their lips locked with a quiet, understated passion. One more tear broke past Snape’s defenses as the joy of this kiss permeated his being. He placed one hand on the small of her back and stroked her hair with the other. Both of her hands moved up the sides of his face and her fingers wrapped themselves in his hair. Their lips parted in perfect unison and Lily’s tongue slipped into his mouth with vigor. Snape relished the pleasure of this action and he could feel his blood pulsing hot in his veins.

Lily moaned softly and hearing such pleasure in her voice brought Snape tremendous joy. He was overwhelmed by both emotional and physical pleasure as he tried to push years of unrequited love into such a short space of time. The thought of time made him glance at the clock and his eyes widened.

“You’re probably thirsty,” he said, pulling away from her quickly. He wiped his mind of all thought as he stood and walked over to the cauldron on his desk, trying to desperately to keep from shattering his own illusion. Being such a skilled Occlumens helped him to even fool himself. He conjured a new goblet and added another of Lily’s hairs to the potion. “Have a drink,” he insisted.

“Thank you, Severus.” She shuddered slightly after drinking the potion, but it had only been fifty-five minutes and she was still Lily so this goblet of potion was not as intense as the previous one had been. She set the goblet back on the desk.

Snape was quick to start kissing her again, intrigued by the taste of Lily-flavored potion that lingered in her mouth and also enamored with the taste of Lily herself. His hands acted instinctually, both moving now to the bottom of her shirt and beginning to lift it. Their faces broke apart once again as he lifted the shirt over her head. He started to kiss her neck and she began working on removing his black robes. She was panting in his ear and it stirred animalistic emotions within him. Snape now had one hand on her waist and the other was rubbing against her bra.

“I love you so much, Severus,” Lily rasped between pants.

“I love you too,” he groaned against her neck. Both hands met behind her back and he tried figure out her bra.

“Just lift it over my head,” said Lily impatiently, raising her arms. He complied and then stared hungrily at her breasts as she removed his robes. After a moment of simply looking, he brought his thumbs to her nipples and teased them softly. “That’s wonderful,” she complimented him.

“I’m glad,” he responded with deep sincerity.

“I want you to make love to me, Severus.” Her voice was dripping with passion.

Snape leaned in, kissing and licking the hollow of her neck. One hand snaked around her back and traveled down to her skirt. He found a zipper in the back and lowered it, allowing the skirt to drop to the ground. She wore simple white panties that matched the bra he had just removed. So wrapped up in her body, he was slightly surprised to find that he was standing in his underwear as well.

“Join me on the couch,” Lily said with a smile, kicking off her shoes. She walked over to the couch and lay out on her back.

Snape quickly removed his own shoes and socks before kneeling by the couch. He hooked his fingers in the waistband of her panties and slid them down her long, smooth legs. He gazed at her for a long time, unmoving.

“What is it, Severus?” she asked him nervously.

“I want to memorize you,” he answered. “If I die tonight or if I live forever, I will always remember you, Lily.”

“That’s really beautiful, Severus.” She sat up and kissed him. His body was racked with nervous energy as her hands worked his boxer shorts down his legs. “That’s really beautiful too,” she assured him, admiring his manhood.

Snape climbed onto the couch overtop of her, leaning forward slowly and carefully as he tried to line himself up with her opening. With one more slow movement, he pushed all of his five-and-a-half inches inside of her. She sighed contentedly to feel him filling her. He remained still for some time, relishing the feeling of her inner walls around him. Her hands grasped his lower back and he began gradually thrusting with her encouragement.

“Oh Severus,” she panted. “I love this feeling.”

“It’s incredible,” Snape agreed. He lowered his head to kiss her neck some more and she moaned sensuously.

“It’s perfect,” she corrected him. “To have you inside of me – it’s the greatest feeling I’ve ever known.”

“I love you, Lily,” he grunted as he thrust faster.

“Ohhh yes,” she groaned luxuriously. The skin above her breasts was flushed and beads of sweat were forming all over her body. “That’s so great, Severus.” Her hips squirmed in a way that was very pleasurable for both of them. “Yes, Severus, yes!”

“Lily.” She was warm and tight and wet…and he loved her.

“Ohhh,” her moans were increasingly high-pitched as her pleasure consumed her. “I love you, Severus!” she screamed and writhed in ecstasy.

“Lilyyy,” he repeated, drawing the word out. A worry was surfacing in his mind as he felt the tension mounting. Lily responded perfectly before he could even voice the concern.

“I’m almost there,” she panted, chest heaving with each breath. “So good,” she added. “Good – love – yes!”

“Lily.”

“Severus!”

“LILY!”

“YES!”

They groaned in unison, experiencing the wonderful joy of bringing each other to orgasm. Snape lay heavily on top of her, head on her chest, listening to the frantic beating of her heart.

“I love you, Severus Snape.” She caressed his shoulder blades, basking in the afterglow.

“I’m glad,” he responded shortly. “It was everything I ever hoped it would be.”

It took a moment for the gravity of this statement to register in Lily’s mind.

“W-was that your – your first time?” she asked him uncertainly.

“I’ve never loved anyone but you,” he reminded her.

“Oh Severus,” her eyes watered, “that’s so sweet.”

After a moment, Snape chanced a glance at the clock and groaned in a much less-satisfied way than he had groaned just a few short minutes previously. “We should get dressed,” he commented, “and you should go.”

Snape lifted himself quickly from the couch and began dressing. Lily followed his lead, not speaking until they were both fully dressed again. She placed one hand tenderly on his shoulder.

“I’ll always love you,” she told him, eyes still shining with unshed tears.

“Thank you,” he responded warmly. “Now go.”

Lily turned quietly and walked back out through the office door.

As the door snapped shut, Severus fell to his knees and began weeping. He hated himself. He hated that he had never lived up to Lily’s expectations. He hated that he had just used some poor student’s crush on him. He hated the decisions he’d made. He hated having caller Lily a mudblood, having continued to associate with Lucius and the others after that day, having shared that wretched prophecy with the Dark Lord, having agreed to guide Lily’s only son on the path to his death. A part of him wanted to be killed in the coming battles. A small part of him even wanted to end his own life.

At the bottom of the spiral staircase, Lily sat with her head against the wall. Grateful as she was for the time she was able to spend with him, she was pained by the knowledge that his heart would always belong to another. A stream of tears slipped down her cheeks and she sobbed quietly to herself, wishing that Severus could love the person behind the potion.

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A/N: This Lily/Sev bunny has been hopping around in my head and then today I read ‘Snape’s Worst Memory’ in my current re-read (it’s what I do) and I just had to write this. Hope you enjoyed it, reviews are appreciated.