Give Me A Pain That I'm Used To

Written for nextgendarkfest over on LJ. Many thanks to odditor and nursedarry for the beta and to Supersonic Bitch for inspiration, good ideas and generally being awesome. This would probably not have been written without her (or at least it would suck a lot more :) ). *huggles*


Give Me a Pain That I'm Used To


Teddy was going to spend an evening in Malfoy Manor as Scorpius Malfoy. He knew perfectly well he shouldn't be doing it. The whole idea was insane to say the least. But he just had to. Had to know if he was good enough to pull it off. He had been planning it carefully, ordering robes that were much more elegant and expensive than he could afford, carefully studying the Malfoys whenever he saw them. He needed to do this. He needed to perfect his act. For his godfather.

It had been going on for almost as long as he could remember. His hair turning blond, his godfather's breath hitching. The pain, the pleasure, the attention he could get only like that. He didn't care if his godfather was rough with him, as long as he was paying attention to him. To him, not those parasites that got to live in his house all the bloody time and still stole his godfather away from him so often when he was visiting. But when he wore that hair and those eyes, his godfather would look at him, really look, with lust shining in his eyes. Then he would bend Teddy over the nearest desk, chair, or even sometimes a bed, and show him how much he wanted him. It always hurt, and sometimes his godfather would hit him or pull his hair to hurt him more. But it was something that was Teddy's and no one else's. For those moments, it was Teddy who got his undivided attention. Those were the moments he lived for.

He took a final look in the mirror, brushing a stray lock of blond hair off his face. Beautiful. His eyes the exact shade of grey that seemed to run in the Malfoy family. His skin pale and exquisite, his face slightly pointed with high cheekbones and a prominent chin. A perfect replica of Scorpius Malfoy.

With his heart thumping so hard it nearly tore out of his chest, Teddy Apparated for Malfoy Manor. This was the tricky part; everyone knew that the security spells surrounding it only allowed family and invited quests to approach. To everyone else, there was just a circle of stones on a grassy hill, surrounded by miles of untouched countryside. To his relief, the ornate gate to the Manor grounds appeared before his eyes, wonderfully solid and real. It even swung open at his touch. Apparently he was a good enough Scorpius to fool even some very advanced magic. Encouraged by his success, he continued up the gravel path, oblivious to the Wards going off in the Manor.

It was quite a walk from the gate to the front door and as he walked, Teddy's thoughts turned back to his godfather, like they always did. He remembered the first time like it was yesterday. His grandmother hadn't been feeling well and had sent him to his godfather's house for a few days. Teddy had been really looking forward to it; he always had a great time there. But not that time. There was a new baby in the house, a little bundle that never seemed to stop crying. Everything revolved around that unbearable creature and no one even noticed that Teddy was there too. He was just told to play quietly and stay out of the way.

At bedtime, finally, his godfather had come to put Teddy to bed. He had been so happy to get some attention at last that he had gone through a series of hair colours and facial features. When his godfather had drawn a shaky breath and stared at Teddy like he was a whole new species, he had frozen his appearance. Very clearly, this was something his godfather wanted to see.

When his godfather hadn't moved or spoken in a long while, Teddy had gone up to him, slightly alarmed, and tried to climb onto his lap like he had done as a baby. At his touch, his godfather had seemed to wake up, but with a strange, hungry, somehow closed-off look on his face. He had grabbed Teddy harshly, pulled down his pyjama bottoms and thrown him onto the bed. It had been a bed, that first time. Later Teddy had learned that a bed was a luxury; usually it was a chair or the nightstand or even a table. It hadn't felt that luxurious at the time, though. Not when his godfather was on top of him, heavy and panting, pushing something much too big into him. It had really, really hurt, but Teddy had been too terrified to cry out.

His godfather always left the room quickly after those encounters, leaving Teddy feeling empty and cold inside. At first he had tried to talk about it, but his godfather didn't remember anything afterwards. No apologies, no promises, nothing. When he tried to talk to his grandmother - too embarrassed to give any details, of course - she told him that it was because of the war. Bad things had happened that people may never get fully over. That Teddy was to understand his godfather and be a good boy. After that Teddy never spoke about it to anyone again.

He reached the front door and paused to gather his courage. Lately his godfather's special attention had been harder and harder to come by. Even when Teddy put on his best Malfoy act, he sometimes only smiled and got on with whatever he was doing. That was why Teddy had to do this. He had to find out what he was doing wrong, why his godfather was losing interest. This was important.

With renewed determination Teddy reached for the doorknob. Before he even touched it the door swung open and revealed a small house-elf. Teddy thought he saw a glimmer of malice in its eyes, but realised he must have been mistaken when it bowed low. "Welcome home, Young Master! Master Lucius and Master Draco are waiting for Young Master in the green drawing room."

Teddy followed the elf inside but as soon as the door slammed shut behind him, it vanished. Teddy stood in the entrance hall, struck with an unforeseen problem. How was he supposed to find the Malfoys without revealing that he had never been to the Manor before? He looked around the dimly lit hall. On his right there was a cupboard and behind it a stained glass window that let in only a little sunlight. In front of him, on the other side of the hall, there were a few closed doors. To his left, a broad staircase led to the upper floors. Where was he supposed to go? If he started to search the Manor at random, everyone would soon realise he hadn't lived there all his life and thus, was not Scorpius. Just as he was about to panic, a tall figure appeared at the top of the stairs.

"Scorpius. There you are." The tone was friendly but the voice commanding. A no-nonsense voice if Teddy ever heard one. This had to be the family patriarch, Lucius. "Come, your father and I are waiting. We saw you from the window."

Trying very hard not to show his hesitation, Teddy walked up the stairs. Smiling, Lucius showed him to the third door on the right. Teddy did his best to smile back and appear at ease. It wasn't easy; Lucius looked much more intimidating up close than he had when Teddy had spied on the family in Diagon Alley.

When Teddy followed Lucius into the room, Draco looked up from a book he was reading. The Rare Flowers of the South and Their Use in Potions, Teddy noted. "Scorpius? Why did you come back?"

Back? Had Scorpius visited the Manor already? Damn. Teddy decided to risk it anyway and went into his well-rehearsed speech. "I got so bored at school, Father. So I thought I'd come home for a bit, to see you and Mother."

Lucius shot a sharp gaze at Teddy. "Mother? Astoria is in France with Narcissa, as you should know."

Damn. Damn damn damn. "I, uh, I must have forgotten, Grandfather. But it's equally nice to see you and Father. Um." His voice died away as the Malfoy patriarch's steely grey eyes bore into him. He very desperately wished the man did not read minds.

Slowly the man's stern look turned into a warm smile. Teddy nearly sagged with relief. He was going to pull this off, after all.

"Well, come and give your grandfather a kiss, my forgetful little runaway." Committing his expression – brows slightly raised, smile just a touch deeper on the left side so that a small dimple appeared – to memory for later use, Teddy stepped into Lucius' arms and angled his face up. Instead of the chaste peck he had been expecting, his lips were suddenly claimed in a passionate, open-mouthed kiss. Was this how Malfoys greeted each other? Even his godfather had never kissed him like this. He tried to return the kiss as well as he could, hoping his lack of experience would escape the man's reportedly keen notice.

Suddenly another body pressed against his back. Draco. But there was nothing fatherly about the way he rubbed his lower body against Teddy's. For Merlin's sake, the man was hard for what he thought was his son! Lucius released his lips and kissed Draco over his shoulder. The sight was shocking, not least because it was so beautiful. Two moon-pale faces softened with affection and growing arousal, two sets of light pink lips moving together, tasting, teasing.

As Lucius broke the kiss and began to unbutton Teddy's robes, he couldn't help starting backwards. Onto Draco. Realising that he was effectively trapped between the two Malfoys, Teddy had to suppress the urge to morph into someone else. He had to stay in Scorpius' shape. This was the perfect opportunity to find out how to give attention like a Malfoy. Besides, it felt quite nice to be so close to someone. Even if they thought he was someone else.

"It is good to have you back home, Scorpius", Lucius purred into his ear as he pushed Teddy's robes off his shoulders. "Your father and I have missed playing with you."

Teddy did his best to look pleased at that. To act like he knew what was happening and what he was expected to do. He even raised his hand to the topmost button of Lucius' robes, but that earned him a slap on the face. The surprise made it difficult to hold onto Scorpius' looks and Teddy fervently wished that the Malfoy patriarch had missed the ripple that had run through his features.

Lucius' mouth was a thin line and there was a hint of warning in his slightly narrowed eyes. That expression was definitely worth the slap; his godfather was going to love it. "You may not touch me unless I tell you to do so. Have you forgotten everything we have taught you?"

"I'm sorry, Grandfather," Teddy muttered, eyes cast down in humble obedience.

Lucius shrugged off his apology like it didn't matter and conjured a small glass phial out of thin air. He thrust it at Teddy and commanded, "Prepare yourself."

That, at least, was something Teddy knew how to do. He often did it before he went to his godfather. It hurt less that way. But doing it in front of two strangers was quite embarrassing, not to mention a little frightening. He tried to reassure himself with the thought that it was only his body they were going to use. There was nothing to it that he hadn't done before, nothing to be afraid of. If anything, this was better than he was used to. His godfather never bothered with preparation... Banishing that last traitorous thought, he scooped up some lubricant from the phial and slid two fingers into his arse.

There was a leather armchair close to Teddy. He held on to its back for balance as he began to fuck himself with his fingers. It was beginning to feel so good that he felt his cock harden. He had almost forgotten he had an audience when suddenly a dry voice drawled behind him, "Enough. You're starting to enjoy yourself a little too much, boy."

Teddy started and nearly stumbled onto the chair as he turned around, reluctantly withdrawing his fingers. Lucius chuckled at his disappointed look and extended an arm. "Come here, boy, and I will give you something better. In fact, we both will."

Teddy took Lucius' hand almost eagerly. He felt quite ready to take the Malfoy men one after the other. Lucius pulled him closer, grabbed his other hand as well and placed them on his shoulders. "Jump," he commanded, indicating that Teddy was to wrap his legs around the man's waist. As he did so, warm hands cupped his arse and held him there securely. In a strange way, he felt almost safe. It made him wish more fervently than ever before that he really was Scorpius Malfoy.

A movement to the left caught his eye. He turned his head to look and was transfixed by what he saw. A large silver-framed mirror showed three ethereally beautiful blond men, the youngest, Teddy himself, naked and held open and vulnerable by the oldest, the third approaching them, his robes open, a wand in his hand and a mischievous smirk on his lips. Before Teddy had the time or presence of mind to be alarmed, Draco had already swished his wand and whispered, "Wingardium Leviosa." Teddy became wonderfully weightless, anchored only by his legs still wrapped around Lucius.

He watched from the mirror as Draco put his wand away and came closer, once again trapping Teddy between the men. Lucius shifted his grip so that his hands were hooked around Teddy's thighs, holding him even more open as Draco reached between them to unbutton his father's robes. Teddy could not tear his eyes away from the sight of him pulling out Lucius' cock, alarmingly larger than his godfather's, and running his fingers lightly over it before holding it steady for Lucius to press Teddy down on.

The intrusion felt both familiar and strange at the same time. Teddy concentrated on relaxing his inner muscles to ease the familiar pain. But there was less of it than he expected; Lucius filled him slowly, almost gently. He had to really fight the horrible, traitorous thought that it actually felt better than it ever had with his godfather. Lucius' cock rubbed over and over that wonderful spot inside Teddy that he had only recently discovered and that sent electric jolts of pleasure through his body. The pleasure made him feel guilty. He wasn't supposed to like this; doing so meant betraying his godfather.

Feeling his control over his appearance wane, he hid his face against Lucius' shoulder. It was getting harder and harder to keep the contact purely physical, to not put a bit of his soul into it. He hoped it would hurt more. Pain was so much safer than this closeness.

He regretted his wish quite soon, as Draco slid a finger into his already stretched hole, spreading him further. When another finger followed, he couldn't hold back a little, pained sob that was nearly muffled against Lucius' robes. But Draco heard it nevertheless.

"Shh, relax," he whispered soothingly. "It won't hurt for long."

The fingers were withdrawn and replaced with another cock. It was impossible. It just simply could not fit without tearing him apart. Panicking, Teddy tried to climb up Lucius' body to get away, but Lucius held him firmly in place. Slowly, relentlessly, Draco pressed into him as well. Inch by excruciating inch his cock slid deeper, opening him wider, splitting him in half. It hurt more than anything ever had and Teddy had to struggle to stay even remotely Scorpius-shaped.

But then soothing hands began to caress his sides and encouraging words from both men filled his ears. The pain started to ease a little as he relaxed into it, and Teddy began to feel that maybe he could take it. After all, it was supposed to hurt. Pain was what sex was all about, not that warmth and intimacy he had felt before.

As he began to relax, the men used his body harder. It almost felt good again. His hardening cock was rubbing deliciously against the velvet of Lucius' robes. He felt more than saw the two Malfoys kiss over his shoulder and wanted to be kissed as well, but didn't dare interrupt them.

He could feel an orgasm building somewhere deep inside, driving thought and guilt away. Before he was quite there, he felt Draco shudder against him, and Lucius tightened his hold on Teddy's thighs for a moment, moaning softly. Teddy whimpered as the men lifted him carelessly off their spent cocks and stepped past him into each other's arms, leaving him floating in the air, achingly hard and desperately alone.

"I love you," he heard Lucius whisper to his son and Draco replied, "I love you too, Father." Teddy closed his eyes tight, willing the tears away. He couldn't remember anyone ever saying those words to him. In his misery he didn't notice the door open, so the "Finite Incantatem!" caught him off guard. He fell painfully on his abused arse and sprawled in a pathetic heap on the floor.

"Who is this and why does he look like me?" The familiar voice made Teddy look up. Scorpius Malfoy stood in the doorway, looking puzzled and angry.

"Ask him. In fact, I think we would like to hear the answer as well." Looking more amused than angry, Draco prodded Teddy with his foot. He attempted to sit up to get away from the man and his eyes fell on Lucius. He was leaning against the wall, wearing a smug expression, clearly enjoying the scene. Had they known all along?

"So who are you, really?" The real Scorpius crossed his arms and looked down at Teddy with obvious disdain.

That was a good question. Teddy Lupin had never really known who he was. Every time he looked into the mirror there was a different face looking back at him. When he had grown old enough to control his morphing, he could even choose the face. But which one was really his? For a while, he had tried wearing his father's face, but his grandmother had soon put a stop to that. Wearing his godfather's had just confused everybody. So, he had contented himself with random features for the most part. Except when he was alone with his godfather. Then he wore this blond hair and these grey eyes and his godfather looked, really looked at him.

A sharp slap to his face brought him back into the here and now, where there were more Malfoy features around him than even in his godfather's wildest dreams. He felt his morphing slip out of control, like it still sometimes did if he was confused or scared enough. A sharp intake of breath from one of the Malfoys told him that he had assumed a face they recognised.

"Harry Potter?" Scorpius' eyes widened in disbelief.

Lucius snorted. "Don't be ridiculous. Potter can't do that." He looked at Teddy appraisingly. "I believe this is Potter's godson, the little werewolf cub. Aren't you?"

"I'm not a werewolf," Teddy muttered automatically. This issue had come up so many times with so many different people that he didn't even think about it anymore.

"Did Potter send you to spy on us?" Draco asked. He seemed strangely unsurprised by the turn of events. Almost like he had been expecting something like this.

Teddy shook his head, completely at a loss as to what to say. Lucius pulled his head up sharply and stared into his eyes, again making Teddy wonder if he read minds. It wasn't a common gift, but not that rare, either.

"I think he is here simply because he is very stupid," Lucius said after a while. "But his visit offered a pleasant distraction." He let go of Teddy and turned to his grandson. "Would you like to sample him as well? He is quite adequate as a toy."

"Thanks, but I'm not touching that," Scorpius sneered. "If he can do Albus, I might consider. I've always thought he's kind of hot for a Gryffindor."

The words cut deep, forcing Teddy to blink back tears. Why did no one ever want Teddy? What was wrong with him, that he always had to look like someone else to get someone to take an interest in him? And why, oh why, did Scorpius want him to be a Potter kid? One of those who always stole his godfather's attention. One of those lucky, lucky people who didn't have to take the pain that came with it.

"No," he whispered, "not Albus. Please?" He lifted his eyes to Lucius, pleading, begging for mercy. But there was none. The man's eyes were just as cold and just as filled with disdain as his grandson's.

"Do not look at me for an ally. You came here to spy on us, and now you will suffer the consequences."

Teddy opened his mouth to say that he wasn't spying, not really, but Draco cut him off. "You will obey my son, or we will use you for Cruciatus practice."

A cruel smirk lit up Scorpius' face. "Actually, Father, I rather like that idea."

Teddy looked from face to face, searching for some indication that they were just trying to frighten him. Surely they wouldn't really cast an Unforgivable curse on him; that meant a life in prison. But all three pairs of grey eyes were mirroring the same cruel amusement.

Lucius actually chuckled lightly. "We are more than happy to indulge you, Scorpius. Now, observe. Crucio!"

The curse ran through Teddy like hot, liquid silver through his veins. Every single nerve in his body was on fire, screaming like a thousand tortured insects. He hardly noticed how features flickered across his body, making looking at him seem like looking into a kaleidoscope.

When Lucius finally lifted the curse, Teddy could do nothing but curl up into a tight, sobbing bundle. That was not a familiar pain he could endure, it was pure agony.

"Crucio!" Scorpius' curse came before Teddy had had time to recover any strength, but luckily it lacked the intensity of Lucius'. It only made him ache all over, not burn.

Draco stopped his son after only a few seconds. "You're not concentrating enough," he explained. "You need to really mean it. Focus on your desire to bring pain. Like so."

Teddy tensed in anticipation. He wasn't sure how many demonstrations he could survive without passing out or going insane or dying.

"Crucio!"

Every single bone in Teddy's body was replaced by molten lead. A hundred bloodthirsty animals were gnawing at him inside and out. The pain was harsher, less refined than before. If such a word could be used for an Unforgivable.

It took Scorpius a few tries to get the hang of it. Each curse was more painful than the last. Teddy no longer had the voice to scream or even the tears to cry. His mind was turning blank and an all-consuming darkness was eating away the world.

From somewhere far off came Lucius' cold, dry voice. "I believe that will do. Unless you intend to kill him."

"If we don't kill him, how do we keep him from telling about this to Saint Potter, the Greatest Auror Who Ever Lived?" Teddy had never heard anyone talk about his godfather in such a sarcastic, hateful tone. He forced his eyes open and tried to find the strength to tell Draco not to mock him, but before he could, Lucius knelt next to him and pulled his head up by his hair.

"Oh, he will not utter a word. Especially not to his godfather. Will you, Teddy?" The way he stressed the word alarmed Teddy. Maybe he really did read minds. If he did... His godfather would lose his job, maybe even end up in Azkaban, if anyone ever found out about his special relationship with Teddy. He couldn't risk it. With a tremendous effort he shook his head.

"Good boy." Lucius patted him patronizingly on the cheek, let him slump back to the floor and turned to Scorpius. "Are you absolutely sure you don't want him before we throw him out? Last chance."

Scorpius gave an exaggerated shudder. "No thanks. I prefer humans."

"As you wish." Lucius snapped his fingers. A house-elf appeared immediately. Teddy couldn't tell whether it was the same that had let him in to the Manor an hour or a lifetime ago. "Binky, take this out of here." He indicated Teddy by kicking him lightly. The elf bowed almost to the ground and picked him up none too gently.

"Let this be a lesson to you, boy. You cannot deceive your betters." The knowing look he gave Teddy penetrated his pained numbness. "Go back to your hero and give him our best." All three Malfoys laughed cruelly at that, as Teddy was carried out of the room and out of the house. When the elf carried him down the driveway, a window opened on the second floor.

"Take these as well. I'm feeling rather benevolent today." Draco threw a bundle at the elf. Teddy's clothes. He had been so weak and in pain that he hadn't even remembered he was naked. The evening had not exactly gone as planned.

The elf dumped both him and his robes outside the wrought iron gate. As soon as it was back on the grounds, the warding spells activated and the entire Manor with its gardens vanished from sight like a bad dream in the morning.

Teddy was left standing on an empty, cold hillside, the laughter of the Malfoys still ringing in his ears.