When Good Wizards Go Bad

Thanks go to Jilliane who corrects my improper punctuation. Also thanks to Queens of Angst, and especially Q for giving me this assignment. There is another challenge that I will post soon This is a challenge fic. The rules of the challenge are at the end of the story.

When Good Wizards Go Bad

There had been a running battle all day between hostile forces. The halls of Hogwarts were littered with casualties. Severus Snape, former Death Eater, former Most Feared Professor of Hogwarts, former Head of Slytherin, Headmaster During War, and current Headmaster of same institution, could now add Chief Babysitter to Two Adult Men (and he used the term loosely) to his resumè. They should have known better, he fumed, as he stalked through the halls of said institution, robes billowing behind him.

All the students who had the misfortune to have taken his class, four years previous, scattered. His expression was fierce, some might even say black. Snape paused before the infirmary's doors, nostrils flared, hands balled in white knuckled fists. He was muttering to himself through clenched jaws. When he raised his hand to open said hospital doors, they blew apart, away from his wrath as his accidental magic welled up, threatening to destroy the men who were housed inside. Upon entering the room Severus blew past Poppy Pomfrey, who squealed in a manner he had only heard once in his life, and that noise had issued from the throat of a mouse cornered by the inestimable Mrs. Norris.

"Severus!" she exclaimed as she rushed to his side, pulling at his sleeve as if she were a young child trying to catch his attention. "Please, don't do anything hasty, they have families!"

Severus brushed past the mediwitch without a word, intent on capturing his prey who were currently at opposite ends of the room, stuck to their respective seats with medical-grade sticking charms, and quieted with even stronger silencing spells. Both men were glaring in the direction of their respective nemesis, and both struggled to reach their wands, which had been placed on tables to their sides, to continue the battle that had raged the entire day.

Severus flicked his own wand, and used the same spell that he utilised to impressively slam the shutters closed in his classes earlier in his career on the two wizards' chairs, scooting them towards each other with such force that their heads snapped back as they were propelled forward. They came to a stop, knee to knee, and had they been able to kick, Severus was sure they would have done serious damage to one another's shins.

He looked at both of them through narrowed eyes, noting how the last bit of mayhem had affected each man. Draco Malfoy now sported gold-toned skin with red dots. Harry Potter wore silver skin with green stripes. Severus was unimpressed with these elementary spells and let his displeasure be known with a disdainful sneer. Poppy made some move to approach the three men, but Severus gave her a blistering glare and she retreated into the dim interior of her office, no doubt to fortify herself with the elf-made sherry she kept in the right hand drawer of her desk. He would have to remember to donate some more to her stores at Yule. He did not want to alienate Poppy over these two imbeciles.

It was just as well. Severus needed no witnesses for what he intended to say to his two youngest Professors. He said, in a voice so hard that it might have been used to cut glass, "Explain yourselves."

He lifted the Silencing charm and was immediately bombarded with two outraged male voices screaming imprecations and threats. Severus' nostrils flared further as he hissed, "Silence!"

Both men's jaws snapped shut with a clicking of teeth, so conditioned were they by years of experience under the baleful glare and cutting remarks of their former Potions Professor and all his aforementioned qualifications. Snape's black-eyed glare swept each particoloured man before he said, "Obviously, Mr. Potter, Mr. Malfoy, I have overestimated your mental capacities. When I told you two to settle your differences outside the scope of my office, I did not mean to destroy the school in doing so. Perhaps, Mr. Potter, your propensity to blow trivial situations completely out of proportion, which may have worked well for you when you were a student of this school, has not served you well in the workaday world."

Malfoy snorted and began smirking until Severus turned his scathing attention to his oldest friend's son. "You, Mr. Malfoy, seem singularly unable to let Mr. Potter alone. I am surprised that two men that have reached the chronological age of adulthood, gone through war, married, and begun families, cannot get over themselves."

"He started it," Potter, ever the eloquent one, mumbled.

Severus clenched his teeth so hard he felt the enamel chip. He counted to ten, and then ten more, before the red cleared from his vision. "That will be all. You two have wreaked your havoc for more than a fortnight on this school and its inmates. You have frightened the children, left me short-staffed because I had to send two other professors to repair the hexes you've thrown, and you have generally acted as if you were the only two people who mattered. All this has been enacted with no discernible cessation of hostilities in sight. As your employer, I am sentencing you to a special weekend retreat, to either make better understand each other or leave one or both of you dead. At this point,either of those scenarios are acceptable!"


"Why are you sentencing me?" Draco asked, his eyes widened in a close approximation of innocence. He looked so like his father that Severus wanted to hex him just on principal. There was room for only one Lucius Malfoy in this world, and he definitely did not belong at Hogwarts.

Severus rounded on Draco, his normally sallow cheeks taking on a rosy hue that made his eyes glitter menacingly. "What you two did..." The Headmaster felt his blood pressure spike. "On the Quidditch pitch... What in the hell went through your mind?"

Silence reigned as the two recalcitrant inmates of the infirmary shrank visibly in their seats. The Quidditch Pitch had been the site of the worst of the hostilities as the two men had been on their brooms, casting any number of destructive spells that had gouged great tufts of turf out of the ground and transfigured many portions of the stands into fantastical and dangerous creatures that had yet to be caught and returned to their original wooden and stone state. Hagrid had been dispatched with Minerva just that morning to fetch the wandering bits back to Hogwarts. Severus was hopeful that the two would be successful. If they weren't, the Quidditch season would be necessarily abbreviated. As with all societies after a war, materials and monies were in short supply.

After reinstating the Silencing spell, Severus bellowed, "Poppy!"

Madam Pomfrey poked her head out of her office, her nose suspiciously reddened, presumably from the sherry she had just consumed. "Yes, Severus?"

"I need your assistance in relocating these two to the Room of Requirement." Severus lessened his bark as soon as he saw the matron's chin wobble and her eyes glisten suspiciously. He felt the tension building in his neck and a headache radiating to his skull. He turned to see Potter mouth a command for Severus to carry out. It was a feat that was physically impossible, even for one so well-endowed as the headmaster. For that indiscretion, Severus zinged a stinging hex at him. When he noticed Malfoy's silent and obviously derisive laughter, he did the same for him.

It was going to be a long weekend, and fortunately Severus would not be there to see it. He had much more pleasant uses for his time.

&*&*&

Harry awoke with a buzzing headache throbbing through his skull. He couldn't see and so reached for his glasses. It was then that he noticed that he had a hanger-on. He turned as well as he could with the object (a hand, he thought) attached to his arm. He saw blond and pink as he raised his head. He snuffled into his other hand, "Holy fuck, Malfoy! Let go of my hand, you nit."

With that command, the Slytherin inched closer. Harry pushed against him with his free hand, noting with some irritation that Snape had deposited them in the Room of Requirement in their skivvies and nothing else. It was fortunate the room was warm.

The astute Gryffindor soon learned that all his pushing against Malfoy's inert form yielded was his hand being stuck to the blond's chest.

Malfoy hissed, "Stop it, you imbecile. We've obviously been hit by some sort of strange sticking charm."

Harry struggled harder as Malfoy was drawn to him. The Slytherin was so close at that point that Harry could feel the man's morning wood (at least he hoped it was in its excited state for that reason) rubbing against his thigh. "Ew! Malfoy, get your thing off me."

"My thing?" Malfoy laughed, his derisive tone spurring Harry to attempt to turn away from the Slytherin Head of House. "My thing?! What are you, an ickle girl?"

"No, that would be you, Malfoy," Harry said, "You were the one in the dress."

"And, as I remember, I was also the one who was forced to wear the bat wings," Malfoy's voice was dangerously soft, reminiscent of the tones used by Lucius Malfoy during the raid on the department of Mysteries.

Harry shivered once and then did so again as he felt Malfoy's body draw even closer to his. He fought the urge to struggle against the compulsion as he protested, "I was stuck on top of a Christmas tree!"

"That was merely revenge for the tutu, Potter," Malfoy returned. "And the bat wings were flaming pink! With glitter."

Harry fought the insane urge to laugh as he replied, "Honestly, Draco, I thought the wings suited you!"

Draco snorted and for a moment, Harry thought the compulsion was going to pull the Slytherin out of his own skin and into Harry's body. Instead, as Draco gave full voice to his mirth, the compulsion eased enough for Harry to struggle to a seated position, now only joined to Malfoy by the hand that was still stuck to his. Harry looked down on Malfoy and couldn't help himself. He gave voice to his laughter.

"We've been right prats," Harry finally said at length.

Draco's haughtiness reared it's ugly Hydra head as he sneered, "Speak for yourself, Potter."

The compulsion drew Malfoy closer as Harry said in his most affable tone, a false smile plastered across his face, "Draco, please remember to remain pleasant." When Malfoy drew a breath to protest, Harry added hastily the smile widening, "And I will endeavour to do so also. The charm seems to work only when we argue or struggle against it."

"I knew that..." Malfoy began, but modified his tone as he felt the stricture begin again. "I realised that, Harry. I shall endeavour to be as pleasant as you are."

"Good. We'll be out of here in no time." Harry settled back against the wall and closed his eyes. He just hoped it wasn't wishful thinking.

&*&*&

Astoria Malfoy, nee Greengrass, reclined on the sumptuous bed provided by the Ritz in the heart of Paris, and funded by her husband's fortune. She listened to the off-key singing of her paramour that wafted from the bath, enjoying the sound of it regardless of the atonal quality. Her lover was happy, and that made Astoria happy. She adjusted the peignoir, a confection of Brussels lace and sheer silk that had required no shrinking charm to pack.

Astoria plumped her breasts up in the soft cups of the negligee, charming them to a firmness she had lost after childbirth. She didn't suppose it mattered to anyone else, but Astoria had always had a rather luscious, ripe figure without being overblown. It bothered her that her son had altered her so much. But then, her paramours had their own little body image issues.

The door to the en suite opened and Astoria turned her attention expectantly towards the sound. A red-gold haze greeted her as her lover padded toward her, and Astoria closed her eyes, savouring the soft touch of the woman before her.

The spell, however, was broken by the entrance of the third person expected for this weekend tryst. Severus Snape entered in a flurry of black and silver, his muttered swearing heating the air as he strode towards the two women. "Your imbecilic husbands kept me longer than expected."

Ginevra Potter paused in her exploration of Astoria's body to say, "Give us a kiss, Severus. We missed you."

"My, I do love it when you are demanding," he chuckled as he sat on the edge of the bed. "I sentenced them to a weekend in the Room of Requirement. They won't be let out until Sunday evening. Until then, we have all the time in the world."

Astoria and Ginevra descended on Severus in a flurry of silk and skin. Now the Headmaster was a very happy man.

&*&*&

The two men had lasted all of one hour without fighting the day before. On this second day, the spell that drew them together had tightened so much that they were barely able to move their heads independently, much less navigate the room. It was in their attempt to get away from one another that Harry noticed what they were now attempting to retrieve.

"Hold still! I can't get it out if you keep wiggling like that!" Harry said as he strove to reach the something that they both hoped was a wand that was just out of their joint reach.

Draco growled, "that's not the wand, Potter!"

"If it's not the wand then... oh." The two wizards struggled against each other for a few more moments, their breathing becoming ragged as the friction increased.

It was Draco who broke the spell as he moved the hand that wasn't attached to Potter's between them. He grasped Harry's cock over the fabric of his y-fronts and slid his hand up as Potter thrust. As he hardened in Draco's hand Potter stuttered, "I'm not...going to... oh... Merlin's merciful... fuck!"

And then Harry was kissing him, his mouth claiming Draco's roughly, his tongue thrusting in counterpoint to his striving hips. Neither man noticed that they were no longer joined at the hand as they frantically pulled at each other's underwear, freeing cocks. Draco was vaguely aware of Potter backing him to the small palette that had appeared late last evening for their bed. He almost didn't hear the whispered lubrication spell that Potter cast, but when Potter turned him over and slid his cock between his ass cheeks, Draco knew what to do. He pushed against the dark man, and Harry slid into him, the pleasure becoming a burn accompanied by an indescribable feeling of rightness. As Potter thrust into Draco, he took the blond's cock in his hand and pumped away. They came at the same time, so hard that Draco saw stars.

In the post-coital glow, a thin sliver of guilt ghosted through Draco. He prodded it back under his consciousness until he heard Harry wail, "Ohfuckohfuckohfuck... What have we done!?"

&*&*&

The wards that Severus had set alerted him to the activities in the Room of Requirement. He had planned this weekend with one goal in mind, to get Potter and Malfoy to admit their attraction to one another, and to ensure that he, Severus, would not lose his lovers to guilt or duty. A little lust potion in both scenarios had helped his agenda along. He hadn't spent twenty celibate years spying and protecting the skins of Boy Hero et al. without expecting some compensation.

That the recompenses currently had their heads buried between each other's legs, both writhing in such a tantalising manner, pink flesh to gold, was a winning plus to Severus. Two women, one wizard was all he had ever wanted. Lily had been ammenable to sharing, just not with another woman. That was the true reason they had parted, not that melodramatic tripe that Albus had planted in his mind so that Severus could convince Potter to play sacrificial lamb. Lily had wanted Severus to share with James-the-toerag-Potter, and he was just not on for that.

Severus rose from the bed and began donning his severe Headmaster get up. Ginevra raised her head from Astoria's plumped and oozing lips. "Sev, where are you going?"

"To get the evidence we needed for your divorces," he answered with a backward glance. "Carry on. I shall return when I retrieve the memory, and I will want you both ready for me."

Astoria broke from her leisurely perusal of Mrs. Potter's charms to pout, "I still think it would be best if we all discovered them. Draco is always so much more penitent if he's caught in the act."

Severus waved his hand laconically. "Very well, but do hurry with your preparations. Potter is known for his lack of stamina."

Ginevera gave a strange, sly little smile as she said, "I wouldn't worry about that too much. I tweaked the sticking spell."

&*&*&

"Oh!" Harry blinked as he peered down at his joining to Draco. "That never happened before."

"What, you've never been buried balls deep in a man who turned into a vise?" Draco ground out as Harry attempted to move out of him again. "Don't... move... you twit. You're going to turn me inside out!"

Potter looked between them once again as Malfoy's hole seemed to greedily suck more of him in at the insult. It was strangely compelling in a horrifying kind of way. It was almost as if Draco's anus had snapped closed over Harry. He was unable to withdraw from the delicious bit of flesh below him. At the thought of being stuck in Malfoy's hole indefinitely, Harry hardened again. He gave an experimental tug against Malfoy and was rewarded with a tightening of the muscles. Draco gave a delicious groan as Harry stroked downwards, his cock hitting Malfoy's prostate. Gods, he wished he could market this spell.

Malfoy began matching his movements, pushing back as Harry thrust forward, their moans of pleasure drawing equal reactions from each man. Harry reached a fever pitch, and spurted his semen into Malfoy just as Draco splattered his over the pallet.

Harry's shout of triumph as he popped free of Draco was silenced as the doors to the Room flew open, revealing the Headmaster, Ginny and Astoria. It was Draco's turn to utter a string of oaths.

Eighteen Months Later...

When the kerfluffle surrounding the adulterous relationship of the Man Who Defeated Voldemort with the Former Death Eater and Would Be Assassin of Albus Dumbledore, finally settled, Severus Snape, who had engineered the entire discovery, married his two lovers. They did so under an old Moorish law, on the books in wizarding Spain. They had a lovely holiday with the women's two ex-husbands who had also chosen to marry, although not in Spain.

Severus watched the two men as they fed each other and simpered endlessly about their improved love life, and suppressed a shudder. No, men had never been his cup of poison. Ginevra and Astoria's equally besotted actions, however, brought a smile to his face and a hardening of his cock. He decided to go back to the room to watch his two wives, but before he could rise, was stopped by Harry-Buggering-Potter.

"Severus," he began, his earnest features making Snape want to retch. "I just wanted to say... thank you for giving us the chance to be happy. I know you did it for selfish reasons, but... it really was a good thing you did for us all."

Severus suppressed the urge to roll his eyes expressively as he swirled away from the toerag's son; intead, he said acerbically, "I live to serve, Potter."

And right now, he was going to serve himself up to his two witches. Perhaps they would want a double helping.

FIN

Q's Challenge

The challenge is, Severus is fed up with Harry and Draco's constant battling, so he locks them in a room together to force them to settle their differences. Harry is covered in silver and green stripes, Draco is covered in golden skin with red spots.

The prompts are as follows:

"This is merely revenge for the tutu, Potter!"

"Honestly, Draco, I thought the wings suited you!"

"I was stuck on top of a Christmas tree!"

"On the Quidditch pitch?! What the hell goes through your mind?!?!"

"Oh," he blinked, "that never happened before."

"Hold still! I can't get it out if you keep wiggling like that!"